'Food Nextwork Star' recap: Mmmmm, tastes like human
Oh, where to begin with this week's "Food Network Star"? Whitney is on the ropes. Orchid is a lion tamer. Susie is wobbling. Jeff thinks toilet humor belongs in the kitchen. Penny is not invincible. Mary Beth is a hypocrite. Jyll might be too polished and smiley. Justin B. is COMPLETELY clueless.
And, in what may be the biggest bombshell ever to come out of "Food Network Star": Bob Tuschman is cool with being a cannibal. (Bob thought Pee Wee was selling his dish by saying it "tastes like human." But then ... Bob took a bite! Luckily, the secret ingredient was actually "cumin.")
This week's judging panel could have used a guest appearance from Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, and a tag-team "Really?!?!" tirade aimed at Justin B.
Justin B was honestly and completely shocked at the judge's decision. He certainly didn't expect to be eliminated, because he was expecting top honors in the "Cougar Town" challenge. Really, Justin? The judges have all but told you that you are so wooden you could be a stand-in for Pinocchio, and yet you act like it's all news. Really, Justin? The Flayman captured it: Justin talked about his dishes like he was a waiter reciting the menu for the 900th time.
The really irritating part is that Justin, like Alicia, had promise. They have good looks. The judges, by and large, liked their food (with some notable exceptions.) And both these folks are smart, capable, charming ... except when the cameras were on them.
We're starting to see similar breakdowns with Pee Wee and Whitney. They had both better get their act together or they are leaving in one-two order, although Pee Wee might have already given up.
Mary Beth and Susie might suffer a similar fate. Their food is good but Susie needs a bit more polish and Mary Beth is coming across as a complete fake and a phony. Does she not realize there are cameras following her? She trash-talks Penny in one room, and then gets all huggy-huggy, kissy-kissy in another room.
And then, UGH, the comforting hand on Penny's arm as Penny gets put up for elimination. Jeez, Mary Beth. You are giving journalists an even worse reputation. Just carry out your cooking duties as co-competitors, you don't need to be fast friends, or frenemies.
Head slapper of the week: Jyll making a salad -- a plain ol' salad -- for the vegetarians. Boy, it's not like vegetarians have ever seen a salad before.
Let's give it to Jeff, a.k.a. Mr. 90-Miles-An-Hour Hair. He made Paula Deen -- "The Ultimate Cougar" -- like tofu.
Final thought: Where's Susie? Let's not make a habit of this, OK?
-- Rene Lynch
Photo: The judges tried to warn Justin B. Credit: Food Network