Late Night: 'I'm Khloe Kardashian's father,' says Tracy Morgan

Put a microphone in front of him and Tracy Morgan can be relied on to say something outrageous -- and that's putting it mildly. On Wednesday night, the "30 Rock" star visited "Conan" and made a jaw-dropping claim: He is Khloe Kardashian's father.

It all began innocently enough. Conan O'Brien asked Morgan about his fondness for the reality series "Khloe & Lamar," which just wrapped its second season with an episode about the paternity rumors swirling around the youngest Kardashian sister. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.) 

In response to O'Brien's question, Morgan replied, "Test results just came back. She’s my daughter." He claimed that Khloe was the result of a "threesome" that also involved O.J. Simpson and that he met "the mom, Krissi" -- otherwise known as Kris Jenner -- after the Penn Relays in Philadelphia. (A reference to Bruce Jenner, maybe? When it comes to Morgan, it's impossible to know.)

A strange beginning, to be sure, but the story has a happy ending. "Khloe's mine, and she loves her father. We spoke on the phone, and she loves Daddy," Morgan explained before giving a shout-out to his "daughter: "I love you, booby!"

Morgan clearly had family on the brain last night. He also made the following outlandish claims: He is a descendant of Clark Gable; Charlton "Chuck" Heston is his "great-great-uncle"; and Michelle Obama will become pregnant if President Obama wins a second term. 

We'll take your word for it, Tracy.

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-- Meredith Blake
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Late Night: Conan O'Brien and David Letterman bash Jay Leno

 

It's been more than two years since Conan O'Brien lost his gig hosting "The Tonight Show" in a very public debacle that seriously undercut Jay Leno's "nice guy" image, not to mention his longtime ratings dominance. 

On Thursday, O'Brien made his first visit to "The Late Show" in 13 years, where he opened up about the fight over "The Tonight Show." While he was hardly reluctant to dish the dirt, his enthusiasm for Leno-bashing paled in comparison to Letterman's.

Even after two years, it was inevitable that the subject of their shared nemesis would come up, and so it did -- almost instantly. For the first 30 seconds or so of the interview, the two hosts sat there in awkward silence, until Letterman chimed in: "I think the longer we just sit here, the more uncomfortable it will make Jay."

From there, it was open season on Leno, with both hosts doing the obligatory impersonation of his famously high-pitched voice. Letterman was more openly hostile toward his longtime rival, telling O'Brien that he was "delighted" by the ordeal because, finally, the public could see what he has long believed: that Leno is "a bit of a brat."  "When this came along, I said to myself, 'This is the Jay I know,'" Letterman recalled. "I refer to that period as the Golden Age of Television."

"You clearly were using my experience to work through some things," O'Brien suggested.

After a commercial break, Letterman renewed the interrogation, asking O'Brien about the nature of his relationship with Leno before "the felony took place." At first, O'Brien seemed a bit reluctant to trash-talk: "I was assured none of this would come up tonight. I was told we would discuss our shared love of antiquing."

O'Brien tried to be diplomatic, explaining that "we're quite different fellows, he and I," but the temptation to take a shot at Leno proved too enticing. "We didn’t have a lot to talk about in common. I don’t own many automobiles that were made before 1904, primarily of brass and leather," O'Brien quipped, a reference to Leno's enormous car collection.

"Now we're getting someplace," Letterman said, happy that his goading had paid off.

To his credit, O'Brien repeatedly expressed his gratitude to his bosses at TBS and few regrets over "The Tonight Show" disaster. "I’m very lucky. TBS lets me do whatever I want. They don’t watch it, they don’t care," he said.

   

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Late Night: Bill Maher on 'stupid' Mormonism, Mitt Romney bullying

If you've ever thought to yourself, "Gee, I wonder if Bill Maher would rather have been bullied as a kid, or molested by Michael Jackson?" well then you, my friend, are in luck.

In a Tuesday night appearance on "Conan," the always-incendiary comedian responded to recent allegations Mitt Romney was something of a bully during his prep school days.

Initially, Maher expressed indifference to the stories about Romney's adolescent antics. "When this issue first arose I thought, 'Well, you know what, I never hold anybody responsible for things they did as teenagers,'" he said. But Maher drew a distinction between  "doing something stupid that hurts yourself" and "doing something that hurts somebody else."

It was at this point that Maher, for some reason, brought up Michael Jackson. "When I was 12 years old, I was beaten on the playground, just like the Mitt Romney thing, I was held down and somebody just punched me in the face while other kids watched," he recalled. "If I could go back to 1968 and trade that experience for being gently masturbated by a pop star, I would do it in a second." We'll take your word for it, Bill!

