Bravo adds another night of original programming

A fifth night of original programming is coming soon to Bravo, which means several of your favorites will be back as well as a couple of new series, the network announced Wednesday.

The new shows, as listed in a Bravo press release are:

"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills": The franchise heads to the glamorous city that defines luxurious wealth and pampered privilege, a city where being seen and who you know are everything. This one-hour docu-series is being produced by Evolution Media ("The Real Housewives of Orange County").

"Miami Social Club": This docu-series follows Miami's social elite -- a glamorous circle where money, hard work, status and beauty rule. MC Filmworks is producing this series and the title is tentative.

"Million Dollar Decorators":  Explore the work and personal lives of some of L.A.'s hottest high-end interior decorators as they navigate a world where millions of dollars and massive egos are constantly on the line. Goodbye Pictures is producing it.

"Pregnant in Heels": Rosie Pope has managed to create a thriving business as the owner/designer of Rosie Pope Maternity, the ultra high-end maternity brand for the most sophisticated and urban mothers-to-be. Rosie -- the tough talking, straight-shooting coach for the most privileged expecting mothers of Manhattan -- advises her clients on everything from planning baby showers and hiring staff to decorating nurseries and organizing Brazilian waxing for the labor room. Shout Media is producing this series.

Bravo is also developing a docu-series following "So You Think You Can Dance" Emmy-winning choreographer Mia Michaels; an international food competition series; and a Darren Star-produced musical drama following a straight, married affluent power broker in New York who leads a double life as a drag queen.

The returning series include: "The Fashion Show 2," "Million Dollar Listing 4," "The Real Housewives of Atlanta 3," and "Tabatha's Salon Takeover 3."

-- Maria Elena Fernandez (follow me on Twitter @writerchica)

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Is that all there is?

What. the. heck?

After all the drama, the fighting, the money problems ... they end the season like that? Hello! I sat through hours of footage this season that included way too many shots of Lynne's gaudy cuffs and Alexis' tragic fuschia ensemble. I deserved more than a Simon-Tamra fight -- especially since we already know the outcome of that relationship! I was expecting to see Jim change a diaper or something mind-blowing.

The closing episode saw the housewives -- past (kind of) and present -- reunite for a little soiree at the St. Regis Hotel. As they got ready for the snoozefest of a party -- wait, why was it important for us to see them get ready? I don't need to see Tamra struggle over what dress to wear. I have no desire to watch Gretchen paint her lips red. And I could have really done without seeing Slade in a tank top. And what was with Vicki's dress? I heart the gal, but that thing looked like the wind might blow it off at any second. And Michael, you really should have worn slacks.

As mentioned, the drama of this episode focused on Tamra and Simon. During the limo ride to the party, things got a little heated. It's the same story. Simon thinks Tamra has changed since she became friends with Vicki. He had no real evidence to prove it. He just rambled on and on about how she's like Vicki and how he's not Donn. Blah blah blah. And then Tamra struck back with some bleeped words and I was back in. Then she threw in this zinger: "If you were working and making money we wouldn't be in this situation." Bam! And then this: "I want a divorce!" By the time the show returned from the commercial break -- and the Barneys finally arrived AT the party -- Simon managed to remove the tail between his legs to attempt to reconcile. How convenient. Heaven forbid they walk into the party without the facade of a perfect marriage. Even when he's trying to make things right, he's demanding: "Give me a kiss." "Get over here." Ick.

Bethenny Frankel says new season of 'Real Housewives of New York City' is 'chaotic, psychotic and tumultuous'

Bored with the stale Tamra-Gretchen feud? Seriously considering gouging out your eyes the next time Alexis coos sweet nothings to her man-child husband?  If the bronzed ladies of OC aren’t your style, you're in luck. Season 3 of "The Real Housewives of New York City" premieres tonight. That's right. Your favorite housewives of NYC (and Brooklyn -- can’t forget Alex!) are back! Among them is Bethenny Frankel. I snagged a few moments from her busy schedule last week to talk "Housewives." An original cast mate, Frankel -- known for her acerbic wit, unabashed frankness, and, of course, those Skinnygirl Margaritas -- promises this season will be “most chaotic, psychotic and tumultuous season ever.” Cue those DVRs!

