'Hell's Kitchen': Who needs luck when you've got talent?

If Dave can cook like this with one arm, imagine what he can do with two?

The one-armed bandit stole victory from 16 other competitors, winning this season of "Hell's Kitchen" and arguably the best job ever offered by Chef Gordon Ramsay: Dave will assume a high-profile spot at the helm of the Araxi restaurant in Whistler, B.C., which will welcome the world come the 2010 Winter Olympics.

And he did it all while wearing a cast on his left hand, and in such severe pain that he was often brought to tears by it and sometimes could not fully lift heavy objects -- like, say, a sauce pan -- with his bad wing. Chef Ramsay at one point considered sending Dave home, out of fear that Dave was doing permanent damage to himself.

Good thing Dave convinced Chef Ramsay to keep him around:

'Hell's Kitchen': Vegetarian half-pints and the finalists are revealed

What was more shocking? That Tennille made it this far? Or the manner in which she was dispatched?

Tennille came out swinging tonight, winning the half-pint vegetarian challenge, and earned a lunch with Chef Ramsay at Nobu. It was enough to make the other competitors turn on her, sharpening their knives behind her back. Turns out they didn't need those weapons: After her day of glory, Tennille returned to the kitchen only to deliver a disappointing service. When it was over, Chef Ramsay said he didn't want to go through the traditional elimination process: "I don't want any nomination. I don't want to prolong your agony," he said to a shocked Tennille. "Come here madam, take off your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen."

The remaining three chef's --  Ariel, David and Kevin -- were rewarded with family visits. Tonight's episode started with a mini-me version of Chef Ramsay coming out into the dining room to berate the competitors and call them "donkeys." That was Chef Ramsay's idea of a joke. He had another joke before the night was through. He had dispatched the chefs for the night, when he suddenly called them back into the dining area for some "unfinished business." He addressed Dave's hand injury, which has been causing him immense pain. But instead of giving up, Dave has insisted on sallying forth.

"I was wondering if I'd made the right decision by keeping you here," Chef Ramsay told Dave. "After a long thought, my decision is....I know I did."

Just another day on the Hell's Kitchen roller coaster ride.

--Rene Lynch

'Hell's Kitchen': It's getting hot in here

What did we learn this week, as we head into the final stretch?

--Kevin may be the maestro of this game: "I think everyone else is starting to self-destruct.... I love it."

--That the overlords of Hell's Kitchen and L.A. County Men's Jail share the same tailors.

--Ariel is showing signs of cracking, as is Dave. In fact, we're starting to realize just how badly Dave is injured. How much more can his wrist take?

--There's something worse than Chef Gordon Ramsay screaming at you in the kitchen -- that would be taking you into the dining room to scream at you there.

'Hell's Kitchen': We've never seen Chef Ramsay do THIS before!

Chef Ramsay was driven over the edge -- or at least driven out of "Hell's Kitchen" -- by a crop of contestants who seemed hellbent on serving diners frozen halibut or overcooked garnishes.

We've never seen Ramsay give up, but he seemed to tonight when he threw up his hands, walked out of Hell's Kitchen and called sous chef Scott to come along with him. The competitors he left behind had no choice -- they had to get cooking.

And cook they did -- impressing Chef Ramsay when he finally came to his senses and returned. (Though I'm sure a lot of this drama was for the camera's sake, it sure was funny seeing Ramsay walk past stunned diners, out the front door and into the parking lot. Even Scott seemed as if he was caught off guard by it all.)

These back-to-back episodes helped us get rid of a lot of the fat. Van was a hothead who appeared on the verge of melting down when things didn't go his way. There's no chance that he could handle the pressure of running his own kitchen. Sabrina deserved to be sent on her way too, if for no other reason than she was willing to set up her teammates: She let them believe they were serving lamb to special guests and Olympic medalists Sasha Cohen and Jonny Moseley when in fact it was venison. It's one thing to be competitive and let your teammates make mistakes. It's another thing to stab them in the back. That's not leadership, especially because it ultimately reflects on Chef Ramsay. (Later, Sabrina had the nerve to wonder why she and her teammates couldn't just "unite." Hmmm. Wonder why.)

'Hell's Kitchen': 'Stop panicking!'

Let's see, we're rid of Andy. We only have a few more pieces of dead weight before this competition really begins. I don't usually prognosticate, but I see Ariel, Dave and Kevin in the finals.*** But we've gotta get rid of a few more donkeys before we get there.

