Late Night: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert mock Bloomberg's soda ban

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Late Night: Jon Stewart clarifies his support for 'socialism'

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

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After two seemingly interminable weeks off the air, “The Daily Show” returned last night with a bang. First Lady Michelle Obama stopped by to promote her new book, “American Grown,” and was her usual charming self, gracefully deflecting Jon Stewart’s questions about Joe Biden and her husband’s approval ratings.

But, no offense to Ms. Obama, the real highlight of the episode was a segment Stewart did about the rather elastic definition of the word “socialism.” The bit was prompted by recent statements from Fox News chief Roger Ailes, who claimed “The Daily Show” host once admitted to being a socialist during a barroom conversation between the two men.

Stewart didn’t recall the meeting, but he did play a tape from a 2000 appearance on “Larry King Live” in which he confessed to having some “socialist” political leanings. So was Ailes right? Not exactly, according to Stewart, who spent the next 7 minutes or so clarifying his definition of the word.

“I don’t believe in state control of industry or collectivizing farms, but I do believe that there is value in some policies that derive from a more socialist ethos, like, uh, um …” he trailed off, then cut to debate footage of Mitt Romney describing Social Security as “an essential program.” Next up was a clip of Sarah Palin defending Medicare.

“See you at the meeting, Sister Sarah!” Stewart quipped, but his joke had a point: Like him, plenty of conservatives support programs with a socialist bent.

Stewart wondered why, if some conservatives are fine with Medicare and Social Security, then why do they get so bent out of shape about “Obamacare.”

He argued it’s ironic that Republicans have called Obama’s healthcare overhaul, which would require citizens to buy health insurance from private companies in a competitive marketplace, the equivalent of “unadulterated socialism.” “It’s a Marxist dream,” Stewart said sarcastically, then continued, “Some would say, isn’t our current system of healthcare more like socialized medicine because we’re all currently subsidizing the millions of citizens without health insurance?”

Stewart reserved his harshest criticism for Romney, who recently took credit for the government bailout that helped revive the American auto industry and who has attacked the president’s financial support for solar energy but who himself is a staunch backer of ethanol subsidies.

“Can’t we just admit a socialist is someone who wants to spend government money on things you don’t like? And then we can dispense with the name-calling and find an industry we can all agree is great,” Stewart concluded.

So is there any industry we can all agree on? How about that most American of sports, professional football? As Stewart discovered last night, it turns out the NFL already uses a profit-sharing model that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has described as “a form of socialism.”

Off with his head!

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Late Night: Jesus never said anything about gays, Colbert says

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When it comes to the issue of same-sex marriage, this week has certainly been historic. On "The Colbert Report" on Thursday night, Stephen Colbert still wasn't able to come to grips with the news. "I don't know about you, but I am still reeling from President Obama's announcement that he is gay," he joked. "“I have to assume that’s the reason he supports gay marriage."

Kidding aside, Colbert took the opportunity to debunk the claim, propagated by many Christian conservatives, that Jesus condemned homosexual relationships. He played footage of Dallas megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress -- the guy who thinks Mormonism is a cult -- suggesting that Obama "has really contradicted the Jesus he says he followed."

Colbert decided to go directly to the source. "I would like to read to you what the Jesus said about homosexuality," he declared, breaking out his trusty Bible. "I would like to, but he never said anything about it. Evidently Jesus was so filled with rage that he was speechless."

But just because Jesus never publicly denounced homosexuality doesn't mean he personally approved of it, Colbert reasoned. "I am confident he condemned it all the time in private, when he was hanging out with those other 12 dudes at their elaborate dinner parties, where they all sat on the same side of the table, just living the bachelor life together, drinking wine and working on their washboard abs," he said.

As a practicing Catholic and Sunday school teacher, Colbert presumably knows a thing or two about Jesus. But could his stance on gay marriage -- and his winking suggestion that Jesus and his disciples were a bunch of "confirmed bachelors" -- draw the ire of fellow Catholics? We shall see.

