'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers meets the Russian

Would the Cold War still be going on if Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers were the U.S. Secretary of State during those critical post-World War II years?

Nyet way. We'd all be speaking Russian or the planet would have been incinerated decades ago. That's just how Kenny rolls - and that's why we love him. He's like John Foster Dulles, all brinksmanship, except without the Ivy League polish and bastard child.

In this season's third episode, Kenny does confront Russia, his own personal Waterloo, in the form of a young relief pitcher with a thunderbolt arm. Appropriately enough, the prospect's name is Ivan, who was supposed to be the star pitcher for Mother Russia's Olympic baseball team, that is, until the Olympic committee canceled baseball. 

But even more appropriately (enough) young Ivan sports what I would call a Moscow mullet - his side walls are shaved and his leftover hair is wet mop straight--for an effect that actually looks worse than Kenny's all-American curly hairdo.

East meets West's 'Eastbound' man when the slimy sports agent played by Matthew McConaughey snatches up the young Russian phenom and asks Kenny - because of his maturity and experience - to mentor the young cub. (Kenny says he doesn't want to be Mr. Miyagi, but ends up doing so nonetheless.)

Kenny takes an instant dislike to the Russian import with a 102-mph fastball and declares the youngster to be the owner of a "big ego," and further points out to McConaughey that there's no room for one of those in baseball. Indeed, Kenny. Indeed.

`Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers is a friend

I hope the small but all-too-vocal haters of Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers out there were watching this week’s “Eastbound and Down” episode. Because if one single act of human kindness can wash away the sin of the world,  Kenny, who often thinks of himself as Christ-like, may have performed it this week. 

Now, I’ll grant you Kenny is a racist, homophobe, misogynist, substance abuser, deadbeat dad and so on and so forth, and blah, blah, blah, but let me add another word to that list, and that word is friend. That’s right, Kenny Powers can, on certain, often self-serving occasions, be a friend.

Being a friend this week for Kenny meant venturing into the second circle of hell, which as everybody knows from Dante Alighieri’s 14-century poem is reserved for those who succumb to lust. None of the levels of hell are probably anything to write home about, but this one must be especially crowded ever since the invention of the Internet.

Manchild Kenny walked bravely into an antebellum Southern mansion to rescue his manservant friend Stevie from the evil clutches of Ashley Schaeffer (Will Ferrell in a horrifying blond wig). Now, Schaeffer and Kenny have history and I’m not just referring to the demeaning finger flick at Kenny’s privates delivered by the blond freak earlier in the episode. It’s a long story really, stretching back to season one, but let’s say Schaeffer is now a Kia – instead of a BMW – dealer because of Kenny.

And knowing all too well that his welcome would be something between Jodie Foster’s descent into Buffalo Bill’s basement in “Silence of the Lambs” and Ned Beatty’s backwoods adventure in “Deliverance,” Kenny went ahead anyway to liberate Stevie. Not a lot of Facebook friends would do that for any kind of friend – though one of the friends wanted the other to take care of his 1-year-old son because he didn’t want to change diapers and stuff like that.

When Kenny arrives he witnesses a most wretched and sordid scene – Schaeffer has Stevie dressed as a geisha girl named Cherry Blossom and is “entertaining” Kia executives. Kenny asks Stevie what almost anybody would ask in a similar situation: “Why are you dressed like ‘The Joy Luck Club?’”

The outfit and accompanying dance routine are a new humiliating low for Stevie, and that is saying something for the guy who is Kenny Powers’ No. 1 athletic supporter.

But Kenny does what any friend would do, and that is grab a sword off the wall and demand Stevie’s release. But Kenny is about as effective with a sword as he is as a father. Earlier in the episode, he stuffed poor Toby in a backpack (in fairness, though, he did thoughtfully poke a few air holes in it for the little guy)!

In a stirring homage to Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto,” Schaeffer tells Cherry Blossom (aka Stevie) and Kenny that if they can run off the property line, they’re free – but before they get there, he’s going to be firing a Civil War cannon at them. And Schaeffer’s deadly accurate!

But Kenny and Stevie run so slowly it apparently confounds Schaeffer’s aim and the pair of amigos are free and happy again. Also, they have Toby, so the two men - like a modern day Adam and Stevie - are going to have to figure out what to do with their half (actually more like a quarter) of man, Toby.

