Late Night: Andy Cohen hosts 'Real Housewives' screaming match

 

The Bravo Clubhouse was a whole lot more crowded than usual on Wednesday night when Andy Cohen hosted a "Watch What Happens Live All-Star Party," a veritable orgy of the network's demi-celebrities.

Everyone was there, including marquee names like Padma Lakshmi and Tom Colicchio, breakout star Bethenny Frankel, and Bravo B-listers like what's-her-name from "Flipping Out" who looks like Julia Louis-Dreyfus. As Kathy Griffin aptly described the event, "This is like the most messed-up Golden Globes I've ever seen." 

Of course, no Bravo gathering would be complete without plenty of housewives. The "All-Star Party" featured trainwreck musical performances by LuAnn "The Countess"  de Lesseps and Melissa Gorga, but the official lowlight was almost certainly the "Real Housewives Battle Royale." For the quiz game, 18 different housewives were divided into two teams --East Coast versus West Coast -- and asked questions on "their favorite two subjects -- themselves, and each other," as Cohen put it.  Not surprisingly, the contest quickly descended into a Babel-esque cacophony of shrill screams, like a "Housewives" reunion show condensed into four brief but blood-curdling minutes. It was so harrowing that even the usually indefatigable Cohen appeared to lose his patience.

You can watch the "Battle Royale" above, but be warned: You may want to be sure all your crystal is tucked away in a safe place before you press play. 

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— Meredith Blake

twitter.com/MeredithBlake

 

2011's wackiest ‘Housewives’ mommy moments

Forget those mommy-and-me classes and all those pricey subscriptions to parenting magazines. For mothers looking for ways to bond with and/or raise their child, one need look no further than the sages of the "Real Housewives" franchise.

When they're not hurling expletives at each other while belly dancing or trying to write another cookbook we don't really need, some of them are mom's unknowingly serving as reference guides on how to rear children. Here are our favorite gems from 2011.

Let them into your drama so they can write sad songs: The last season of "Real Housewives of New Jersey" mostly centered on the family feud between Teresa and her little Hulk of a brother Joe. Christenings turned into UFC matches and holiday dinners were full of passive-aggressive insults. It all took a toll on Teresa's daughter Gia, who penned an agonizing musical plea for her mother and uncle to make amends. The song was about how she wakes up in the morning and goes to school and worries so much and puts makeup on, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do as Teresa does when the singing is over, clap and say, "Yay!"

Let it out: "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" newbie Brandi Glanville is a self-proclaimed hippie who likes to let it all hang out -- her often braless outfits suggest as much. So it's no surprise that when it comes to matters of the toilet she's just as free-spirited. If that means her little boy has to wee-wee on Adrienne Maloof's lawn during a barbecue, so be it. And he did -- we're sure he did it so his mother wouldn't have to endure the shame of hobbling to the bathroom on her crutches.

Instill the importance of appearance: First impressions are everything. And when Kim Zolciak's baby boy popped out, she wanted to ensure she greeted him with her best wig ensemble. Kim transported three wigs propped on mannequin heads to the hospital in the backseat of a vehicle -- with the seat belts locked to make sure they stayed in place. Nothing says "Happy Birth Day" like an extra-virgin olive oiled head of hair that isn't your own. 

Encourage bilingualism: Dana Wilkey ("Real Housewives of Beverly Hills") has a thing for Cavalli shorts, $25,000 sunglasses and incredibly sad-looking theme parties. She also likes to yammer on about how her 2-year-old can not only speak -- but also read -- Thai. Yeah, right! Well, she called our bluff, posting this video. Though, not being Thai-speakers ourselves, we can't really confirm what he's saying. But if he's anything like his mother it's probably something to the effect of, "This shirt cost $14,600."