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Late Night: Obama's gay marriage announcement wins praise

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Yesterday, President Obama surprised millions of Americans by declaring his personal support for gay marriage. The announcement, which came on the heels of North Carolina's vote to outlaw civil unions and same-sex marriages, was the fodder for much discussion on Wednesday night's talk shows, where hosts like Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Rachel Maddow responded to both developments with a range of emotions.

Colbert took his usual deeply ironic stance, suggesting that Obama's decision to go "push the rainbow button" represented an instantaneous threat to heterosexual unions everywhere. "This afternoon, your marriage started feeling a little weak, didn’t it?" he asked. "You got the sudden urge to abandon your family and go antiquing up at the cape."

Speaking about the vote in North Carolina, Colbert got a little verklempt. "You just dream of that special day when you can find your soul mate, and together you can celebrate your love of denying people their rights," he said, using a page from his script as a handkerchief.

Colbert also "praised" the outcome because it also helps "preserve traditional straight stereotypes" about gay promiscuity. "I believe gay people should be having hot, sweaty, anonymous man-piles in the basement of techno clubs devoid of the slightest emotional connection, as God intended." Amen to that!

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On "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart began on a more modest note. Just the day before, he had suggested that Obama was "being disingenuous" by not simply saying that he is in favor of same-sex marriage.

The historical import of Obama's announcement, which drew thunderous applause from the "Daily Show" audience, could "in no way be dampened by the codifying of bigotry" in North Carolina -- which, as Stewart pointed out, just so happens to be the state where Democrats are holding their convention this year.

Stewart was skeptical of the idea that a ban on gay marriage would somehow alter the "historic meaning" of marriage. Even if it did, that might not be such a bad thing, he argued, since "marriage originated as a social construct that allowed family patriarchs to facilitate the transfer of chattel property such as livestock or daughters."

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Perhaps the most subdued response came from MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. Although she called Wednesday a "historic day for civil rights in America," she downplayed the idea that Obama's announcement represent a huge about-face -- or flip-flop, if you will -- by the president.

She argued that the Obama administration has been "great on the issue of gay rights" all along, even if he personally hasn't come out in favor of same-sex marriage. Maddow favorably compared the president to predecessors George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, who, despite claiming to personally admire gays and lesbians, enacted anti-gay policies in office.

"Ultimately what presidents do is they wield political power," she said. "Even before today, that legacy of that first term of the Barack Obama presidency was already clear. Today he added to that. He added icing to that. The cake was already baked."

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Late Night: Rick Santorum, Jon Stewart sound off on gay marriage

On Tuesday, the people of North Carolina voted by a wide margin to outlaw same-sex marriages and civil unions in their state. Although this outcome was predicted by pollsters, it was still a stunning setback for gay-rights advocates, especially given their recent victories in New York and New Hampshire.

This gaping ideological divide was evident on Tuesday's late-night talk shows. On "The Tonight Show," Jay Leno grilled former presidential candidate Rick Santorum about his views on various social issues, including contraception, abortion and, of course, gay marriage.

Wearing his trademark sweater vest, Santorum defended traditional marriage on the grounds that "children need moms and dads" and that "men and women ... bring different attributes” to a relationship. (Tellingly, he didn't acknowledge the possibility that a couple, gay or otherwise, might want to get married but not have children.)

Leno is not known for being a relentless interrogator, but when Santorum expressed his opposition to gay adoption, he pushed back. "I have friends, gay parents, some women, some men, that are wonderful parents and they adopt children, and these children seem very happy," Leno said.

He also asked why, in the face of widespread economic woes, Santorum put such emphasis on social issues. "It’s the culture, not the economy," he replied, a quote that, were he still running for president, would no doubt come back to haunt him.

Over on "The Daily Show," it was a different story. Vice President Joe Biden recently made the frank -- and quite possibly accidental -- admission that he is "absolutely comfortable" with gay marriage. Stewart was less surprised by Biden's "straightforward sentiment" than by the three days of White House spin and media speculation that ensued.

Stewart instead directed particular scorn at White House press secretary Jay Carney, who attempted to downplay the apparent difference of opinion between Biden and President Obama on the subject of gay marriage.