You're a busy bee these days. What's the day been like so far?

I just had a meeting about my skin care line. I just stuffed food in my face … and I’m about to go look for some wedding dresses. I’m in New York. There are a couple of designers that I have relationships with, so I’m still feeling out who I’m going to use.

Fun! What kind of style are you going for?

I’m thinking definitely fitting. Definitely embracing the bump. I’m gonna do whatever I would have done before but just showing the bump. Like, I always wanted a mermaid type of dress … so we’ll see how that works.

Sorry for the tangent … I’m just obsessed with that TLC show “Say Yes to the Dress.” Do you watch that?

Yes. Yes! Oh, my God! That’s the one where they all go to Kleinfeld’s? That store terrifies me because it’s like a factory of wedding dresses. I don’t think I’m going there. That scares me.

So are you ready for the baby’s arrival and the wedding … kind of settling down?

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Nip Tuck

I really wish the folks over at Bravo would quit playing games with my heart. Don’t tease me with a cameo appearance by old school housewife Jeana and then take her away! That’s just cruel. Did anyone else find it refreshing to see Jeana and Vicki back together? They’re the next iconic pairing of friends in TV land. Kind of like Laverne and Shirley…or Mary and Rhoda … Monica and Rachel? I’m taking it too far? You’re probably right.  

My giddiness over the on-screen reunion would quickly fade when that frilly intro shot of Alexis graced the screen. You know the one … she’s in that purple dress, blowing kisses to the camera. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, move your eyes toward the travesty in the upper right hand corner. There’s Jimbo, holding his two daughters as if they’re monkeys. Wonder how much she had to pay him to do that.

As expected, things would only go downhill from there. Alexis’ mom, Penelope, is town.

Ugh. Wait. There’s that fuchsia getup again.

Back to the programming ...

Penelope made the trip from Colorado for some physical maintenance. And who better than her daughter to show her the way? Penelope wanted a brow lift to get rid of some sagginess. But once that doctor sat in his chair, it became a complete overhaul on her face. He started spewing out suggestions like she was a car coming in for a tune-up. Brow lift. Upper eye lid surgery. Thin this muscle out. Tighten that out. Reposition fat. Get rid of smile lines. Laser the lower eyelids. Oh, and at some point, do permanent eyeliner (ouch!) and get a laser peel. Why bother with all that? Just put a paper bag over your head. It’s cheaper.

And can we all take a moment to say “What was that about?” I’m referring to the Alexis infomercial midway through the show. I don’t care that she grew up in Missouri and climbed treehouses and crossed creeks. And there was no violin in sight for me to play when she went on to describe being an outcast: “It was very difficult growing up in Missouri being the kind of girl that I am because in Missouri girls wear jeans and T-shirts. They don’t wear a lot of makeup. They're just very simple. But I always had a tan going; I always had makeup--lots of makeup. I wore heels at, like, 13. Everybody always said to me that I looked like I belong in California.” My heart bleeds with pity. Not. I had to rewind three times just to make sure it wasn’t a joke. And then when her mother recalled how Alexis never wanted to walk to school because her hair might smell like air, all I could do was shake my head. Don’t get me started on her nibbling of the bread.

And the way she described her mother? Plain. Washed out. Simple. “She doesn’t like to take the time to do her hair and makeup, which  ... she doesn’t work so I don’t really know what else she's doing. She should do her hair and makeup.” Now we know what Alexis does with her time—as if we didn’t already.

My frustration with that whole scenario would ease with an appearance by Lynne. Regardless of what you think of the bronzed cuff-maker, she never fails at providing some good one-liners. Side note: Who is impressed by the amount of cuffs Lynne sports each episode? That lady is committed to those wrist things; they’re like permanently attached. I wonder if she has cuff tan line. Oh, right, the one liner … how great was her reason Frank would never cheat: “He’s germophobic, he would never cheat on me.” It’s stuff like that that tempts me to buy a piece of her bondage jewelry. One day, Lynne. One day.

