'Survivor' post-game: The pontifications of farmer Ralph

He was a diamond in the rough during the thrilling first few episodes of this season's "Survivor." Then, as we knew would happen, his alliance's early plan defeated them (as seen in the photo here, the jury as we know it is completely comprised of said alliance members).

Still, farmer Ralph seemed like a star with his lack of fear of (or at least willingness to go toe-to-toe with) villain Russell Hantz. He even got lucky by finding his tribe's hidden immunity idol. But he refused to listen to other strategies, and then even used up his idol on someone else, Mike, when neither was in danger.

"I thought I was really making a big move there, but was told wrong," Ralph told me during our phone interview. Tapping into his extreme confidence there and throughout the game, I asked if there was ever a time when he doubted himself.

"Yeah, when we merged I knew I was just biding my time," he said, alluding to Boston Rob's complete control of the other players. "I was kind of down in the dumpsters a little bit, but there was no way I would just give up. I was looking for an opportunity, hoping someone else would make a bad move."

'Survivor' recap: Too little, too late?

Well, well, well. Looks like one of the remaining people on “Survivor” finally decided to play … once that person absolutely had to.

I guess you could argue that said player just got lucky in the immunity challenge. Andrea certainly waged a similar last-second battle to stay in the game but almost doesn't count. It also certainly seemed like much more of a sure thing that said person would be safe this week after so many “they absolutely can’t win” statements aired.

But that’s enough vague writing. With four days left until the live finale and reunion -- where’d the time go? Is it, too, doing whatever Rob says? -- let's break down our last regular installment of the Redemption Island season. One more of Rob's "friends" blind mice tribe mates has to go, who will it be?

'Survivor' post-game: Forget women, it was food that Steve pined for

Steve Wright, try as he might, couldn’t get things just wright (so sorry) on “Survivor.” The former Dallas Cowboys player made it far but became the third addition to this season’s jury.

His former Zapatera tribe members Stephanie and Krista went on and on about Steve and others being so boring. My interview with him didn’t do much to change that perception. But hey! For everyone who watched Steve waste away over the last few months: he did in fact lose 33 pounds.

“I got a pretty good jump on [regaining the weight]. I ate nonstop for a few weeks,” Steve said.
When you’re enjoying waffles with ice cream for breakfast, that definitely helped him get back up to 240 pounds. Steve said his game plan going in to the game was just to not succumb to food.

“When I saw those cheeseburgers [presented as a temptation during a previous immunity challenge], that went out the window,” he said. “Besides that, it was just to keep up morale, not have any division … keep everyone together as a team, but you gotta be flexible.”

Donald Trump may be out, but how about Ryan Seacrest for president? Or....

 
Buzzards are circling Donald Trump's presidential hopes. But while the Donald's chances have dimmed, there might be other reality show hosts who could conceivably throw their hat into the presidential ring and bring much-needed flash. So while we "fire" Trump, we look to other hosts who might  take up the torch.

  1.Ty Pennington from ABC's "Extreme Home Makeover." The commander-In-chief should be both inspiring and energetic. Those qualities define the relentlessly upbeat Pennington, who is like the Energizer Bunny on steroids. He could tackle tough legislation, political opponents, wary diplomats, critical journalists, and still have enough stamina to help build an add-on to the White House. Another plus: While most  reality show hosts have only one trademark phrase, Pennington has two that he could adapt for the Oval Office. Instead of "Move that bus!" he could move his agenda forward with "Move that bill!" And imagine how he could conclude his presidential addresses: Instead of "God bless the United States of America," Ty could declare, "Well, I guess there's only one more thing to say. Welcome home, America. Welcome home."

  2. Tyra Banks from the CW's "America's Next Top Model." Yes, we know whenever Tyra goes a bit out of her comfort zone — like singing, dancing or acting — it can be pretty painful to watch. But if she were the POTUS, we could count on her to always look good. People would show up to her speeches just to see her outfit. And unlike President Obama, who has been criticized at times for appearing too passive, Tyra is not afraid to push back when shoved. Just remember her angry salvo at observers who thought she looked fat in swimsuit pictures, "I have one thing to say to you: KISS MY FAT ...!"

