'Gossip Girl': The beginning of a bad romance

Dan in love with Vanessa, Serena involved with a married man, Jenny flirting with a drug dealer -- it was as if Monday night's "Gossip Girl" episode was written specifically with Lady Gaga's song "Bad Romance" in mind. Where shall we begin?

After the overhyped threesome, the show had to address the fallout of putting Dan, Olivia and Vanessa in the same bed together. Dan was obviously stuck in the middle, a predicament that was completely lost on him for a good half of the episode. Like any guy, he reveled in the memory of the moment (that opening scene managed to straddle both sexiness and hilarity -- no pun intended), unaware that he had broken the cardinal rule of three-ways. As Nate and Blair pointed out, the third person is supposed to be a stranger, not your best friend.

Olivia and Vanessa were determined to play it cool despite the glaring awkwardness and the power struggle that would inevitably take place. Since Vanessa rarely provokes a conflict, Olivia led the charge and did what a jealous girlfriend would do: lie, manipulate and cajole. She smartly used a prestigious acting club's event and Dan's desire to apply to the school's playwright program to steer him away from V, but even she knew all the deception in the world wouldn't be enough. Dan has feelings for Vanessa and the movie star just couldn't compete with that.

The whole dating-your-best-friend story may have worked on "Dawson's Creek," but there's something just wrong about putting Dan and Vanessa together. They're too alike in nature and sound -- one can only take so much flat, sardonic delivery. They each need equally witty partners with more energy and charisma to balance their tendencies to shrink into the background. If there was to be unrequited love between the two, however, I'm glad the show chose Dan as the subject. The tables have turned and he's back in secretly pining mode. I'm looking forward to see how Dan will approach it this time -- Vanessa is definitely a departure from Serena.

'Gossip Girl': Gearing up for Lady Gaga

I'm sure I'm not alone in my excitement for tonight's Lady Gaga performance on "Gossip Girl." I doubt her fierceness will come remotely close to her awe-inspiring "Bad Romance" video, but her appearance further reinforces the show as an arbiter of who's buzzworthy in both fashion and pop music. Gaga certainly raises the bar when it comes to musical guests, but that's probably a welcome challenge for the folks at "Gossip Girl." For now, let's take a look at my fave "GG" musical cameos from each season. Also, don't forget to check out the clip from tonight's episode.

No Doubt as Snowed Out in Season 2's episode, "Valley Girls"

'Gossip Girl': Menage a what?!?

Really, "Gossip Girl"? Monday night's hotly anticipated threesome episode succeeded in provoking reaction, criticism and discussion, particularly from this reviewer. Hints at how it would transpire came early in the episode -- Vanessa's introduction of a list of "15 things you must do before graduating college in New York" was a dead giveaway -- yet I still sat there horrified as the moment slowly unfolded. It wasn't the threesome as an act that disturbed me; it was the participants involved that invoked such furious tweeting on my BlackBerry.

Dan? Olivia? Vanessa? Gag me. It was purposefully cliche -- freshman year, two roommates, the roommate's boyfriend, shots of tequila. All they needed was a futon bed and a guy passed out in the corner to make that scenario truly realistic. What elicited a reaction from me was the fact that Dan and Vanessa had compromised their friendship. Is nothing sacred anymore? The situation gets even more complicated after Olivia learns she won't be leaving school after all, but even if they somehow find a peaceful ground in the aftermath, there's no turning back. In real life, when two best friends do the deed, it either makes or breaks the relationship. If the love is unrequited, there's no "getting over it" while still sipping lattes together at the neighborhood cafe. Does that mean Vanessa's end is near? They surely can't have her dating Dan ... or could they? I shudder at the idea.

'Gossip Girl': All politics is local

Timed nicely to coincide with New York City's local elections, Monday night's "Gossip Girl" centered on politics, whether it was between a congressional candidate and his opponent or two BFFs who just couldn't find a middle ground. Hard ball was played, and the game got a little dirty. Only one winner emerged, neither of whom was named Serena or Blair.

