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‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ recap: I have a vision: It’s all downhill from here

PreviewOh, they went there.

You name it: the New York affair, Taylor’s lips, the relationship between Kim and Kyle and all that is Camille Grammer. It flared up — like a beautiful disaster — Thursday night on the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

I have to say, the producers suckered us in. Last week was a snooze with its focus on Kim Richard’s terrifying dating life (it reminded me of the Date Mike version of Michael Scott on “The Office,” sans the Kangol cap), and on Taylor Armstrong’s life (although it was touching and helped to add a little substance to the hollow shell she had been on the show).

And this week started with the ladies on their best behavior. The dinner party at Camille’s house started out as civil, if not phony, but there seemed to be a slim chance that this whole thing could derail so badly.

And it did. And it was riveting television, as if the manual of psychological disorders had been portrayed for a viewing audience. Camille introduced us to a woman born to be a villain on reality TV — I just can’t believe Alison Dubois didn’t see her own fate.

There was the electronic cigarette that she whipped out at the dinner table and whiffed as though she were channeling Sharon Stone — which won me over immediately. She was weird and had Kim Richards-style facial tics and had the rare indignant attitude that only someone on reality TV without any reason to have attitude can have (I’m thinking of a certain monster VH1 created dubbed "New York"). In case that name sounds at all familiar, she’s the basis of “Medium” — or “The Show Camille Grammer Produces And Used to Launch Patricia Arquette to Superstardom.”

Every time she opened her mouth, it was pure gold. With a smarmy look and a puff of her electronic cigarette, you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in that head of hers. Actually, you do know what she’s thinking. It’s something like this:

Hussy, you just got served!  Alison Dubois style!

Of course, this “medium” makes Raven Symone’s old Disney Channel act look realistic. She started off the evening with this off-the-wall soliloquy about being a young, Good Girl Gone Bad. “We’re not supposed to be good,” she told everyone at the table. “We’re supposed to be really, really bad. In a controlled setting.”

You could see in Adrienne Maloof’s face that she was wondering why she — a woman who owns basketball teams and casinos and has enough money to put what looks like gold chains in her hair — has to sit next to this nut. And Lisa Vanderpump pried into spirit-seeing ability like a mischievous kid trying to gin up some trouble.

The whole thing started heading off the tracks when Camille pretended like she didn’t know who the guest Kyle Richards brought with her was. It was Faye Resnick, one of the hangers-on from the O.J. trial. Camille showed her acting prowess when suddenly Faye’s identity — and the details of her spread in Playboy — just popped into her head. Talk about instant recall.

Then, The Medium — with alleged reluctance — offers her reading of Kyle’s future. She said her husband would never fulfill her emotionally and that their marriage would wilt after the kids grew up.

And boom goes the dynamite!

Camille and Kyle went back to the whole No One Would Be Interested In Camille Without Kelsey There remark that I continue to argue that Camille dreamed up.

Out of nowhere, Kim popped up like a Whack-A-Mole, randomly attacking Taylor: “Why don’t you go blow up your lips some more!” (Though I have to give props to Kim on this one. Someone needed to say it.)

Then, Miss Cleo jumped in and took us for a ride.  In between releasing plumes of steam and twitchy smirks, she unleashed a slew of disses so wonderful my little Grinch heart grew at least two sizes last night. I’ve collected a few of my favorite for you below:

I’ve had books written about me and by me, and a television show about my life, so you can take a flying leap.

You’ve got two legs the last time we checked … So walk!

You’re not interesting to me, so you can keep being interested by me. That’s awesome.  You’ve got two legs too!

I can tell you when she will die, and what will happen to her children. I love that about me.

Hmm, I seem to be having a vision that Alison Dubois must have missed about her friend Camille, who was on the edge of her seat, her eyes twinkling at the sight of the drama surrounding her.

In my vision, I see the obnoxious star of a '90s sitcom. It’s not David Schwimmer. No, he looks more like a porpoise in a cashmere sweater.

And he’s in New York City, on Broadway, and a woman who’s not his wife is there with him. I’m seeing a K. Her name is Kay, or Kathy, or … wait.

It’s Kayte Walsh.

Oh, yeah, I went there.

****
Moments with The Medium:
What is up with this lady? Electronic cigarette. Ego. Sipping on cocktails like it’s Sizzurp and she’s a rapper. What was your favorite moment with Patricia Arquette’s inspiration?

Where does it go from here?
Can these women ever be in the same room together again? I can only imagine a reunion special that Bravo has to stretch out over six weeks, and a least a few of them will likely show up in straightjackets.

Pretend you’re Miss Dubois. What are your predictions, Show Trackers?

