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‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ recap: I have a vision: It’s all downhill from here

PreviewOh, they went there.

You name it: the New York affair, Taylor’s lips, the relationship between Kim and Kyle and all that is Camille Grammer. It flared up — like a beautiful disaster — Thursday night on the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

I have to say, the producers suckered us in. Last week was a snooze with its focus on Kim Richard’s terrifying dating life (it reminded me of the Date Mike version of Michael Scott on “The Office,” sans the Kangol cap), and on Taylor Armstrong’s life (although it was touching and helped to add a little substance to the hollow shell she had been on the show).

And this week started with the ladies on their best behavior. The dinner party at Camille’s house started out as civil, if not phony, but there seemed to be a slim chance that this whole thing could derail so badly.

And it did. And it was riveting television, as if the manual of psychological disorders had been portrayed for a viewing audience. Camille introduced us to a woman born to be a villain on reality TV — I just can’t believe Alison Dubois didn’t see her own fate.

There was the electronic cigarette that she whipped out at the dinner table and whiffed as though she were channeling Sharon Stone — which won me over immediately. She was weird and had Kim Richards-style facial tics and had the rare indignant attitude that only someone on reality TV without any reason to have attitude can have (I’m thinking of a certain monster VH1 created dubbed "New York"). In case that name sounds at all familiar, she’s the basis of “Medium” — or “The Show Camille Grammer Produces And Used to Launch Patricia Arquette to Superstardom.”

Every time she opened her mouth, it was pure gold. With a smarmy look and a puff of her electronic cigarette, you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in that head of hers. Actually, you do know what she’s thinking. It’s something like this:

Hussy, you just got served!  Alison Dubois style!

Of course, this “medium” makes Raven Symone’s old Disney Channel act look realistic. She started off the evening with this off-the-wall soliloquy about being a young, Good Girl Gone Bad. “We’re not supposed to be good,” she told everyone at the table. “We’re supposed to be really, really bad. In a controlled setting.”

You could see in Adrienne Maloof’s face that she was wondering why she — a woman who owns basketball teams and casinos and has enough money to put what looks like gold chains in her hair — has to sit next to this nut. And Lisa Vanderpump pried into spirit-seeing ability like a mischievous kid trying to gin up some trouble.

The whole thing started heading off the tracks when Camille pretended like she didn’t know who the guest Kyle Richards brought with her was. It was Faye Resnick, one of the hangers-on from the O.J. trial. Camille showed her acting prowess when suddenly Faye’s identity — and the details of her spread in Playboy — just popped into her head. Talk about instant recall.

Then, The Medium — with alleged reluctance — offers her reading of Kyle’s future. She said her husband would never fulfill her emotionally and that their marriage would wilt after the kids grew up.

And boom goes the dynamite!

Camille and Kyle went back to the whole No One Would Be Interested In Camille Without Kelsey There remark that I continue to argue that Camille dreamed up.

Out of nowhere, Kim popped up like a Whack-A-Mole, randomly attacking Taylor: “Why don’t you go blow up your lips some more!” (Though I have to give props to Kim on this one. Someone needed to say it.)

Then, Miss Cleo jumped in and took us for a ride.  In between releasing plumes of steam and twitchy smirks, she unleashed a slew of disses so wonderful my little Grinch heart grew at least two sizes last night. I’ve collected a few of my favorite for you below:

I’ve had books written about me and by me, and a television show about my life, so you can take a flying leap.

You’ve got two legs the last time we checked … So walk!

You’re not interesting to me, so you can keep being interested by me. That’s awesome.  You’ve got two legs too!

I can tell you when she will die, and what will happen to her children. I love that about me.

Hmm, I seem to be having a vision that Alison Dubois must have missed about her friend Camille, who was on the edge of her seat, her eyes twinkling at the sight of the drama surrounding her.

In my vision, I see the obnoxious star of a '90s sitcom. It’s not David Schwimmer. No, he looks more like a porpoise in a cashmere sweater.

And he’s in New York City, on Broadway, and a woman who’s not his wife is there with him. I’m seeing a K. Her name is Kay, or Kathy, or … wait.

It’s Kayte Walsh.

Oh, yeah, I went there.

****
Moments with The Medium:
What is up with this lady? Electronic cigarette. Ego. Sipping on cocktails like it’s Sizzurp and she’s a rapper. What was your favorite moment with Patricia Arquette’s inspiration?

Where does it go from here?
Can these women ever be in the same room together again? I can only imagine a reunion special that Bravo has to stretch out over six weeks, and a least a few of them will likely show up in straightjackets.

Pretend you’re Miss Dubois. What are your predictions, Show Trackers?

— Rick Rojas

Photo: Kyle Richards, Taylor Armstrong, Kim Richards and Lisa Vanderpump. Credit: Jason DeCrow/Bravo 

 
Comments () | Archives (71)

Wow, Allison Dubios, how disappointing to see this side of you come out when I had a complete different perspective from watching Medium. You were a true bully and instigator on this show - and I imagine perfect, for causing better ratings.

