'The Amazing Race': A Kafkaesque evening in Prague

Rule No. 1 on "The Amazing Race": Don't ever give up.

This week's episode of "The Amazing Race," the season's penultimate, found the four remaining teams navigating the streets of Prague at night as the producers threw all manner of bizarre tasks at the contestants, forcing them to build golems, drink absinthe, answer ringing telephones, plunge into frigidly cold rooms and deliver beer, all while avoiding drunken Prague tourists and soccer hooligans.

If there was one leg that required 110% (save, obviously, the final leg), it was this one as it would determine which three teams would advance for the chance to race for $1 million and a congratulatory eyebrow-raise from host Phil Keoghan.

Was it a physically and mentally taxing portion of the race? Sure, but the best ones are. What it was at the end of the day (or, rather, at the end of the night) was a tricky and complex series of intricate challenges. Which Franz Kafka himself would have been proud of. If only the contestants had been able to spell his first name ...

I mentioned the point about not giving up because the Globetrotters failed to persevere when faced with this week's Roadblock, where the contestants had to answer dozens of ringing telephones to receive five letters, which unscrambled would spell Franz. As in Franz Kafka, author of "The Metamorphosis." Meghan completed the Roadblock way ahead of everyone else and managed to get Franz on the second try, after realizing that she'd have to unscramble the letters. The others weren't quite so lucky or, perhaps, clever.

'The Amazing Race': Playing dirty

This week's episode of "The Amazing Race" brought up one of the race's eternal questions: Is it right to play dirty when there's a million dollars on the line or should you take the moral high road?

This week, the four remaining teams jetted off to Prague (which, contrary to Sam and Dan's beliefs isn't a country nor do they speak Spanish there) and each made their own decisions about engaging in duplicitous gamesmanship to get ahead.

Some of those decisions were minor while others had major implications about not only how the race is being run but also about the racers themselves. Is it right to steal another team's taxi? If you agree to work with another team, can you just ditch them? 

Yes, with the grand prize within spitting distance of the four remaining teams, things are bound to get heated. These are pretty competitive teams, and none of them want to walk away empty-handed. And yes, it's a race, so there shouldn't be any alliances or understandings. But when does it become acceptable to actually engage in malicious behavior?

'The Amazing Race': Are you a candelabra?

Oh, "Amazing Race." You continue to teach us things, whether they be the actual definition of a candelabra (Hint: it's not a boozy man dressed in medieval garb), the existence of the sauna-laden underbelly of Estonia or the lengths to which CBS censors will go to obscure even the slightest hint of male genitalia.

Yes, it was another hilarious and odd episode of "The Amazing Race," one in which the five remaining teams had to wait around impatiently for a ferry, attempt to unlock a door, use a candle to decipher a clue (or, as some players opted, crayon), play mud volleyball in some Estonian bogs, and race to a rather small tower overlooking a swamp. Along the way, things turned ugly for two teams as they jostled their way right up to the pit stop.

Relations among the remaining teams are typically strained at this point in the race. Tensions are running high, and there is bound to be some major friction, even between teams that had coexisted more or less peacefully just a few legs earlier. After all, the final leg of the race is within spitting distance now, and everyone wants to be the first team to cross the finish line. Never mind that "The Amazing Race" is an endurance marathon and not a sprint; there are still several more legs coming up and equalizers at every turn.

Even so, I didn't expect the teams to have to wait around until 5:45 in the evening to catch that ferry, putting all of the teams on equal footing once they arrived in Estonia. Gary and Matt got stuck doing that speed bump -- it involved climbing into a Saunabuss (yes, it's exactly what it sounds like) with a Finnish family -- but it was Matt who really delayed them, wandering around that underground chamber for far too long trying to figure out what a candelabra was (or, as he pronounced it, "candle-a-bra") and asking the medieval players whether they were a candelabra or could lead him to "a special room." Which sounded kinkier than he intended, I think. 

'The Amazing Race': The return of the hay bales

With only five teams left in the race, the stakes have gotten higher than ever. So it was only fitting that the producers of "The Amazing Race" would bring back one of the toughest challenges ever devised in the history of the race.

Yes, it was the return of the hay bales. 

