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‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ recap: I have a vision: It’s all downhill from here

PreviewOh, they went there.

You name it: the New York affair, Taylor’s lips, the relationship between Kim and Kyle and all that is Camille Grammer. It flared up — like a beautiful disaster — Thursday night on the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

I have to say, the producers suckered us in. Last week was a snooze with its focus on Kim Richard’s terrifying dating life (it reminded me of the Date Mike version of Michael Scott on “The Office,” sans the Kangol cap), and on Taylor Armstrong’s life (although it was touching and helped to add a little substance to the hollow shell she had been on the show).

And this week started with the ladies on their best behavior. The dinner party at Camille’s house started out as civil, if not phony, but there seemed to be a slim chance that this whole thing could derail so badly.

And it did. And it was riveting television, as if the manual of psychological disorders had been portrayed for a viewing audience. Camille introduced us to a woman born to be a villain on reality TV — I just can’t believe Alison Dubois didn’t see her own fate.

There was the electronic cigarette that she whipped out at the dinner table and whiffed as though she were channeling Sharon Stone — which won me over immediately. She was weird and had Kim Richards-style facial tics and had the rare indignant attitude that only someone on reality TV without any reason to have attitude can have (I’m thinking of a certain monster VH1 created dubbed "New York"). In case that name sounds at all familiar, she’s the basis of “Medium” — or “The Show Camille Grammer Produces And Used to Launch Patricia Arquette to Superstardom.”

Every time she opened her mouth, it was pure gold. With a smarmy look and a puff of her electronic cigarette, you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in that head of hers. Actually, you do know what she’s thinking. It’s something like this:

Hussy, you just got served!  Alison Dubois style!

Of course, this “medium” makes Raven Symone’s old Disney Channel act look realistic. She started off the evening with this off-the-wall soliloquy about being a young, Good Girl Gone Bad. “We’re not supposed to be good,” she told everyone at the table. “We’re supposed to be really, really bad. In a controlled setting.”

You could see in Adrienne Maloof’s face that she was wondering why she — a woman who owns basketball teams and casinos and has enough money to put what looks like gold chains in her hair — has to sit next to this nut. And Lisa Vanderpump pried into spirit-seeing ability like a mischievous kid trying to gin up some trouble.

The whole thing started heading off the tracks when Camille pretended like she didn’t know who the guest Kyle Richards brought with her was. It was Faye Resnick, one of the hangers-on from the O.J. trial. Camille showed her acting prowess when suddenly Faye’s identity — and the details of her spread in Playboy — just popped into her head. Talk about instant recall.

Then, The Medium — with alleged reluctance — offers her reading of Kyle’s future. She said her husband would never fulfill her emotionally and that their marriage would wilt after the kids grew up.

And boom goes the dynamite!

Camille and Kyle went back to the whole No One Would Be Interested In Camille Without Kelsey There remark that I continue to argue that Camille dreamed up.

Out of nowhere, Kim popped up like a Whack-A-Mole, randomly attacking Taylor: “Why don’t you go blow up your lips some more!” (Though I have to give props to Kim on this one. Someone needed to say it.)

Then, Miss Cleo jumped in and took us for a ride.  In between releasing plumes of steam and twitchy smirks, she unleashed a slew of disses so wonderful my little Grinch heart grew at least two sizes last night. I’ve collected a few of my favorite for you below:

I’ve had books written about me and by me, and a television show about my life, so you can take a flying leap.

You’ve got two legs the last time we checked … So walk!

You’re not interesting to me, so you can keep being interested by me. That’s awesome.  You’ve got two legs too!

I can tell you when she will die, and what will happen to her children. I love that about me.

Hmm, I seem to be having a vision that Alison Dubois must have missed about her friend Camille, who was on the edge of her seat, her eyes twinkling at the sight of the drama surrounding her.

In my vision, I see the obnoxious star of a '90s sitcom. It’s not David Schwimmer. No, he looks more like a porpoise in a cashmere sweater.

And he’s in New York City, on Broadway, and a woman who’s not his wife is there with him. I’m seeing a K. Her name is Kay, or Kathy, or … wait.

