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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Reunion, Part 1: Fight! Fight! But where's the ham?

Teresa_danielle_andy Perhaps “Glee’s” Chris Colfer best described (via Twitter) Part 1 of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion: It “makes Avatar look like a high school production of Paint Your Wagon.”

The dude is a genius.

And since I’m still trying to wrap my head around the episode (which, by the way was way long -- it clocked in at 75 minutes), bullet points are necessary.

-- The Situation and his grenade-filled hot tub doesn’t have a fan in Teresa. The “Skinny Italian” says she “wasn’t too fond” of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” But don’t let out a “wahhhh!” just yet, Snooki! Teresa assures us that Danielle would be a welcomed addition. Maybe it’s because Teresa considers Danielle a pig? Sure, the Situation and Pauly D have voiced their opposition to zoo creatures ... but maybe farm animals are in the clear?

-- As soon as host Andy Cohen announced there’d be a montage highlighting the ladies’ vocabulary -- cleavalage (cleavage), ehtniticity (ethnicity) -- I was hoping there would be an end to Danielle’s inability to pluralize “woman.” I was wrong.

-- When trying to ambush that woman (Danielle), it helps to push Andy aside like a rag doll. Just ask Teresa. Riled up, and taking her Caroline impersonation to the extreme as she shouted “Do not break up my family! Do not break up my family! Do not break up my family!,” Teresa wasn’t going to let little ol’ Andy -- who was donning a fetching purple tie -- keep her from getting her hands on Danielle. When the host tried to shield her from going bonkers on Danielle, Teresa shoved him aside. Danielle escaped her wrath, but it’s clear Teresa has been getting taekwondo lessons from her gals. I suspect Joe has been bribing her with hot dogs.

[Update 2:38 p.m.: It seems all the shouting during last night's reunion made my hearing a little fuzzy. Thanks to reader "CP' for alerting us to a mistake! It seems Teresa was screaming (over and over) "Do not bring up my family!" She even made the clarification on her Bravo blog ... so I must not have been the only one hearing things, right?]

-- When all else fails, hairstylists will always be there to console you while ensuring your hair looks fierce.

-- While Danielle and Teresa were asked a bazillion questions about their behavior, Andy seemed to waver when it came to questioning Caroline’s face shaving. Am I the only one still utterly dumbfounded by this? The lady shaves her face. Have others heard of this exfoliating technique?

-- After Teresa’s heated outburst (the chick was grunting louder than the day she was in labor this season), you’d think Andy would know better than to show footage of Teresa’s spending habits. Nope. Instead, we were reminded of the time Marie Antoinette (an impersonator, of course) served sushi at her housewarming party. She copped to filing for bankruptcy and insists she’s adjusted her lifestyle. Here’s hoping her girls’ extravagant head pieces didn’t get hit the hardest.

-- Danielle, out of all of them, actually seemed totally aware of what she is at this point -- “I’ve become a character.”

-- But when it comes time to explain those sex tapes to her children, something tells me they’re not going to believe she’s acting. So what does she say her explanation would be? “Mommy should have been more careful and private.” Did her energist help her with that?

Show Trackers, what did you think of Part 1 of the finale? What do you think of Kim G. making an appearance next week? Were you sad there was no ham around for Teresa to throw?

-- Yvonne Villarreal

twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo credit: Bravo

 
Comments () | Archives (38)

Wow that Teresa does not represent the italians very well. She makes them look like people who never worn shoes their whole life and has major anger control issues. She should be in jail for threatning behavior. Someone should call CPS on her and have her kids removed from her home due to her mental instability, she shows poor judgement and she is showing her girls that you can act like an idiot and not have any consequences to the behavior. Her financial life is in shambles again due to her lack of self control and living beyond her means, again she is filing for bankruptcy and is getting no real consequence, her creditor arent getting anything out of this dumb broad. Teresa please do all ITALIAN AMERICANS a favor and get off the show because YOU dont represent us in a positive light, get help and get some integrity , if your parents taught you about it, doesnt appear as such..

IRT to Jacqueline, some advice to you, quit the show and work on your parenting skills, no GOOD could come out having your inferior parenting skills amplified on TV.

If you truly love your family then you should stay home and work on developing a positive and fruitful home environment, your kids will thank you for it..

As for Caroline She seems the most levelheaded and should focus on helping her family growth instead of being on a B level TV show where your life is being shown on TV. Happiness is best achieved by having respect and integrity for the privacy of your family, no one is viewing you or your family in a postive light as a result of this un necessary exposure.

There is nothing more important in life than integrity as a human being

IRT to Danielle I understand her financial reasons for being on the show but she creates some of that drama by showing up at events with dangerous people around like crazy Teresa (whom by the way needs to lead away by men wearing white coats) Danielle, have you heard of risk mitigation?? If not I recommend googling it

After watching this latest reunion I have no desire to ever watch them on tv again. Crisis reveals character in a person. Teresa is insanely mad and out of control to the point she acted worse than an animal. Jacqueline acted stupider than her daughter. Extreemly immature, couldnt wait to yell cruel words, and yak yak yak. Caroline whom I admired the most, geeze, ok we all know your honest, smart and caring, but you bragged over and over again on how great you are. All three of you were so angry that your faces were twisted I could feel the anger and it made me sick physicaly. You three women couldnt wait to scream and yell at Danniel, she stood alone. Just like kids in school, you were bullies. Beyond your fancy clothes and jewelry I saw your true beings, and I am ashamed of you and the way you three acted. Teresa you need counseling asap, or your girls are going to have a very difficult time facing adulthood. Jacqueline try to act more mature than your daughter. Can any of you three control yourself?