Give them only the best for their birthday -- an "American Idol" reject: We're pretty sure Taylor Armstrong's 5-year-old daughter has no idea who Ace Young is -- how do we know? Because we barely remember him! So we weren't quite sure why he was enlisted to perform at the young girl's birthday party. Yes, we know it was a gift from Dana (which automatically renders it headscratching), but still. She's FIVE. Could Dana really not find a $5,000 coloring book?

What are your favorite 'Housewife' parenting scenes?

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-- Yvonne Villarreal

twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo: Teresa Guidice and  one of her daughters in an episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey." Credit: Bravo

Bravo gives 'Real Housewives' star Kim Zolciak a spinoff

You saw it coming. Kim Zolciak’s wedding got its own spinoff.

Bravo will air the new series “Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding” (get it?), documenting the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star’s trip down the aisle to Atlanta Falcons player Kroy Biermann.

"I am so excited to give an up close and personal look at the next chapter in my life," Zolciak said in a statement. "My life has turned into a true Cinderella story and to watch the pieces unfold is going to be great! I can't wait to share with all of you!"

Each half-hour episode will follow the adventures of Kim preparing for her wedding, which fell on 11/11/11. 

Zolciak follows in the footsteps of Bethenny Frankel, formerly of “Real Housewives of New York City,” who chronicled her journey to wedded bliss in the series “Bethenny Getting Married?,” which has since become “Bethenny Ever After.”

Earlier this fall, Bravo also greenlighted a special for fellow Atlanta cast mate Kandi Burruss, a talent discovery show called "The Kandi Factory."

 

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— Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Kim Zolciak on "Real Housewives of Atalanta." Credit: Bravo.

 

'Real Housewives of Atlanta' to return in November

 
Let the sip--n'-see planning officially begin! "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" will return for its fourth season Nov. 6 on Bravo.

This season will explore the ladies' career endeavors, which include sex toys, funeral homes (oh, Phaedra!) and a modeling school. And in matters of the heart, Kim is building a family with beau Kroy, while NeNe is on the brink of divorce with Greg -- both housewives, naturally, are still at odds with each other (unless Kim shooting at a picture of NeNe's face at a firing range is out of love?).

Here's a look at the upcoming season:

 -- Yvonne Villarreal

twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo: The cast of '"he Real Housewives of Atlanta" -- Kim Zolciak, from left left, Cynthia Bailey, Phaedra Parks, NeNe Leakes, Kandi Burruss and Sheree Whitfield. Credit:  Quantrell Colbert / Bravo

Video credit: Bravo

Move over 'Glee': 'The Real Housewives Live Tour' is coming

Mark this date in history: “The Real Housewives Live Tour” is actually something that is happening.

With all the singing that the ladies (and Simon) are doing, you’d think it’d be the place to hear “Tardy for the Party” and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” in one convenient spot. But it seems things won’t be leaning  on the music side. Instead, “Housewives” from various cities will come together for a three-city tour and discuss “the most talked about moments, reveal cast secrets and answer questions straight from the audience.”

Among those slated to appear are Caroline Manzo (“Real Housewives of New Jersey”), Lisa Vanderpump (“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”) and Jill Zarin (“Real Housewives of New York City”).

And apparently Bravo thinks attendees live the lavish "Housewives" lifestyle: Tickets range from $49.50 to $170 for the red carpet package (which includes perks like a cocktail reception hosted by "The Real Housewives" and a tour laminate and matching lanyard).

The tour kicks off in Atlantic City, N.J., Oct. 1, with stops in Chicago on Oct. 8 and Atlanta on Oct. 15. L.A.-area folks, you’re spared out of luck. 

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--Yvonne Villarreal
twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo: The cast of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Credit: Bravo.

Bravo picks up 11 new series -- and welcomes back some familiar faces

Bravo announced Wednesday that it is picking up 11 new series for 2011-12, as well as ordering new seasons of five current shows.