This week's elimination was inevitable -- no matter how inconsistent Sabrina and Suzanne can get, they were still better than the constantly befuddled and frazzled Andy. And that was before he sliced off the top of his hand with a mandoline. (Hello! Those things have guards for a reason. But you need to actually use them.) "Stop panicking!" Chef Ramsay advised Andy as he sent Andy on his way.

Mostly, this week was about priceless moments with Chef Gordon Ramsay: "For God's sake woman, get a grip!" he bellowed into the women's kitchen at one point. When lamb was overcooked yet again over on the women's team, he sarcastically praised them again and again: "Well done to you! Well done to you!"

But the best Ramsay-ism of the night -- and you could see this one coming a mile a way, as soon as Chef Ramsay announced a crepe challenge -- was when Chef Ramsay lit into Dave for a rare misstep on a dessert that arrived like a mess on a plate: "I asked for a crepe, not a plate of crap!"

That said, the best overall line of the night goes to Tennille, who, like everyone else, was rolling her eyes at Suzanne's ham-handed effort to impress Chef Ramsay with a long, drawn-out description of her crepe. It just would not end. She just went on and on. Said Tennille: "You sauteed meat and onions and put it inside a crepe. Just say that!"

*** www.bookmaker.com, registration required, has Van and Kevin in the finals.

--Rene Lynch

Photo: Chef Gordon Ramsay's face is the same color as the red team's jacket. Credit: www.Fox.com 

'Hell's Kitchen': Big Daddy's gone home

When Robert and Andy ended up on the chopping block, I thought for sure Andy was going home. After all, he hasn't really done much except defend his poor performance and scheme for ways to blame his failures on others (and rally support to oust Robert). Robert's performance hasn't been stellar, either -- he served up raw duck! -- but he has had some standout moments.

I assumed chef Ramsay would give Robert a tongue lashing and then give Andy the boot. But Robert busted out into that weird . . . dance. Instead of standing his ground and arguing why he should remain in "Hell's Kitchen," Robert began acting like a child, literally throwing his weight around, prancing and making fun of Andy's shortcomings. "If you win 'Hell's Kitchen' I will hang up my chef's clothes for life," Robert bellowed at Andy. That would be fitting behavior in the dorm rooms -- but not on the chopping block. His little jig was in such poor taste and exhibited such a lack of leadership that it was like Robert set fire to his chances of sticking around.

Chef Ramsay said as much.

Robert had the biggest advantage of anyone in this season of "Hell's Kitchen." Because he was here before, he had more perspective on the game-playing involved, and more time to acclimate to the heat, than anyone else. And he blew it, chef Ramsay said. "I'm not looking for a performer. I'm looking for a
head chef. And Robert's not that guy."

On an unrelated note: I hope Tennille sticks around a bit longer. If nothing else, we need someone to provide the comic relief -- and the funny one-liners -- now that Robert is gone.

--Rene Lynch

Photo credit: Fox.com

'Hell's Kitchen': We're not in Kansas anymore

 

What did we learn tonight? Women are better at counting calories than men. That Andy has an inflated view of his cookng experience. That Robert is a very, very sick man.

But the most important lesson learned? That Chef Ramsey prizes passion above all else.

Tennille and Chef Ramsay were close to blows when he called her and her cooking crap. "You're crap," she shot back. Heads spun. Wha- wha- what???? No surprise that Chef Ramsey tossed her from the kitchen, and then the two duked it out in the pantry, with Tennille literally spitting in anger. She then argued her way back into the kitchen, convincing Chef Ramsay that she was not ready to go. The real surprise was that he let her stay.

By contrast, there was Jim. He was likened to a "dead corpse," which is really saying something when you think about it, for his persistently blank look. Even when he was being yelled at by Chef Ramsay, his expression never changed. Sabrina and Andy ended up on the chopping block for their disastrous turns at dinner service. But it was Jim that was sent home. 

"I can teach a chef how to cook," Chef Ramsay told Jim on his way out the door. "But I can't give you a heart. You're not the Tin Man and I'm not the Wizard of Oz. Give me your jacket, please."

-- Rene Lynch 

Photo caption: Whoa, there's something you don't see every day in "Hell's Kitchen." Credit: Fox.com

'Hell's Kitchen': They're dropping like flies!

