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It's college football rivalry week (Alabama-Auburn, Michigan-Ohio State, etc), so here are some jokes you can use on your opponent

Times' college football writer Chris Dufresne knows all about rivalry week. He has reached into the joke book to add some spice to his weekly rankings. It is unfortunate some rivals can’t defend themselves because they are not ranked—Texas, Clemson, Mississippi, Kansas, Michigan, Brigham Young—but let that serve as motivation for next year.


1. Boise State 10-0; Wow, Friday game in Reno is bigger than Saturday night game in Coliseum? (1)
2. Oregon 10-0; Offense expected back from repair shop in time for Arizona. (2)
3. Texas Christian 11-0; Good luck at New Mexico, but New Mexico actually needs it. (3)
4. Auburn 11-0; What the average Alabama player gets on his SAT….drool. (4)
5. Stanford 10-1; Giving Cal the axe is one thing…that was more like Lizzy Borden. (5)
6. Louisiana State 10-1; How to get an Arkansas graduate off your porch: pay him for the pizza. (6)
7. Alabama 9-2; What did Auburn grad say to ‘Bama grad?  “You want fries with that burger? (7)
8. Wisconsin 10-1; Northwestern isn’t coming this week if your stadium has a pitching mound. (8)
9. Ohio State 10-1; Power outage at Michigan leaves 50 people stranded on escalator. (9)
10. Michigan State 10-1; Having to cheer for Michigan is like rooting for a root canal. (10)
11. Arkansas 8-2; How do you break an LSU fan’s finger? Punch him in the nose. (11)
12. Oklahoma State 10-1; Stoops will dress 40 Sooners for game…rest have to dress themselves. (13)
13. Virginia Tech 9-2; Vick and Hokies make remarkable comebacks in same year. (14)
14. Nevada 10-1; Wolf Pack need 6-6 quarterback to stand tall against Boise. (15)
15. South Carolina 8-3; What’s a grudge? The place where a Clemson fan parks his car. (16)
16. Missouri 9-2; True story: Kansas athlete so proud of his Olympic gold medal he had it bronzed. (17)
17. Texas A&M 8-3; How to own a small business? Start large one and put Texas grad in charge. (23)
18. Nebraska 9-2: Was that post-game scene at A&M directed by Pelini or Felini? (12)
19. Oklahoma 9-2; Gorgeous woman on the arm of Oklahoma State player is called…a tattoo. (18)
20. Arizona 7-3; Don’t read this: Oregon averaging 61.2 points per game at home. (20)
21. Mississippi State 7-4; How to keep Ole Miss out of your yard: put up goal posts. (22)
22. North Carolina State 8-3; We think a win over Maryland earns you something like a divisional title. (NR)
23. Iowa 7-4; Look up on the map, you’re at Minnesota this week. (21)
24. Florida State 8-3; Four Gators are riding in a car. Who’s driving? Answer: the police. (NR)
25. Utah 9-2; Crossing a BYU fan and groundhog gets you...six more weeks of bad football. (NR)


Moved in: Utah, North Carolina State, Florida State.

Dropped out: Northwestern (25), Miami (24), USC (19).

 
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