'The Bachelorette': Vienna interrupts Jake, and some stuff happens to Ali, too

I missed blogging last week's "The Bachelorette" due to some unforeseen circumstances, so let's make this week's double-the-awesome. First of all, I can't start this without a round of applause for Ali, who made Rated R look like a scared little girl as he limped away muttering pathetic excuses. She was obviously more angry than she was sad, as she should have been.

The best part was the voicemails played over Justin's whimpering exit. So not only did the love of his life call Ali to bust him, but she also turned over all of his private voicemails? Give up, Justin. Your dating life is so over.

Now on to this week's episode. Is there really any point to watching this? ABC pretty much gave away the entire season in last week's teaser. Thanks, ABC. I'm so glad I've been avoiding spoilers.

Tonight's episode is highly anticipated not because of any Ali drama, but because Jake and Vienna will make their return. Earlier today my mom texted me, "They have a visceral dislike for each other, and all I saw was a preview!"

Yes, my mom uses words like "visceral" in her text messages. Just to be thorough, her next two texts were "Ali is a dodo" and "Jake is a turd." Thanks Mom. You're famous now.

This week, the lovers are in Lisbon! It looks so beautiful I practically want to mute my TV and just watch all the gorgeous scenery… particularly when Ali starts spouting quotes like "Life may not be a fairy tale, but love can be!" I think she just wrote Taylor Swift's next hit single.

I'll admit, Roberto is quite romantic on their solo date, but I think he's romantic in sort of an obvious way. "Are we the only ones dancing in the street? I don't care!" doesn't sound new or original to me.

He renders her a bit speechless while they sip wine at the castle. "I thought Roberto was too good to be true, but I feel like he really is just that good," she says.

Next, Ali has a two-on-one with Frank and Ty, and her hair looks so much prettier than it did with Roberto, but I don't understand why she's wearing dorm pants and a cami to this particular date. Everyone is so awkward. Which genius decided to make the two-on-one date an intimate dinner? Couldn't they have gone hiking or climbed a glacier or performed in "The Lion King"?

I find Ty really endearing but he was raised with women filling traditional gender roles, and Ali has no plans to be barefoot, pregnant, and cooking dinner any time soon. She's worried about what Ty's family will think of that, which is a valid concern. Also a valid concern: Ty's man-jewelry.

When Ali steps outside with Frank, he mans up and tells her that he lives with his mommy and daddy. (OK, so he doesn't exactly use those words.) He gets so nervous about it that it's completely adorable! Ali seems to agree, which is a relief. She'd live in a tree with him. I probably would, too.

When it's Kirk's turn, Ali is still preoccupied. So am I, Ali. Can we get to the Jake/Vienna celebrity death match now, please? I'm so over watching Ali nod and smile through lunch and a horse-drawn carriage ride (with wine, of course). All Kirk can say is "Wow! There's horses! Wow! This is so…."

Finish your sentences, Kirk. All the cool kids are doing it.

The best part of Kirk's date is that Ali gets really honest and vulnerable with him. "I'm just worried that I won't be good enough one day," she says. Unfortunately, she's asking Kirk to make her a promise that no one can make. How do you know how you're going to feel in a year? You don't. Love is a leap of faith! Oh, god, the quote-speak is rubbing off on me.

I can't be the only person who noticed that when they stand in the palace listening to the music, Kirk doesn't ask Ali to dance. Roberto will dance with her without any music! What are you doing, Kirk?

Chris L. is my favorite, but I'm not sure if he's Ali's favorite. "I can't be the dude who kills the bachelorette! That's just not going to look good at all." He always seems so relaxed and happy, unlike my other favorite, Frank, who is always a gust of wind away from a panic attack.

Watching Chris talk about his mother melted me. MELTED. All capital letters. Though he's opening up and baring his soul, Ali seems much less enamored of him than she was of the other guys. She's not climbing all over him and constantly interrupting him with her tongue.

They go to a winery. "I feel like a winery is the perfect place to sort of let loose." No kidding, Ali. Why's that? I hope she gets wasted. I love drunk Ali; she's such a goof.

Chris gives Ali a bracelet made by a family friend, and I could just tell how important it was to him. He looked so nervous and emotional! If she sends him home after this, she's completely heartless. "You made me feel all warm inside," he says. "What does that mean?" Just give me a moment: awwwwwwwwwww. OK; I'm back just in time for the rose ceremony.

