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Last call: The secret plan to re-sign Manny Ramirez

October 16, 2008 |  9:30 pm


I believe the way the Dodgers plan to re-sign Manny Ramirez was revealed in an e-mail that landed in my inbox today:

Dear Dodger fan:

I humbly ask your support in an urgent business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of Dodgertown. My land has a crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds in excess of 100 million dollars US over the next 6 of your years. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Man E. Ramirez, who represents the left field, and Ned Kuhletti, who handles finances. As a Dodger fan, you may know Kuhletti as the handler of the famous Jay-sun Shmidt and Ann Drew Jonez cases. So, as you can see, this transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check from all Dodger fans as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in my name because I am constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to so that we may transfer your moneys for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds. And, also, you can get all you can eat at our next meeting in April.

Yours Faithfully

Minister of Treasury Frank McCourt

-- Houston Mitchell

Photo: Will you help support Manny Ramirez? Credit: Jed Jacobsohn / Getty Images