I've enjoyed watching the "Real Housewives" series, and I admit, I've been somewhat hooked. I've enjoyed most seasons. I watched the reunion show last night and I'm over it! These women (yes, I know how to pluralize woman) don't deserve my time or the insane amount of attention, money or "fame" they are receiving from this. Danielle has "people," it's laughable. What has she done or accomplished to deserve this? And the other women aren't much better, they acted like high school mean girls during most of the show and lunatics during certain points (i.e Teresa). Caroline shows moments of wisdom but too often she slips into the matriarch role and I'm over it. I'd rather watch the real lives of some accomplished women and their relationships and their stories versus these has-been, severely-lacking-of-talent reality stars. Start over Bravo!

Okay, why would Teresa get so pissed about the nephew question. Umm, b/c Joe fathered a kid with another woman and they are passing the kid off as "the nephew".
I think the "woman" are rattle by Danielle b/c she has a lot of inside information about the gals.

They are all trash, but I enjoy watching.

I thought it has been strange all the way around. Bravo continues to portray Danielle as a villian when clearly she is one of the most level in the bunch. She was the only one there not rolling her eyes and pursing her lips every second of the night. I really can't stand Caroline. She is such an unbearable hypocrite. She lectures Danielle about being 'insane' and needing medication but ho-hums Terersa's frightening psychotic break a few minutes into the broadcast. What is wrong with her. I call it the Victoria Gotti syndrome, and not by coincidence... if someone is related to Caroline, or is her 'friend' (read: the enemy of her enemy, in Teresa's case) then they are above reproach. Everyone else can eat dirt. That's such a juvenile outlook on the world it's pitiful, it's certainly nothing to be admired. None of these ladies are any 'better' or more 'moral' than any of the other ones...Guidice and her husband are grifters at best and the Manzo money is mafia-tainted so, for crying out loud, all of them are flawed characters.

Watching the show was addicting for me because of the psychology/anthropology aspect. Will viewers drink the kool-aid and vicariously gang up on someone who is clearly no better or worse than any of the other players just because they are told to do so by Bravo's clever editing? Was Bravo curious about this itself? Was it just a brave experiment in mind control? Tune in next week....

I have been reading the real housewives tweets and blogs here

http://www.showtribe.com/show/The-Real-Housewives-of-New-Jersey/552/twitter

and a lot of people are saying that it was something to do with Joe having a child with his sister in law (Teresa's sister). May be just a rumor but her reaction was surely over the top.

Is it just me or is this the first time at a 'reunion' that no drinks were served? Hummm. I watched the reunion because of all the publicity and was amazed that these people are allowed to keep their children. ALL OF THEM......

Reality t.v. at it's lowest. Four grown women acting like street thugs/gangsters/fashionistas? Danielle, well her daughter's need to stop being exploited on this show. The girls, although seeming like pretty great kids, need their MOTHER. It seems as if her daughter's are HER mom. Yes, even supporting her because I believe she still doesn't work?? Theresa? Anger management and possibly getting tested is the way to go! Also, discipline your lil ones they're out of control... Buying them doesn't necessarily make you a "good" mom. Jacqueline, you looked lost. You really look uncomfortable in that group and appear to act as if you're accepted - sad. Your daughter needs her mom as well. Caroline, yes, you're right you never once said anything horrible about Danielle however, your body language and stares say it. Stop being the MAN of the family... And stop shaving your neck/face - ewww. Too manly for my taste - not even in a dress did you look feminine or soft - sorry.

LOOK THIS IS THE PROBLEM... AND IT HAPPENS TO MANY OF US, DANIELLE PUSHES EVERY SINGLE BUTTON AND DOES INCREDIBLE THINGS TO HARM THE GIRLS. THEN WHEN THEY EXPLOTE AND SCREAM AND SHOUT, SHE RAISES HER EYEBROWS (WHICH ARE HIGH ENOUGH AS IT IS) AND PRETENDS SHE IS ALL INNOCENT. SHE MAKES THE OTHERS LOOK CRAZY. SHE SUFFERS FROM NARCISSICTIC PERSONALITY DISSORDER! THE LADY NEEDS TO BE REAL, STOP BEING A CHARACTER. SHE IS ACTING, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID AND ADMITTED. THAT MY DARLING IS JUST WRONG. SHE IS NOT DOING THINGS NATURALLY, SHE IS NOT FEELING IT, SHE IS ACTING. HOW WRONG IS THAT!!??!!