Thank God! She gives Chris the first rose. I honestly didn't see that coming. Rose No.2  goes to Frank. Now that my two faves are safe, I'm going to go pour myself a glass of wine. I can't imagine what made me think of wine… perhaps the 47 glasses Ali drank in the last hour and a half.

Roberto and Kirk get the next two roses. I guess Ty's "traditional family values" didn't sit very well with Ali's ambition. I genuinely feel sad for him though. He seemed to get along so well with the other guys, which is always a sign of a really genuine person on these shows.

This is the most dramatic goodbye yet. They stand in the rain, there are tears, there's wind. It's like a movie, except that in a movie, a director would never let Ali use her whiny baby Snooki voice. Waaaaah. Pickles.

Finally, it's time for:

Jake and Vienna: The Showdown!

Why is Chris calling this "the shocking break-up"? Nobody on the planet is shocked that Jake and Vienna are dunzo. I guess it's a little bit shocking that Jake is so horrible, but we all know he can't be as boring as he seemed on his show.

First of all, I have to ask. Do the Bachelors sign a contract saying that they have to do an "update" if they break up? Because this is just cruel and unusual. Chris keeps saying that he's sorry they're there, but… he can't be that sorry. To be honest, I find this really difficult to watch. No one should have to talk about their break-up on national television. I don't feel that Jake and Vienna owe the public an explanation at all.

Jake comes out playing the victim and insisting that he didn't do anything wrong. "I cannot even fathom her doing this to me," he says before Vienna joins them.

I really feel for her. She seems so lonely, and he seems so cold and dismissive of her feelings. At first, she does sort of appear to be making excuses for her own bad behavior - whether that bad behavior is allegedly cheating on him or going to the tabloids. But when Jake interrupts to snarl, "I'm so mad at you, I'm so disgusted with you," everything goes south.

He accuses her of text-message flirting with him after "selling [him] out to a magazine for payment" and then she throws back, "You're a fame whore, is what you are." Zing!

"My impression was that you were a pilot, and we were going to go back to Florida and Dallas, but all of a sudden, we're in L.A. and you're pursuing a new career in acting," she says.

Jake claims to still be a pilot and to have flown last weekend, but nothing about the weird smile on his face suggests he's telling the truth. Then Vienna says that when her dog was in the hospital attached to IVs, Jake told her, "I'm so sorry your dog's so spoiled she can only maintain one relationship at a time."

Uh… how many relationships are dogs supposed to maintain, exactly? Sorry her dog hated you, Jake. Dogs are good judges of character. And you're creepy.

Finally, we get to the subject of Gregory Michael, the star of "Greek" who Vienna has been accused of having a fling with while Jake was filming "Drop Dead Diva." The network bleeps Michael's last name. Why, I don't know. It's been all over the Web. Next, Jake insists that Vienna was with a "single guy" at her apartment on Saturday night. A single gay guy who brought her a dress. Scandalous.

It's also revealed that Vienna has given Jake her ring back twice. She says they were break-ups, he says they were "little temper tantrums." Way to invalidate her feelings entirely. What in the world did she keep going back to?

Vienna also blames "Dancing With the Stars" and Twitter for her feelings of loneliness. Love in the 21st century, ladies and gentlemen.

I think my favorite part is the childish "I dumped you!" "No, I dumped you!" fight. Guess what? Nobody cares! (We do care about the dog, though, Chris Harrison. Just FYI.)

"Baby, be quiet while I'm talking," Jake interrupts her. Next, he's going to club her over the head and drag her back to his cave. He claims that her interrupting him undermines and emasculates him. He's emasculated by the GPS, too. He's also emasculated when she uses measuring tape. I'll refrain from commenting and just let that stand on its own.

Vienna says that his other excuses for not sleeping with her include that he wanted to wait for marriage or that he was fasting. Because as we all know, men can't have sex when they're hungry.

This was a pretty interesting "update." If you ask me, Vienna came out of this smelling like roses. What are your thoughts?

I'd tell you what my mom texted me after the show about Jake, but her language wasn't exactly Los Angeles Times appropriate. (For the record... I agree, Mom.)

--Carina MacKenzie
twitter.com/cadlymack

Photos: Top: Jake yells at Vienna for interrupting him. Middle: Ali and Kirk on their date. Bottom: Vienna cries after she interrupted Jake. Credit All: ABC

Comments

[Tee]

And Vienna was pathetic!

[Jan Freeman]

I don't see how anyone could see Vienna as "coming out smelling like roses"! Jake should have listened to the other women when they warned him about her; she was all they said and more!
Through the entire interview, she interrupted Jake every time he tried to talk. He (for the most part) was quiet when she was talking. If she was like that on TV, I can just imagine what she was like at home. It would be difficult for me to be intimate with someone who did that too.
Better luck next time, Jake. Go find Tinley!

