'Dancing With the Stars' recap: And the Mirrorball goes to ...

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! We have a "Dancing With the Stars" winner! After 10 weeks of dances, drama and more leader changes than you can shake a spangled stick at, the sparkliest show on television has finally crowned its Season 13 winner. The coveted Mirrorball trophy ended up in the hands of inspirational fan favorite J.R. Martinez and his pro partner, Karina Smirnoff.

The honor couldn't have gone to a better guy. The veteran and actor had all the makings of a winner. His inspirational back story, dedication, drive and eternal optimism gave him the uncanny ability to get everyone to root for him. In retrospect, of course it would go to J.R. A vote against J.R. would be like a vote against America. It was a sure bet for a sure vet. And his first words on hearing he won were of gratitude. "Thank you, America, for believing in us," he said. That was followed shortly after with thanks to his partner, who very much deserved her first championship award herself. "You are amazing," he said. "I'm so grateful I was able to be a part of your first Mirrorball trophy."

Congratulations to all!

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Finals fantasy

After nine weeks, umpteen routines and far too many sequins to count, we’ve come to the final two episodes of “Dancing With the Stars” Season 13. This, of course, is when the remaining contestants take everything that they’ve learned throughout these past 10 weeks and apply it toward their end-of-the-season exams. The ballroom has gotten gussied up for the occasion, and the coveted Mirrorball trophy has made that rare appearance and put itself within reach. Alums like Kirstie Alley, Evan Lysacek and Chelsea Kane filed into the ballroom. And the hallowed pro dancers like Maks, Mark Ballas, Tristan and Val also got to take a seat and enjoy the show as audience members.

The finals were also when the remaining three couples pulled out all the stops and broke out the notorious freestyle routine. Now that they've reached the finals frontier, anything goes during these pieces. The freestyles are famously known as the dances that could make or break a star’s chances with a Mirrorball trophy. So in this first night of the two-part finale of Season 13’s competition, who ended up with ahead? The results may surprise you…

'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Going Solo

Season 13’s semifinals week concluded after a blast of confetti, a slew of rainbows and a Muppet extravaganza. It also left just three couples to vie for the Mirrorball trophy. Left just one week shy of this shiny ballroom goal, however, were … Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

So there’s to be no Hope in next week’s finals. Though this couldn’t have been much of a surprise to anyone watching, as Hope and Maks lagged behind in points, and her technique didn’t seem to be on par with the other remaining contestants.

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Semi-charmed semifinals

The Season 13  semifinals episode of "Dancing With the Stars" was stuffed to the gills with as many dances and inspiration stories to fill its preternaturally long two-hour block. Each couple had to perform three dances to prove themselves worthy of the finals: one individual dance, one Argentine tango allowing the rare Carrie Ann-sanctioned lift, and a cha-cha relay that had each couple dancing to the same Enrique Iglesias tune. During these performances, there was a twisted ankle, stories of triumph over adversity, another perfect 30 —  and a Stepford Maks.

Who had the goods to make it to next week's finals, and who looks like they're going to take their final dance on the floor this week?

Leading the pack and a finals shoo-in were ...

'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Fall from Grace

Week 8 marked the end of the Grace period for “Dancing With the Stars” Season 13, as prosecutor, one-time cheerleader and all-around combatant Nancy Grace and her lovely Irish lad of a partner Tristan MacManus were eliminated just shy of the semifinals at the end of Tuesday night’s results hour.

And as Len bluntly said on Monday, it was time for the resilient yet still-technically-challenged Cinderella story to go. To her credit, Nancy made her exit with grace, heaping praise on her partner, the friends that she made in the ballroom and her family. Tristan also got his turn at the mic, “tanking” the viewers for being so welcoming, and saying: “We really had a foon time.” Oh, I’m really going to miss this leprechaun. Let’s have him and his handsome, lucky charms back as a pro for always, shall we?

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Instant Jive!

Week 8 brought a lot of excitement to the sparkly universe we know as “Dancing With the Stars.” First, we’re just a week away from the semifinals and that much closer to handing out that coveted Mirrorball trophy. Second, each of the five remaining couples had to dance another full routine, the Instant Dance, along with the regular routines. 

Finally, we got not just one, but two perfect 30 scores! And by the same couple, no less!

Of course, I’m referring to…

 

'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Disappearing act

Well, that seemed more like a trick than a treat, didn’t it? An unwelcome Halloween surprise leftover. Turned out the contestant with the lowest total of judges’ and viewer votes on this seventh week of “Dancing With the Stars” was not Hope Solo or Nancy Grace, as popularly thought.

Rather, it was David Arquette and his pro partner, Kym Johnson. And the shock of the studio audience upon hearing their names called was palpable to viewers watching at home. We all knew he wasn’t going to win the Mirrorball trophy, but couldn’t his extreme likability and much-improved cha cha have bought him another week or two at least?

In a word: Booooo.

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Tricks and treats

Happy Halloween, ballroom fans! There were lots of terrifying tricks and tantalizing treats to be had in Week 7 of “Dancing With the Stars,” which happened to fall on All Hallows Eve. And leave it to the “DWTS” cast and crew to immerse themselves and the set fully in the spooky spirit, leaving no pumpkin uncarved and no gravestone unturned.

The ballroom was filled with all sorts of ghosts and devils and Kardashians in this celebration of “things that go bump and grind in the night.” As host Tom “Boo”-geron warned, “It’s gonna be one of those nights.” Brooke Burke-Charvet was dressed in something that resembled a spiderweb. The stars were in even scarier getups than usual. “Scarold” Wheeler conducted his zombie band with stiff and tattered outstretched arms. 

