FNMTV's season finale: premieres from John Legend, Cassie and Pink; Ne-Yo slays the ladies live

It's not enough that R&B producer-singer Ne-Yo had to perform at the taping of FNMTV's season finale with a bevy of video vixens flanking him. Nope, they had to be wearing black lingerie underneath hospital scrubs whilst grinding to his disco-leaning hit "Closer." Ne-Yo obviously has a much better health plan than I do. But the screaming throngs of host Pete Wentz's disciples were reduced to near hysterics at the show's third-most-ravenously-anticipated episode (behind Miley Cyrus and the JoBros, obvs.) that also debuted videos from a weirdly vacant-looking Pink, a terribly dapper John Legend and Cassie, whose totally inverted talent-to-enjoyable-hit ratio is one of modern pop's more interesting sidebars.

First off we have Pink's video for "So What," most notable for its cameo from her recent ex-husband Carey Hart. This would be a classy goodwill gesture were it not for the fact that the entire song and video depicts her being a complete lunatic in the wake of the breakup, while almost desperately reminding herself that "I'm still a rock star." Seriously, the video has her feeding bottles of urine to unsuspecting nightclub-goers. Pink has had moments where she turns her raunchy inclinations into wit and chart-ready spunk (see her slept-on album with Tim Armstrong and "You + Ur Hand"), but this kind of tabloid self-referencing and post- "Since U Been Gone" compressed-to-death emo-pop formula isn't it. The song feels like getting repeatedly smacked in the face with an issue of OK!, and even Pink seemed to be a bit sheepish about it.

Cassie may well have earned her record deal solely on the strength of her pneumatic facial features, but the fact that she's a total cypher for whatever producer she's working with makes for some pretty interesting moments of electro-R&B minimalism. "Me & U" was one of my favorite songs of 2006 for its Warp Records-inspired blipping and her phoned-in vocals that were just murdered with expensive plugins used to perfect effect. "Official Girl" is a bit late on the clattering Timbaland production train, but the fact that she's such an aggressive non-presence in any song still makes for striking radio singles. It's not her best work, but Diddy did drop by to offer visibly terrified panelist James Montgomery a bouquet of flowers for his kind words. One thing I don't understand for the life of me about the video though: Why, in a song ostensibly about her dumping a guy for not making her his "official girl," does she choose to exact revenge by giving him some fiendishly hot portraits of her stripping? 

I never figured John legend to be much of a club guy. I always imagined a big night for him would be spent at home in a robe with a snifter of liqueur while stroking an exotic cat at the foot of his piano bench. Lo and behold though, "Green Light" is a bona-fide banger built off a svelte little vocal hook and minimalist jungle beat that's a great new fit for him. It's always rad to hear Andre 3000 rapping over this kind of beat ("B.O.B." probably being the best song of the 2000s), and he does so here in a welcome guest turn. I'd die to hear Legend try a whole record of this sort of thing, as he's got one of those suave crooners' voices that could nestle right into an artful four-on-the-floor. Make sure you stick around for the end of the video, where Andre 3000 leaves the video's mansion party in the morning on an unimpeachably rad bicycle.

--August Brown

FNMTV airs at 8 p.m. tonight.

Pink photo by Alexander Gallardo / Los Angeles Times