Many of the new series are effectively spin-offs of existing shows, featuring "Bravolebrities":

“It’s a Brad Brad World” follows former Rachel Zoe minion-turned-solo-stylist Brad Goreski;  “Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis” is a home design show from the star of Bravo's "Flipping Out";  and “Mad Fashion” is a reality show following former-“Project Runway” designer Chris March.

In the new version of "Tabatha Takes Over," hair stylist Tabatha Coffey stretches her show's territory: instead of just telling off (and helping out) salon owners, she will now lend her acumen to all kinds of small-business owners. And the L.A.-based real-estate reality series “Million Dollar Listing” will expand its sassy franchise with a N.Y. edition.

Other new reality pickups announced include “The Therapists” (the lives of L.A. therapists); "Most Eligible: Dallas” (Texas socialites); "Miss Advised" (three single relationship experts); "Ready to Wear" (New York fashionistas working in a second-hand clothing store); "Roble and Co." (Brooklyn caterers); and "Project Soulmate" (a New York matchmaker).

In advance of its upfront tonight, Bravo also announced that it is renewing several series, with new seasons for “Top Chef Just Desserts,” “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” “Bethenny Ever After” and “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

"Rocco's Dinner Party" -- with celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito -- was previously announced and will join Bravo's schedule this summer.

-- Joy Press

twitter.com/joypress

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Photo: Brad Goreski. Credit: Jason Merritt / Getty Images

Forget flashcards! Watch reality TV and get into college

This just in: Snooki and Brad Womack could help teens get into college!

OK. That may be a slight stretch.

Some college-bound students who took Saturday’s SAT test were given this essay question:

“Reality television programs, which feature real people engaged in real activities rather than professional actors performing scripted scenes, are increasingly popular ... How authentic can these shows be when producers design challenges for the participants and then editors alter filmed scenes?

Do people benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called reality, or are such forms of entertainment harmful?”

We’re sure images of “Teen Moms,” spray-tanned “Jersey Shore” cast members and Kim Kardashian danced through the test takers' heads -- for the ones who didn’t take prep classes, at least. What about the poor souls who don't watch reality TV?

“We acknowledge that not all students spend valuable hours watching reality television shows, nor are we recommending that students watch these programs,” said Laurence Bunin, senior vice president of the SAT Program for the College Board, in a statement. “However, we have found from our pretesting that students not only grasp but are quite interested in the underlying issues covered in the prompt: the effects of television on society; the desire for fame and celebrity on the part of 'ordinary people'; the authenticity and value of various 'realistic' representations (an issue central to the study of painting, film, drama and literature)."

That’s good and all. But we at Showtracker think there are better ways to gauge college hopefuls’ intelligence. Here are some better (not really) essay questions for teens:

1) By Vinny continuously refusing to ‘smush’ Snooki, what does this really say about gender expectations?

2) Compare and contrast Kim Zolciak (“Real Housewives of Atlanta”) with Madame Bovary.

3) "I’m goin out tonight, it's goin down / Headed straight to the front of the line, on the fly /On the floor I cant stand still/ And I'm goin to work like I’m paying my bills (bills)" -- from Kim Kardashian's song “Jam”

Is Kim Kardashian demonstrating her independence by working the line like she’s paying her bills or is she simply a line cutter?

ShowTrackers, what do you think of reality TV making it as an SAT essay question? How would you answer the question?

-- Yvonne Villarreal
Twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo: Kim Kardashian. Credit: D Dipasupil / Getty Images

'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' reunion: Coming together after all the drama

The support group of survivors from the first season of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” aired their grievances in what was practically a clinical setting on Tuesday night on Bravo.

They shared experiences seemingly exclusive to the life of a housewife in Beverly Hills: the sisterly conflicts of former child actors, who also happen to be aunts of Paris Hilton; the ex-wife of a wealthy celebrity addressing her feuds, her psychic friend and her married friend whom she kisses on the lips; and the drama of a Permanent Houseguest who storms from the nest, quite possibly seeking to wet his beak from the 15 minutes of “Housewives” fame.

