'Hidden Palms': Oh, now it gets good

OK, maybe I had a touch of Fourth of July sunstroke while watching "Hidden Palms" on Wednesday night, but the final episode of the series actually managed to explain all the feints and double-crosses of the previous two months. Johnny came to terms with his father's suicide, his mom decided to work things out with the insta-husband, and Nikki and Cliff opted to give it another shot, even though his jerk-to-nice-guy ratio is still running about 50-50.

Oh, and the mystery of Dead Eddie? I'll put it after the jump so as to not spoil those who aren't yet slavering to know.   

Nikki, Greta, Maria, Liza...y'all need to get thee to a nunnery.

"Hidden Palms' " resident dog-kicking psychopath Cliff was in fine form Wednesday, bedding Nikki - whose renewed dedication to AA apparently prevents her from throwing a drink in his face - as well as Maria, Dead Eddie's mom. In the room where Dead Eddie (allegedly) offed himself. Yeah, that's gross. Imagine what David Cronenberg or David Lynch could do with that setup.

Here's a special two-for-the-price-of-one edition of Hidden Palms Show Tracker, as the CW is burning this baby off like they have money to, well, burn. Wednesday night featured two episodes of the show and the recurring theme throughout was- no, not the quandary of who whitens the actors' teeth to such startling luminescence - but how the parents of Hidden Palms actually manage to act more immature than their children.

Aw, you didn't know that there was going to be a test, did you? Question: Moody Johnny is still communicating with Dead Eddie via instant messaging. Who is he actually chatting with online? Answer: A. Greta. She's so gratingly verbose that she has to take on personas of the departed to use all her big girl words. B. Cliff. He kicks dogs, so obviously he has zero compunction about assuming a dead dude's identity. C. Liza. She's studious, employed, and sweet awkward. Therefore she must be a sociopath. D. Dead Eddie. Given that everyone playing teenagers on this show looks at least 25, there's obviously some wrinkle in the space-time continuum that grants eternal life.

What kind of Southern California tale would this be if there wasn't drama related to the housing market? In a big ol' advertisement for hiring a realtor to do due diligence, Johnny finds out that the recently departed Eddie actually committed suicide in his bedroom - and stepcreep Bob knew about it when he bought the house. Not so good for Johnny's mental state, given that he saw his father's suicide. But, you know, Bob probably got it for a nice price, and if you think of it as an investment over 30 years...oh wait, this isn't one of those mercilessly capitalist HGTV shows.

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.

'Hidden Palms': Friends don't let friends date psychopaths

Nikki, Greta, Maria, Liza...y'all need to get thee to a nunnery.

"Hidden Palms' " resident dog-kicking psychopath Cliff was in fine form Wednesday, bedding Nikki - whose renewed dedication to AA apparently prevents her from throwing a drink in his face - as well as Maria, Dead Eddie's mom. In the room where Dead Eddie (allegedly) offed himself. Yeah, that's gross. Imagine what David Cronenberg or David Lynch could do with that setup.

Here's a special two-for-the-price-of-one edition of Hidden Palms Show Tracker, as the CW is burning this baby off like they have money to, well, burn. Wednesday night featured two episodes of the show and the recurring theme throughout was- no, not the quandary of who whitens the actors' teeth to such startling luminescence - but how the parents of Hidden Palms actually manage to act more immature than their children.

Aw, you didn't know that there was going to be a test, did you? Question: Moody Johnny is still communicating with Dead Eddie via instant messaging. Who is he actually chatting with online? Answer: A. Greta. She's so gratingly verbose that she has to take on personas of the departed to use all her big girl words. B. Cliff. He kicks dogs, so obviously he has zero compunction about assuming a dead dude's identity. C. Liza. She's studious, employed, and sweet awkward. Therefore she must be a sociopath. D. Dead Eddie. Given that everyone playing teenagers on this show looks at least 25, there's obviously some wrinkle in the space-time continuum that grants eternal life.