Likening Carney's evasive statements to a "zen koan," Stewart paraphrased him this way: "The vice president’s new position is consistent with the president’s position, which has not changed, and is also changing."

Confused? You're not the only one.

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Jon Stewart and David Barton debate Thomas Jefferson

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Jon Stewart and David Barton debate Thomas Jefferson

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Late Night: 'The Daily Show' targets pro-gun, anti-gay lawmaker

When it comes to pointing out hypocrisy, "The Daily Show" usually goes for the prominent targets: politicians, celebrities, the media. But every once in a while the show turns its satirical gaze to the lesser-known men and women toiling away to make the world a less tolerant place.

On Thursday night, correspondent Aasif Mandvi devoted one such segment to Wanda Brown, the Missouri state legislator who sponsored a bill, HB 1621, that would make it illegal for employers to discriminate against gun owners and enthusiasts. The fact that this is not actually a documented problem in Missouri is, apparently, beside the point for Brown. As Mandvi put it, "You skip all the oppression and discrimination and just jump to the civil rights victory."

Brown is less troubled by discrimination against gay men and women in the workplace. In fact, last year she voted against a bill that would have protected LGBT individuals from being fired because of their sexuality (though she claimed, on camera, that she couldn't recall ever voting on such a bill).

"Maybe she’s been so busy battling oppression that doesn’t exist yet, she didn't have time to fight oppression that does," Mandvi suggested.

When he asked Brown to explain this apparent inconsistency -- and cited numerous cases in which gay men and women in Missouri were dismissed because of their sexuality -- Brown countered that "maybe they were fired because they were a bad worker. Have they went to court?"

When Mandvi suggested it would be futile to wage a court battle against something that isn't actually illegal, Brown asked if he had "something to back that up with."

"Yes," he replied. "Common sense."

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Late Night: Jon Stewart defends Mitt Romney's Mormonism

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

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Jon Stewart is hardly an admirer of Mitt Romney, but he prefers to target the presidential candidate for his ever-shifting political opinions, not for his Mormon faith.

On "The Daily Show" Wednesday night, Stewart went after critics from both sides of the aisle who've voiced concerns -- and in some cases, stereotypes -- about Romney's beliefs. Religious tolerance has long been one of Stewart's favorite issues, so despite his evident dislike for the former Massachusetts governor, his stance on Mormon-bashing is not terribly surprising.

During the Republican primary, most of the anti-Mormonism came from those on the right, according to Stewart. He pointed to Christian fundamentalists such as Dallas megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress, who called Mormonism a "cult," and Bryan Fischer of the American Family Assn., who said believers worship "a false god." Jeffress recently changed his tune, saying that he'd prefer a "Mormon like Mitt Romney" to a "Christian like Barack Obama." Stewart summarized his stance this way: “I hate Barack Obama more than I love Jesus.”

Now that conservatives have, however begrudgingly, accepted Romney as their nominee, it's time for attacks from the left, said Stewart. He began by criticizing Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer for comments about Romney's family history but saved his harshest words for MSNBC hosts Martin Bashir and Lawrence O'Donnell.

In a recent segment, Bashir attacked Romney for some perceived mistruths using passages from the Book of Mormon. The candidate could either "start telling the truth" or "face eternal damnation," Bashir argued. Stewart remarked that "it takes a bold man to judge someone by a book they are simultaneously ... on."

But the worst offender, according to Stewart, was O'Donnell, who claimed on "The Last Word" that Joseph Smith made up Mormonism as a way to get out of trouble for cheating on his wife. Stewart argued that plenty of other religions have origin stories that can be interpreted as "convenient alibis." He also wondered why O'Donnell is so eager to ask Romney about former LDS teachings on the subject of interracial relationships but didn't question Democratic Sen. Harry Reid, also a Mormon, on the subject when he had the chance.

As far as Stewart is concerned, all the focus on Romney's religion is a distraction from the real problem: his politics. "It’s not like Mitt Romney will pursue policies that are unfair to black people because he’s a Mormon. He’ll do that because he’s a Republican," he concluded.