 

3. Jeff Probst from CBS' "Survivor": The athletic, handsome Probst has always displayed good humor, diplomacy and command in his "Survivor" duties. He can be stern without being abusive, like Trump. He carries himself with obvious authority, and players on the show listen to whatever he says. He's obviously well traveled. The thought of him saying "The voters have spoken" at the end of a close vote gives us chills.

 

4. Ryan Seacrest from Fox's "American Idol." Those sharp-tongued verbal exchanges with former "Idol" judge Simon Cowell proved Seacrest is no pushover, an essential quality for the Head of State. Seacrest has another endearing quality that would be invaluable for a president: He makes everything look bright even when the world is crashing down. The contestants on "American Idol" who get eliminated on result shows may feel like their dream has ended when Seacrest lowers the boom. But then Seacrest performs his famous flip — he smiles, gives them an encouraging pat or hug, and the fallen singer somehow finds the strength to rally for one more shining moment.  However, his judgment is suspect: We must never forget that Seacrest has given the world a rash of TV shows featuring the Kardashians, so we'd have to always keep a body on him.

5.Julie Chen from CBS' "Big Brother": First, she's married to CBS Chief Executive Leslie Moonves, so Chen knows all about what it is to have power. And fans of  "Big Brother" love how the houseguests blindly do whatever the unseen "Chenbot"  commands. Her unflappable, emotionless voice carries enough authority for them to know she is not to be disobeyed. Who couldn't love a president who can stay behind the scenes, carry ultimate authority and be totally stoic in the face of changing, unpredictable events?

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— Greg Braxton

 

 

 

'Survivor' recap: Two steps forward, two steps back

So … yeah. Once again, the takeaway from the newest “Survivor” wasn’t anything we didn’t see coming, but there was more for us to chew on with new notes, strategies and theories thrown out there. Kind of.

First, just like with “Big Brother” last summer, an alliance came out intact without anyone flipping. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is debatable. And second, after Ralph and Steve arrived at Redemption Island, Mike noted that the jury will be made up of mostly Zapatera tribe members that made it to the merge. That seemed unimportant at first, then made total sense.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s get to the run-through. Both the Murlonio tribe and those on RI got the equivalent of Oprah’s favorite things on “Survivor” — tree mail with Sprint on it. They watched videos of loved ones before the four-way duel (fouel? fuel?), and of course people got emotional (Natalie for the second time in the episode, after having “a moment” after last week’s tribal council). There was a twist, though, that wasn’t introduced until after Steve unsurprisingly placed last in another tile-breaking challenge and became the third member of the jury.

'Survivor' postgame: Julie says 'You can't put a price tag on faith'

She was probably my favorite of the Zapatera tribe, someone who appeared to be playing the game the whole time but wasn’t running their mouth too much. Still, Julie Wolfe only lasted long enough to become the second member of the “Survivor: Redemption Island” jury.

Julie was a part of the tribe that threw an immunity challenge solely for the purpose of getting rid of the infamous Russell Hantz. In the end, the loyalty that Zapatera trumpeted earlier this season when voting out others did Julie in when they were down in the numbers after merging with the Ometepe tribe. Well, that and she unnecessarily confessed to stealing and burying Phillip’s swim trunks.

Anyway, I knew I liked Julie for sure when watching her post-show “Life on the Ponderosa” videos. People voted off “Survivor” are always understandably hungry, ready to scarf down so much food. But I can’t recall anyone wanting to brush their teeth after many days in the wilderness, and during my phone interview with Julie I told her we were kindred spirits in that regard.

“I was hungry and wanted to eat, but I could not wait to brush my teeth after 28 days,” she said.

