Late Night: Dr. Stephen Colbert says 'clearly vaccines are dangerous'
On Thursday's "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert waded into one of the most contentious issues in contemporary life: childhood vaccinations.
Never one to shy away from controversy, the host explained the origins of the theory that vaccines cause autism. It all began with a study published in the medical journal Lancet. The study has since been repudiated as "an elaborate fraud," but it's nevertheless all the proof that Colbert says he needs. "Clearly vaccines are dangerous," he declared (ironically).
Fears over the effects of childhood vaccinations have become so pervasive that many parents have decided to take matters into their own hands. As Colbert explained, the latest trend is infecting children with chicken pox using mail-order lollipops pre-licked by another sick child.
"They are guaranteed not to harm your kids' mental development, although if you are giving them mail-order lollipops licked by a stranger, your kids' mental development may not be the main concern," he said.
Much to Colbert's chagrin, federal authorities have begun clamping down on the potentially dangerous practice. "The government is taking this candy from our babies," he lamented. "Oh, where do the regulations end?"
As a solution, Colbert offered a line of infectious candies called "Vacsa Yummies," manufactured "under the strictest laboratory conditions, namely, rubbing them on a subway pole." The confections included "Junior Mintingitis" and "M&Mbolisms."
-- Meredith Blake
Photo: Stephen Colbert. Credit: Carolyn Cole / Los Angeles Times.