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'The Bachelor' recap: Choppers, wet blankets and a black eye

January 25, 2011 | 10:28 am

Michelle Looks like Mr. Brad Womack is soon to overdose on his own medicine.

Monday night’s episode of “The Bachelor” showed Brad –- earnestly or not –- continuing to try and do everything for all the women remaining. In return, just as Brad said he did during his first go-around here, many began to put walls up.

Why? It’s the age-old “Bachelor/Bachelorette” disease in which the people vying for the catch’s attention forget what they signed up for, and wonder how everyone else can be feeling the same feelings they have for the same man. Even though they’re playing “The Bachelor.”

Yes, I said “playing.” We all know this is pretty much a merry-go-round from which one person kicks people off every week until he's satisfied (we hope) with who’s left. Now, unlike the majority of America, I was happy to see Brad not pick anyone when he did all this before. And I was glad to hear my fellow Texan say that he’d do the same thing this time if he feels the same way at the end. It’s “The Bachelor,” not “Married by America.”

But back to Monday night, where it all began with the sight of Michelle waking up with a black eye. Although the producers led us to believe it was another one of the girls with that evil laugh in promos, Michelle apparently beat herself up in her sleep? Whatever. That’s not a worry of hers for long, because the girls learn Chantal has a one-on-one date with Brad, and Michelle’s not happy. Is she ever happy? That is, when she’s not in the presence of Brad?

There’s awkwardness over the black eye when Brad comes to pick Chantal up, but a helicopter comes quickly to take the two to Catalina Island. Brad says they’re going to walk on the sea floor, whereupon Chantal says, “It’s a huge thing to ask me to get in the ocean. I … don’t just do that.” O … tay. Of course, she does it to prove her love or something, and is later sure she could be “Chantal Womack.” I actually like the woman, am happy she got a rose, and Brad himself said he felt like just taking her by the hand and running away. That’s gotta be good, right?

Well, it’s not good for Loca Michelle, who says she doesn’t want to be compared to Chantal. OK, a) you're not, but b) this is “The Bachelor.” Nine (!) ladies find out they’re going on a group date, and end up at the “Loveline” radio studio with Dr. Drew.

Um, were they even on the radio? 'Cause they weren’t really using those microphones or headphones. Ah well, it does seem to open up Britt, Ashley S., Alli, Lisa, Meghan, Stacey, Lindsay, Lisa and Jackie. Stacey even admits to having cheated on someone back in college.

“…that was all about being honest,” Brad said. “That’s so important to me … because now I can let her go.” I made up that last part, but Brad did let her go, so … yeah.

The group date then moves to Brad’s place and his hot tub, where the newly opened up ladies keep pulling him away for moments alone. This gets to Ashley H. (“I don’t want to do this!”), who seems ready to go home, yet instead, wrapped in a wet blanket (the irony), walks up on Brad and Britt as they’re making out. Awesome. She rambles on about her feelings of ambivalence adorably enough so that Brad wants to give her the one group date rose.

But in a super-awkward moment when he’s about to give the rose out, Ashley H. says something, and then cowers when put on the spot to speak her mind in front of all the other women. So Brad basically regroups and gives the rose to Britt.

The next day is Michelle’s Day! Oh, Michelle's Day. How did you celebrate the national holiday, amigos? Unfortunately for Michelle, her day’s absolutely ruined by the other women still being concerned over Ashley H. after the previous night. Then Brad comes to pick her up, but goes to talk to Ashley H. beforehand. Aww, shnap. How’s that for a Michelle Day disaster? And Chantal had the gall to tell her she’s being stupid. As if!

Brad smoothes things over with Ashley H., and Michelle is somehow able to carry on enough to get in a helicopter with Brad (uh, sloppy seconds, Michelle?). Yet again, the producers are playing on emotions and or fear, and get the two of them to rappel down a downtown Los Angeles building to a pool below. They even get to kiss on the way down (aww). They have a great rest of their date, Brad gives her a rose, but I can’t get Michelle’s angry faces and wrestling moves/phrases out of my mind.

Brad spends some time with the women who didn’t have a date before the rose ceremony, and the cute little blanket date with Emily gets to Chantal. Nevertheless, she’s soon soothed, and Brad later lets Meghan (what was with that exit walk?), Stacey and Lindsay go.

Next week: Las Vegas! And the producers create a racing-themed date to make Emily (whose high school sweetheart, a race-car driver, died) break down and you love her more. Let me know if there was a moment you enjoyed that I missed here.

— Anthony Williams

Photo: Michelle threatens to use the People's Elbow if Ashley H.'s hysterics ruin her one-on-one date.


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