Longtime viewers of "The Amazing Race" might recall, way back in Season 6, that Mormon sisters Lena and Kristy were eliminated from the race after Lena spent 10 --yes, 10 --hours dismantling bales of hay, searching for one of the few hidden clues among hundreds of hay bales. It was nearly as grueling to watch as it was for Lena herself; even after 10 hours, she didn't quit, and Phil had to walk out to her in the darkness to tell them they had been eliminated.

Now, nine seasons later, the very same challenge would face the remaining teams. Most of this week's leg was pretty simple: an airplane ride, an amusement park free fall, blowing things up in a quarry. A cake walk, really. (Only fitting that it was Flight Time's birthday.)

But the hay has a will of its own, curling itself around those few yellow-and-red flags and hiding them from prying eyes and searching hands. It's an endurance challenge that can reduce even the toughest competitors to tears and exhaustion.

I'm usually against any of the contestants revealing it's their birthday while on the race. "The Amazing Race" has a cruel sense of irony; if you purport to be an expert at something, if you say you know a city like the back of your hand, if you announce it's your birthday ... chances are you're going home that leg. Luck was clearly on Flight Time and Big Easy's side this week. They managed not only to catch up to the other teams fairly early on but also to arrive at the Pit Stop first after breezing through the hay-bales roadblock without breaking much of a sweat. Nicely played, Globetrotters.

'The Amazing Race': For whom the bell tolls

Lots of tears on this leg of "The Amazing Race." And a lot of hugs, for that matter.

Adversity is the name of the game on "The Amazing Race" and producers throw all manner of obstacles at our racers to overcome, but none of these are as destructive as the contestants second-guessing themselves and, well, misreading the clues.

This week found the teams jetting off to the Netherlands, where they had to engage in a series of eccentric behaviors, from cross-dressing and stripping down to their underwear to counting bells and eating raw herring. Fortunately, no one attempted to force anyone down a slide for a million dollars this week, making it a relatively calm leg without any tantrums or shoving.

In fact, with Mika and Canaan out of the race, things seemed pretty quiet all around, other than Ericka's constant screeching at her husband Brian and her tears while attempting numerous times to count the bells at a church outside Amsterdam. Repeat attempts at various roadblocks and detours seemed to be a recurring theme this week; not only did Ericka make effort after effort, but  Maria and Tiffany (left) also found themselves switching back and forth between two different detours several times over.

'The Amazing Race': Slip and slide

It's funny (or perhaps terrifying) what people won't do, even with a million dollars at stake.

On this week's episode of "The Amazing Race," Mika was frozen with fear when faced with the ultimate combination of two of her biggest phobias: water and heights. But with a huge cash prize on the line and possible elimination, she found herself unable to ... go down a slide?

We all have phobias that are at times crippling, whether that be heights or spiders or water. But part of participating in "The Amazing Race" is about conquering those fears and pushing yourself to step outside your comfort zone, even if it means facing up to rather scary obstacles along the way.

"The Amazing Race," of course, has an uncanny way of magnifying those fears because there's not only the sense of life-altering cash but also a ticking clock every step of the way. Under the heightened conditions of the race, what's actually quite easy (lying down and sliding or dividing numbers or reading a watch) begins to seem daunting and difficult. 

Big Easy wasted valuable time incorrectly reading the watch; Ericka and Brian were so close to figuring out the gold conversion rate at the Detour but panicked and changed their selection (always a mistake on "The Amazing Race") to instead spend two hours attempting to assemble hookas outside in an open-air market under the intense heat of the sun; Cheyne and Meghan are usually perfectionists yet overlooked several pieces of the hooka pipes, frustrating them to no end (though they still came in first). 

'The Amazing Race': Dude, we're in the desert

Does karma play a role in the success or failure of teams running "The Amazing Race"? Can performing good deeds actually propel you to a better performance and, conversely, can behaving like a jerk result in elimination?

New favorite team Brian and Ericka attempted to put their belief in race-related karma to the test, making a concerted effort to help other teams that asked for assistance ... and managed to walk away with a spot nearly at the top of the pack. Of course, it helped that they worked their butts off this leg of the race and also used their smarts and skills.

It was all about contrast this week as the teams found themselves in Dubai, where they had to take an elevator to the world's tallest building, search for water-filled urns in the desert, and build snowmen in 120-degree heat. (Endurance also played a part as well: Walking around in that desert looking for urns was a bit like searching for a needle in a hellishly hot haystack.)