Later in the episode, viewers witnessed Tamra’s less-than-fun-looking birthday lunch party. She was visibly irritated that Vicki didn't show up. To make matters worse, Vicki sent her assistant to the shindig with a gift. A classless gesture to some. To me, it was brilliant. And here’s why: “Who has a birthday party on Tuesday at 11 o’clock? I'm working. Always working. In the middle of the day I'm working,” a frazzled Vicki says in her one-on-one interview. I couldn’t agree more.

In other news, Gretchen’s booth at the Women’s Expo was a bust. Alexa and Raquel are considering getting a “parent whisperer” to knock some sense into Lynne and Frank (go for it!) and Simon still doesn’t think he’s controlling. This coming from a dude who says Hitler had a good side.

Show Trackers, what did you think of the episode? Am I being too harsh on Alexis? Should Alexa and Raquel get a parent whisperer? Have you bought one of Lynne’s cuffs?

--Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Alexis Bellino. Credit: Bravo

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Just like a prayer

What would an episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" be without a little bickering? We're already aware that Alexis' table manners consist of incessant phone calls with her man-child husband and spitting out food into a napkin, so it was no surprise that she would add "starting mind-numbing squabbles" to the list.

Alexis is still hung up on Vicki's "my husband works" statement and just has to put Vicki in her place. I'm sorry, Alexis, but I don't buy it. It felt more like a newbie trying to prove her position with the popular kids; she was far too eager to look cool. And it might have worked. Tamra appeared impressed by how "strong" and "opinionated" Alexis is. Puh-lease. If that were so, Jim would be on his knees and mixing horseradish in her sauce. She tried to prove she was a tough cookie during lunch. But never mess with the Queen B, Alexis. Never. And don't do it in front of her daughter -- who did seem to be the only adult at the table.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Before I continue further, let's pause for a brief moment to bow our heads and pray that this post doesn't accidentally mention that Alexis' husband doesn't work. Was anyone else slightly perplexed by the prayer circle happening before their eyes?

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Vicki Gunvalson, the working girl

She might be considered the Ryan Seacrest of the insurance world with all the hours she's putting in. The last remaining original housewife in the O.C. clan, Vicki Gunvalson has watched as a revolving door of ladies have picked up -- and turned in -- those signature oranges seen in the opening credits. Along the way, we've seen the outspoken housewife spar with her fellow consorts, drive her kids crazy, and struggle to keep her love tank full. And, of course, there have been a lot of "woohoos" along the way.

Since the start of the show, the self-proclaimed workaholic has expanded her insurance business -- as if she didn't work enough. And even found time to write a book. So I was lucky enough to snag a few minutes with Gunvalson one morning, especially considering she didn't get home from the office until the wee hours of the night.

It's no secret that you're a workaholic. It's a frequent topic on the show. Tell me what a typical day like is for you.

I've got a staff of 10 and I have 700 insurance agents out in the field so to leave my office at noon to head over to a cooking party at 1 p.m. and then head back [to the office] at 3 or 4 p.m. ... it just would never happen in my real life. So I chose not to pretend it happens. My reality is I have a career and business. That's what I do. My mornings consist of waking up at 7 a.m.; I do a boot camp out here in Coto [de Caza] from 7 to 8, four days a week and then I go home and shower. I'm usually at my office by 9. My typical day would be eating lunch at my desk. Then I see clients all day. I'm actually doing estate planning, which entails retirement planning, and then I do a lot of life insurance. I'm typically home by 10 or 11 at night. So the days are long.

In a recent episode, we see the ladies take offense to you sort of insinuating that they don't work. After seeing the episode, how did it make you feel to see what they -- especially Tamra -- said once you left the party?

I was really upset about that, actually. I think they should just own it. It's great to be able to stay at home and raise your children. Unfortunately, that was not my reality. I had to be a working mother when my kids were little. I was divorced and single and I couldn't afford not to work. So when I say they don't work, it's not to cut them down. It's me just saying, "You don't understand. I have to go to my office and I can't leave to do a booty class at 2 o'clock in the afternoon; I can't do a cooking party. When I say that, it's not to hurt them. It's just to have them understand. If they don't work, they don't work. It's not to hurt them. So I got hurt when I saw what I saw on TV.

