The Charlie Sheen Dictionary: A totally gnarly, bi-winning guide to the actor's best quotes
The man increasingly known as The Warlock will appear on "20/20" on Tuesday night in an episode called "Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words." Which got us thinking about those words.
Say what you will about the actor and his troubled behavior, but over the last few weeks his quips have been ... well, pretty gnarly, and we're not sure if we mean that in a good or a bad way. During an interview with CNN's Piers Morgan on Monday night, he even sounded a little like a tabloid Oscar Wilde, telling the British host that he doesn't take drugs -- he buys them. So in preparation for Tuesday's show we offer you a glossary of the terms and phrases Sheen has coined over the last few weeks. To all you golden-sombrero'd zombies: Please enjoy.
Charlie Sheen
Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.
Usage: "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
Winning
Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.
Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”
Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”
Bi-winning
Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.
Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”
Riding the mercury surfboard
Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.
Usage: "It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard." (See also: “winning.”)
Wearing a golden sombrero
Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).
Usage: “I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."
Tiger blood
Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.
Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
Sober Valley Lodge
Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”
Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”
The Wedge
Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. "the goddesses."
Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”
Boom
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.
Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.” “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)
Buh-bye
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.
Usage: “That's how I roll. And if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”
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-- Melissa Maerz
Photo: Charlie Sheen. Credit: Rick Wilking / Reuters
#Winning. #TheRealAmericanIdol
Posted by: Graf | March 01, 2011 at 01:06 PM
Thank you! Finally, someone making sense out of this discourse.
Posted by: the word | March 01, 2011 at 02:32 PM
He's become completely fascinating in a train-wreck sorta way....and somewhere, Mel Gibson is on his knees thanking God for Charlie Sheen taking the heat off him for a while.
Posted by: lostfansincedayone | March 01, 2011 at 02:41 PM
Here's an idea to spice up the Academy Awards next year: have Charlie Sheen host. That is, if he's ALIVE next year.
Posted by: Mark Mohr | March 01, 2011 at 02:56 PM
He needs help. I hope he gets it sooner than later because he appears suicidal to me.
Posted by: Chris Harding | March 01, 2011 at 03:23 PM
Leave the guy alone..... "Team Charlie"
Posted by: Diana | March 01, 2011 at 03:35 PM
"I got tiger blood, man"
Posted by: Julian Ocean | March 01, 2011 at 03:58 PM
Death spiral...
Posted by: Dave | March 01, 2011 at 04:15 PM
Awesome. Nuff said.
Posted by: hawksfan13 | March 01, 2011 at 04:34 PM
I kind of love him.
Posted by: <3 | March 01, 2011 at 04:36 PM
This is FANTASTIC. We've linked to your and NYMag's definition on the bi-winning.com blog! :-)
Posted by: Bi-winner | March 01, 2011 at 05:16 PM
Actually the "golden sombrero" is not a Sheen-ism. It's a baseball term for when a guy strikes out four times in a night. So he was actually pretty lucid and somewhat witty on that one.
Posted by: Scott | March 01, 2011 at 05:30 PM
Whatever is ailing our star, I pray he takes the initiative to correct it.
I hate to say this, but he looks like Hugh Heffner with those two gals in his home. Maybe he needs a personal Male buddy/coach to keep him in line--someone with muscles and brains.
Come back and stay on track Charlie-- we wuv u!
Posted by: Cougar | March 01, 2011 at 05:53 PM
pretty pathetic -- exploiting the mentally ill. every media outlet doing the same thing.
Posted by: d blane | March 01, 2011 at 07:18 PM
What did Michael Jackson try to say?
Charlie Sheen questions Obama about 9/11
despite AIPAC controlled media censorship.
Mel Gibson does not play dumb about 9/11 either.
Posted by: NadePaulKuciGravMcKi | March 01, 2011 at 08:11 PM
He's an idiot.
BOOM!
Posted by: Shaun Landry | March 01, 2011 at 08:11 PM
He's got my vote but he is about to meet the most powerful non-nuclear force known. The American Mother. Tiger blood meets Tiger Mom. No contest.
Posted by: Reed Jung | March 02, 2011 at 05:22 AM
Hey, Times: How can you justify running a piece pooh-poohing the media's 'enabling' alongside this? Pick a tone and go with it.
Posted by: Mark | March 02, 2011 at 05:48 AM
I can't believe people are thinking that this man's downward spiral is funny in any way. He's losing his friggin mind and it's heartbreaking to watch. Shame on the people for putting this breakdown on national tv.
Posted by: Dana Richards | March 02, 2011 at 07:07 AM
Nice summary. Everyone who wanted Charlie sober is probably regretting it now. Get him back on the sauce and drugs ASAP!
Posted by: fritatta | March 02, 2011 at 07:31 AM