A strident atheist, Maher also used his appearance to take a shot at Romney's Mormon faith. He suggested the candidate's defense of "traditional marriage" is especially ironic, given that his ancestors practiced polygamy. "Of all the people to be making this claim, a Mormon?" he sneered. "This is a religion that is so stupid that Tom Cruise would not join it."

Conan O'Brien is not generally inclined to intellectual debates on his show, but he took issue with Maher's attack on Mormonism. "Who am I to throw stones when you eat a cookie and you turn into Jesus?" O'Brien asked in reference to his own Catholic faith.

Thus, in the space of a single interview, Maher -- with an assist from O'Brien -- managed to offend Mormons, Scientologists, Catholics and Michael Jackson fans. Could this be an all-time record?

(Fair warning: The above clip contains some late-night language.)

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Late Night: Conan O'Brien bids farewell to Newt and Calista

 

On Wednesday, to the surprise of no one, Newt Gingrich announced that he would be dropping out of the presidential race next week. 

The news of Gingrich's withdrawal may have been inevitable, but it was nevertheless a disappointment to at least two people in the country: Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter, who've had a great deal of fun imitating the long-shot candidate and his rigidly coiffed wife, Calista. 

On last night's "Conan," the duo bid farewell to the Gingriches by reprising the impressions one last time.

"Goodbye Newt, you fought hard and outlasted many of your rivals. We'll miss your fiery passion, your creepy charm, and yes, even your often terrifying sense of fun," O'Brien said, as Richter, wearing a gray wig, replicated Gingrich's various moods. (In terms of accuracy, "terrifying sense of fun" was the clear winner.)

Then it was O'Brien's turn to play "Calista." Transformed by a smear of red lipstick, some platinum locks and a startled mien, O'Brien lovingly brushed Richter's hair and even planted a kiss on his lips.

Gingrich might not approve of their relationship, but Richter and O'Brien sure do seem happy together, don't they?

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Late Night: Conan O'Brien, Andy Richter lend their voices to 'Halo 4'

 

On Tuesday night, Conan O'Brien lived the fantasy of millions of gamers with a behind-the-scenes look at the hotly anticipated "Halo 4." 

He met with 343 Industries executives Frank O'Connor and Kiki Wolfkill, who showed him "top secret footage" from the game -- who knew it included so many little dogs? -- and even invited him to voice one of its characters. 

O'Brien, of course, asked trusty sidekick Andy Richter to join him. They were cast as a pair of workers on board what O'Connor described as a "massive hangar" in the world's largest spaceship -- or, as O'Brien put it, "I'm a clerk working in a loading dock." He pushed for a less anonymous role, suggesting his character wear one of his distinctive suits or at least hold a sign reading, "I'm Conan O'Brien." (It didn't work.)

In the funniest part of the segment, Richter and O'Brien recorded their heavily improvised voice-over, playing two clinically depressed space drones. (Sample dialogue: "I sure hate my life.") And like all truly accomplished actors, they were even required to die dramatically, grunting and groaning as if they were being pummeled with the butt of a rifle.

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. 

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'Anchorman 2': Will Ferrell drops sequel news on 'Conan'

Will Ferrell made a surprise appearance on "Conan" on Wednesday night in character as Ron Burgundy, the scotch-drinking, flute-playing anchor of the Channel 4 Evening News team, to announce he had come to terms with Paramount Pictures on production of a sequel to 2004's "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy."

Cue the wild screams, tears of joy and enthusiastic high-fives of bros across America.

It's not often the star of a movie dresses in character to announce a much-anticipated sequel. Usually it's simply an announcement on one of the Hollywood trade websites, but it's not unheard of. Johnny Depp dressed as Jack Sparrow and appeared at Disney's D23 expo in 2009 to announce "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides."

Ferrell as Burgundy interrupted banter between Conan O'Brien and sidekick Andy Richter with some righteous flute-playing (which Ferrell had a little trouble credibly faking a couple of times) and did some back and forth with the pair before getting down to business.

"I want to announce this to everyone here in the Americas," he told the audience. "To my friends, in Spain, Turkey and the U.K., including England ... as of 0900 Mountain Time, Paramount Pictures and myself, Ronald Joseph Aaron Burgundy, have come to terms on a sequel for 'Anchorman.' It is official, there will be a sequel to 'Anchorman.' "

And with that, he was gone.

Ferrell and original "Anchorman" director Adam McKay are expected to once again write the script, with McKay directing. Judd Apatow will return to produce. According to MTV News, production will begin at the end of the year for release in 2013.

