I blame the dress. But the Buckeyes? No excuse.

Someone needs to take Japanese figure skaters Miki Ando and Yukari Nakano shopping. (Sarah Palin, where are you?) Ando slipped doing some relatively simple footwork during her Skate America short program Saturday night and I blame the dress.

She apparently was wearing the musty curtains someone found in her grandmother's attic. Ando is a former world champion! Someone call Vera Wang, quick. Nakano's blue/dark blue/purple-ish, heavy-looking dress, accompanied by gloves more appropriate for Elvira, wasn't much better.

However, leader Yu-Na Kim's dress was elegant, classy, gorgeously fitted and totally appropriate. And she had a mistake, too, but she's in first. Really, it's the dress.

So what was Ohio State's excuse for not participating in the game plan to get USC into the national title game? It wasn't the uniforms.

-- Diane Pucin

Photo: Miki Ando, attired in her unique costume, performs during the women's short program at Skate America on Saturday night. Credit: Timothy A. Clary / AFP/Getty Images

All those appalling commercial breaks

As the NFL plays again in London, it's time to reveal the Top Three Complaints About American Football Heard or Overheard During Three Years in the United Kingdom.

In third place, we have "There are too many statistics." If you think about it, soccer boasts a liberty from studying a game's statistics, freeing up more time for worthy pursuits such as, you know, going to pubs.

In second place, we have "They're wearing too much equipment." It's curious to ponder what it might say about our national character that our real national pastime features such a limited view of actual humanity.

It probably says nothing at all, except that Auburn just hopes to beat the hell out of Alabama.

In first place, and a landslide at that, would be "Too many breaks in the action." True, if you spend enough time watching soccer, and then watch American football once more, you can end up annoyed at all the halts.

An antidote for that, though, came from the great American football coach Howard Schnellenberger, who in an interview in his office once asked a reporter to think about American football as a concept and name its best attribute.

Reporter, fumbling around: "A team requires athletes of so many different sizes."

No, said Schnellenberger, it's that 20- to 30-second gap between plays. That's the best thing about American football. The inactivity not only leaves time for serial strategy adjustments from the sidelines, but allows the construction of anticipation, excitement, dread, hope and tension in the audience.

If you think about something like those closing moments of USC-Notre Dame in 2005 and the beautiful agony that wedged all those crescendo plays -- agony that mushroomed while the athletes just stood around in huddles -- you could just feel that Schnellenberger had a point.

-- Chuck Culpepper

Photo: A mural of Saints quarterback Drew Brees adorns Wembley Stadium this week to hype the NFL game between New Orleans and San Diego on Sunday. Credit: Kirby Lee / US Presswire

Gordeeva and Grinkov, pairs skating nostalgia

Longing for the old days in most sports just makes one seem cranky and provincial and, well, old.

But as I watch the pairs skating now at Skate America, where all that seems important is how far the man can throw the woman without the woman flying out of the arena or landing on her bottom, it seems obvious. Pairs skating used to be much better.

Here's the gold-medal free skate of Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov at the 1994 Winter Olympics in Norway. It gave me goose bumps when I watched it in person in Hamar, and it gives me goosebumps now.  So did their 1994 short program -- then and now. That was pairs skating.

-- Diane Pucin

Photo: Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov pose for a photo during their heyday, when they won Olympic gold medals in 1988 and 1994. Credit: Reuters

It used to be easier with only three TV channels

In my long-ago youth, watching televised sports on a busy Saturday was easy. There was one game on at a time and maybe something good on ABC's Wide World of Sports. But if there was, you'd probably miss the football game because no one wanted to keep getting up to change the channel.

On this rare Saturday where I have no game assignments and my (also sportswriter) husband is off to cover USC at Arizona, the TV and, more importantly, the remote are all mine.

And this is exhausting.

Click onto UCLA at California on ABC. Kevin Craft throws an interception and rather than watch the tortured UCLA coach and former Bruins quarterback Rick Neuheisel try not to go Woody Hayes on his own quarterback, I can switch to the Universal Sports HD Network and watch live figure skating. Right now it's the ice dancing original dance competition and it's coming without any commentary. Kind of cool.