— Rick Rojas

Photo: Kyle Richards, Taylor Armstrong, Kim Richards and Lisa Vanderpump. Credit: Jason DeCrow/Bravo 

 
Comments () | Archives (71)

I could not beleive how the girls acted last night at Camille's dinner party. Camille knew what she was doing, I do not like her, she is a very mean person and I would never want to have her as a friend. You really need to take her off the show along with her crazy friend Allison. I will never watch the Medium again.....It was a show that I would always watch and enjoy but now since I know who it is about....never again will I watch it. I have news for Camille....I olny knew who she was because of her husband. ....you are nothing without Kelsey and you will only be remembered for being a hateful mean lady.

Allison Dubois in this episde of the RHBH was like watching Sarah Palin go up against the Harvard debate team. From the first interaction with Lisa, this "medium" was obviously SO out of her league. It was uncomfortable watching her become more and more pathetic as her insecurity grew. Was she even threatening the children of the other women?

My gawd, but that show was the gift that just kept on giving. Allison Dubois reminded me of a middle-aged receptionist from Reseda doing a bad immitation of a Bond villain with her ersatz cig and pathetic puffery. Scientists have investigated her and she's a real psychic. Uh huh. Well Allison honey, nobody is a real psychic, so you're either deluded or a charlatan. In either case, welcome to the show that seems custom-made for your actual "ability", being a self-absorbed, insecure boor. That, and she made Faye Resnik seem kinda classy. Lisa and the Maloof are the only two housewives who seem to even remotely get the joke about themselves, the rest are just sad, surgically enhanced husks for whom there will never be enough money or importance to fill the empty inside.

"Fabulous Miss M" is that you Alison Dubois?? Lol what a crazy psycho you've been exposed to be. Too bad your career is toast!

Camille is ugly inside and out! Her only friends are her paid employees, laughable! ... & the icing was when the loony psychic gave Kyle Camille's reading:" You are a guys' gal ... your husband will cheat on you!!" Aah the irony of it all! Does Camille not realise how she is percieved by the public? & sweety NO ONE is jealous of that botox plastic face, Kyle is far more attractive & genuine!

Camille was so jealous of Faye Resnick! The comments were priceless. Faye was awesome holding her ground and pointing out the obvious. She WAS a panther. It is amazing how obtuse Camille is. She points out flaws in others that she herself owns! She accuses Kyle of bringing Faye to the party to stir up drama when she herself was the puppet [drama] master. A-mazing!

I am a Kyle fan but hate how she treats her sister, not fair. Taylor did point out Camille was insecure at the airport however everytime this is mentioned she attacks Kim, not cool. Kim is misunderstood and has a good heart. She is incapable of "baiting" Taylor. She is a very senstive soul positioned in a pit of vipers. However, Kim does need to suck it up and tell Camille, Kyle never said that.

When the psychic was barking how Kyle was washed up; were the drinks getting in the way of her accuracy and she was in fact speaking of her self?

Really fantastic writing Rick... lol... Kudos to you. The person I feel for most (regarding the trumped up Camille dinner) is Patricia Arquette! She is so amazing on her show and now the whole world knows what a fake the real life so-called-medium is. What a pathetic drunk. I can never watch Medium again and THAT is a reality so many 'Medium' fans are echoing now. After Thursday night's BH airing, I'm quite sure Patricia is relieved too that her show is canceled. Allison is the typical insecure female that loves to rip up other women. Camille is not her friend and she is not Camille's friend because the two of them are the most outrageous narcissistic women I have ever watched drown in their own self-adoring delusional fantasies. I feel so sorry for any children that call either of them Mom.
Aside from that I wish to plead with Taylor to leave her lips alone.. OMG girl, are you WATCHING what you look like on tv... the camera angles are brutal. ....and to face reality in it's true light and get a backbone and dump that boring husband.
Kim, you really have to stop whining about your poor pathetic, sheltered childhood.. get some therapy. I don't always like how Kyle speaks to you but you would drive me crazy too as a sister.
Lisa, you are adorable and I love your interview quips and comments.
Kyle, I think you are great and truly a target of Camille's jealousy, not the other way around. Camille's phone call to you on Andy's show afterwards was a complete PR move... please, like any of us believed that fake apology. Your husband has said amazing things about you as a mom and wife. Don't let psycho-babble's comments taint your lovely marriage.

It's apparent that Camille is jealous of Kyle. Kyle is an alpha female and Camille is a pretender to the throne. Kyle also had the nerve to call Camille on her lies. The other wives were too polite to call Camille on her behavior. Since Camille can't get Kyle to kiss her a-- then she is going to try and destroy her. If Camille can't get Kyle directly then she's going to go after Kyle's family. That dinner party was a setup. Camille had her posse surround her and then stirred up the pot to see what would happened. She knew Alison had a problem of getting loud when she drank. So what does Camille do but ply Alison with cocktails the size of bathtubs. As I have said she is very passive-aggressive.

Well, now we know that Charlie Manson did indeed have a child: Allison Dubois (note the same crazy eyes too). Some hotshot medium: her huckster "career" just imploded with this episode--though she was giving $20 readings at a Tuscon mall this weekend - I kid you not. To her credit, she did give 2 bits of psychic revelation: the women have 2 legs and biotch is a one syllable word. Now if she could just get her twitches, tics and booze under control, she might be able to go to dinner parties where the hostess does not pay you to attend.