Nate's do-gooder cousin Tripp Vanderbilt was the congressional candidate poised to continue the family legacy. Determined to win fairly, Tripp resisted his grandfather's offers of sabotage, leaving Nate as Grandfather Vanderbilt's point man for deception. Finally, Nate is given some purpose and edge! For most of the season, he's either been taken for a fool by girls in miniskirts or served as the boring bud to Chuck and Dan. It's about time the show further explored his dark side (or any side for that matter) or at least provide more reasons for him to stare intensely into the distance.

With Tripp and his opponent neck-and-neck in the polls, a plot was hatched to plant a "drowning" man in the Hudson River for Tripp to heroically save. The plan worked -- Tripp dove in headfirst to save the man and therefore jumped ahead in the polls. That is until budding auteur Vanessa, who has been filming the campaign for a documentary, discovered her footage of the man willingly jumping into the river. At this point, we don't know who's behind the scheme, but all arrows seemed to point to Grandfather Vanderbilt. Wrong! The mastermind was actually Tripp's wife, Maureen, the true victor and the real politician of the two.

Despite his efforts to thwart Vanessa as she attempted to sell the tape to a local TV station, Nate took one for the team and confessed to a plot he didn't plan. Politics is clearly not in his future if he has V constantly lurking around with her camera. Every teen drama needs that moral compass to balance the good with the bad (i.e. Andrea Zuckerman in "Beverly Hills, 90210," Joey Potter in "Dawson's Creek), but does Vanessa have to always be such a wet blanket? We know she's far from perfect, and she's not winning any fans by playing the good cop at every opportunity she gets.

'Gossip Girl': Tricks and treats

It was the parfait that launched a thousand ships ... or the latest grudge match on "Gossip Girl." This isn't any ordinary grudge match, however. This one is between Jenny and Eric, whose friendship is supposed to transcend all pettiness because they're somehow wiser than their older siblings and friends. If J and E can't get along, what hope do we all have?

Queen J was pretty mean, though. Her commitment to take the crown seriously meant abiding by the rules, and one rule decreed that no one sits above the queen on the Met steps. Duh. Eric and Jonathan, who I'm happy to report are still going strong, don't believe this silly rule applies to them nor do they think J would actually uphold it. They thought wrong and a yogurt parfait was all over Eric's head sooner than you could say "skinless almonds."

The yogurt incident was vicious but forgivable. The straw that eventually broke the camel's back came later when Jenny ordered her minions to egg Jonathan despite calling a truce with Eric. In this case, E was in the right. If J wanted her true friends to play along with her absurd power games, she should at least warn them of impending food attacks. I don't know if all that warranted such a harsh denouncement from Eric (he was proper enough to not slam any doors), but it was enough to prompt Jenny to purge her closet of any remnants of Good Jenny. The Evil Queen has firmly taken her throne.

'Gossip Girl': Vanessa joins the Dark Side

I knew she had it in her. Vanessa showed her potential for treachery last season when she lied to Jenny in order to keep Nate. But last night, she unleashed enough tools of trickery to elevate her to Blair Waldorf status, which, we must admit, is no small feat.

Blair herself was in top form. Determined to win the honor of giving the freshman toast, she was ready and willing to take down her only known competition, Vanessa. After learning that Olivia, NYU's original choice to give the toast, had decided to accept the offer, Blair saw the perfect opportunity to eliminate both players. At first, it looked as though B's manipulative charm would work. Vanessa's buttons were pushed and soon she was lying to BFF Dan and Olivia in order to play Blair's game and further her own agenda. However, when B offered her beloved Chuck as the sacrificial lamb to sleazy alumni Josh Ellis, I knew she was in over her head. The guys' kiss barely caused a stir, but her act of deception sent shock waves throughout their relationship.

Though Vanessa did end up check-mating Blair in the end (the hidden mike trick never fails!), she still remained the loser. The small taste of power led her to lie to the two most genuine people in her life as well as forsake her own mother, all for a speech that was never hers to give. V may have it, but the whole evil back-stabbing bitch act just isn't a good look for her. There was never any fire in her eyes, any courage in her convictions or any pep in her step when she asserted her dark gifts. We should have known that the spawn of anyone who wears bangle bracelets and overuses agave would never take joy out of a good hit in the jugular. I am, however, interested in what Vanessa and Blair's friendship would be like if they choose to pursue it. Could it be a case of opposites attracting or are we in for another new set of frenemies?