But there's a break at the ice dancing. What was the deal with the boxy, 1940s costumes worn by Canadian dancers Alli Hann-McCurdy and Michael Coreno? I mean, I get the 1940s part because the music was mostly "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," but the cut Coreno's armyish jacket and Hann-McCurdy's faux waitress-diner dress made them look like a square pair, and by that I really mean square.

Jean-Sebastien Giguere pays the price at home

Ducks goaltender Jean-Sebastien Giguere (pictured at right), a native of Montreal, had so many ticket requests for the team's game against the Canadiens at the Bell Centre that he rented a suite for the night to accommodate about 20 friends and relatives. That group includes 11 nieces and nephews.

Alex Gilchrist, the Ducks' media relations director, was impressed. "Let's just say it wasn't cheap," Gilchrist said in an e-mail.

Giguere also was generous with his time after the Ducks' game-day skate, doing interviews in French and English until team officials had to pull him away so he could eat his pregame meal.

Francois Beauchemin, another Quebecker, also bought a dozen tickets for the game, which will be shown at 4 p.m. today on KDOC.

--Helene Elliott

Photo credit: Christine Cotter / Los Angeles Times

Get your kicks on Rout ... 63?

The No. 8-ranked Texas Tech Red Raider wrecking balls ruined No. 19 Kansas' homecoming on Saturday with a 63-21 win in Lawrence -- and here's the kicker.

One of the ancillary stars of Texas Tech's win was sophomore Matt Williams, who converted on all nine of his extra-point attempts. Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach, frustrated by his team's kicking woes, offered Williams a roster spot after seeing him win a between-quarters kicking contest during a home game on Sept. 20.

Williams was perfect on Saturday, and Texas Tech was nearly the same in dismantling what was thought to be a pretty good Kansas team.

By a Texas mile, this was Texas Tech's most impressive win of the season and it could improve the school's No. 9 ranking in the Bowl Championship Series standings.

Not that it matters to Leach.

"I don't know anything about those dumb BCS standings," Leach told ESPN afterward.

Well, at least he knows they're dumb.

-- Chris Dufresne

Photo: Texas Tech receiver Edward Britton gets past Kansas cornerback Corrigan Powell during a 55-yard scoring play in the first half Saturday. Credit: Orlin Wagner / Associated Press

Last call: Greatest Dodgers of all-time: Nos. 4-6

We're finally coming into the home stretch of the countdown of my choices for the 12 greatest L.A. Dodgers of all time. I have received 732 ballots from Fabulous Forum readers, and Sandy Koufax and Mike Piazza are still virtually tied for first place. So I'm extending the balloting one more week. E-mail your list of  the 12 greatest L.A. Dodgers of all time to houston.mitchell@latimes.com. And remember, we are looking for L.A. Dodgers only. If they played most of their career in Brooklyn, they aren't eligible. Next week, the three greatest L.A. Dodgers of all time will be revealed, along with reader voting.

The 6th-greatest L.A. Dodger of all time:

Ron Cey

Some may be surprised by the fact that Cey finishes higher than Steve Garvey, but, while Garvey was good, Cey was better. Garvey got almost 200 hits every season, but Cey walked far more frequently, leaving him with higher on-base percentages every year from 1974-81.

The 5th-greatest L.A. Dodger of all time is:

Orel Hershiser

Hershiser is best known for his 1988 season, when he won the Cy Young Award and broke the all-time record for consecutive scoreless innings with 59. He also carried the Dodgers through the playoffs. But it is often forgotten that Hersisher finished 19-3 in 1985, and pitched just as well in 1989 as he did in 1988.

The 4th-greatest L.A. Dodger of all time:

Fernando Valenzuela

Before his arm was ruined by overuse, Fernando was the best left-hander in baseball. He won the Cy Young and Rookie of the Year award in 1981. And if Tommy Lasorda had started him instead of Dave Freakin' Goltz in the 1980 playoff game to decide the NL West winner, the Dodgers would have had one more title in the 1980s.

-- Houston Mitchell

World of hurt for the Dunleavys

Mike Dunleavy can't seem to get away from injuries.