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---Martin Miller

Photo: Long-haired Ashley Schaeffer (Will Ferrell) sprays Stevie Janowski (Steve Little) to the amusement of his toadie. Credit: Fred Norris/HBO

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny has a new roommate

The pudgy White Flame with a mullet strides through the sands with his boogie board, which is emblazoned with what could pass as his personal coat of arms, a marijuana leaf and a Confederate flag. (In fairness, the man is more than those symbols would suggest -– his board should also have plenty of porno.)

On his way to the shoreline, he does what he does best -– kick the sands of insult and alienation into everyone’s faces.  He ogles the bikini-clad ladies, tells a black couple he admires their base tan, and then repels the locals by violating all known surfing etiquette.

Ladies and gentleman, hide your children because Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers is back for season three of “Eastbound and Down.”

It’s been said that travel broadens the mind, but in Kenny’s case it’s only made him fatter, and maybe dumber. He's abandoned his struggling south of the border persona of La Flama Blanca and is now back to a semblance of his former self -- an ace relief pitcher, now for a minor league club in Myrtle Beach, S.C. 

Kenny really hasn’t changed that much, but the world around him has.  The man who finally chased his father down last season (one Eduardo Sanchez, played by Don Johnson) has become a father himself. Kenny and April have a son, Toby -– a name Kenny hates because it’s a “slave” name from the TV mini-series “Roots.” Kenny thought his son should be called “Neill.”

If last season was about Kenny working out his father issues, we can see already that this season is about how Toby’s father anger develops. It’s safe to say after episode one that Kenny isn’t going to win Father of the Year award. Kenny’s inner child just isn’t ready to embrace the real small child from the same gene pool in front of him.

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers and the circle of life

 

As a famous North Carolinian once wrote, "You can't go home again," though nobody ever listens and, boy, are they ever sorry about that later. Anyway, that was the title of a book by Thomas Wolfe - not to be confused with Tom Wolfe, also a Southerner writerly type famous for white suits and the books "The Right Stuff," "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test," and "The Bonfire of the Vanities" - all titles, which in a way tell us something about our Tar Heel hero Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers!

The Season Two finale is now over and Kenny's circle of life is complete. This season has been about death (Big Red the cockfighter, Kenny's black outlaw self, his debilitating father anger) marriage (Stevie and Maria literally, Kenny and Stevie figuratively) and birth (Kenny's La Flama Blanca persona). But tonight added another beginning and it's growing in April's belly! Holy smokes, how did that get there?!

Kenny you can go home again, but if you do, you better be ready for a big surprise. Not only is April married to an African American, which turns Kenny's red neck a couple shades darker, but she's preggers! Circle of life indeed.

The episode started in triumph, too - as Kenny and Stevie reached the border of Los Estados Unidos with illegal Maria tucked under a blanket in the back seat. A border cop orders a vehicle search, but that cop forgot one thing - he's dealing with Kenny Powers who quickly flashed his celebrity credentials and that's all it took to put the trio back on the road to Shelby, North Carolina, (but not before Maria's flashed her chest out of the speeding car's window).

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers reborn

Gunslinger to loveslinger. From black outlaw to white knight. From a vengeful narcissist who would pour gasoline over a former sidekick's pickup truck and set it ablaze to, well, let's not get carried away. Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers is mostly re-born - and he did it on a Halloween, not an Easter, episode.

The episode opens in a stateside rehab center and there is Kenny's agent (Adam Scott from "Party Down) declaring he's "clean and soebs." He's on a new drug, preaching the truth and ready to man up to the 9th step. For those weirdos who aren't in a 12-step program, that's the one about making amends. And Kenny Powers is No. 2 on his list.

Although Kenny seems as many steps away from a 12-step meeting as humanly possible, he is nevertheless caught up in the forgiving theme of the episode. Rather than breakfast bong hits or otherwise self-medicating at every turn, Kenny is instead suddenly big-hearted and full of compassion. I guess you solve your Daddy issues, and like the Grinch, your heart can grow three sizes in a single day.

Kenny's first act of generosity is to violate the code of his "black ops" team and let Stevie say a fond horizontal farewell to Marie before departing Mexico. A reborn Kenny is no longer a small man who will stand in the way of big bouncy love (but he is still willing to continue driving a stolen Lamborghini).