[Jane]

Chris should have interviewed them separately. All they did was embarrassed themselves. There was no winner here.

I remember during "The Bachelorette" with Jillian Harris saying that Jake was "too perfect," or that he was hiding something. I believe her suspicions were right.

It looked like Jake and Vienna didn't know how to communicate effectively. I think Vienna was just frustrated but unfortunately she's very sensitive and very immature. There was alot of confusion on where they were living, and it sounds like everything was happening at once. She does speak up but the problem was, as everyone including Jake knew from day one, she doesn't know when to appropriately learn to stop talking and give somebody else a chance to speak. Or she says too much. She was also being rude because she kept on interrupting Jake. She has poor listening skills and doesn't seem to take in the other person's point of view. Apparently, Jake wasn't listening that well to Vienna's comments and concerns either. She felt like her voice wasn't heard either. He came across as smug rude, and annoyed. I understand why he was annoyed at her. Jake was just angry because of how Vienna went about it by going to the tabloids without him knowing about it. He is also very sensitive and immature. Maybe he thinks he's ego was shattered. But it almost looked like he really didn't care at that point. Since both are very sensitive people, they both didn't know how to communicate well. If they don't allow each other to take turns speaking and respecting each others view, it will never work. (In this case especially Vienna).

Crying and running away will never solve anything. Putting each other down never solves anything either. Bottom line, never do an explanation of a break-up via tv, it can get pretty messy!

[Robin]

I must admit, I thought Vienna got smashed during the season and she wasn't my favorite but Jake selected her. Now after the fact and particularly the interview last night, Jake is a jerk. She was much more believable and he was much more calculating. Jake has an ex-girlfriend (Tanya?) who seems to agree with Vienna with similar issues. I do think that Vienna thought that she was going to land up in Dallas and a life with Jake. Jake had other plans and then brought her to LA where she got stuck waiting around for Jake. Did you hear him, get a job and when she gets one in LA, seeeee... He appears really cold and no wonder he is still single at 32?. His control issues were really apparent and Vienna is much younger and he did treat her badly. Jake you stink as a man and Vienna will find that true love she really was hoping for.

[shalagurlify]

I agree with Pamela... I think Vienna had expected them to do DWTS and then go home to a "regular" life. Earlier interviews stated that from both couples. But Jake was bitten by Hollywood's limelight and it was down hill from there. Perhaps there were true feelings of "love" or a least a strong "like" for one another. But with all the distractions in a fledgling relationship...its really hard to grow!
Jake did appear to be calculating and cold in this interview. He was a little too together...even when your angry...you are not that emotionless! This is the love your life, your "baby" as you put it and this is how she's treated! Granted Vienna is a bit immature and spoiled but you can tell she genuinely had strong feelings for Jake. I don't Jake had any strong feelings for a while. It's ashame they were unable to resolve this in a way that was not so messy! I wish them the best in their futures!

[writer]

Vienna came across smelling like something... but it wasn't roses. That poor girl is used to having all the attention on her. She does not have the slightest clue how to communicate. It was like watching my 13-year-old have a meltdown over Edward Cullen leaving Bella Swan. Jake is far from perfect (as we all are), but for everyone saying that he sat there with no feeling, if he would have reacted emotionally like Vienna did, you'd be crucifying him for that. Either way you say he was abusive. That is SO insulting to women who have truly suffered emotional and physical abuse at the hands of horrible men. That is not abuse. That is miscommunication and mature adults learn and practice it to make relationships work - every day. What a sick display, but like watching a train wreck, it's hard to look away.

[Marie]

How many times did Vienna interupt Jake last night? In the old day, she should get a back hand but nowaday muzzle will does the job. Jake & Vienna were made in heaven for each other like "a pussy (B) and a jerk". I don't like any of them.

[kat]

I don't know what's more disturbing: Jake's behaviour or some of the comments to this article. "Men NEED to be respected just as much as women NEED to be loved"? Seriously? Did I take a Delorean back to 1955? REMIND ME TO BURN MY MEASURING TAPE BEFORE I GET MARRIED!

Both of these people are about as shallow as you can get, but it seems like Jake stirs in a little extra jackass powder in his morning doucheshake. You treat a man (0r woman) the way they deserve to be treated, and in Jake's case, he deserved to be treated like a case of Herpes. He got exactly what he deserved.