That is, Mike Sr., the Clippers' coach. Everyone knows about his battered lineup, starting with Baron Davis and Marcus Camby.

And then there's Mike Jr., the Indiana Pacers' swingman (pictured at left).  The news coming out of Indianapolis has not been great. Mike Sr. said shortly before the Clippers' final preseason game against the Nuggets on Friday that his son was scheduled to get an MRI exam on his injured right knee.

"It's been bothering him since before camp," Dunleavy said in his office earlier this week. "When he was out here, he was playing great, at UCLA every day. And he had a deep bone bruise. He can play half court, no problem. He can't decelerate. Once he starts running hard, he can't stop. He runs and then he can't stop."

One media member joked: "I run, but I can't start."

Said Dunleavy, smiling: "Me, too. I can't get started."

-- Lisa Dillman

Photo credit: Darron Cummings / Associated Press

OK, we get it, Palin likes the hockey mom label

Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is probably more involved in hockey now than when she really was a hockey mom.

Palin, fresh off participating in ceremonial first faceoffs in Philadelphia two weeks ago and in St. Louis on Friday, is scheduled to get her very own Iowa Chops jersey Saturday during a McCain/Palin rally in Des Moines, Iowa. The Chops are the Ducks' American Hockey League affiliate.

According to a press release from the Chops, during an earlier visit to the state Palin mentioned she understood that Iowa had just gotten a new hockey team. "I love that name, the Chops. That's cool," she said.

The jerseys actually are cool, thanks to the logo of a rather angry pig on the front.

Maybe he just wants to play hockey without politics being involved?

--Helene Elliott

Photo: Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, left, greets Philadelphia Flyers captain Mike Richards before a ceremonial puck drop before the start of an NHL hockey game with the New York Rangers earlier this month in Philadelphia. Credit: Tom Mihalek / AP Photo. 

Beckham Fatigue

Human beings who don't know a jot about soccer and can't tell Ronaldo from Cristiano Ronaldo still might come down with Beckham Fatigue. Beckham Fatigue is real. Beckham Fatigue is resilient. Specialists have spotted Beckham Fatigue all over the planet, with fresh cases doubtlessly popping up around Los Angeles given this Beckham-to-Milan story.

The ceaselessness of seeing David and/or Victoria Beckham and hearing about David and/or Victoria Beckham triggers Beckham Fatigue, and symptoms include a dullish, gauzy, bored feeling, a sense that the world has gone stale, and a wondering. People who don't follow soccer might wonder why they see the face so often and why they have to keep hearing the name. People who do follow soccer might wonder why they see the face so often and why they have to keep hearing the name given it belongs to a player who long has qualified as very-very good, but never as ironclad-great.

Both groups of people might recover from Beckham Fatigue only to walk thoughtlessly into a supermarket checkout line and -- boom -- there's the face and name again upon a magazine. While grocery stores certainly rate the most perilous places for Beckham Fatigue, there's no assurance against, say, riding in a taxi in Paris and not even pondering the danger when suddenly there's Beckham in his Armani underwear above a metro stop.

Relapse.

The weirdest thing about Beckham Fatigue? It never seems to stem the march of Beckham Mania. Even here in England, where you'd think people might want to crawl under rugs after years upon years upon years of Beckham Fatigue, newspapers and radio and television teem with this Beckham-to-Milan binge. Some poll fans: What's your educated guess as to Beckham's motivation for continuing with England's national team? Products with Beckham's endorsement or a link to Beckham reportedly celebrate rises in sales. The AC Milan website, already larded up with stars, coos that Beckham's coming.

Certainly he betrays an unmistakable decency through the fog of ghastly fame, and absolutely he exudes good-guy, but that doesn't begin to cover the mystery. Some bugs just prove intractable to antibiotics, avoid extinction and, as with Beckham Fatigue, you get a sense they just might not ever, ever stop.

-- Chuck Culpepper

Photo: Beckham Fatigue, which sometimes resembles jet lag, spares no one, as this 2006 photo of David and Victoria Beckham arriving at Venice's Marco Polo international airport illustrates. Credit: Claudio Onorati / EPA