'Survivor' recap: To fast forward, perchance to dream

Ooooh, another double elimination took place on “Survivor”! I don’t know what’s more exciting about it: that it moved things along quicker or that it provided for more drama.

Ha! Sorry, I couldn’t keep that going. There was absolutely no drama to speak of in this week’s episode. So, yes, it was awesome in that it got rid of two people we knew were goners and brings us true “what will happen?” scenarios next week.

Let me save you some time whether or not you watched the hour Wednesday night and sum it all up rather quickly. Phillip and Steve both faked nice after last week’s town hall on racism. Phillip finds his swim trunks after yet another meditation or whatever. Even with Matt down and out and ready to go home, Julie loses at the Redemption Island “truel.” Andrea feels bad for breaking Matt’s spirit and tells people about it, making Rob and others halfway think about voting her out.

Log rolling is this week’s immunity challenge, which NFL player-turned-yogi Grant was a lock to win, and he did. He won safety, a chocolate cake and milk, and he picked Rob and Andrea to share it with for two minutes. Even though Ralph offered to “hug his neck” but isn’t “a gay person.” There’s also a twist teased for the next tribal council, and everyone predicts that two people will be going to RI. Steve approaches Ashley and Natalie with another game-changing opportunity, saying the three girls could vote with him and Ralph and get rid of Rob. Ashley realizes that would totally work, but the two still run and tell Rob what the deal is.

'Survivor' postgame: David can't talk about much

After the first "truel" of this season's "Survivor," West Hollywood attorney David Murphy was sent home for good. He is, though, the first member of the jury that voted for the winner to be named at the live finale Sunday, May 15.

I talked to "Murphy, David Murphy" before the season started since he was one of several Southern Californians competing. At that time he was outside a Santa Monica hospital, visiting a friend, so I assumed whatever was going on there had something to do with the conversation. Talking to him again today, well, he still seemed a little... down.

Now, yes, he did just relive himself losing any chance at winning a million dollars, but he definitely seemed to hold back more than others I've talked to so far. When I asked him why he was wearing a full business suit when he arrived in Nicaragua, he said he couldn't talk about that. For the life of me, I have no idea why. Is their a prequel yet to air? Was he in court right before heading to the airport?

'Survivor' recap: What looks like crazy on an ordinary day

At the beginning of this week’s “Survivor,” Matt’s praying because he fears he’s going insane out on Redemption Island. But the episode would center mainly on someone else’s crazy levels boiling over and neatly edited together. The producers built up strong cases for the audience to go either way as to whether something was crazy or racist, making for a unique tribal council that could serve as a talk-show pilot for host Jeff Probst.

First, Matt and Mike are joined at RI by “Murphy, David Murphy,” and don’t know what to make of a three-person duel. Likewise, Steve and the Zapatera tribe (and us viewers) don’t know what to make of Phillip. When we first see him this week, he’s speaking  some other language, then talks about his meditation being a part of Buddhism. Honestly, when someone can’t pronounce many pronouns correctly and blames it on dry mouth, it’s hard to listen to their religious teachings.

After Phillip is shown at his peaceful, happy place, he’s then upset over Zapatera’s abundance of rice. One assumes the tribes have the same amount of rice, but of course there are only three people left to divvy everything up in Zapatera compared with Ometepe’s six. What would Buddha do? As a former federal agent turned rice policeman, Phillip takes it upon himself to steal some of Zapatera’s rice.

'Survivor' recap: The quick and painless

“You’re using my stupidity for your glory.” That's a quote from Matt, “the most naive person ever to play the game of ‘Survivor,' " at the beginning of Wednesday night’s episode. He was praying after returning to Redemption Island, but really he and everyone from the former Ometepe tribe are subconsciously saying that prayer to Boston Rob. The show's almost becoming a soap opera, with Rob the Susan Lucci character who can do no wrong, always winning, if you will.