It’s Kayte Walsh.

Oh, yeah, I went there.

****
Moments with The Medium:
What is up with this lady? Electronic cigarette. Ego. Sipping on cocktails like it’s Sizzurp and she’s a rapper. What was your favorite moment with Patricia Arquette’s inspiration?

Where does it go from here?
Can these women ever be in the same room together again? I can only imagine a reunion special that Bravo has to stretch out over six weeks, and a least a few of them will likely show up in straightjackets.

Pretend you’re Miss Dubois. What are your predictions, Show Trackers?

— Rick Rojas

Photo: Kyle Richards, Taylor Armstrong, Kim Richards and Lisa Vanderpump. Credit: Jason DeCrow/Bravo 

 
Comments () | Archives (71)

Wow, I just stumbled across this article and I'm having trouble believing some of these comments.

I don't watch any of the "housewives" shows, so I can't comment on specifics. But reality shows are at least as fake as anything that's scripted, if not more so. The producers cast the most controversial headcases they can find and pay them handsomely to continue to be controversial headcases. And the worse/more ridiculous the "story" developments, the better.

In other words, folks, it's all for the sake of ratings! I agree with "The Fabulous Ms M": stop watching this crap and get the Sam Hill out of the house.

First of all, as any sane, smart person knows, there is no such thing as a "medium" or "psychic." Only God can see the future. He says so in the bible (and since He created us, He would know.) Allison is nuttier than a fruitcake! Camille is proof that money cannot buy class. (Same for Kim and Kyle.) Taylor needs to look in the mirror. Her lips are disgusting.

Not only did she fail to predict the demise of her "best friend's" marriage (Camille) but failed also to predict the demise or cancellation of "Medium," as she smugly went on and on about how "great" her show was.

She is petty and malicious. How can you go below the belt and say mocking comments about someone's children ("I know what's going to happen to Kyle's children.")? Very low class. No matter how psychic she is, I bet she failed to predict the overwhelming disgust/backlash the majority of the viewers had with her childish behavior.

@deepellumgirl

I'm psychic and I don't believe in your "god" but I do know that the bible says #Acts 2:17
And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:
18And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy:

There are seers and prophets and people who interpret dreams all through the book. It doesn't say you can't, it says you shouldn't, but there are political reasons for that too numerous to cover here. Plenty of sane, smart people practice religions other than yours and use all forms of divination successfully every day. Psychic ability is a normal function of a healthy human brain.

Allison DuBois! what else would you expect from someone who communicates with demons, not dead people. The whole night had a bad vibe from the very beginning.

Good thing Kyle Richards family does nothave spots or they would be made into coats to adorn these fraud villainesses at Camille Grammers party ....some party!!!!The hostess with the leastest......now we know for sure all that glitters is not gold. Kyle has a short fuse that dealing with women alone can engender and even a leopard does not change its spots so I think all should avoid Camille and her ilk like the plague she really is. All the supposed nervous laughter is just ego and catty satisfaction and of course with her sick little voice and her false apologies not acceptable on so many layers if we are onions or jewels of many facets something very stinking has marred this womans act and thats all she is Why did she agree to go on show and oh why will she stay hope not. Was curious at apeek at these womens lives and some are not on camera and hope better than this and are likeable but this stuff so draining There is a place to protect your family and could not at all agree with psycho-ick about negative comments I predict a wonderful future for Kyle as she banks on the right kinda life and at the end of the day should be so thankful and try to not let anything bemoan this on and on but reach inside for the grace and focus to rise above it and let the best part of her shine. Many admire her.

I loved Allison Dubois! She is my new favorite housewife! I loved her and would love to have her over to my house for dinner! She was awesome!!!