'Real Housewives of Orange County': reality check

When we left off last week, a sleepy-eyed Raquel was greeted at the door of her family's home by a stranger and an eviction notice. This week, viewers got to see Raquel multi-task as she angrily phoned her mother while simultaneously flipping off the camera (demonstrating that even a slightly blurred shot still makes for good TV). Now it was the parents that had some explaining to do. It seems Frank failed to inform Lynne about the hefty security deposit (a whopping $10,000 -- wowzers!) on the Laguna Hills rental. Imagine how many cuffs Lynne would have to hawk to pay that off! There aren't enough wrists in Orange County.

An understandably upset Lynne (though, since the surgery, it's getting more difficult to decipher her emotions based on facial expressions), confronts Frank about the matter at a nearby park. Yes, he kept her in the dark. And yes, that probably wasn't the best decision. But Frank's diagnosis explains the predicament: They've been living beyond their means. The champagne taste on a beer budget will eventually leave your wallet hung over. Wonder if there's an adult-ologist to whip them into shape, 'cause that padded envelope certainly didn't serve as a wake-up call as we saw later in the episode.

From financial problems to health problems ... we see things in "Housewives" land get a little too real. In Thursday's episode, we learn that Briana, Vicki's 22-year-old daughter, has developed a cluster of nodules -- "the size of grapes" -- in her neck. The growths could be cancerous. Despite the sarcastic tone of this post, there's nothing funny about that. Sending good thoughts Briana's way.

Back to the ladies ...

Another so-called gals trip is planned, this time a shopping fete in San Francisco. Vicki's going -- despite the drama from the housewarming party. Gretchen's going. Tamra's going. Even Ms. I-can't-be-away-from-my-husband Alexis was on board. Sure, she made sure to check to see if it was OK. Anyone else think she looked like an employee taking her boss' orders in his home office? (Also, a side note: what is up with the fuchsia getup she's rockin' in the one-on-one interviews? I've tried to ignore it for weeks. But when my mom pointed out its hideousness, I knew it had to be bad. It's like a couture muumuu with oddly placed slits.) Jim (gasp!) encourages her to "go have fun." She sure didn't need a lot of convincing because she scurried out of there in her skimpy shorts like someone just told her the gym was open. I'm waiting for the revolution to happen.

Anyway ... Lynne also made the trip, despite her home issues. I get it. The flight was paid for. Hotel, booked. But was buying that leather getup really necessary? When you've just been given an eviction notice, you should be charging your energy (from all the places you won't be going), not your credit card. If the shopping addiction just had to be fed, put on a pair of oversized sunglasses and make your way to Ross or the Dollar Tree. No one has to know.

During the gals' outing (No, really. I'm not being sarcastic. The guys didn't crash this time), my tolerance for Alexis was again tested. I don't doubt that she's a sweet person. Really. But there's only so much I can take without yelling at my TV. Her conversation with Jim in the office: I cringed, but there was no angry twitch. When she brought up the "snoring" incident with Gretchen over drinks, the eyes started rolling (Get over it. Vicki fake-snored. Sure, it was rude. But it's no different from my actual snoring, from hearing the story). The sight of the fuchsia blouse/muumuu/hospital gown: Fists were clenched. But all the phone chitchat at the dinner table drove me over the edge. It didn't help that her cellphone looked like it had been dipped in jewels. Forget the spitting out of the food. All those baby-voiced coos of "honey" and "baby" got my own gag reflex going. The jury is still out on whether her tender encouragement -- "Baby, go take a bath like a good boy" -- was meant for James Jr. or James Sr. Thoughts?

But for some reason, Vicki's phone affair at the table the next day didn't bother me. Maybe because her phone wasn't encrusted with gemstones?