We basically (and thankfully) had two episodes combined into one this week, but neither of those episodes nor the tribal-council results were anything to write home about. No one even went home, as the two voted out will (apparently?) clash with Matt next week. It was quite a letdown for me after a long day at work, but I guess this season’s excitement levels had to even out before leading up to the finale a month from now.

The attempts at game play and what was edited to be drama did not work out on two fronts. First, you had people like Ralph approaching others the wrong way. "Am I on the chop block?"

Second, there were people like Ashley and Phillip who refused to talk game because their daddy Rob told them not to. You even had Natalie looking like the supporting actress in an after-school special, telling on Ashley because she didn’t talk game with Ralph but also didn’t tell Rob that Ralph said he’d vote for her to win over Rob. Really.

Rob even told his followers not to eat any of the fish caught in Ralph's net, and although Grant got a bite, they all snuggled with Rob as the others chowed down feet away. Tell me that's not some "All My Children" Erica Kane-like mess. Julie was right when she said the Ometepe survivors were like a cult under Rob’s direction. In fact, Julie was earning snaps from me throughout the hour. After Phillip said he was good with his new Ometepe family, Julie said, “Matt felt like y’all were a family too.” Oh, snap! Where did you come from, oh quick-witted Julie? You could have saved us from the crazy, dry-mouthed and meditatin' featherhead Phillip.

'Survivor' postgame: Sarita says her last show was best episode ever

A lot of people, namely the Zapatera tribe, were disappointed by Sarita White on “Survivor: Redemption Island.” But as some of you may know, the producers actually went after her upon seeing her throwing back a bunch of margaritas in Venice Beach. They loved her, but I asked Sarita what made her do the show, if it wasn’t even something she went after.

“It was just one of those things that fell from the air for me,” she said. “I love kind of anything that’s the best of what it does, and ‘Survivor’ is the best reality show there is. I work in the industry, and I can say it’s the truest as to what happens and what airs.”

Elaborating on that, Sarita said that there will always be editing to get a thorough story, while with other shows there’s a lot of manipulation. Still, she wanted to see more of the beginning of the game, when she felt she was doing more.

“I wish they’d shown more of the earlier time, with us getting Russell out,” she said. “I was more active, but they did get my quote in, ‘Getting Russell out would be like winning the million dollars for me.’ ”

Sarita seemed to make everyone like her on the show … and then she didn’t do so hot in the challenges. Even when it didn’t appear so to us viewers, Stephanie and others were shown briefly going off on Sarita being weak. Of course, later her pleas for help during immunity challenges were spotlighted, but by then she was at the bottom of Zapatera’s food chain. Sarita said, though, that she was good with her tribe until she became more honest with David.

'Survivor' recap: The book of Matthew

There really is nothing to say.

Who am I kidding, there’s plenty to say about last night’s “Survivor”! I mean … you would think … seriously? That’s how I feel about the whole episode, not just the last few minutes at tribal council.

First there was Sarita arriving at Redemption Island, telling Matt he’s been dreaming all this time when hearing Zapatera horror stories. Seemed kind of pointless to me (almost as humorous as hearing her say she’s a worthy competitor), but it further builds the case for Matt to switch teams if he returns to the game.

Turns out he didn’t have long before he was faced with that decision, because Matt won his sixth duel while Phillip talked on and on about some Bushido Blade nonsense. Matt reentered the game after defeating Sarita in a peg-standing contest, if you will, and then Jeff Probst announced the Zapatera and Ometepe tribes were merging … and that Redemption Island will be starting all over.

Anyone else surprised to hear that people still have a chance to return to the game after being voted out? At what point, exactly, will the last person standing at RI come back now? Your guess is as good as mine. As for now, Matt’s back and everyone’s enjoying a merge feast and thinking up names for their new tribe. They end up with… Murlonio, which Boston Rob says means “from the sea, united.” In reality, it’s the name of the ringleader of his wife’s stuffed animals. Sigh, getting kind of tired of this man right here.