Ferrell has a history of surprise in-costume appearances on Conan O'Brien's shows. He appeared on Conan's final "Tonight Show" as a Lynyrd Skynyrd-style rocker performing "Free Bird" during the show's closing moments.

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Photo: Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy in "Anchorman." Credit: Frank Masi / DreamWorks Pictures

Late Night: 'Conan' writer reacts to racist anti-Obama sticker

Comedian and "Conan" writer Deon Cole has become the show's unofficial spokesperson on the matter of race. Earlier this year, he  confronted tea party activists trying to remove slavery from history books. On Wednesday night, he voiced his disapproval of a racist anti-Obama bumper sticker -- though not for the reason you might think. (A warning in advance: The clip above includes lots of late-night language.)

The sticker in question reads "Don't re-nig in 2012," an unfortunate play on the word "renege."

At first, Cole sounded indignant, asking, ""Don’t re-nig? Really?" But as he continued, Cole offered up ironic words of praise: "All I have to say is, that was clever as hell. I mean, I hate it, it’s racist, but that was clever for real. How he took the word renege and the 'n' word and mixed it up, so it could have racist and political meaning. Yeah!"

The real problem with the sticker, according to Cole, isn't its racist message, but rather its glaring misuse of the word renege (or, in this case, "re-nig").

"If you’re saying 'Don’t renege in 2012,' you’re basically saying vote for Obama again, because if you renege, you’re taking away," Cole explained. "But if you don’t renege, then you’re keeping it the same. So thank you for your endorsement, you [morons]."

As the "Conan" audience erupted in approval, Cole pulled up the hood on his gray sweat shirt and defiantly raised a clench fist in the air. Who knew semantic quibbles could be so funny? 

It just goes to show you: If you're going to make racist bumper stickers, it's a good idea to bone up on your vocabulary first.

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Conan O'Brien, Chinese 'rip-off' show make amends — and comedy

In China, Conan O'Brien recently joined the ranks of Louis Vuitton bags, Air Jordan shoes and Apple stores as the latest object of copycats' desire: The animated opening sequence to his TBS talk show was "ripped off," as he put it, for the intro to the online comedy show "Da Peng Debade" on the Chinese Internet portal Sohu.

Rather than sparking another fight between the United States and the Middle Kingdom over intellectual property rights, the incident has instead become a source of comedy for O'Brien and his Chinese counterpart Da Peng.

The exchange began last week, when O'Brien showed the two intro sequences side by side during a segment on "Conan," his late-night TBS series. Other than a few small changes, including the names of the hosts, the animation was essentially the same. "This is absurd," O'Brien said. "To make matters worse, it's a really weird show."

O'Brien then screened a clip of "Da Peng Debade" featuring Da Peng doing a monologue, while a picture of what appears to be shirtless Sohu chief executive Charles Zhang was superimposed on the screen.

"Well, China, if you're going to rip off my show, I think I should rip off their show, don't you?" O'Brien said, followed by a Team Coco parody of the previous clip that included sidekick Andy Richter in a Qing Dynasty outfit.

The whole thing might have ended there, but it hasn't. O'Brien's skit prompted Da Peng to remove his copycat opening sequence and replace it last week with essentially nothing.

"I have lost face for the Chinese people," the comic said at the start of his weekly show, whose title roughly translates as "Da Peng Gabfest." "I'm very sorry." He followed that up with a "Sorry Dance."

Conan O'Brien renewal by TBS shows the power of 'Team Coco'

Team Coco makes a powerful ally.

TBS announced Wednesday that it is renewing "Conan," the nightly talk show hosted by former "Tonight Show" host Conan O'Brien, through April 2014 -- despite some disappointing ratings that have had TV veterans buzzing about the show's performance.

In the release, TBS pointed directly to the power of "Team Coco," as O'Brien's rabid fans describe themselves. The host has more than 5 million Twitter followers, "more than any other late-night host," according to the network. Video clips from the show on YouTube and elsewhere drew 83 million views in 2011.

That's all well and good, but TBS doesn't sell ads or collect subscriber revenue on Twitter. "Conan" has in 2012 averaged 1.1 million total viewers, according to Nielsen -- not bad for a cable talk show but far below totals for "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," "The Late Show With David Letterman" or even "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart."

The renewal is "a little surprising considering Conan's audience delivery is not that much different [than how] George Lopez had been performing when he got axed," said Brad Adgate, an analyst at New York ad firm Horizon Media.

