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'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: One and done

September 20, 2011 | 10:01 pm

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After the highs of a performance show comes the inevitable first elimination of the season. And on this Tuesday night, that distinct dishonor went not to a reality TV mainstay, nor an international model and actress, as yours truly had suspected. No, the first star to be booted out of the Season 13 galaxy of "Dancing With the Stars" -- the person with the lowest total judges’ points and viewer votes -- was ...

none other than the basketball player formerly known as Ron Artest, Metta World Peace, and his partner Peta Murgatroyd. 

Heavens to Murgatroyd. Guess when you’re encased in a realm as sparkly and dazzling as the mirror-balled land that is "DWTS," there’s no giving World Peace a chance. 

125697_3539_pre Alas, the ballroom lost a little bit of its luster Tuesday night. Sure, the L.A. Laker had the lowest judges’ points. And just based on his stiff cha cha, there was no way Metta was going to win the mirror-ball trophy. But this guy was buckets o’ entertaining, and I, for one, am sad to see this basketball player go. Like host Tom Bergeron, I’m mourning the season’s worth of antics and rapping that Metta would no doubt have brought to the ballroom. Had the NBA champ fallen victim to bad official-name-change timing? Perhaps people didn’t know who to vote for: Ron Artest, or Metta World Peace. I also think Metta’s decision to highlight his hair blond for performance night made him all but unrecognizable to his fans (he looked more like himself after he dyed his hair back Tuesday).

But that, like the name Ron Artest, is all in the past now. As is Metta’s short-lived "DWTS" career. At least now we have his induction into the Losers’ Club to look forward to. But Metta took his pink slip like the pro that he is, smiling from ear to ear with his arms raised high in triumph, and entreaties of "Who’s coming with me?" to the rest of the cast. And it was fun while it lasted: I enjoyed his open declarations of hotness of all his cast members. His entreaties to dance with Bergeron and hit the clubs with Nancy Grace. His brazen wish to "inspire every Chippendale in the world." Well, Metta: Maybe the other Chippendales can scoot over and make space for you on their roster, now that you’ve got some time on your hands. Certainly, you’ve shown that you can rock the no-shirt bow-tie look..

I knew things were amiss when my pick for the first elimination, Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy, were deemed safe early on in the results program. But instead of employing the red lights of danger, this season, each contestant deemed safe had his or her Iron Chef-like image removed from the jumbotron of Kitchen Stadium. This week, Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke, and Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus stewed in jeopardy alongside Metta and Peta.

Meanwhile, the pros opened the show with a Lady Gaga number choreographed by Lacey Schwimmer alongside the new-and-improved Season 13 "DWTS" Troupe, which added three more members to its farm team. National delight, friend of dolphins and all around cool cat Harry Connick Jr. came on stage to debut the title song from his upcoming Broadway show, "On a Clear Day You Can See Forever," with an able, dapper assist from Kym Johnson and Tony Dovolani. Loved how Connick clearly dug the spectacle of the arena and buttered up the crowd, asking the audience how they were doing. He also revealed his favorites: J.R. Martinez (his sister’s in the Army). He's also "feeling the Chaz vibe, man." Cool daddio.

LMFAO came out decked in "DWTS"-appropriate sparkle and eccentricity and performed their "Party Rock Anthem" as one last summer huzzah. Maks, Val, Peta, and Cheryl started the groove on the dance floor, and were joined by hip-hopping Mark Ballas and Lacey. But the real OMG moment occurred when an effusive Carrie Ann and Bruno "WTF?" "I’m Still Dancing" Tonioli got on top of the judges’ desk and unleashed their inner go-go dancers. Hair was loosed. Chests were bared. Jaws were dropped. Prayers uttered. The judges’ table and the ballroom will never be the same again.

What do you think? Were you as sad as I was to see World Peace cut out of the competition? Who are you excited to see next week? Are you as afraid as I am that with the precarious platform and those steep sound-stage stairs, that we’re one wobbly-heeled misstep away from ballroom disaster?

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-- Allyssa Lee

Top photo: Cheryl Burke and Rob Kardashian. Bottom photo: Peta Murgatroyd and Metta World Peace. Credit: Adam Taylor / ABC

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