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'Hell's Kitchen' recap: 'Bloody hell, here we go again'

September 23, 2010 |  9:52 am

Hells_Kitchen

And just like that, we're down three.

The first hour in the back-to-back episodes was barely in the books before Chef Gordon Ramsay managed to drive Antonia mad -- and into the back of an ambulance, and out of "Hell's Kitchen." "Spent" Lisa also hit the road, as did Cowboy Curtis, guilty of a sushi massacre.

Have we ever seen so many people fall on premiere night? It seemed like just one of many firsts, including the worst-ever opening-night dinner service. "Bloody hell, here we go again," Ramsay said. "I've never felt so disappointed on opening night."

Another first, but hopefully not a last: Sushi god/Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto graced "Hell's Kitchen" with his presence. Just one complaint, and it's a complaint I have in general with this show: Couldn't we have had an extra 60 seconds of Morimoto doing his thing? Same complaint when Ramsay cooks. I realize this is not a cooking show -- it's a reality show -- but give us an opportunity to watch these masters at work. Don't rush us through what little instructional cooking there is! What do you think? Am I wrong?

Some observations about this motley crew:

--Resisting my baser instincts, I will refrain from making fun of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Raj.

--Hey Vinny, you know those people walking around with the big heavy equipment? They're carrying cameras. They're these really cool devices that record everything. And report it back to Ramsay.

--I'm glad Ramsay said it first, so now I can say it: What the heck is up with Jillian's tattooed eyebrows? I'm going to assume that she did that voluntarily, but what was that internal conversation like? "I think I'd look prettier without real eyebrows." She says she wants to win "Hell's Kitchen" so that she won't have to live with her boyfriend's mother anymore. Really? If she wins, I can think of two things she should fix first.

--Sabrina is trying to rock the "sexy secretary" look, but it just comes across as the "ancient librarian who is always shushing everyone" look. That is amazing given that she is all of 22. Are those prop glasses? She seems to spend more time peering over them than through them.

--Boris just looks like a ... Boris, doesn't he? Nice way to cozy up to Ramsay by making fun of him.

--Wasn't Exhibitionist Emily worried about splattering grease or something else equally hot on those ... puppies? That would have hurt. I guess they don't have aprons where she comes from. But she did deliver a solid signature dish, so she's one to watch. (And everyone will be watching if she continues dressing like that.)

--Nona has legs.

--Quote of the night goes to Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Raj, who found himself on the chopping block but saved himself in part by arguing "I'm a slow learner."

Who uses that as a defense? (I'm merely reporting the facts and asking a legitimate follow-up question. Not making fun at all.)

-- Rene Lynch
Twitter.com/renelynch

Photo: A scene from "Hell's Kitchen." Credit: Fox

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