I agree with most of the comments about Alison Du Bois. I think her comments about Kyles marriage, husband and children were way out of line and a total abuse of her God given powers ( assuming that that's where they came from). I lost any respect for Camille at the beginning of the series when she was whining about how exhausted she is from having to maintain two houses with only property managers and maids and nannies and gardeners to help her. No wonder she needed a vacation to Hawaii. She must have been exhausted from watching all these people do their work. Simply by watching the self-satisfied smirks on Camilles face, you could tell that the dinner was unfolding exactly as planned. Camille strikes me as a manipulative, conniving, shallow person and one can only wonder how Kelsey managed to stay with her as long as he did.

The big surprise was Allison Dubois. At the beginning of the show Camille said her friend drinks a lot. She drank like a fish during the show and a lot of what she said made no sense. Not only is she an alcoholic but I'd say a phony medium as well. If she's a medium, then how did she miss the awful news about to crush Camille when hubby dumps her for someone much younger?

MY Goodness what a weird dinner party,that allison is very strange,and cammille has a real problem she is so juvenile,we laugh at her thoughts that everyone is envious of her, she is really quite homely close to ugly really.Kyle is so pretty and did not say what cammille thinks she said.No wonder kelsey left her she is not a very nice person,and I feel sorry for her children.

Camille Grammer is stupid and a piece of trash. She is the epidemy of fake. I wont even talk about the crazy medium. She is one miserable lady.

Ok enough already with Camille!! Kyle is right no one would know her without Kelsey!! I know I would'nt. Kyle is right she is the one that always starts it! Camille can dish it but she cant take it! I hope Camille gets nada from her divorce. Then we will see if anyone reconizes her...or cares about her.

whats so bad about saying-i know when your going to die?
or--i know how your kids will turn out in the future?
its mean?
she has a drink and she is a lush?she smokes an e cig so as not to
put pollutants in the air--and shes what?

so much worse than the f--word kyle seems to have on her lips towards camille?
kyle always looks mean and bitter-her pupils get huge and blacker whenever
she is not getting her way..

put yourself in her hubbys shoes-on her obsession with her kids-
is there an intimacy problem going on?
sure kids are important-more important than relationship between husband and wife?
and who are you to say this is alisons downfall?
that almighty are we?

the point of the show was to get into these womens day to day lives
and quite frankly it was alot of saddness--and women who just plain dont like one another
dont go to a cocktail party--looking or sniffing for trouble
kyle asked for a reading and got what she got-
so its on camille and alison for her mouth?
if you havent noticed kyle always has a bad word to say about anything-
clothes-hair-what a snob-


Did Allison Dubois go out and buy that electronic cigarette that morning to try to use as an impressive and sexy prop? Because although I've never smoked....I am around female smokers all the time and I have NEVER seen any woman smoke a real cigarette like Allison 'smoked' her fake one.

She was holding it alternately as though she were holding a joint or penny stick candy. It didn't look to me as though she actually knows how to smoke....just pretending, like she pretends to be a psychic. Like she pretends to be a human being.

Camille is a snake, I never trusted her ever! Allison the so-called psychic, you are ridiculous with your fake cigarrette, just as fake as your "gift". Kyle don't let them egg you on, your better than that. However, you do seem treat your sister Kim mean a lot. Kim step up the plate and stop being a doormat for Kyle. Take a stand and not take it anymore! Kyle will respect you for that. Taylor, yes your lips are "too" big and your parties are too over the top! Your husband never, ever looks happy, what's up with that? Come back to earth girl! Adrienne, you are beautiful and classy, no drama here! Lisa you are also classy and try to keep things neutral, good for you!

i was so disappointed in allison..she's a harridan like the rest of them...i'm afraid this will color my vision of her..and I'll never be able to watch medium with the same intent...her producers should advise her to lay low!!! her 15 minutes is almost up...according to my esp

Interesting to see that Alison Dubois is a total idiot as well as a total fake. Wonder if she knows what day her career is going to die?

Me thinks her more like Blanche Dubois...
can anyone say C R A Z Y! Great writing Rick, I havent laughed like that in a while.

The bickering amongst these women is mind-numbing. Get a job!

I will NEVER watch Medium again after seeing Alison Dubois on RHOBH. To say she is vile and malicious is an understatement. She is absolutely DEPLORABLE!!!

 
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