'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: Who got rocked?
Alas, turned out the Hills aren’t alive, and neither were Audrina Patridge’s chances of making it to the end of Season 11’s “Dancing With the Stars” competition. In an unexpected twist, the fairly high scoring but emotionally devoid reality TV star was booted Tuesday night in a surprise elimination. She was rock solid with her technique, but perhaps Audrina's stony face kept viewers (and their votes) at arm's length. Though we know she's capable of emotion: She broke down and shed some real tears backstage upon hearing the judges’ critiques. And poor Tony Dovolani. The Albanian stallion was left to go another season without that coveted Mirrorball trophy. At least Audrina was able to leave the show with her head held high, and a glitter ball’s worth of memories to go along with those rocking abs and that amazingly non-smeary eye makeup. She used the word “bee-yotch.” Got some mixed martial arts lessons and punched Bruno’s face. Ate an onion. And turned from a beautiful show pony into Secretariat.
We knew we were in for a surprise elimination early on in the results hour, when the two bottom dwellers Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya and Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas were deemed safe right off the bat.
Bristol and Mark were doubly blessed in this hour, as they not only were saved from being called into that vague “in jeopardy” gray area, but also got to perform their air guitar tango again as the encore performance of the week.
Keeping along with the rock theme, Heart proved they’ve still got it with their performance of “Barracuda,” accompanied by bare-chested guys Louis Van Amstel (who also choreographed), Damian Whitewood (how nice to see you again!) and Derek Hough, and gals Chelsie Hightower, Karina Smirnoff and Peta (“Heavens to”) Murgatroyd on the dance floor.
Seeing as he came out to give Kurt Warner some pointers on how to rock, it was pretty clear that Bret Michaels was a “DWTS” fan. (And angling to get on the show, perhaps?) But who knew that Alice Cooper and Dee Snider were versed in ballroom analytics as well? The two hard-rock heads not only had more than just a passing knowledge of each of this season’s remaining contestants, but also could pinpoint what their strengths and weaknesses were. (“Audrina needs to tap into some emotion and rock it,” said Dee sagely. Preach it, Twisted Sister.) It was like watching two disparate worlds colliding. You got your metal in my ballroom! No, you got your ballroom in my metal! Hard core mash-up, or another sign of the apocalypse? It’s hard to say.
The Macy’s Stars of Dance performance was an extravaganza of sights and sounds, from the sexy schoolkids dance (choreographed by “So You Think You Can Dance” alum Travis Wall) in the middle of the floor, to a real-life School of Rock band performing a medley of school-themed songs, to members of Burbank’s John Burroughs High School show choir dressed like they had stepped straight out of an episode of “Glee” and belting a rendition of Queen’s “We Will Rock You.” It was quite the pyrotechnic-addled spectacle and ended, fittingly, with a school bell. School’s out ... forever!
Kylie Minogue came out and sang her latest single, “Get Outta My Way,” flanked by a lot of spandexed, bare-chested men (including Mark from “SYTYCD!”) and a bunch of chairs. Sure, the song wasn’t really rock, but she had the right hair and a lot of solid beefcake around her, which should count for something. Plus, can Kylie bring Voguing back?
The contestants themselves were interviewed in a ho-hum segment about how the competition is far from over. Rick Fox said stuff about eating and drinking it. Kurt says he practices even more now than when he played football. Everyone was so serious, and all about bringing it. But is this seriously what this season has become? Right about now I’d give up my best feather boa for a Margaret Cho interjecting that this is the gayest thing ever. Or the Situation talking about this elevated Situation. Or Florence Henderson making a randy hellcat comment.
Perhaps next week’s 200th episode, complete with celebrity guest judges and a slew of returning stars, will inject the glitter and gold back into this season.
What did you think of the elimination? The season so far? Who do you think would do the best samba: Bret Michaels, Alice Cooper or Dee Snider? Who’ll win the Olympic “DWTS” champion showdown next week: Kristi Yamaguchi or “Bandana Boy” Apolo Anton Ohno?
-- Allyssa Lee
Photo credit: Adam Larkey / ABC