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Late Night: David Barton and Jon Stewart debate Thomas Jefferson

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

David Barton

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Author and activist David Barton is a hero to fundamentalist Christians such as Kirk Cameron, Mike Huckabee and Michele Bachmann because of his opposition to the idea that America was founded as a secular country. He's also become a favorite sparring partner for Jon Stewart, who welcomed him once again to "The Daily Show" on Tuesday night to discuss his new book, "The Jefferson Lies."

Barton argues Thomas Jefferson was not an atheist but rather "nondenominational," and that his religious views have been distorted over the years. Stewart wasn't convinced by Barton's initial precept -- that Jefferson is widely assumed to be an atheist -- or by his broader claim that Christianity is, somehow, under attack in the United States.

"Coming from a non-Christian perspective, Christianity seems pretty safe, and pretty ubiquitous, and kind of overwhelming at times," he said, echoing the sentiments he has expressed many times before. "It feels like it’s the most accepted thing we have other than snack foods."

Tellingly, Barton didn't actually disagree with Stewart on this point. ("Yeah," he said, shrugging.) But he did contend hostility to Christianity is a pervasive problem, and that it's fueled by the types of people who believe that Jefferson was an atheist.

If you've got the time and/or the patience, the entire conversation Barton and Stewart is available here.

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Late Night: Jon Stewart decides Romney is funnier than Obama

Who's funnier, Mitt Romney or Barack Obama? Jon Stewart asked this vital question Wednesday on "The Daily Show" and, well, his answer might just surprise you.

He began by playing clips in which Romney and Obama were asked -- by Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters, respectively -- if they considered themselves funny. Having established the issue as one of crucial importance, Stewart carefully weighed the evidence before him.

Yes, President Obama "killed it" at last year's White House correspondents' dinner (almost literally, as Stewart pointed out, since the SEAL Team Six raid of Osama bin Laden's compound was going on at virtually the same time), but he's at a different point in his career.

While Obama is playing big rooms, Romney is still "slugging it out" with the smaller crowds on the campaign trail. Stewart provided some constructive criticism for Romney, suggesting it's not wise to make jokes about being unemployed when you're gathered around a small table with actual unemployed people. He was also a bit puzzled by Romney's stated comedic influences, the Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, and the Keystone Kops. ("How old are you?" he wondered.)

But Romney earned relatively high marks from the comedian for an impromptu moment from New Hampshire last summer, when the candidate pretended a waitress had pinched his rear end during a photo op. "That's a solid bit," Stewart conceded. "That is grade-A uncle humor."

Stewart reluctantly gave the edge to Romney, if only because he once told Wolf Blitzer, "I live for laughter." That passion was enough to clinch victory in Stewart's eyes, assuming there wasn't "a piece of videotape of him somewhere saying the exact opposite."

Cue footage of Romney, en route to the "Tonight Show," saying, "I'm rarely funny on purpose."

The apparent inconsistency prompted a declaration of "I love you" from Stewart, who takes evident glee in the Republican's tendency toward self-contradiction. Who knows if Romney's funnier, but for Stewart at least, he's certainly easier to laugh at.

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Late Night: Jon Stewart skewers Mitt Romney on stay-at-home moms

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Late last week, Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen's suggestion that Ann Romney had "never worked a day in her life" instantly provoked criticism from pundits on the right as well as the left.

The comment also sparked a broader debate about the definition of working motherhood, with some liberal pundits claiming that conservatives only support some stay-at-home moms. Monday on "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart joined the chorus of critics.

First Stewart suggested that Republicans, blinded by their Rosen outrage, were inadvertently espousing liberal values. In response to Ann Romney's declaration that "all of us need to know that we need to respect choices that women make," Stewart was bemused: "Hilary Rosen just made the Republican party pro-choice!"

Then, Stewart pointed to a clip from a campaign stop earlier this year in New Hampshire as evidence of Romney's inconsistent support for stay-at-home moms. "Even if you have a child 2 years of age, you need to go to work," Romney says in the footage. "It'll cost the state more providing that day care, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work."