So, Show Trackers, what did you think of this week's episode? What are your thoughts on Frank keeping Lynne out of the loop on their finances? Anyone else shout, "Hey! that's Bethenny's ("Real Housewives of New York") drink?" when Alexis ordered a Skinnygirl Margarita? Though the ingredients seem to be different. And am I the only one who thinks Alexis' fuchsia blouse looks like the kind of Project Runway design that Heidi Klum would have said "auf Wiedersehen" to?

--Yvonne Villarreal Photo: Lynne Curtin, Alexis Bellino, Tamra Barney. Credit: Bravo

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Lynne Curtin admits she's a 'little ditzy'

You might recognize her as the sole brunet in a bevy of blond manes. Or maybe the lady always sporting cuff-wear? Guess it depends on what catches your attention first. Lynne Curtin joined the "Real Housewives of Orange County" midway last season. Her questionable comments and spacey demeanor at times got her pegged as the ditzy -- and incredibly tanned and toned -- gal of the bunch. This season, we've watched as she and her family struggle with finances and downsize from their Capistrano Beach home to a smaller rental in Laguna Beach. Then there's the other struggle: controlling (or not) the wild teenage behavior of their daughters, Raquel and Alexa.

I snagged a few mobile minutes with Lynne to get her take on life in 'Housewives' land.

Hey, Lynne ... what are you doing right now? Sounds like you're driving...

I'm trying to get cuffs out. I have a lot of cuffs on my website that look kind of similar to the Saints symbol ... the fleur de lis. I'm just on my way getting orders out right now cause the business is booming right now, especially with the Saints winning [the Super Bowl]. I just happen to have a fleur de lis on my cuffs anyway, and a lot of people from Louisiana recognized the symbol and, coincidentally, with the team winning I have a lot of people ordering them right now.

What made you decide to get into the cuff business in the first place?

Because my girlfriends in Orange County had a lot of money ... and just being able to afford to buy them a gift that they don't have. Instead of buying them Juicy sweatsuits -- they already have like 10 of those -- I wanted to find them something that they didn't have already; it had to be unique. And going to boutiques and buying stuff there, they wanted like $300 or $400 for one; it was unaffordable. I was already doing jewelry like 18 years ago and with research I was able to find the right product to wrap the leather around them. It's all been a learning process. Now I've extended to handbags and purses. And I'm coming out with a bedding line soon.

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Gretchen Rossi wants to 'set the record straight'

Gretchen Rossi made quite the impression on viewers last season when she joined the sun-kissed ladies of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

When we first met her, the blond bombshell -- more kitten than the cougar now at 32 -- was perceived by some (including fellow 'Housewife' Tamra) as just another ditzy gold-digger looking to cash in on her (much older) ailing fiance's estate. This season -- following the death of her fiance, Jeff -- viewers have seen Rossi try to clear things up, including the rumors of infidelity (claimed during last season's reunion show) and the gold-digger claims ... and even explaining those compromising images of Rossi and an electrically-charged bedroom friend that leaked on the Internet.

Despite the drama, Rossi, who grew up in La Cresenta, has had a busy social calendar. If you follow her tweets, you're aware of (most) of her exploits, including an appearance at Sundance (huh?), a live singing performance (again, huh?) and even her baking experiments. So we were lucky to snag some phone time with Rossi on a rainy Monday morning...even if it took a few tries.

It was hard to track you down. You're a busy gal. What are you working on right now?

Oh, gosh. If I told you, you’d be worn out by the time we were done.

'Real Housewives of Orange County': The Lynne Show

 When Thursday's episode opened with Gretchen cruising on her Harley bike, I was so ready to tune out. But I'm a sucker for bad TV, so, naturally, I just heated up some popcorn. And before the first kernel even popped, the drama ensued as  Lynne and daughter Alexa hit South Coast Plaza.  The tension bubbled in the car ride with Lynne questioning why Alexa was late to see the youtholgist. Alexa nonchalantly said she was hung over. Lynne's face couldn't even crack a shocked expression; she just let it slide.  It would only get worse once they were inside the mall. Alexa went on a cursing tirade, going so far as calling her mom the B word and throwing one of the gaudy cuff pieces, fashioned by Lynne, across a table. What did Lynne have to say about all of it? Not much. And that is the problem, according to Alexa and everyone else tuning in.  All she could do was grab hold of her abused cuff and nurture its bruised embellishments.