I also think I kinda want to marry Jenny Cee.

[natasha]

When Jake yelled at Vienna at the end of the interview and rasied his voice it was very scary to me. Including the emotionless blank look in his eyes throughout the entire interview...I just hope he doesn't pull a scott peterson or something. It looked like any moment he was ready to strangle Vienna.

[Punky]

I watched the Jake Bachelor season and while I have not tuned in for any of the Ali season .. I just have to say how purely entertaining this blog posting was. I read the whole thing [even though I don't know who any of those guys are], and you, Carina, painted a crystal clear [and hilarious] picture. Thank you for such entertainment.

[kate]

MY prediction .. Jake and Kate plus 8!

[Willy]

***Finally*** something on Bachelor/ette that couldn't be suspected of having been scripted.

[Tee]

So losing one's temper or raising your voice in anger makes a person abusive???
What is wrong with people today?
Well said writer.

For those of us who are NOT mindless zombies and actually show emotion - Jake was PISSED OFF! Remember the face cards you were shown in Kindergarten to teach you how to express emotion??? That's what happens when you're angry people! I don't blame him. Her crazy, incessant ranting would have done the same to me! I'm female and can't stand all that senseless rambling. The girl cannot carry on an intelligent conversation - let alone an argument.

[nonnie]

My favorite part was when Jake claimed HE got Vienna onto tv in DWTS.

[Jenny]

I am so glad that Ali didn't end up with Jake! She deserves better. Jake seemed a little insincere and strange when he was on the Bachelor. The way he was "in love" with all of those women at the same time felt like he wasn't in love with any of them at all. Vienna seems to be lacking maturity and reasoning skills but it is obvious that she is really hurting and I'm sad for her. I hope things for Ali go way better than this!

[Jean]

This link shows Jake's ex predicted this all along. Jake chose Vienna because he thought he could dump her without the public hating him.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/03/24/2010-03-24_reality_stars_ex_gal_tells_mag_hunky_pilots_tv_romance_is_nothing_but_a_sham_hes.html

[Wanda Manhart]

I am not surprised that Jake is a phony! I thought that from the get go in the first bachelorette show. His smile is totally fake!!!!! I couldn't believe when he picked Vienna, but was in hopes none of the girls would be stuck with him! I feel that Vienna felt that she was really in love with him and now I feel so very sorry for her. (NO one deserves to be treated like he treated her!) I hope she can create a better life for herself and learn from this. She needs to have faith in herself. I don't feel she was ever given love and respect in growing up and therefore doesn't have the respect for herself that she needs. Vienna, I wish you the very best! Don't give up, you are a good person! Jake, I don't think there's any hope for you!!!!!!!!! How can you love yourself so much that you try to totally destroy another person life and self respect!!!!!!! As for the show, I think you need to be a little more selective when choosing contestants. I had always enjoyed the show until the last two seasons. (shows)

[tvjunky]

Ty and his jewelery turned me off, too. Now, Chris is adorable. He is the strong silent type, and takes his time opening up, but he appears to have some substance to him, and might just be worth the wait. That reminds me--I'd love to have a real time line of when these events actually take place. It's hard to tell how much time there is between dates and such.

Jake and Vienna? Wow. She is obviously immature and overly dramatic, but as much as I didn't like her during the show, I kinda believe what she says about Jake. You could tell by the way he talked down to her and tried (unsuccessfully) to appear calm, cool, and collected, that he is probably a controlling type of dude. His smile is so creepy. Also, Vienna seemed genuinely hurt, whereas Jake just seemed to be was simmering with anger. I noticed when Vienna said that the man who came by her apartment was actually a gay friend who was dropping off a dress, Jake (who had accused her of being "alone in the apartment with a guy") didn't have much of a response....hmmm. They are obviously not right for each other. Shocker!

[Carmen Bender]

I can not believe that Jake is that insensitive. He is all about self. Vienna move on he does not deserve you.

[DReed]

I did not care for Vienna for the few times I watched the show, but after last night's show, I respect her a whole lot more and applaud her for getting out of that relationship.
I could not believe the way Jake was treating her on the show. So sarcastic and rude. Yeah, she interrupted, but fairly and honestly. I hope his mother has a talk to him about treating girls. It was like a childish fight and no wonder they could never resolve anything, she just wanted to be heard. All her reasons were very sound. The mistake was moving right in together. They still needed to learn to be a couple in the normal world. She's learned a lot from this, I'm sure. I hope she comes out stronger!! She's got a lot of talent to make things good for her. He looked so phony.