HBO picks up 'Eastbound & Down' and 'Bored to Death' for a third season

Looks like Kenny [you know what word belongs here] Powers just scored another [you know what word belongs here] home run.

On Wednesday, HBO announced that it has renewed "Eastbound & Down" for a third season, along with the Jonathan Ames' private-detective series "Bored to Death." This completes the network's Sunday night lineup next season, because HBO already picked up "Boardwalk Empire."

While neither "Eastbound" nor "Bored" is a big hit -- both series' ratings hover below the 2-million mark -- both have devoted cult followings. Personally, we're looking forward to adding more one-liners to Kenny Powers Sound Clips, which we visit "on the reg." 

-- Melissa Maerz

Photo: Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) in "Eastbound & Down." Credit: Fred Norris / HBO

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'Eastbound and Down' recap: 'I love you, Dad'

 
Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers is getting serious.

For those keeping score at home (I'm guessing about 90% of "Eastbound and Down" viewers), this episode contained nary a topless woman -- only men; most notably, Stevie. Of course, as far as Kenny's father, one Eduardo Sanchez (Don Johnson), is concerned, he's not sure on which side of the gender line Stevie falls.

Stevie topless is nothing we haven't seen before, but the lack of breasts otherwise -- in perhaps one of television's most magnificiently low-brow and sophomoric shows ever -- is shocking and stands out as a sign of uncharacteristic soberness. (Or maybe Danny McBride wept as he cut the frames of female full-frontal -- or back -- nudity from this episode, who knows.)

"Chapter 11" was not about anyone's chest, but about what's inside the heads of the father and son. So, naturally, like all such relationships, the half-hour focused on competitiveness, conflict, reconciliation and cannibas -- more on the hemp-inspired portion later. Last week, the awesome reveal in the final moments was that DoJo was KePo's daddy. They had no time to talk, but this week they did. Mostly, at first, about what a high opinion each one held of himself.

Who has more money? Kenny. Who has the better car? Kenny (a Lamborghini; it's stolen, but Pops doesn't know that yet). Who has a plane and a boat in "remote storage" next to his grottoes? Daddy. Who is the bigger self-aggrandizing liar? Hard to say. DoJo is who we thought he was -- Kenny, just louder, dumber and less talented. In short, he's a brilliant addition to the show.

It's always Mother's and Father's Day on TV: Top 10 parent guest spots

As the saying goes, we can't choose our parents. But judging from Don Johnson's appearance on HBO's "Eastbound and Down" as the father of Kenny Powers (Danny McBride), producers can get creative — and a little perverse — when it comes to casting of parents for the main characters of dramas and comedies.

The "Eastbound and Down" installment  sparked fond memories of some of our favorite mother-and-child and father-and-child teams.

1. Sally Field and Maura Tierney on "ER.": Fields moves from multiple personalities in "Sybil" to the unpredictable off-her-meds mother of Dr. Abilgail Lockhart (Tierney). Do we detect a pattern here?

2. Elaine Strich and Alec Baldwin on "30 Rock": Watching Broadway veteran Strich manipulate Jack Donaghy (Baldwin) made us understand Baldwin's insensitive but lovable executive even more.

 

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Don Johnson is yo' Daddy

 

In 1862, Ivan Turgenev's "Fathers and Sons" was published. It did not win an award for the "feel good" book of the year. It was, as you might expect, not about mothers and daughters, but about fathers and sons. It's the type of work, given its themes of transgression and redemption, that is very popular with the egghead set, a group that refuses to "friend" me on Facebook or invite me to their annual meetings. The novel is set in Czarist Russia and there are few things eggheads like better than brutally cold, bleak surroundings, horribly dysfunctional families and the inexorable march toward a tragic and/or pointless death -- because that's the way life is, little people!

And like all great works of art, nothing in the book is simply what it is -- everything is something else. (Don't ask why; that's how eggheads roll.) For instance, the father in the novel represents the traditionalist way of life, while the son symbolizes the nihilistic response among the young to the world of their parents. At least, that's what wikipedia says and I have no reason to question Mr. Wiki or his friend Mr. Pedia.

You may wonder what does some dead and buried Russian dude have to do with Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers? If you'd seen Episode 10, you wouldn't ask. All I can say is whoa Daddy!