I thought T-bone said,"Do not break up my family." The ladies have been trading barbs about family all along - the vitriol seemed out of proportion. My guess is that the ladies are improvising based on coaching from the directors. Elia Kazan privately directed actors with faux gossip to create more conflict when the scene was shot (I think it was East of Eden). The "button pushing" comments, Teresa perched in the country club like the Chesire Cat waiting to provoke Danielle...how could this be spontaneous?

I agree with Veronica regarding Teresa's defamation of Italian-Americans. Andy got in on the act by asking, "Is that an Italian thing?" on the recap.

She didn't say "do not break up my family" she said "do not BRING UP my family"

I think Danielle has every bit as much class as any of the others. At least she can control herself. The rest are low class bullies. Trease expect the rest of the world to pay their bills while they raise spoiled brats for kids, and she wants to call Danielle names who starts all the fights then lies about Danilles behavior. I don't blame Danielle for walking out but she should have decked her first. Whats the matter carolyn can't control your girls???????

First of all I want to tell Patti P., your idea of a new reality show titled "Children of the housewives, (In therapy)" had me LMAO. But really maybe you should sell that idea to Bravo. Maybe Bravo should make a reality show with all the RHONJ children cast in it. See how mature and how good all of them act, including of course Danielles girls. And Patrick who posted on Aug 31st, about Danielle being your favorite and the reason you watch the show, you took the words out of my blog. Danielle is suppose to be so dangerous, then why when Ashley crept up behind Danielle, like a snake does it's prey and pulled her hair (when Danielle had no clue it was coming) didn't Danielle turn around and beat the girl. Danielle would have had every single right doing so and then Danielle, that "horrible monster" the others want to label her, could of used the self-defense tactic. And Ashley would of so deserved it. Jaqueline made a comment a few episodes back that for Danielle pressing charges, she could never forgive her for it. But had Jaqueline been that sweet, caring, non-judgemental real friend she played and acted to be to Danielle then yes I think the right thing to do was drop it. But she wasn't nor never wanted to be. I guess 1/5 sayings I live by, "what comes around goes around" did happen there Jaqueline. And why isn't she not talking to her bff Teresa. After all had Teresa not started it by waiting outside the bathroom for Danielle, none of that would of happened and Ashley at 19 wouldn't be carrying a record with assult on it. Good friend Teresa. Also 2/5 saying I live by is "it takes one to know one", and therefor I believe Teresa is I'll quote a disgusting, desperate, pig. Especially after saying in one of her latest blogs she lives by God. Caroline to I quote, is garbage. And her too saying she is a Christian. Ha! Any true Christian Italian, really any of any race does not judge others for ANY PAST they may have had, good or bad, they don't treat people like garbage, nor call them garbage or worse. My 3/5 saying I live by is "an eye for an eye" and 4/5 "do to others that you want done to you" and well should Danielle not return you couldn't blame her if it was so she can take some more time to investigate what it is, all the dirt and danger of Caroline's father-in-law with mob ties and dish it out to all the reporters. Caroline doesn't want it out for her childrens sake. Or is it because of how it can be so much worse than what was wrote about Danielle, by an ANGRY EX. In my opinion, regardless of what kind of past Danielle had, good or bad, even if any and/or all the stuff her ANGRY EX wrote is true, she shouldn't be treated so bad. And again no true Christian or person who lives for God would judge her. A true one would be there to help her. Finally 5/5, "KARMA". And I guess the $11 million Teresa is in bankrupt is the beginning of bad Karma for her. You can pray to God for nice things, love and your childrens health, but don't expect it if you treat people as bad as you treat Danielle. Hopefully she sees that and turns it around before bad karma affects more than $. Wheather Danielle returns or not and wheather or not Bravo doubles Teresa's salary to stay or doesn't and Teresa leaves she needs to turn bad karma away, by trying to make peace. Not friends but peace. And mean it. Even if Danielle doesn't. Good luck. I don't think Bravo should double her salary to keep Teresa. Honestly they could find someone so easy willing to take what she makes now or even less who has class and acts like a lady. You know like one you'd expect to see on a reality housewives show.

OK....put on your seat belts....my husband just read that Teresa's BROTHER had an affair with a black woman and had an illegitimate child with her...and THAT'S the nephew she didn't acknowledge. JOE REALLY DOES HAVE A LOVE CHILD...A BABY BOY!!!!!!! JOE IS CHEATING ON TERESA WITH A WOMAN NAME TARA AND TERESA KNOWS CAUSE SHE BUSTED HIM. HE DOESN'T HIDE TARA AT WORK THOUGH. SHE'S YOUNG, PETITE, AND A BLONDE. TARA DOESN'T HIDE HER REALTIONSHIP WITH JOE THOUGH CAUSE SHE LETS EVERYONE KNOWS CAUSE HE SUPPORTS HER. AND HER SISTER IN LAW MELISSA IS SHADY ALSO. SHE WAS DOING PAPER WORK FOR TERESA'S BROTHER BEFORE SHE MARRIED HIM FOR MONEY!!!!!! AND HER MANSION WAS IN THE MARKET BUT SHE TOOK IT OUT AFTER SHE FOUND OUT THAT SHE MIGHT BE IN THE SHOW!!!!!! THE WHOLE FAMILY ARE ALL SHADY!!!!!!

 
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