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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Reunion, Part 1: Fight! Fight! But where's the ham?

Teresa_danielle_andy Perhaps “Glee’s” Chris Colfer best described (via Twitter) Part 1 of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion: It “makes Avatar look like a high school production of Paint Your Wagon.”

The dude is a genius.

And since I’m still trying to wrap my head around the episode (which, by the way was way long -- it clocked in at 75 minutes), bullet points are necessary.

-- The Situation and his grenade-filled hot tub doesn’t have a fan in Teresa. The “Skinny Italian” says she “wasn’t too fond” of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” But don’t let out a “wahhhh!” just yet, Snooki! Teresa assures us that Danielle would be a welcomed addition. Maybe it’s because Teresa considers Danielle a pig? Sure, the Situation and Pauly D have voiced their opposition to zoo creatures ... but maybe farm animals are in the clear?

-- As soon as host Andy Cohen announced there’d be a montage highlighting the ladies’ vocabulary -- cleavalage (cleavage), ehtniticity (ethnicity) -- I was hoping there would be an end to Danielle’s inability to pluralize “woman.” I was wrong.

-- When trying to ambush that woman (Danielle), it helps to push Andy aside like a rag doll. Just ask Teresa. Riled up, and taking her Caroline impersonation to the extreme as she shouted “Do not break up my family! Do not break up my family! Do not break up my family!,” Teresa wasn’t going to let little ol’ Andy -- who was donning a fetching purple tie -- keep her from getting her hands on Danielle. When the host tried to shield her from going bonkers on Danielle, Teresa shoved him aside. Danielle escaped her wrath, but it’s clear Teresa has been getting taekwondo lessons from her gals. I suspect Joe has been bribing her with hot dogs.

[Update 2:38 p.m.: It seems all the shouting during last night's reunion made my hearing a little fuzzy. Thanks to reader "CP' for alerting us to a mistake! It seems Teresa was screaming (over and over) "Do not bring up my family!" She even made the clarification on her Bravo blog ... so I must not have been the only one hearing things, right?]

-- When all else fails, hairstylists will always be there to console you while ensuring your hair looks fierce.

-- While Danielle and Teresa were asked a bazillion questions about their behavior, Andy seemed to waver when it came to questioning Caroline’s face shaving. Am I the only one still utterly dumbfounded by this? The lady shaves her face. Have others heard of this exfoliating technique?

-- After Teresa’s heated outburst (the chick was grunting louder than the day she was in labor this season), you’d think Andy would know better than to show footage of Teresa’s spending habits. Nope. Instead, we were reminded of the time Marie Antoinette (an impersonator, of course) served sushi at her housewarming party. She copped to filing for bankruptcy and insists she’s adjusted her lifestyle. Here’s hoping her girls’ extravagant head pieces didn’t get hit the hardest.

-- Danielle, out of all of them, actually seemed totally aware of what she is at this point -- “I’ve become a character.”

-- But when it comes time to explain those sex tapes to her children, something tells me they’re not going to believe she’s acting. So what does she say her explanation would be? “Mommy should have been more careful and private.” Did her energist help her with that?

Show Trackers, what did you think of Part 1 of the finale? What do you think of Kim G. making an appearance next week? Were you sad there was no ham around for Teresa to throw?

-- Yvonne Villarreal


Photo credit: Bravo

Comments () | Archives (38)

Teresa is an animal. They should have had guards at the reunion, she has no self control. I would find no pride at all in behaving the way she does. I don't have much to say about the others, except that Jaquelin raised raised one idiot of a daughter. As for Caroline? She has her reasons and makes much sense.

I thought it was entertaining.Still not completely convinced it isn't staged. As far as Kim G. being on next week doesn't excite me. I think she's a real fake and phoney. I hope she isn't the one replacing Danielle. But I will say I won't miss Danielle. Bye Bye Danielle!

Let's face it some of this has to be staged. It just seems to me that some of these ladies can "dish it out" but can't take it when dirt is revealed about them. Basically ladies if yuou live in glass houses you shouldn't throw stones!!!
Caroline SEEMS to be the only normal balanced individual there but she seems to enjoy being in CONTROL.
Danielle, shes has made her mistakes and owns up to them, most of the time. But with out her causing drama for the rest of the cast members next season it will be dull and boring.
Teresa keeps showing us what tye of person she really is: that she is not a stage mom, doesn't over spend,didn't know about her finances, yeah right, trying to live a life she can't afford.
Jaqueline's true persona is coming out especially in this reunion. She likes to put her two cents in and seems to run and hide behind Caroline. I can see why her daughter Ashley is the way she is.
Bottom line ladies you all have secrets lurking within your households and in your pasts, being on television eventually they will come out!It was interesting to see all the ladies gang up on Danielle about her past but when something was brought up on Teresa, her nephew, and Jaqueline, they did not like this at all.
Their lives are being exposed just as they are for the real people that they are and its sad it is for our enjoyment, too bad its not even that entertaining.

I love this show!

Teresa really does need to be watched...she can't seem to control her physical violence. Even her husband had a difficult time controlling her at last year's "table flip". But I have to admit...I find her antics a good view.

Jacquline is the "airhead" of the group...and her daughter is just like her. If she was replaced on the show..I woudn't miss her one bit.

Caroline...I really like her...she uses her head and common sense.

Dina...Miss her.

Danielle....good villian and she keeps the show interesting.

As viewers we only see what the show will give us....so for these women to be so angry with Danielle...well...maybe they have their reasons.