The ladies won the appetizer. But then they lost the battle. And then they lost the war.

Going into this season of "Hell's Kitchen," the Tyrant Chef Ramsay said he believes the women often have a slight advantage. They tend to listen and learn. They do their homework -- studying recipes. And more often than not, their goal is to please the chef, which is no small thing. He said men often come into the competition with something to prove -- that they can go toe-to-toe with the toughest chef in town. Well, this crop of women may be doing something unprecedented in "Hell's Kitchen": Proving Chef Ramsay wrong. 

The women are just a basketful of sorry. They don't communicate. They don't listen. And they either undercook or overcook everything. Last week, Lovely got the boot, despite doing a dance that goes something like "Chef Ramsay loves me, Chef Ramsay loves Lovely." Apparently not. This week, Suzanne forged her own agenda when the job was to prepare a menu fit for a war hero -- in this case, a surprise party for a returning military man. His wife told Suzanne that he likes his surf and turf. Instead, Suzanne made the menu about all of her favorites. It helped the women win the appetizer round of the challenge, but ultimately the men's team got to decide the menu. Later in the night, the women took another tumble, and Tek got the boot after a dreadful performance. I couldn't help but fret over all those steaks she burned. Do they just go in the garbage? Amanda started crying. Tennille CAN'T STOP TALKING LIKE THIS, AND ACTING LIKE A VICTIM. Are any of these women worthy?

Complete and utter aside: It was great getting a look at the woman behind the man -- in this case, Chef Ramsay's wife. But why didn't we get more. And what was with that dope-de-dope music that was playing in the background while she was talking?

-- Rene Lynch

'Hell's Kitchen': Conduct unbecoming a Marine

 

Joe the Marine went toe to toe with Gordon the Chef. And guess who won? Ramsay, of course, but that wasn't the surprising part. The shocking part was that a member of the U.S. military -- a Marine, no less -- would so audaciously buck authority, and so poorly represent the armed forces.

The best guess is that Joe was offended that Chef Ramsay put him on the spot and asked him to identify two members of the men's team that should be put up for elimination. Perhaps Joe felt like he was being asked to "snitch." Perhaps he should have just said that. But if he's watched the show, he should know that this is part of Chef Ramsay's schtick. "One simple request, who [should be eliminated] and why,  and you make a big song and dance about it," Chef Ramsay badgered. Well, Joe wigged. He began hollering about how he wouldn't be someone's "bitch." (I think this episode must have set a prime time TV record for the number of times that expletive was uttered.) Joe then ripped off his chef's jacket and charged Chef Ramsay, challenging him to take it outside in the parking lot. We saw much of this showdown last week, but this week we saw the rest: Chef Ramsay refusing to flinch, camera crew members rushing out, poised to break up a fight, and Joe's dressing down: "Do you think I am scared?" Ramsay bellowed at him. "You've got no respect. Now get out." As Joe left the set, he tripped. "Watch the step," Chef Ramsay offered helpfully. Then Ramsay kicked Joe's jacket.

I have just one question that the show didn't answer: What kind of a discharge did Joe have?

Joe's dismissal was good news for everyone else -- his elimination meant that everyone else got a pass. But we saw some pretty poor performances. It took both sides an unconscionable time to serve garlic bread -- not fancy garlic bread either, just bread slathered with butter and garlic and toasted. And once again, food was either overcooked or undercooked. I can understand the overcooking. But the undercooking? Really?

How about this, you "Hell's Kitchen" proteges: Just check to make sure your food is cooked before it goes on its way. That would eliminate at least 50% of the kitchen's problems.

Photo caption: What a surprise -- Chef Ramsay yelling at an underling. Photo credit: Fox.com

'Hell's Kitchen': Will Chef Ramsay finally get his?

 

If you've ever watched "Hell's Kitchen" and wondered when an aspiring chef would finally be pushed too far and turn on Gordon Ramsay -- well, your wait may be over.

By the end of tonight's two-hour season premiere, one of the chefs -- a former Marine with an itchy trigger temper -- has had enough of Chef Ramsay's haranging. He rips off his chef's jacket and charges Chef Ramsay, challenging him to step outside into the parking lot. (This isn't a spoiler. Fox has been milking this moment in its own promos.)

But the knowing doesn't ruin the moment -- the two-hour ramp-up merely serves as a delicious appetizer to the show-stopping entree.