Week 7 also introduced the team dances. Team Tango went first. J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff, David Arquette and Kym Johnson, and Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus stepped out of cages in straitjackets to Rihanna’s “Disturbia.” The judges liked their group effort but hated the individual performances. Skeletal Len even went so far to call them “a disaster.” Total: 23.

Team Paso (comprised of Ricki Lake and Derek Hough, Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke, and Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy) ended the night, which could only mean it was the stronger performance. And it was, even though Hope’s and Maks’ bickering during rehearsals had their teammates scared Shrekless and threatened to sink the entire ship. Best line of the segment (and possibly the night): “Derek and Maks help to increase my sexual confidence,” said gun-shy Rob, the only celebrity male on the team. Set to a rousing version of Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life,” the team’s paso doble was ablaze with fancy moves and pyrotechnics. Bruno called it “powerful, moving, dramatic, building to a fantastic ending.” Kitten-eared Carrie Ann called it “poetic.” Len thought the “individual parts were fantastic.” Total: 26.

The scores for each group were added to each couple’s individual tallies and either boosted or brought down their standings. Herewith, the latest standings — “dead. From Hollywood!”

'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Curtains for Chaz

Well, the story of the Phantom of the Opera ended in curtains for the guy with the mask, and Chaz Bono suffered a similar fate on this sixth week of “Dancing With the Stars.” The author and activist and pro partner Lacey Schwimmer were deemed the latest contestants ousted from the “DWTS” ballroom, promptly concluding a particularly dramatic Broadway Week.

No one could say that this elimination was a surprise- – Chaz had been hovering at or near the bottom of the leader board for quite a while, and Lacey made it clear during rehearsals that his routines’ levels of difficulty were not up to snuff. Also, the backstage footage revealed he’d had it to there with Bruno’s pandering cuddly animal comparisons, so maybe the time was right for the contestant and the judge to part ways. But embattled couple Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy were also deemed in jeopardy alongside Chaz and Lacey, so this elimination could have gone either way.

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Broadway Bound

All jazz hands on deck: It’s Broadway week on “Dancing With the Stars,” which means the remaining seven couples get to twirl to beloved songs from the Great White Way. This week also introduced the group dance, so the stars had to hoof it side by side in addition to doing their individual routines. Now that we’re past the halfway point on Season 13 of “Dancing With the Stars,” however, the gloves have also come off. No more putting up appearances. As a result we saw -- as host Tom Bergeron described -- a night of hot dances, heated words “and a lot of texting from the Kardashians.”

But first the cast of the Broadway production of “Sister Act” gave a “raise the roof” performance featuring nuns in sequined robes with their hands up in the air and making like the Rockettes in a kick line. Later, actress and vocal powerhouse Kristin Chenoweth slunk onstage to sing a medley of “Maybe This Time” and “I Could Have Danced All Night” flanked by members of the Troupe and Our Pros, ending with a really really high note that set off car alarms for miles and miles and earned a 10 paddle from Bruno.

But let's not forget, this is a dancing competition! And Season 13’s race is shaping up to be a battle between two strong quickstepping upstarts.

'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Pom-Pom and Circumstance

"This week: Dancing With the Stars. Next week: Governor of Texas!" So spoke dazzling Mirrorball personification Carson Kressley, who, to the detriment of happy ballrooms everywhere, was deemed the next Season 13 contestant to go-go. 

At least he gets to keep the outfits. But was the elimination a surprise? No, not really. Carson’s been hanging out with the bottom-feeders with fellow shoe-lover and professional partner Anna Trebunskaya for a couple weeks now, and it was not clear when, if ever, his ballroom skills would improve. But that’s beside the point. If any contestant were to be crowned a Dapper’s Delight, it would be him. And his parting comments were proof positive of ballroom reality series’ power to do good. Here was this dweeby junior high school kid who's "still afraid of dodgeball, but now I can dance!" "Maybe you’re not the greatest at it," he continued, "but you’ve done something that you’ve never imagined that you’d do." Give him a "C!"

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: '80s Week

Fire up the flux capacitor party and pump up the volume, because it’s ’80s Week on “Dancing With the Stars.” The producers decided to commemorate the halfway point of the 13^thseason with a celebration of the decade of decadence. Yeah, boyyyyy! And after witnessing Brooke with her big hair and royal blue sequin dress and the remaining contestants in their period-piece get-ups, it all became Crystal Carrington clear: The ’80s were, in fact, hideous.

But first: Close your eyes, give me your hand. The Bangles were in the house, to remind us that they were still on tour and to sing a couple of their classics. Susanna Hoffs and Co. started with a medley of “Eternal Flame” and “Walk Like an Egyptian,” with assistance from the DWTS Troupe and props that looked like they were left over from Chelsie Hightower and Jake Pavelka’s archaeological dig back in Season 10. The judges gamely did their best hieroglyphics impressions with the Troupe at the end. Later, the Bangles regrouped to perform their paean to the most dreaded day of the workweek: “Manic Monday.”

All in all, this show seemed a lot like the ’80s themselves: fun in theory and at a distance, but kind of a mess when you really get into it. A lot of songs didn’t really lend themselves to ballroom dances. Oh, well. At least we had a decade’s worth of references to bandy about. Legwarmers to put on (wherefore art thou, Edyta?!). A disturbing picture of head judge Len Goodman from the decade, which Tom said looked like “a cross between Gene Simmons and Orville Redenbacher.” And a two-hour marathon program that gave way to a new “top gun of the ballroom.”