Stewart feigned horror over the supposed flip-flop. "I think Mitt Romney just said his own wife has no dignity. Doesn’t he know what they did to Hilary Rosen? Run, Mitt!"

Laughs aside, Stewart's more serious point is that Romney and his fellow Republicans only support a certain breed of stay-at-home mothers -- namely, those who can afford not to work. What do you think?

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Late Night: Jon Stewart says Jews should 'step it up' on Passover

Faith/Off - Easter vs. Passover

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

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Jewish people of the world, it's time to step it up. That's the message Jon Stewart delivered to his fellow tribe members Monday on "The Daily Show" in a humorous rant about Passover's public relations battle with Easter.

"As the father of mixed-faith children who are exposed to both Christian and Jewish holidays, I can't help but feel that we Jews are getting our [tuchuses] kicked out here," he began.

Stewart argued that, having “already conceded defeat in the Christmas versus Hanukkah kerfuffle,” it was time for Jews to think about rebranding one of their most cherished holidays. The key to victory, he claimed, is winning over the kiddies, and Passover could really use some help with this demographic.

Stewart summarized the Easter "holiday sales pitch" this way: "OK, kids. Easter weekend is an observation of Christ's crucifixion and resurrection, so, buh-bam! A basket with candy!"

The Passover meal is a much harder sell to most kids, Stewart argued, because Jews commemorate the emancipation of the ancient Israelites by eating food fit for, well, a slave. "Hey, 5-year-olds! Basket filled with candy and jellybeans, or horseradish still in root form? Would you like the treats a magical bunny brought you, or the bone from a dead baby lamb?"

Stewart urged his fellow Jews to "take it up a notch" when it comes to youth marketing. After all, it's not like the story of Passover is totally uncool. "Moses parting the Red Sea? How have we not turned that into an amusement park?" he wondered.

Most critically, Passover could really use a make-believe character to rival the Easter Bunny. To that end, Stewart proposed "Passover Pete, the guitar-playing, pizza-eating lion."

Having already declared war on Christmas, Stewart appears to have moved on to another Christian holiday. The Easter Bunny better watch his back.

'The Daily Show' on Tucson's Mexican American studies ban

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Late Night: 'Daily Show' on Tucson's Mexican American studies ban

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Earlier this year, using a controversial bill signed into law by Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer in 2010, the Tucson school board voted to end its Mexican American studies program. Monday on "The Daily Show," correspondent Al Madrigal traveled to Tucson to hear from advocates on both sides on the issue.

Madrigal first met with Tucson school board member Michael Hicks, a staunch proponent of the ban, who claimed that the classes promoted "radical ideas," such as the reclamation of formerly Mexican territory "by bloodshed."

When Madrigal asked for evidence supporting Hicks' allegations, Hicks explained that he hadn't actually visited any classes. "Why even go? I based my thoughts on hearsay from others," he said, perhaps not grasping the negative connotations of the word "hearsay." He also suggested that teachers had brainwashed students by feeding them burritos.

Madrigal also met with former Mexican American studies teacher Curtis Acosta, who refuted Hicks' claims. "We don’t teach them to hate white people. What we’re trying to do is teach a more complex version of what has happened in our past." Acosta also insisted that he was not some kind of anti-American radical. "I think this is a great country. In some countries I might actually be locked up for teaching the way I have. In this country, I’m just banned from doing it," he said, seemingly in earnest.

As for the contention of bribery via burritos, Acosta simply said, "That's pretty offensive."

Though Tucson has banned Mexican American history classes, other ethnic studies courses remain. Hicks tried to explain the seeming inconsistency, saying that African American studies classes do not teach "the resentment of a race or class of people." But he floundered spectacularly when asked how he'd teach black students about slavery without provoking any resentment toward white people.

In the end, he settled on a misguided message of inspiration. "We now have a black man as a president. Rosa Clark did not take a gun and go onto a bus and hold up everybody," he said, presumably meaning "Rosa Parks."

Sounds like someone wasn't paying attention in history class.

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