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'Real Housewives of New Jersey': car accidents, blueberries and Chanels

Rhonj2 What do you do when the drama surrounding Danielle Staub and her frenemie Kim G. (aka the woman who has no shame in likening Staub’s breasts to squares) just isn’t going to cut it anymore with viewers? If you’re Bravo, you send viewers on an Italian getaway via their TV screens.  

But before we could start learning how to say “prostitution whore” in Italian, there were important matters in Jersey to gloss over.  Joe had recently been in a car accident (and what kind of accident would it be if TMZ wasn’t there to capture it all?) and Jacqueline and her hubby Chris went over to the land of oversized front doors (aka The Giudice’s) to get the scoop … and to point out that Joe had not been drinking before the accident. It was the trees’ fault, according to the dude who bribes his daughters with hot dogs.

Joe says he yawned, shut his eyes for a second (a second) and bam! he found himself surrounded by those trees that “shouldn’t have been there.” Again, Jacqueline and Teresa reiterated -- for good measure -- that Joe had not been drinking before driving. After, though? Well, that’s another story. Joe later divulged that he had a few glasses of whiskey (coffee and water? Psh.) after the accident but before the police arrived.

Cue, naturally, a shot of Danielle and Danny at their office, er, a diner, talking about the incident. I don’t know what I found more fascinating: that Danny was more interested in his phone than Danielle or that Danielle ordered a blueberry-banana smoothie -- “I hit 47.  I gotta start watching out for things … plus I have this nutritionist who says the more blueberries the better.”  When Danny shared the news of Joe’s arrest, Danielle couldn’t help but stop consuming her antioxidants to offer this gem of a quote: “I’m just going to continue living in the love and light that they make fun of while their darkness rains upon them.”  That needs to be embroidered on a pillow. Stat!

In a world outside the diner, Teresa  and the ladies decided to take a vacation to de-stress from all the chaos in their lives. Bathing suits were out of the question for Jacqueline and Caroline.... Italy it is? And, naturally, they invited every conceivable old person and child under 7 in their lives, which resulted in a 20-person group. Yes, 20. Milania was named after Milan—so of course she’s going! Duh! 

Albert, we feel your pain. 

And Teresa showed us why she missed her calling as a tour guide. The “Skinny Italian”  could care less if you’ve got osteoporosis. Get those legs moving! There’s a gondola to ride, old folks!  And forget those tourist attractions; the only place that needs to be seen is Chanel (or Chanels, if you're Joe). They don’t have those in the States, you know! (Wait. Oh, they do.) She had no inhibitions; when on a boat, she screamed “Spank me! Spank me!” And how sweet was it of her to make Caroline and Albert -- who wanted to spend quality time together -- watch her children so she and Joe could have sex. So sweet.

More of the trip to Italy will be seen in next week's episode. 

So ShowTrackers, what did you think of this week’s episode? A snoozer or a welcome, um, vacation from the drama? Were you, like Jacqueline, disappointed that Venice's gondoliers didn’t sing like those at Las Vegas’ Venetian? 

--Yvonne Villarreal

twitter.com/villarrealy

Photo:  From left, Caroline Manzo, Albert Manzo, Joe Guidice, Teresa Giudice. Credit: Bravo

 
Comments () | Archives (7)

I couldn't believe Caroline and Albert ended up watching Teresa's kids....especially for the reason Teresa gave. They couldn't do that while her parents were babysitting? If I was Caroline I would have said no way, you're the one that wanted to bring them!

I call this "cring-inducing tv". I wonder if Bravo edited the more recent episodes before or after Teresa's money mis-haps. Everytime money, spending money, or the idea of money is mentioned in regards to Teresa, my stomach turns. I think Joe's nerves are shot and his wife is living in la-la land. A memorable moment for me was when Joe and Chris were sitting at the bar and Chris mentioned "what if Teresa had been in the car?" He was basically saying, "don't drink and drive again". Chris does not buy the "fell asleep at the wheel" story.

I'm convinced these families represent the typical ugly, undeducated American. How can Jaqueline think the gandola rides of some Cheesy LV hotel built on the strip in the 90's are a better experince than the middle ages & renaissance canals of a onetime maritime empire. And instead of visiting the Fortuny factory or better yet, attending an hour listening to Verdi at one of the 300 year old Basilicas, Teresa drags the entourage to a French store. Tacky clowns to say the least.

These people are revolting!

If Daniel Goes the show goes, the rest of them are idiots.

Carolyn is hateful and the one that is perpetuating the crazy behavior between the women, she's lonely and sad that her life is soooooooo empty.Jaculine is too much of a follower that does not seem to have her own mind and could really be a nice person but,are listening to the wrong people. She seems like she has abandoment issues. Teresa, she needs to go back to school, or just drop that stupid girl act, it is not becoming at all. All of these women are crazy except Danielle. I don't know why they haven't figured out that Joe is having an affair or tied up in something that is dangerous, he's just to jumpy for me. These are the poorest rich people I ever saw. No class at all, except Danielle of course.

Does anyone see how hypocritical theresa is? You can't beleive anything you read in the papers - when it refers to her or her financial situation... but we can beleive everything about Danielle? Or how they absolutely attacked and destroyed Danielles reputation in her small town by digging up her past and things she'd done as a teenager.. but she needs to forgive jaquelines daughter for helping to chase her through a crowd and ripping her hair out? These women are absolutely insane...


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