'Gossip Girl': Rufus and Lily finally get married

Well, it's about time! It took 20 years and five spouses, but Lily finally married Rufus on Monday night's "Gossip Girl." But before they could say their long-awaited vows, we all had to endure the painfully predictable possibility that they would call the whole thing off. There's no fooling us, writers. You can throw in as many twists and turns as you'd like, but those two were meant to be together.

Before the happy couple could tie the knot, Lily had to untangle some of the bondage that had held her back.  We learn that she's been scared of letting real love into her life (honey, who isn't?), but luckily for us, she and the show came to its senses. All that waiting was forgiven after Rufus and Lily's touching and tearful reunion with Scott -- definitely the episode's "Awww" moment. The icing on the cake was the fact that they wed in the Humphreys' Brooklyn loft with Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon presiding. Way cooler than a Mayor Bloomberg cameo, that's for sure.

The episode also tied up some loose ends. Georgina returned with her sights set on Dan and a plan to expose Scott's secret. After her lame attempt to blackmail Vanessa and win Dan back had failed, G had no choice but to crash Lily and Rufus' initially planned nuptials with their love child in tow. Georgina's role in Scott's outing was anticlimactic, as was her exit from the show. A one-way ticket to Belarus with a fake prince? I thought Blair could have found a more memorable way to send her off.

'Gossip Girl': Kelly Rutherford talks motherhood and why the Upper East Side is a better fit than 'Melrose Place'

On "Gossip Girl," the drama and intrigue aren't exclusive to the circle of privileged Upper East Side teens at its center. The show's two most visible parental figures, Lily Van der Woodsen and Rufus Humphrey, also get their share of screen time and scandal. Lily and Rufus' relationship, which may or may not culminate with a wedding on tonight's episode, has been watched closely since the beginning and beloved by fans just as much as Chuck's and Blair's. For Kelly Rutherford, the actress who plays Lily, the timing may be right for the couple this season.

"Neither are in a relationship at the moment and they're both going through similar things," she says. "Both of their kids are leaving the nest, so I think they can relate on a lot of levels that they couldn't before. I think they've also come together knowing that they have a child together."

Though she keeps mum about what role long-lost son Scott will play in future episodes ("I actually don't know what their plans are!" she insists) as well as the news that Serena and Eric's dad will reappear this season ("I can't wait to see who they're going to cast for that"), Rutherford does share the lessons she's learned from her character.

"What's great about how Lily is written is that you see her go through the normal process of 'Oh no, that's not what I wanted necessarily,' " she says. "You see her come around and realize that she loves her daughter and wants her to be happy. As much as you want certain things for your kids, they're here to do what they're supposed to do, and the best thing we can do [as parents] is to support that."

'Gossip Girl': The one with the celebrity cameos

Could "Gossip Girl" be turning into the "Entourage" of the East? It's only a matter of time before more and more celebrities sign up to appear on the show, especially after Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks kicked last night's episode off so well. I'd like to see Matt Damon or Mark Wahlberg try to look as fabulous.

Duff entered the fray as Olivia Burke, a young movie star of "Twilight"-like proportions who is desperate for a normal college experience. She gets a small taste of normalcy when she meets clueless Dan, who is the last person on earth to recognize her, and Vanessa, her new roommate. Olivia becomes Dan's new love interest and somewhat establishes his type: blonds with a trail of paparazzi behind them. This romance, of course, won't last too long, what with a vengeful Georgina waiting in the wings and Duff's real movie career beckoning, but I thought Olivia and Dan make a cute couple, no?

I admit, I had very little expectations when I first heard of Duff's casting. I wasn't too familiar with her body of work outside of her roles in "Cheaper By the Dozen" and "The Cinderella Story" (come on, like you've never "accidentally" landed on the ABC Family channel), but I thought it safe to assume that playing a cute, blond, undercover actress would be a cakewalk for her. And it was! Like Dan, I felt gullible yet charmed. The Duff was sweet, adorable and "refreshingly normal" -- she had me at "I love Godard!"