Kim G.....please don't make her a regular!

I've got to point out the absurdity of one of Danielle's lies. Danielle says her sex tape was "stolen", then "somebody" contacted her and told her to either give them money or we'll release the sex tape. For a woman who, according to the local police has contacted them frequently, why wouldn't she contact the police when she's being BLACKMAILED?? Couldn't Danielle, who is a pathological liar, have come up with a better lie? Sorry, you can't convince me, or millions of others, that you're not getting paid by Hustler for your sex tape.

Personally I think Theresa is just as insane as Danielle, the only difference is Danielle is more evil & plans her attacks, Theresa is just a timebomb out of control. She is just as embarrassing to watch as Danielle. I wonder if when the ladies go back & watch these episodes, are they as embarrassed as I would think I would be? in a nutshell the show is a trainwreck & you know how humans love watching trainwrecks!!!! I'd like to see where Theresa's & Danielle's daughters are at 10/15 years from now. There might even be a new reality show called "Children of The Housewives, in Therapy"

I agree with Carolyns posting,& hope Kim G isnt Danielles replacement, she is way to wishee washee, doesnt seem to have much going for her, aside from the fact she pokes her nose into everyone elses business, I won't miss Danielle either, the few times I ever changed the channel while episode two was on, it was becasue of Danielle.

The "Marie Antoinette (an impersonator, of course) served sushi" is from the baptism party not housewarming party.

I found the reunion program disturbing. It was hateful, angry, violent and petty. No times of humor. Just very ugly. Aside from Caroline, the only one of the ladies with any class left the show (Dina) I've watched it for 2 seasons now, but I'm not too sure I'm coming back for more. I'm not crazy about Kim G. She is two faced and she is not a good friend to any of them, but maybe they all deserve eachother.

I'm not sure why these ladies are so vicious against Danielle. Bottom line, without her, no one will watch that show. They should thank her for turning this into a business deal. The others are too stupid to realize that. What, Bravo and the world want to watch your daughters audition for modeling jobs? Valet cars at the Brownstone? Come on, only a true hustler knows the value of an opportunity.


I hope people come to realize that these women aren't meant to symbolize the people of the region, much less serve as role models for anyone other than their own children. Even that is stretching it. But still, it's meant to be entertaining. Caroline's boys using deli meats in a battle is funny. Teresa talking is funny. Jacqueline trying to be a mom is funny. Danielle and her "security" and her constant crying and constant self-victimization isn't. Get rid of her. If not for us, at least do it for her children, who probably have to deal with people asking them wtf is wrong with your mom. Poor girls.

I couldn't watch, it was so disgusting. All of them. Who can even understand, there are so many expletives bleeped out. Three against one, another classy move on Bravo's part. Furthermore, it has been reported in just about every newspaper in this country, as well as overseas, that Theresa's house is in foreclosure and has been for some time, including when this was filmed. Apparently, she suffers from the "I'm smart and the res of the world is stupid" syndrome. She says so, therefore it must be true.

Garbage gets picked up on both sides of the street. Child services should be call for her making those spoiled rotten kids wear those butt ugly, hideous matching outfits.

Correction needed!

From Theresa's blog on Bravo website:

"For the record, I said “Do not BRING up my family” not “break up” – she could never break up my family, but she does need to keep their names out of her mouth."

Are you serious? That's your recap - my God in Heaven there was so much going on you could have had a part one and part two recap of this week's episode.

Come on, the whole Teresa montage was fine and dandy but the little asides and camera close-ups were fantastic. Especially when they featured Caroline or Danielle.

Honestly, Danielle is truly a sociopath and those poor girls should be forcibly removed from that fleabitten facade of a family home and relocated to live with their disconnected father. At least he and his wife won't continue to subject these poor kids with one self-deluded rant after another.

I work hard and I like to come home and watch sometime entertaining... which RHONJ does beautifully. It's why I watch it!

I love danielle, shes my favorite. Those other girls all try to gang up on Danielle. They are jokes, teresa who is to stupid to know shes in forclosure and jaqueline who is as two faced and pathetic as kim G. all follow bobo the big red head clown around ( caroline) like they are in highschool except its the losers picking on the popular one. Danielle is the only reason anyone even watches this show. I love her, shes not nutz. im a hundred percent behind her and if i was there on that couch i would be sticking up for her instead of jsut sitting there and taking it. Good job danielle! show them whos boss!

They're all pigs, and should be ashamed of their behavior. At least the losers on Jersey Shore have youth as an excuse.

I think Danielle is an idiot..if she's going off the show, I'm delighted. She runs away during the reunion from Theresa...isn't this the woman who brought armed men to her meeting with Caroline? Now confronted face to face, she runs away and hides. I'd be tempted to kick her ass too! She,s a certifiable nut case who makes lies up on her head. and cannot distinguish truth from reality. she goes from one big pity party to another. If you want to keep your audience...get rid of her.

I'm not trying to be funny when I say this but Theresa has some very real mental issues that are not being addressed. OK, she goes off on Danielle but she really cannot stop herself. She almost seems brain damaged when doing so. I think she needs medication. I also don't really understand what they're always so mad at. It seems that they're always mad at some situation or another but what is it? Christ, these women seem so dumb and annoying.

Also, Caroline: I'm happy you're not my mother. You think you're really something else but my version of your something else is probably a little different from yours. You think you're smart and powerful and that's great! Except your intellect and your power is so sadly misdirected. Babe, you're just not as cool as you think you are.

Jacqueline is so boring, she may as well be a plant.

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