What kind of Southern California tale would this be if there wasn't drama related to the housing market? In a big ol' advertisement for hiring a realtor to do due diligence, Johnny finds out that the recently departed Eddie actually committed suicide in his bedroom - and stepcreep Bob knew about it when he bought the house. Not so good for Johnny's mental state, given that he saw his father's suicide. But, you know, Bob probably got it for a nice price, and if you think of it as an investment over 30 years...oh wait, this isn't one of those mercilessly capitalist HGTV shows.

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.

'Hidden Palms': Mommies and daddies dearest

Here's a special two-for-the-price-of-one edition of Hidden Palms Show Tracker, as the CW is burning this baby off like they have money to, well, burn. Wednesday night featured two episodes of the show and the recurring theme throughout was- no, not the quandary of who whitens the actors' teeth to such startling luminescence - but how the parents of Hidden Palms actually manage to act more immature than their children.

Aw, you didn't know that there was going to be a test, did you? Question: Moody Johnny is still communicating with Dead Eddie via instant messaging. Who is he actually chatting with online? Answer: A. Greta. She's so gratingly verbose that she has to take on personas of the departed to use all her big girl words. B. Cliff. He kicks dogs, so obviously he has zero compunction about assuming a dead dude's identity. C. Liza. She's studious, employed, and sweet awkward. Therefore she must be a sociopath. D. Dead Eddie. Given that everyone playing teenagers on this show looks at least 25, there's obviously some wrinkle in the space-time continuum that grants eternal life.

What kind of Southern California tale would this be if there wasn't drama related to the housing market? In a big ol' advertisement for hiring a realtor to do due diligence, Johnny finds out that the recently departed Eddie actually committed suicide in his bedroom - and stepcreep Bob knew about it when he bought the house. Not so good for Johnny's mental state, given that he saw his father's suicide. But, you know, Bob probably got it for a nice price, and if you think of it as an investment over 30 years...oh wait, this isn't one of those mercilessly capitalist HGTV shows.

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.

'Hidden Palms': Pop quiz!

Aw, you didn't know that there was going to be a test, did you? Question: Moody Johnny is still communicating with Dead Eddie via instant messaging. Who is he actually chatting with online? Answer: A. Greta. She's so gratingly verbose that she has to take on personas of the departed to use all her big girl words. B. Cliff. He kicks dogs, so obviously he has zero compunction about assuming a dead dude's identity. C. Liza. She's studious, employed, and sweet awkward. Therefore she must be a sociopath. D. Dead Eddie. Given that everyone playing teenagers on this show looks at least 25, there's obviously some wrinkle in the space-time continuum that grants eternal life.

What kind of Southern California tale would this be if there wasn't drama related to the housing market? In a big ol' advertisement for hiring a realtor to do due diligence, Johnny finds out that the recently departed Eddie actually committed suicide in his bedroom - and stepcreep Bob knew about it when he bought the house. Not so good for Johnny's mental state, given that he saw his father's suicide. But, you know, Bob probably got it for a nice price, and if you think of it as an investment over 30 years...oh wait, this isn't one of those mercilessly capitalist HGTV shows.

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.

'Hidden Palms': Surreal estate

What kind of Southern California tale would this be if there wasn't drama related to the housing market? In a big ol' advertisement for hiring a realtor to do due diligence, Johnny finds out that the recently departed Eddie actually committed suicide in his bedroom - and stepcreep Bob knew about it when he bought the house. Not so good for Johnny's mental state, given that he saw his father's suicide. But, you know, Bob probably got it for a nice price, and if you think of it as an investment over 30 years...oh wait, this isn't one of those mercilessly capitalist HGTV shows.

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.

'Hidden Palms': Welcome to the neighborhood

All right, fellow "Hidden Palms" viewers - let's get the rules straight up front. We know that this show is trash. We accept this. We embrace it. Because, deep down, we understand that there's nothing wrong with that. In the season opener, half of the actors from "The O.C.," and, oddly, "NYPD Blue," meet up in Palm Springs. In an homage to "Beverly Hills: 90210" -- they all work/hang out at a snooty country club and knife each other in the back. (Perhaps literally, it is hinted.) Supporting all this goofiness is pretty great soundtrack, and a little too much talky talky talky cringe-inducing dialogue.