Late Night: Stephen Colbert 'worried' about vodka tampon craze
Every night in cities across America, local news anchors strike fear into the hearts of millions of viewers with sensationalized, fear-mongering tales of threats such as killer bees and gun-toting toddlers. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert lampooned a report about a supposed new teenage craze: using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk. (Let's all say it together: Ewwwww.)
The segment was Colbert's way of congratulating the show's intern, Jay, who recently became a father. "Being a parent is a sublime and beautiful adventure, filled with unexpected joys and unimaginable terror," Colbert said. "I hope you've enjoyed sleeping, Jay, because the rest of your nights will be haunted by local news stories like this."
According to the report by KPHO-TV, a CBS affiliate in Phoenix, the vodka tampon craze is not just a local curiosity. "This is not isolated to any school, any student, any financial area. This is everywhere," said one extremely concerned-looking security officer.
Colbert was duly skeptical. "Yes, this is happening, and it's everywhere. A high school security cop heard about it. That means it's true!"
As a Playtex ad featuring exuberant, dancing women played on the screen next to him, Colbert joked, "No wonder the women in these commercials look so happy. They're hammered."
According to the report, the fad has also caught on with teenage boys. (Once more: Ewwww.) "Everywhere in America, boys are soaking tampons in vodka and literally getting drunk off their asses," Colbert quipped.
He ended with his own dire warning. "A very important advisory to my teenage viewers: Do not do this. It is very dangerous. And for God's sake, if you soak your tampons in tequila, don't salt the rim."
— Meredith Blake
Photo: Stephen Colbert. Credit: Carolyn Cole / Los Angeles Times.