Lisa Guerrero: Father's Day

From the moment little boys first lace up their cleats, break in their gloves and head off to practice they are taught to play hard, listen to their coaches and, above all else, don’t cry.

When they strike out swinging, drop the ball in center field or scrape their knee sliding into third, they are warned not to shed a tear.

Crying is for girls. Or for sissies.

Boys hear stuff like, "Big boys don’t cry" or "Take it like a man" or "There’s no crying in baseball." Americans, especially, don’t like our athletes displaying much emotion --certainly not tears.

In fact, Latin ballplayers, particularly pitchers, are often derided for being too emotional on the mound. And how about those crazy European soccer players? They flop around like drama queens and even go so far as to weep on the pitch after a win or loss.

Of course, this makes sense. An athlete who can control his emotions and focus solely on the task at hand can concentrate on getting rid of the ball calmly during a blitz or getting the next batter out after having given up a home run. After all, these guys can’t break down after a sack or a missed jump shot. Suck it up, move on.

Because sports is such an important part of our identity as a nation, its lessons and culture bleed over into other parts of American life as well.

Like politics.

Last night’s vice presidential debate was anticipated like a heavyweight prize fight. Pundits discussed "the matchup," who would deliver the most significant "blows" and would there be a "knockout?" Scores are kept, playbooks prepared and, eventually, one candidate would be deemed "the winner."

It was a great surprise then when the most significant moment of the night came not when the woman showed up and talked tough, but when the man showed emotion and choked up. It was an honest, unscripted and heart-wrenching display that hardly ever happens in politics, much less on live TV.

Joe Biden defended his paternal love by saying that "just because I am a man" he wouldn’t understand the devastation of possibly losing a child in a life-threatening situation. He was referring to the tragic car accident that killed his wife and daughter and left both of his sons seriously injured.

In 1972, a similar display of emotion ended Edmund Muskie’s presidential campaign. Voters didn’t respond well to his perceived lack of strength while defending his wife from political attacks.

But interestingly in last night’s debate, quite the opposite was true for Biden. The undecided voters in both the CNN and CBS polls scored that moment incredibly high for the senator from Delaware. That moment was particularly moving for fathers and those of us that were raised by single dads.

My mom died of cancer when she was 29 years old and left my father a young widower faced with raising my little brother and I alone. We were 8 and 6. When I get done writing this, I’m going to call my dad to ask if that was as moving for him as it was for me.

It’s unfair to assume that women have the monopoly on parental love or concern or even emotion.

I hope that while America’s sons enjoyed watching the Boys in Blue potentially seal the deal for the series, they were able to flip the channel and see a man whose brief emotional moment may have sealed the deal for the election.

Lisa Guerrero has covered Super Bowls, NBA championships and the World Series, along with the Oscars, Emmys and Grammys. As an actress, she has appeared on "Frasier," "The George Lopez Show," and as Billy Baldwin's long-suffering wife in the family film "A Plumm Summer," which she executive produced.

Top photo: Democratic vice presidential candidate Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) is overcome by emotion during the vice presidential debate Thursday night. Credit: David McNew / Getty Images

Comments

[Lisa Q]

Hey Lisa
I'm a longtime fan and I heard you were doing this forum for the Times. I have read your articles and enjoyed them all!!! I am sure that besides your Dad being touched by last nights debate moment, he is very proud of you.
I love how you put a twist on everyday sports with wit and humor.
Keep it up

[John]

I was very moved by Mr Bidens' tears last night and, in these troubled times, I think a lot of men can relate to that show of emotion. I'm certain that a lot of men with loved ones fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan were very moved to see true emotion from a male politician.

[Alexandro Gradilla]

It is funny how we are focused on the great leaps and bounds made by women and minorities in this election when another part of the story is that white men can be free and liberated to be...human. The greatest impact this election will have is that a significant segment of the American population will now have a more human and realistic view of women, minorities and yes, white men like Joe Biden. It is too bad the GOP didn't participate by doing the same with McCain and Palin--they are running a 20th century campaign when it comes to race and gender.

Lisa-wow this was a wonderful piece...why was I getting misty reading this!!! Keep it up and please keep an occasional focus (somehow) on men and emotions...someone's gotta do it!

[JQ]

Thanks Lisa.

My wife works 6 days a week so I am in charge of my two sons after school.
Homework, housework, sports practice, volunteering at school...
I do all the stuff busy working moms do.
I love my boys. More important - they KNOW I love them.

I was impressed by Joe Biden on Friday. And I'm glad he spoke up for American men who dedicate themselves to being fathers first.

And I can't wait for America to understand that DODGER BLUE is the color of National League Baseball!

[DD]

Lisa, once again you show that you have many facets and a great deal of depth. Thank you for your contribution.

[steve]

Lisa, I like to tell you what a dad would say to a daughter like you.

While I can't measure up to the real single dads, I have been divorced since my kids were 6 and 7 years old. My ex wife is a gracious person by nature and I have had the kids half the time, taking them to school, cooking, packing their lunch, school events, holding the vomit bucket for them through the night, etc. I was lucky my job was flexible enough to do this. I am now so grateful for my children. They never complaint. They taught me to hug and kiss them as much as I could. They taught me to be a caring father and by extension to be the same in all aspects of my life, including being a more understanding doctor to my patients.

To kids like you, thank you.

[Gavin]

What people seem to be overlooking about Lisa Guerrero is that she is a surprisingly good writer, regardless if you agree with her opinions or not. I used to think of her as just a pretty girl with a mike. Now I think of her as a feisty girl with a pen. Much better!

[Jon Gale]

Your words are magic. Thanks looking forward to your next entry.
love you Lisa