The Charlie Sheen Dictionary: A totally gnarly, bi-winning guide to the actor's best quotes
The man increasingly known as The Warlock will appear on "20/20" on Tuesday night in an episode called "Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words." Which got us thinking about those words.
Say what you will about the actor and his troubled behavior, but over the last few weeks his quips have been ... well, pretty gnarly, and we're not sure if we mean that in a good or a bad way. During an interview with CNN's Piers Morgan on Monday night, he even sounded a little like a tabloid Oscar Wilde, telling the British host that he doesn't take drugs -- he buys them. So in preparation for Tuesday's show we offer you a glossary of the terms and phrases Sheen has coined over the last few weeks. To all you golden-sombrero'd zombies: Please enjoy.
Charlie Sheen
Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.
Usage: "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
Winning
Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.
Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”
Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”
Bi-winning
Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.
Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”
Riding the mercury surfboard
Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.
Usage: "It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard." (See also: “winning.”)
Wearing a golden sombrero
Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).
Usage: “I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."
Tiger blood
Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.
Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
Sober Valley Lodge
Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”
Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”
The Wedge
Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. "the goddesses."
Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”
Boom
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.
Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.” “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)
Buh-bye
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.
Usage: “That's how I roll. And if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”
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-- Melissa Maerz
Photo: Charlie Sheen. Credit: Rick Wilking / Reuters
AA, Bill Wilson, 12 step. embrace God....what. No one helps you quit a bad habit but your own personal power.
Posted by: Charles Morris | March 02, 2011 at 08:46 AM
His father and brother are good people. I am surprised they have not petitioned the court to have his children placed in their care and for him to be involuntarily committed to a mental health facility.
Posted by: Big Sam | March 02, 2011 at 08:54 AM
There's probably only one person who can help Charlie at this point: his brother - triple threat (writer, actor, director) Emilio Estevez. Am I the only one waiting breathlessly for the "Men At Work" sequel?
How the hell did a major talent like Martin Sheen produce two of the biggest losers this town has ever seen?
Posted by: Kipstar | March 02, 2011 at 09:57 AM
I love Charlie Sheen. He truly is a btchin rock star from Mars.
Posted by: SandyH1 | March 02, 2011 at 10:31 AM
Personal message to Charlie:
Man you are "COOL" but not that "COOL"
Get a grip and smooth this all out- you can do it but
stop "harping"
nobody likes an egomeniac- find your balance and move forward- I am pulling for you and so are a lot of people!
CZAN
Posted by: czan | March 02, 2011 at 01:14 PM
Please, please, please, we are watching someone having a terrible breakdown. Because he isn't broke and wandering the streets of downtown ranting this stuff it's funny? Or newsworthy? Every newspaper and TV show covering this is making a buck off his mental illness. Where is the mechanism to help him (and tens of thousands of others?) Do we have to see him die to then learn some compassion?
Posted by: edith grove | March 02, 2011 at 02:27 PM
I admit, I laughed the first couple of times he made dumb statements. But it is not funny anymore. He obviously needs some sort of mental help. The media needs to start treating him like a mentally ill person and not interview him just to provide laughs, it is disgusting. How funny is it going to be if he hurts himself or someone else? It is just so sad.
Posted by: ladybug | March 02, 2011 at 05:28 PM
"better to burn out, than it is to rust" - Neil Young
Go Charlie!
Posted by: Bungle | March 02, 2011 at 08:37 PM
I gotta steal some of these to tweet! So outrageous its hillarious
Posted by: mike m | March 02, 2011 at 09:21 PM
Im in need of help with the transition . if willing pls holler jbans2010@yahoo.com
Posted by: johnny bananas | March 05, 2011 at 07:03 PM
Losing ^0^ Like a tiger. Rember charily to eat your tater tots.
Posted by: Jonny Appleseed | March 24, 2011 at 02:32 PM