Meanwhile, Tamra and Simon spent an afternoon cleaning their garage. Vicki and Donn had a romantic dinner by the ocean, made all the more special when a bird unleashed a pretty heinous bowel movement on their waitress and when Vicki got a massive diamond ring.  Oh, and Gretchen is starting a makeup line called Gretchen Christine Beaute as a way to combat all the extravagant money she spends on makeup -- um, she couldn't just head over to CVS and browse the Maybelline aisle?

Back to the drama.

Alexis -- after getting approval and insight from her master, er, husband, Jim -- decided to host a cooking party in an attempt to bury the feud between Gretchen and Tamra. Why she remains the only one invested in it is beyond me.  There are other, more serious causes that could actually use her attention -- like why her husband wears beanies. Whatever. All the housewives attended -- except for working girl Vicki (it is, after all, during the day). There was giggling. There was cooking. And there was Lynne ... sipping/chugging a glass of alcohol. Then came the ambush. Once the meal was cooked and they had all gathered around, Alexis oh-so-coyly confronted Tamra and Gretchen about their relationship, causing bewildered looks from everyone at the table (and me). Maybe Alexis should have lunch with the youthologist and learn the secrets of being a mediator?

Anyway, focus quickly shifted from Gretchen and Tamra to Gretchen and Lynne ... to eventually just Lynne, who by this point was having trouble forming words and found herself sharing way too much information about how well-endowed her husband is. But it was her frustration over her daughter's behavior that was at the root of her outburst. Her battle to be a good mom but also a friend to her daughters has finally reached an impasse. But that's OK. Alexa doesn't want to share her problems or get disciplined by someone who could be her sister ... she wants (gasp!) her mother to be a parent and fill that role. She said so herself. So Lynne, ground her! It's that simple. Raise that hand of yours (the one with one of your cuff creations) and show her to her room.

What did you think of this episode, Show Trackers? What advice would you give Lynne? Do you sympathize with her at all? Any chance you'll purchase products from the Gretchen Christine Beaute line? 

 

-- Yvonne Villarreal

 

Photo: Lynne Curtin. Credit: Bravo.

'Real Housewives of Orange County': flirting, tantrums ... and Tupperware?

First things first: Does Alexis really think that chick was hitting on her husband?

If you happened to miss the prissy showdown, here’s a brief overview: Gretchen decided to host a Tupperware party -- the pastime of every domestic diva. At said plastic-container extravaganza, Alexis unleashed her perfectly manicured claws after spotting another female “flirting” with her husband Jim (aka the dude rockin’ the purple shirt with insanely oversized cuffs). Footage of the actual “flirtation” was suspiciously absent, leaving it up to viewers to decide whether such an outrageous action was possible. And this viewer has decided: I find it hard to believe because, as Gretchen’s unnamed friend so brilliantly said: “He is not attractive. No one is hitting on her husband.” And sure, looks isn’t everything. But his personality -- from what is seen on television -- is hardly fetching. And maybe that’s why he was so pleased by the attention. That smirk. His coyness about the situation: “I’m pretty naive when a girl is hitting on me. I don’t really get it.”

I agree. It’s beyond comprehension.

Maybe it’s his wisdom? Consider his take on the disagreements. Tamra and Gretchen -- despite the peaceful facade at social functions -- continue to be at odds. Who still cares? Alexis, apparently. The newest housewife, who is friends with the bickering gals, is caught in the middle. But before she could articulate her opinion on the matter while at the horse races with Gretchen and Slade, Jim talked over her to put a stop her opinion-sharing: “Our rule [read: MY rule] is this: We go by our experience with a person.” I felt a glimmer of hope that Alexis wouldn’t back down; that she would actually voice what she was thinking when she said “I have a right to say my point of view, honey.” But he spoke over her again. And I eased back into my chair when she l uttered: “You’re so right.” He won again.