I too have watched Medium and won't anymore. In fact, because of this particular episode, I will not waste any time watching anymore "reality" television shows. Kudos to the two housewives that kept their dignity and manners by not adding to the craziness. If I were you two, I'd totally get out. Why put up with this negativity?

It's amazing to me that people with so much to be grateful for, spend so much time on trivial, inconsequential, petty things - yes and that we (or at least me) stupidly keep watching as voyeurs. No more for me.

Why is it that these women that should be very secure about their lives let this minutiae get to them? Where do the insecurities come from when they have so much? Do they need a different form of therapy or something else to get a different perspective and attitude adjustment? For God's sake, have some real fun, appreciate life and let those insecurities go!

Good thing Oprah's network is about to launch. Maybe there is hope for television-land.

Alison's comments were horrendous but ultimately, it was Camille's dinner party and as the hostess, it is her responsibility to keep her guests in line. As the hostess, she shouldn't have said things that would make her guests feel uncomfortable and shouldn't have allowed Alison to say the things she said. I give a lot of credit to Taylor for putting a stop to the madness.

Ditto to all the posts below! I think we all agree that Camille is sick and crazy and a real insecure person. And that Allison Dubois is psycho (not psychic) and just as fake and crazy as Camille. They so deserve each other. Please take Camille off the show and replace her with Faye Resnick. And take Kim with her. She is too boring (sorry Kim, but you need to get away from your sister and get a life.)

Seems everyone bypassed Camille talking to her mom about her cancer then turning it about HER! How she (Camille) has had a battery of tests to she if she has the gene for it. Now she has ANOTHER worry, with all she has to do, with all the kids, driving, appoints.....poor thing......HER MOM HAS CANCER AND IT'S ALL ABOUT CAMILLE!!!! She also doesn't think she'll be able to live in a 3500sq foot apt in NYC! That's bigger than most peoples homes! It's nicely decorated, she has 'people' there. Not like she has to cook, clean OR care for her children!
This is the only PARTIAL episode I watched because a friend said it was hysterical! These whinny women have so much to complain about and have no idea what the real world is.......well........it was so obvious! I couldn't watch the complete train wreck of their lives! Whatever happens, they bring it on themselves.

Allison Dubois is a total fraud, just like Camille. If Camille knows so much about sobriety-you know helping Kelsey stay sober and all, a d she knows Allison has a drinking problem, how come she plied everyone with those stiff drinks? Answer: she's a psychopath. Poor Kelsey lived with a lunatic for all those years! And the hypocrisy! Pointing the finger at Faye resnick when she was a pole dancer and escort!!

Big fan of Camille and by far THE best Real Housewives episode in the series history is the Dinner Party from Hell. Thank you Camille, Dubois, and the undercover mean girl Kyle for making this the best reality show out. Camille, please don't leave the show!!!

They should make a spinoff with Camille and Allison Dubois called the "Real Witches of Wherever". They can ride around in the night sky riding on thier electronic ciggies blowing smoke out of thier....

I find Allison DuBous statements and behavior to be beyond deplorable. And for her to blame Bravo's editing is nothing less than the mark of a true coward. She went so low to mention missing children. She is filth and if that show is not canceled and if her book sales do not drop then shame on us. As for Camille Grammer, perhaps if she did not relentlessly abuse her husband's fame and be self indulged and vindictive, she wouldn't be single. Not surprising she would try to take all his money. Camille and Allison deserve eachother!!

Camille you were there telling kyle how her husband would not be fully desiring to her after the children is grown, and how much she is jealous of you. Now look at you, you gold digging hussy the whole you were married to Kelsey you were drooling over your boy toy u exercise with. You will never be in a relationship with a man who treats and accept as much as Maurice accepts and love his wife kyle. You never deserved Kelsey, i knew from the moment you went down in his dressing room that something was wrong, it was fake as hell. I only hope that Kelsey find someone who is more real than u ever dreamed to be. JEALOUS.......... HA, WHO WOULD WANT TO BE JEALOUS OF SOMEONE WHO'S MAN DOESN'T WANT HER. GET SOME THERAPY. ALSO CALL KYLE AND ASK HER WHATS HER SECRETS.

Nicole

I didn't think that anything Allison said sounded clever... It all sounded petty and childish. Remember the days of "I know you are, but what am I?", or "yo'momma!", those were more clever than the lame things she spouted. "you have two legs, last we checked.."??? What does that even mean?!?

The whole argument was pretty funny. I like everyone other than Camile and Taylor.

I think Camile owes Kyle a pretty major apology for implying that her loving husband was a cheater... Especially considering what is going on with Kelsey...

Haha I think Camille needs another episode for her! I love the fact that she was smoking an ecig on the show! I get mine from http://www.ivaporize.com.au and they do the best ones!

Fake psychics, are there any other kind? I don't believe any of that nonsense anyways...

 
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