We finally meet the man whose coming has been foreshadowed for weeks: an hombre who supposedly holds "answers" for Kenny. And that man is Eduardo Sanchez, the father of Kenny, played by Don Johnson! This is simply the most awesome casting in the history of television.

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers jumps on the love roller coaster

 

He moved to Mexico but barely spoke Spanish. He lived in America almost all of his life but barely spoke English. But no matter where Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers may go, he always speaks the international language of love. Fluently. Mucho fluently.

In the season opener, he ran away like a scared chicken from love (baseball and April), denied his name, only to reclaim it on a baseball field in Mexico. (It was like the end of the movie "Malcom X" where everybody stood and said, "I am Malcolm X," even though they weren't, but when Kenny Powers finally said, "I am Kenny Powers," he really was Kenny Powers and the only person to say so. Very moving stuff.)

In the second episode, Kenny acknowledged the importance of a male companion, particularly one who vowed to be "hardcore" about running his personal errands. And this week, Kenny shows us he doesn't have to choose between being a lover and a fighter -- he's both. At this rate of personal growth, Kenny will soon be mentoring Deepak Chopra.

Kenny believes he's "over" April and is now more than happy to slide over to his new local girlfriend, Vida (which translates in English as "life," get it? Don't ask me the significance of Kenny's short-lived career in cockfighting earlier this season). She's a singer and he wants nothing more than to get to the bottom of her. Except he doesn't really put it like that. Like everything else, he says it more colorfully.

And like all the great lovers, Kenny has a way with words. Hearing the ex-major leaguer pitch woo to the Mexican beauty is like listening to dialogue from "Sense and Sensibility." Moments before arriving at a shared state of undress, Kenny tells Vida: "You will have my body, but you will not have my heart, so don't expect it." Isn't that on a Hallmark card or something? Maybe it was YouTube.

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Welcome to the resistance

Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers is like a Rorschach test with a Brillo pad mullet and a beer gut. I don't mean you look at Kenny and see what you want. I mean he really looks like a Rorschach test. Any of them.

Still, Kenny is many things to many people. To most, he is a depraved, fat, loud, disgusting bully and all-around lying cretin with occasional sexual-performance issues. But he is also, among other things, an accomplished homophobe, racist, chauvinist, substance abuser and narcissist. But he is so much more than that. So much more. And, at least to Stevie Janowski -- as we discovered Sunday night in Episode 8 -– there is one word you can add to the list about Kenny, and that is "friend."

Not the kind of friend who loans you money and says, "Pay me back when you can" or, in a somewhat different situation, "Sure, you can date my former spouse that I'm still broken-hearted over; I just want you to be happy." Those "friends" are a dime a dozen on Facebook.

When it comes to friendship, Kenny traffics in "tough love." He’s the kind of friend that if you don't call first and let him know you're coming to visit him in Mexico, he will get you pass-out drunk and put you in an unventilated truck packed with immigrants trying to illegally cross the border into the U.S. There's not a lot of friends who would do that, but Kenny did that for Stevie.

'Eastbound and Down' recap: Kenny Powers comes out

There is a man and he walks a lonely road.

He carries the burden of greatness and the heavy weight of failure. Like the mythic Hemingway characters, he has run from the horror of existence and is trying to piece his life back together. He is trying to piece his life back together with his hair in corn rows. He also has an awesome moped.

And this man's name is Steve Janowski. Seriously, that's his name. That was he said it was. Repeatedly. In fact, he was urinating in front of a baseball stadium as the crowd filed out after a game (that's more like a Charles Bukowski character really) and some guy asked him: "Are you Kenny Powers?" And he made it very clear that he was not Kenny Powers -- the one-time ace relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves who lost his pitch, his money, but never his class.

No, instead, he said his name was Steve Janowski, a Kenny Powers flunkie from North Carolina. He really doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would lie for personal gain. Hold it! Drop a mullet on this guy's melon and that's Kenny Powers! That's Kenny (you know what word belongs here) Powers!!!

When we first see him in the season opener of "Eastbound and Down," Kenny has abandoned the game -- and the woman -- he loves and relocated south of the border to Mexico. He wants to lose himself in a cyclone of cheap sex, drugs, alcohol, guns, gambling, loneliness and insults. Sure, that's fun for a while, maybe even for more than a while, but Kenny is still trapped inside a world of hurt.