But TBS is counting on growth. The network says "Conan" has delivered three consecutive months of improving ratings. And his audience does skew young: Nearly three-quarters are in the 18-49 age demographic favored by advertisers. Throw in the relatively low cost of making a talk show and you end up with a show that should be delivering a reliable -- if not huge -- profit.

In the release, O'Brien joked, "This means I'll be taping episodes of 'Conan' well into the Ron Paul presidency."

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Photo: Conan O'Brien won't have to look for a new home in late night. Credit: Art Streiber / TBS

Late Night: Inspired by Puppy Bowl, Conan unveils 'Puppy Conan'

Conan O'Brien knows a good thing when he sees it. On Wednesday O'Brien debuted "Puppy Conan," an all-canine version of his talk show inspired by the Puppy Bowl, Animal Planet's increasingly popular Super Bowl counter-programming.

"I thought we should jump on the puppy bandwagon. If people love it, why don't we get in on this thing," O'Brien explained. "So if you don't want to watch the show we're doing right now, we have an alternative. Please enjoy 'Puppy Conan.' "

As the audience cheered, an exact, miniature replica of the "Conan" stage emerged from behind a set of curtains. Two adorable, bewigged puppies took the place of O'Brien and his sidekick, Andy Richter.

Puppy Andy appeared to have a case of stage fright, turning away from the audience and nestling his head into the corner of his armchair. "I think Puppy Andy hates his wig as much as I do," joked Human Andy. 

"That's as depressed as I always am at rehearsal," Conan said, pointing to his forlorn-looking puppy counterpart. "Doesn't it look like Puppy Conan and Puppy Andy are having a fight?"

Puppy Conan and Puppy Andy then welcomed their celebrity guest, "Justin Bieber" -- a Chihuahua in a sandy blond wig and fitted black T-shirt. 

Things got a little disorienting -- and a little raunchy -- when O'Brien and Richter joined their canine doppelgangers onstage and "Justin Bieber" began to sniff around O'Brien's nether regions.

"Justin Bieber just popped up between my legs," he said. 

"TMZ's going to run with that quote," Richter quipped. 

Hopefully we won't have to wait until next year for another installment of "Puppy Conan." 

 

 

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Late Night: 'Conan' writer offers slavery deal to tea party

Earlier this month, tea party activists in Tennessee, seeking to downplay the Founding Fathers' connections to slavery, launched a legislative campaign to revise the state's history textbooks. Not surprisingly, their proposal has prompted allegations that the tea party is trying to "whitewash" history. 

On Wednesday night's "Conan," show writer Deon Cole responded to the controversy.

"So, the Tennessee Tea Party wants to erase and overlook all the negative things that slave owners did to African American people in order to shine a light on them so they'll look good," he began.

But, rather than get upset, Cole proposed a simple solution: He'll overlook all that nasty slave-owning business if, in exchange, white people will forget about a few mistakes black people have made over the years. 

Among the many embarrassments Cole cited were some easy targets, like Milli Vanilli, Al Sharpton's hair, and "Basketball Wives," seasons one through three. But there were also a few more, shall we say, loaded suggestions, like "all black people talking in movie theaters" and "black people not tipping." 

After rattling off his list, Cole asked, "So, do we have a deal?"

No word yet from the tea party. 

 

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Late Night: Conan discovers why sex is hard for tall people

Short men don't always have it easy -- or at least they don't outside of Hollywood -- but, as comedian Stephen Merchant vividly demonstrated on Tuesday night's "Conan," being an extremely tall man also poses certain romantic challenges.

As Merchant, best known for his various collaborations with Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais, explained to fellow tall guy Conan O'Brien, "It's incredibly difficult, the love-making, when you're 6-foot-7." Making matters more difficult, Merchant claimed, is the fact that the average woman in the U.K. is 5-foot-4 -- a full 15 inches shorter than the gangly Englishman.

Merchant used O'Brien to give viewers at home a better idea of his bedroom difficulties -- and, quite possibly, nightmares for the next few weeks. First, he asked O'Brien to kneel onstage, in a rough approximation of the average British woman's height. O'Brien obliged, a look of terror in his eyes.

"I'd have to sort of limbo in," Merchant said, then proceeded to do just that, squatting down and scooting awkwardly toward O'Brien. "You can see the trouble we'd have." (We certainly can.) 

It was a night of randy British humor on "Conan": Earlier in the show, "Contraband" star Kate Beckinsale told O'Brien a lengthy story about stashing an enormous rubber penis in her mother's purse. Those Brits -- simply incorrigible!

 

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 Photo: Conan O'Brien. Credit: Art Streiber / TBS.