Bravo threw me for a loop with the second part of the reunion. I missed it on television, expecting it on Thursday night. So, I had to play catch up with the full episode (thankfully) available on Hulu. (Click here if you want to relive it.)

I was surprised by the dignity demonstrated by women who had spent an entire season seemingly trying to strip away whatever dignity they had before the cameras. For all the drama of the last season, it culminated in a tempered, practically anemic, conversation about the lives they lived on camera.

Camille was apologetic but not really. Kim was remarkably coherent and honest about her relationship with her sister, though she declined to dig further into the allegations of alcoholism and all that went down at Taylor’s birthday party. Taylor clued us into the underlying sadness that we saw all season. And, as usual, Adrienne didn’t say much of anything.

It was Lisa who was most interesting to watch. She was her typically effervescent, humorous and classy  self -- it says something about how bizarrely ostentatious a show is when the person who comes across as the sage of the cast wears a necklace that could pass for a chandelier.

Despite all the cheeky wisdom that she readily offered to others on the show, she failed to recognize the swindler (alleged, of course) within her midst. In her latimes.com live chat last week (read the transcript here if you missed it), she hinted at the pain caused by Cedric the Permanent Houseguest and the tearful discussions that would follow this week, on the second part of the reunion.

And it was, indeed, heartbreaking.

2010 Top Reality TV Huh? Moments

 

If you thumb your nose at reality TV, this list is not for you. But we can't possibly ignore television's thriving nonscripted genre, and frankly we don't want to. We love our crazy housewives, our lovelorn bachelors, and all the people who do insane things for $1 million. You will notice "Jersey Shore" is not in the list. That's because there were so many memorable huhs on MTV's biggest hit that we've given those crazy kids their own list.

1. Claire Champlin gets watermeloned in the face and keeps on trucking all the way to second place on "The Amazing Race." Does this really need further explanation?

2. Bristol Palin "dances" her way into the "Dancing with the Stars" finals. The red and blue fight of the year! Bigger than the November election.

3. Bachelor Jake stuns the nation by choosing Vienna on "The Bachelor," and then they both stun us even further when they break up and go on TV to explain why.

4. Allison Dubois, the real-life psychic that CBS' "Medium" is based on, appears on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and, with the help of an electronic cigarette and a few dozen drinks, manages to put the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" table-flipping dinner party to shame.

5. NaOnka and Purple Kelly quit in the same Tribal Council, with 11 days left in the game. This game is called "Survivor," ladies — not "Quitter." Thank God Jeff Probst never quits.

6. Sarah Palin kills a caribou on "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Then she is patted on the back by her father, "There you go!" Was this necessary?

7. On "Heroes v. Villains," Parvati Shallow pulls out two immunity idols and saves two women from elimination on "Survivor" and instead sends the adorable J.T. packing. The boldest move in "Survivor" history left us head-scratching in a good way. No wonder they keep inviting her back.

8. The stork apparently forgot to notify Phaedra Parks about when exactly she got pregnant. Maybe not. But, at least, that would make for a better excuse than what she was telling her fellow Atlanta "Housewives": that her baby was fully developed at seven months and that's why she was giving birth early. Uh ...  

9. The "Big Brother" brigade goes down. The braggy alliance is toppled. There is justice.

10. Kris Jenner slipped the wrong man in her family a male enhancement pill: her son, Rob Kardashian. It gave a whole new meaning to "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." 

 — Maria Elena Fernandez and Yvonne Villarreal

twitter.com/writerchica

twitter.com/villarrealy

Video: The watermelon incident in the first episode of "The Amazing Race." Credit: CBS.

2010 top terms we learned on reality TV

 

We are writers, and we're always looking to expand our vocabulary. Here are some words that were not on our SAT but very well should have been.

