Do it for Donnie

> I was at the Big A about four or five years back, enjoying a good baseball game against the Red Sox, when a commotion in the rich-people seats behind home plate caught my eye. There, surrounded by unamused Angel fans, stood a classic Red Sox fan -- about 6 foot, 240 pounds, pasty-faced, Kevin Youkilis-style goatee, Nomar jersey, and a Sam Adams (we can safely assume) in his left paw. With his right, over and over again, he pantomimed shooting himself in the head, while screaming: "BOOM! Donnie Moore! BOOM! Donnie Moore! BOOM! Donnie Moore!"

It is probably somewhat unfair to say that Red Sox fans are the worst sub-species of human in the world. Turbofolk-listening Serb thugs are certainly more violent, though they do radiate more intelligence. Italian soccer fans are probably more racist, though they wouldn't be caught dead wearing a pink cap. But in the world of baseball, I can think of no tribe so dull-witted, so bandwagonesque, so committed to turning what was once a charming underdog/curse story into an act with all the grace and humility of a Zell Miller speech in front of 15,000 fat Republicans howling for blood. They make Yankees fans seem civilized, and Rays fans seem like grizzled students of the game. (Here's a test: Next time you hear a Donnie Moore joke, shoot back with a reference to Pumpsie Green, and note the unblinking glare of incomprehension.)

I am cursed to know many Red Sox fans among my friends and colleagues. Though in quieter moments they profess a constant, low-level embarrassment at Meathead Nation, and wince almost as much as I do when the camera pans to yet another jowl-flapping Neanderthal barking in the stands, they, too, bear the mark of the Beast. After Game 1 of this so-far depressing series, a Red Sox-loving co-worker greeted me at the office with "So which Angel do you think will commit suicide THIS year?" This is the kind of overdog hubris that seems fun on the way up, but just brings out even more long knives during the inevitable fall. 

And yet, there is something ultimately pathetic in complaining about any of this, or about national broadcast networks' up-front bias for the Sox. The way to shut up the Dumb is not to whine about ESPN, but to forcibly remove the meat from their bowl. The Sox have taken the mantle from the Yankees as baseball's best team, and even though the Angels have been a near-model franchise in the post-Yankees era, they will not deserve to be spoken in the same breath until they knock Big Papi off his block, and even out the number of World Series rings in the 21st century. That means unfreezing the grip on the bat knob with runners in scoring position, keeping cookies away from the Cookie Monster in the late innings, and catching the damned baseball when it hits you in the glove.

A hard rain's gonna fall on the Nation one of these days. What better way than to croak them the way they croaked us so many years ago -- with three consecutive wins while facing elimination? The monkey on the Angels' back is turning into a gorilla. Maybe recovering from an 0-2 deficit is the only way to truly exorcise the ghost that's haunted this organization for two decades now. Is Joe Saunders man enough for the job? We'll see....

-- Matt Welch

Welch is editor of Reason.

Photo: Boston Red Sox fans can be cruel. Here they taunt the Yankees with '2000' signs, refering to the last year the New York Yankees won a World Series. Credit: CJ Gunther / EPA

Comments

[Matt]

If this helps you get through the long winter without baseball than so be it. You ooze of bitterness about having your 100 win season erased by the swing of Drew's bat. Take your rally monkey and start rooting for the Rays like the bitter Yankee fans. I think I speak for all Red Sox Nation when I say ha ha!

http://www.fenwaywest.com

[Mat Gleason]

The epitome of classless fans: Boston.

[Scott Ross]

It's funny how after all your prognostications to the contrary, you now refer to the Red Sox as the "overdog." What happened to all the talk of the best record in baseball and going 8-1 against the Hose Rouge and how you were licking your chops over the prospect over how soft Boston's middle relief is?

What's transpired over the course of the first two games should come as a great surprise only to the delusional. The Sox have a better offense, defense and pitching staff -- hell, they're even batter basestealers.

I've remained respectfully silent these past three days, I even stopped that swine O'Leary from setting up a conference call last night. But you had to finally grow a pair and start pounding your chest when you're down 0-2.

Can't wait to see you next week. Give my love to E & I.

FM

[christopher marc]

couldnt' have said it better myself matt. red sux fans can drink and beat their chests all they want, they know, and we know, that they are not the same team without manny. much easier to pitch around david ortiz. the halos, still, have the two headed monster with tex and vladdy. they haven't hit a home run yet but have higher batting averages and obps than anyone on the middle of the red sux order. this series isn't over. i like our chances with big john going tomorrow and even arrogant red sux fans can admit they don't want to have to come all the way back here for a decisive game five. momentum has swung our way. and for all those of you who have never been to fenway park and can't even fake a boston accent, but are simply frontrunners, probably mostly dodger fans looking for a winner until two weeks agao, who genuinely call southern california home, just remember this the next time you chant youk and don on that silly B hat, those same obnoxious fans who think they are the center of the baseball and sports universe are celtics fans who hate everything lakers, are cheating patriots fans who keep denying ladainian and the chargers a trip to the super bowl. they don't know katella from figueroa, hilgard from martin luther king blvd. the coliseum from the rose bowl, yet i don't notice any parades in new england in january nor do they have good waves to surf, and good looking women in bkinis. they'd all get a sunburn if they went outside for more than half a day.
~cmh