Banks didn't evoke the same fuzzy feeling, but she definitely left her signature over-the-top mark as a high-strung actress named Ursula Nyquist. Determined to convince Lily that deferring from Brown was a good idea, Serena lands a job in celebrity public relations, and her first task is to prepare a panicked Ursula for her movie premiere. From the weaves and the diva attitude to her breakdown and "America's Next Top Model"-esque heart-to-heart with Serena, Tyra had me smiling with my eyes. It was overacting at its best. Serena, as it turns out, is far too honest to work in publicity, but her knack for quelling diva nerves and giving sage advice in clutch moments allows her to keep her job. 

While S takes a stab at the working world, Blair continues the struggle to find her niche at NYU. Despite her efforts, she's unable to meet like-minded elitists (the thought of her expounding the merits of He-Man in the Masters of the Universe club was funny though) and finds herself back to luring freshman at Constance. Oh B, do you really want to be that person who can't leave high school behind you? Blair's meddling poses a problem for Jenny, who, as the newly crowned queen bee, attempts to abolish the school's social hierarchy. Luckily for J, Chuck isn't very happy with B's regression either, and they briefly team up to snap some sense back into her. Swoons all around for Chuck's "I'm Chuck Bass and I love you" speech -- the show is really indulging Blair and Chuck fans with extra helpings of mush. 

It's your turn, readers. What were your favorite moments of the episode? Did you enjoy Hilary Duff's and Tyra Banks' performances? Comment away!

xoxo

-- Enid Portuguez

Photo: Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey and Hilary Duff as Olivia Burke. Credit: CW

'Gossip Girl': Everyone's got a secret

The most popular accessory on "Gossip Girl" isn't a Dior bag or a Chanel necklace — it's a secret. When they're not festering inside an angst-ridden teenager, they're being exposed by a relentless enemy or flaunted proudly by shameless lovers. And like the shiny, pricey things on this show, these secrets look good. Last night, secrets were spilled as if they were going out of style. Who wore theirs best?

Scott Adler/Rossen: The cat's out of the bag — at least for Vanessa. After being caught in a lie, Scott is forced to confess his true identity as Rufus and Lily's long-lost son. V is supportive, as expected, and is willing to stand by him when he reveals his secret to Rufus. After a surprise appearance at Sotheby's by his adoptive mom, Scott chickens out and instead tells Rufus that he's the brother of their "dead" son.

Secrets Style Rank: Beginner. The last secret this guy kept was where he hid his soccer teammate's shin guards. His clever plan is about to get foiled by Georgina.

Georgina Sparks: Blair may have lowered her guard around her roommate, but G's plots to bring B down haven't quite ended. She tricked B into thinking she was invited to a secret society and Chuck into thinking he could win hotelier Sean MacPherson's favor by buying a photograph. G's secret was exposed by Serena, who is now Georgina's new target.

Secrets Style Rank: Professional. G is all sorts of cray-cray. She's willing to travel to Boston to find out more about Scott's secret and is probably hatching a plan to win Dan back.

Blair and Chuck: The couple can't help but show their love and concern through schemes so it was natural that they both set up Carter as a liar and cheat.

Secrets Style Rank: Hall of Fame. Not only have they mastered the art of exposing and keeping secrets, they also have made it look effortless and, most of all, fun. 

Carter Baizen: His untrustworthy sneer would give any girl pause, but, for once, he was the victim. Serena may have taken him back, but Carter's run-in with Bree Buckley hinted that there's still more to learn about him.

Secrets Style Rank: Intermediate. Carter may have some tricks up his sleeve, but I get the feeling he's not as smooth as he'd like to be. Stealing a boat in Santorini? A real pro would have borrowed a cigarette from a Niarchos.

Bree Buckley: Her forbidden tryst with Nate is now in the open thanks to their paparazzi-documented PDA. What has yet to be revealed is Carter's relationship to her family and how she plans to use him to get back in their good graces.

Secrets Style Rank: Intermediate. Bree is as sly as any girl with her resources, but she's too focused on her specific goal to do much harm. Well, that is, if you don't count breaking Nate's heart.

Whose secret sparked your interest?

xoxo

— Enid Portuguez

Photo: The CW