Why are these terrible people glorified on these shows. Also, why do so many idiots become fans of this trash? I suppose like attracts like. Crack a book or paint a picture, or learn a new skill/hobby, people! Don't waste your lives buying what these producers are selling.

Hey, Alison Dubois---did Casey Anthony kill her daughter?

Oh Rick Rojas, you are now my favorite writer of all time. Your blog entry is hysterically funny.

The "Medium" is nothing more than a "Mean" drunk.

Totally agree with everything you said. Alison is C-RAZY when she inhales cocktails and steam-- apparently for mediums it's not a good combo.

However, did you notice that all of Alison's predictions for Kyle matched Camille perfectly?? The first marriage, a divorce, husband is not emotionally fulfilling (though it wouldn't take a psychic to figure that out), no longer interested in his wife once the kids are older, it's easier for her to talk to men-- ALL CAMILLE!!!

Thus, I believe Alison knows WHAT she's talking about, she just doesn't know WHO she is talking about.

loved this show! Camille is crazy and I can see why Kelsey left her although I do agree with most of the posts-why didn't her friend Allison see this coming? After all she did say that she can see how everyone will die and what will happen to them. A good friend would say hey, your husband is cheating on your because you are a crazy bitch! As for the drinking and puffing by Allison, I'm not surprised. She went to my high school after all and btw, she was a nobody!

So we learn that Allison Dubois is an alcoholic (always drinks too much according to friend Camille), vulgar, nasty and vindictive. Did anyone ever believe she had real psychic abilities? LOLOLOLOL ......

WOW! I used to watch medium in the past and always loved the softness to Patricia Arquette who played Alison Dubois..but knowing what a mean spirited, hateful, cold person Alison is in real life, I could never watch "her" show again. Was it a setup? Of course! Camille and all of her dimwitted friends wanted their air time. I personally think that she is screwing her friend, Nick! A very cloooose relationship there.
I love Lisa! She really cracks me up with her accent and sense of fun! She is why I watch :)

I'm not sure what is funnier and more entertaining: Your hilarious recaps or the actual episodes of RHOBH! Camille is an absolute psycho and her "friend" Miss Dubois may even top her in the nut-department. My gosh, that fake cigarette and the strange looks and thin lips pulling higher and higher above her teeth with every nasty remark: PRICELESS! (Needs Taylor's ps asap). The weirdest thing about Camille is that she always accuses the others of exactly what she is up to: "Other women are so catty". Not her of course..."Did you come here to defend Kyle, Faye, is that why you came?" When she had primed her two "friends" not an hour before with CATTY zingers about Kyle, the NY incident and what Camille imagined Kyle said. And even the worst hostess in Malibu should know that unless you want your alleged medium friend peppered with questions about the dead, you don't reveal what she does for a living and simply introduce her as a friend. Not as an off-the-clock-medium. Can't you just picture Camille ordering her house-manager to google Faye Resnick prior to her arrival? "The morally corrupt Faye Resnick", who LIKE Camille, posed in Playboy? Too weird, too funny, too good to miss even one episode. Maybe Bravo could do a spin-off "The real Sociopaths of Beverly Hills" starring Camille Grammer and Alison Dubois :-) Thank you for your great recaps!!!!!

OK let's cut thru all the BS
Camille knew if she served XTRA large cocktails knowing her "employee-friend" the psychic would get drunk and get down and dirty and go after Kim, probably per Camille's instructions, and being the good employee, she did exactly what Camille directed her to do. The psychic is a real nut-job - she should just stick to hanging out with dead people.

Camille as the hostess was so declasse and so vengeful, so spiteful that the guests found it all so unbearable they left en mass. Just WOW! I bet she gets lots of regrets to invites to her next "dinner party"

It was like someone hollered fire - they couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Camille wins for the hostess with the least grace and no honorable intentions.
Whew! the woman is poison.

I don't think I have ever been so disgusted by a person's behavior before. Allison DuBois just did so much damage to her reputation. I was embarassed FOR her. She should be mortified with her behavior; to say "I know how she's going to die and what will happen to her family and I love that about me" WOW. She just opened a lot of people's eyes to what she is REALLY like, versus the personality we see on tv's Medium. What EGO to say "I've had books written about my life and a tv show based on my life" as if she is automatically above everyone else. Ironically she's saying this while taping a show about the OTHER women she's attempting to insult by saying they are irrelevant and washed up! You're on THIER show, idiot!
There have been books written about OJ, or Jeffrey Dahmer, as well, that doesn't instantly mean they are to be envied.
Just complete insanely childish behaior and I for one would never support anything related to Allison DuBois. I hope in some way, at some time, karma pays Allison a visit.

 
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