In other “duh” news, newly surgically enhanced Lynne and her hubby Frank remain dumbfounded by daughter Alexa’s teenage angst. She’s vague about her whereabouts. Comes home past curfew. Texts while they talk. And they just don’t understand why she acts so freely. But Alexa? She gets it. “It’s been a free ride ... they should have stepped up earlier.” I hear Lynne and Frank say there needs to be boundaries, but when Alexa arrives past curfew, there were no consequences (even given the fact that she was told she couldn’t go out that night). Lynne seemed more relieved with the fact that Alexa loved them. But I don’t doubt their concern. I mean, do you know many parents that hire a “youthologist” in an attempt to understand their children?

So what do you think, Show Trackers? Was Alexis overreacting when she confronted the woman at the Tupperware party? Were you hoping there’d be more Vicki in this episode? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

--Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Alexis Bellino. Credit: Bravo

'Real Housewives of Orange County': Mother knows best

If the color-reading psychic dude from this episode had been around when I was younger, I never would have believed him if he said I'd be mildly obsessed with a show about a gaggle of wealthy (and tan) housewives.

On to the show ...

The episode mostly centered on the minor riff between Lynne and Gretchen. Basically, Ms. Gaudy Cuff-maker (aka Mama Bear) was peeved that Gretchen took Alexa shopping and, in the process, tried to have a therapy session. So Lynne and Gretchen took their dogs for a stroll to discuss the issue. And then they talked about it on the phone. And then they talked about it (again) over dinner. And, as always, Slade had to weasel his way into the situation. Why? Because it's what he does. Apparently he's an expert on the complexities of being a teenage girl. Glad Lynne finally said it: "he's a poser." I just wish she and husband Frank wouldn't have sat idly as Slade offered his expert opinion. 

But let's not give him too much thought. 

With the Florida trip over, a less-bitter Vicki decides to host a slumber party in an effort to bond with the ladies. I'm trying to play the game here. I understand this is a show. And I understand that, in order for it to work, these gals have to seem like they somewhat interact. But these forced get-togethers are causing me to suspend my disbelief more than I would watching an admitted scripted docu-series. 

But then I snapped out of it when I saw that Alexis, my favorite pious housewife, brought jello shots. Of course she did. Of course.  But I think I was more surprised that she was actually given permission by her husband to venture out into the world for a long period of time without him ... and then she revealed she wouldn't be sleeping over because, among other things, Jim doesn't know where the bowls are or how to change a diaper. Of. Course. 

When Alexis mentioned earlier in the episode that she basically feels the need to be "perfect all the time" when her husband is around, I saw a glimpse of her frustration with this marriage situation. There are hints of her desire to let loose -- you could hear it when she talked about the fun she had at Tamra's wig party. But her obsession with being perfect is stifling all that. Hopefully she'll listen to that color-reading psychic Doug, er, Dude, er, DOUGALL and have a "slob" dinner night.

But back to the slumber party ... When I heard that the ladies were going to toilet paper ex-housewife Jeana's house, I got even more excited! Finally, someone who'll say what I'm thinking! Nope. All we got was exterior shots of her house. And, really, was there a point to toilet-papering Jeana's house if her gardener is likely the one to have to clean it? Poor Jorge. 

And in this episode, tension between Tamra and Simon, though still present, is a bit muted. It's sad to hear her talk about how divorce can be avoided if they talk things out knowing that, since the season stopped filming, Simon has filed for a divorce (if you tune-in to "Watch What Happens," you got a bit more scoop about the situation from the housewife). But things this week dealt more with Ryan ... at the end of the episode he apologizes to Simon for using his car or something else I care nothing about. And Simon commends Ryan, saying, "the first step to becoming a man is realizing we all make mistakes and owning up to them ..." -- and that's when I switched channels to MTV's "Jersey Shore." Sure, there was only about one minute left, but still. I did it on principle. Between Slade and Simon, my tolerance for ridiculousness is waning.

Wait. That doesn't explain my viewing of "Jersey Shore" then, huh? 

So what did you think of the episode? Was Lynne overreacting to Gretchen's attempt to bond with Alexa? And are you excited about the return of "The Real Housewives of New York City"?

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Gretchen Rossi. Creit: Bravo