1. Hippopotamus ("Jersey Shore"). As if it wasn't bad enough to be referred to as a grenade, here comes her "big" sister, the hippo. Of course, The Situation came up with this term of endearment for an overweight woman, and watching him get rid of his hippo proved he's a cheating mastermind. (You can watch all the action here).

2. Tanorexia ("The A List"). A debilitating condition of never ever feeling tan enough. Because we come from warm beach states, we completely sympathize with the afflicted.

3. DTF ("Jersey Shore"). We can't spell it out because it includes a curse word, but it refers to people being down for a hook-up. It's economical and serves a purpose.

4. Boughetto ("Real Housewives of Atlanta"). The combination of being bougie and ghetto. What falls into this category? Rhinestones on the eyelashes, roses in the hair. Look for yourself.   

5. Prostitution whore ("Real Housewives of New Jersey"). It may sound redundant, but sometimes extra emphasis is needed to make a point, especially if you're Teresa Guidice.

6. T-shirt Tiiiiime! ("Jersey Shore") This signals the men are ready to go out. They change into fresh shirts and they're off. Pauly D started this craze, and we like it so much that it makes us fist-pump. (It even has a theme song).

7. Vagenius ("The A List") Used when something amazing happens or something is great. Whoever coined it was vagenius indeed.

8. Throw shade ("RuPaul's Drag Race") To talk trash about someone in public. RuPaul turned this into one of the most hilarious competitions on his show. We laughed as we learned a new art form.

9. Hallaloo! ("RuPaul's Drag Race") You know, hallelujah but cooler.

10. Mantrum ("The A List") A man tantrum. We saved this for last because we don't like whiny men but we like new words.

-- Yvonne Villarreal and Maria Elena Fernandez

twitter.com/villarrealy

twitter.com/writerchica

Video: The Situation explains grenades and landmines, the hippo's sisters. Credit: YouTube

Jerry Springer still has some fight in him after 20 years

There's something about talk show host Jerry Springer that brings out the worst in his guests. Fights are always breaking out around him. And he couldn't be more pleased.

Springer is celebrating a milestone Wednesday, marking the 20th anniversary of "The Jerry Springer Show," the syndicated talk fest featuring outrageous topics such as mistresses battle wives and threesomes with Grandma. Read the feature on Springer here.

Springer is also being recognized as one of the pioneers of reality television, the genre that has sparked the confrontational "Jersey Shore" and "The Real Housewives" franchises.

Here are some video highlights -- and lowlights -- from Springer's greatest hits:



-- Greg Braxton

 

Bravo wants a Sunday fun day

Ye be warned, viewers of Bravo programming, the network is looking to take over your Sundays.

ShowTracker mentioned in March that Bravo was adding another night of original programming to its list -- bringing its total to five nights per week. And it looks like Sunday was crowned the winning fifth night, the network announced Monday.

As part of the plan, the folks over at the Major Case Squad on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” will be replaced with the feisty ladies of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta" on Sunday nights.

“We’re expanding to Sunday nights where we can kick off the week earlier and each night becomes a promotional platform for the next night becoming a domino effect that strengthens our schedule,” said Frances Berwick, Bravo Media's president, in a statement. “We think the buzz-worthy sensation surrounding ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta,’ with its ravenous fanbase, is the ideal launch for this new night of original programming.”

Atlanta will move to Sundays beginning  Nov. 7 at 10 p.m. In addition, Bravo will add an 11 p.m. edition of its gab fest “Watch What Happens Live,” hosted by Andy Cohen, the network's senior vice president of production and programming.

The network’s current roster also includes: “Thintervention” (Mondays), “Millionaire Matchmaker” (Tuesdays), “Top Chef Just Desserts” (Wednesdays) and “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and  “Watch What Happens: Live” (Thursdays).

ShowTrackers, what do you think of the expansion to Sundays? Are the antics of NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak too wild for a Sunday?

-- Yvonne Villarreal
Twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo:"The Real Housewives of Atlanta." Credit: Bravo