Throughout it all, married couple Brian and Ericka pulled off a fantastic performance while also extending a helping hand to several other teams. Brian pointed his competitors to an urn filled with water and directed the extremely lost Mika and Canaan to the desert conservation when he could have kept driving. Sure, former Miss America Ericka said her husband was too nice, but it's great to see a team that's not only running a strong race but also keeping in mind that your actions can often come back around to you. Lending an assist to a team in need means they might return the favor down the line. Of course, there needs to be a point where you realize you're in a race and it's every team for itself. In the meantime, these two landed in second place.

'The Amazing Race': Zev and Justin's heartbreaking exit

I am absolutely devastated.

I had intended to write this week's "Amazing Race" column about the scary fact that most of the contestants couldn't recognize Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis from a photograph (with various competitors saying that she was either a queen, a princess or "someone of Cambodian descent") and Lance's bizarre karate-style kicks at the mat, but after the gut-wrenching twist at the end of this week's Cambodia-set installment, there's only one thing to say.

Zev and Justin have been eliminated from the race.

It would be awful enough if their elimination stemmed from a flight delay, from getting lost or from performing poorly in the detours and roadblocks. But the fact is that the dynamic duo had overcome some difficulties in the roadblock and arrived at the pit stop in first place. They had even checked in already. 

So what derailed their chances at the million-dollar prize at the end of the race? A missing passport. This isn't the first time that this has happened on "The Amazing Race" (remember Toni and Dallas' fate?), but it's the first time that the resolution was so completely heartbreaking. Toni and, er, online exhibitionist son Dallas weren't going to win that leg of the race, even with their passports and money, whereas Zev and Justin had managed to reverse their fortunes after being at the back of the pack. 

'The Amazing Race': Lions, zebras and gazelles, oh my

I always know it's a fantastic episode of "The Amazing Race" when I'm not only screaming at the television but also rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably. 

This week's installment was no exception, offering a hilarity-stuffed detour through the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, a seriously surreal golden-dragon water-puppet show, some major errors in judgment by several teams -- and Lance and Keri.

Yes, the main reason this episode was so enjoyable was because of this hyper-aggressive and frequently bickering duo. Although other teams made some rather large blunders ("sexually pure" Mika and Canaan, I am looking right at you for DANCING at the dragon puppets rather than, you know, grabbing the clue), the mantle of stupidity was placed firmly on the shoulders of Lance and Keri.

There was no task too small, no moment too simple that this team couldn't screw it up somehow, all while screaming bloody murder at one another. Though every other team had no problem figuring out that there was a clue contained in a bullet that they received, Lance and Keri nearly caused an international incident when they attempted to ... trade? Barter? Intimidate? I'm still not sure what they were trying to do with that bullet, other than open it and take out the stamp concealed within. 

'The Amazing Race': I survived a Japanese game show

Wasabi bombs. Starting line eliminations. Er, herding ducks. 

"Amazing Race," which kicked off its 15th iteration tonight, has already proven that it means business this season, with producers quickly cutting one team from the pack before the racers had even left the starting line. It's a brutal beginning to what will likely be an even more demanding than usual jaunt around the globe. But it's also a cause for celebration as obnoxiously upbeat yoga instructors Eric and Lisa — whose blessedly limited on-screen interactions screamed "extreme yoga!" — were the ones who got the boot.

The series' producers did me a favor by getting rid of one of my least favorite teams before they even left the Los Angeles River. I have to say that right off the bat, before host Phil Keoghan had even announced the elimination twist, I was hoping that the yoga brats or overblown engaged couple Lance and Keri would be booted from the competition sooner rather than later. While Eric and Lisa were amusingly irritating, the combative Lance and Keri (well, Lance specifically) just make my skin crawl. We've had aggressive players on "Amazing Race" before, but Lance takes this character profile to a new low, instantly rubbing me the wrong way with his hyperactive personality and lack of a verbal filter.  

This week's episode had the teams in high water literally, as they found themselves contending with the wet season in Vietnam and a live Japanese game show in Tokyo. Despite the playing field being a little crowded with ABC's own reality series "I Survived a Japanese Game Show," I found the game show interlude absolutely hysterical, as it forced the contestants to quickly adapt to the searing heat of wasabi, the luck of the roulette wheel, and the throngs of excited Japanese viewers in the studio audience. Some teams rose to the occasion, while others — Brian and Ericka, I'm looking at you — succumbed to the pressure and, well, heat.