'The Bachelorette': Vienna interrupts Jake, and some stuff happens to Ali, too

I missed blogging last week's "The Bachelorette" due to some unforeseen circumstances, so let's make this week's double-the-awesome. First of all, I can't start this without a round of applause for Ali, who made Rated R look like a scared little girl as he limped away muttering pathetic excuses. She was obviously more angry than she was sad, as she should have been.

The best part was the voicemails played over Justin's whimpering exit. So not only did the love of his life call Ali to bust him, but she also turned over all of his private voicemails? Give up, Justin. Your dating life is so over.

Now on to this week's episode. Is there really any point to watching this? ABC pretty much gave away the entire season in last week's teaser. Thanks, ABC. I'm so glad I've been avoiding spoilers.

Tonight's episode is highly anticipated not because of any Ali drama, but because Jake and Vienna will make their return. Earlier today my mom texted me, "They have a visceral dislike for each other, and all I saw was a preview!"

Yes, my mom uses words like "visceral" in her text messages. Just to be thorough, her next two texts were "Ali is a dodo" and "Jake is a turd." Thanks Mom. You're famous now.

This week, the lovers are in Lisbon! It looks so beautiful I practically want to mute my TV and just watch all the gorgeous scenery… particularly when Ali starts spouting quotes like "Life may not be a fairy tale, but love can be!" I think she just wrote Taylor Swift's next hit single.

I'll admit, Roberto is quite romantic on their solo date, but I think he's romantic in sort of an obvious way. "Are we the only ones dancing in the street? I don't care!" doesn't sound new or original to me.

He renders her a bit speechless while they sip wine at the castle. "I thought Roberto was too good to be true, but I feel like he really is just that good," she says.

Next, Ali has a two-on-one with Frank and Ty, and her hair looks so much prettier than it did with Roberto, but I don't understand why she's wearing dorm pants and a cami to this particular date. Everyone is so awkward. Which genius decided to make the two-on-one date an intimate dinner? Couldn't they have gone hiking or climbed a glacier or performed in "The Lion King"?

I find Ty really endearing but he was raised with women filling traditional gender roles, and Ali has no plans to be barefoot, pregnant, and cooking dinner any time soon. She's worried about what Ty's family will think of that, which is a valid concern. Also a valid concern: Ty's man-jewelry.

When Ali steps outside with Frank, he mans up and tells her that he lives with his mommy and daddy. (OK, so he doesn't exactly use those words.) He gets so nervous about it that it's completely adorable! Ali seems to agree, which is a relief. She'd live in a tree with him. I probably would, too.

When it's Kirk's turn, Ali is still preoccupied. So am I, Ali. Can we get to the Jake/Vienna celebrity death match now, please? I'm so over watching Ali nod and smile through lunch and a horse-drawn carriage ride (with wine, of course). All Kirk can say is "Wow! There's horses! Wow! This is so…."

Finish your sentences, Kirk. All the cool kids are doing it.

The best part of Kirk's date is that Ali gets really honest and vulnerable with him. "I'm just worried that I won't be good enough one day," she says. Unfortunately, she's asking Kirk to make her a promise that no one can make. How do you know how you're going to feel in a year? You don't. Love is a leap of faith! Oh, god, the quote-speak is rubbing off on me.

I can't be the only person who noticed that when they stand in the palace listening to the music, Kirk doesn't ask Ali to dance. Roberto will dance with her without any music! What are you doing, Kirk?

Chris L. is my favorite, but I'm not sure if he's Ali's favorite. "I can't be the dude who kills the bachelorette! That's just not going to look good at all." He always seems so relaxed and happy, unlike my other favorite, Frank, who is always a gust of wind away from a panic attack.

Watching Chris talk about his mother melted me. MELTED. All capital letters. Though he's opening up and baring his soul, Ali seems much less enamored of him than she was of the other guys. She's not climbing all over him and constantly interrupting him with her tongue.

They go to a winery. "I feel like a winery is the perfect place to sort of let loose." No kidding, Ali. Why's that? I hope she gets wasted. I love drunk Ali; she's such a goof.

Chris gives Ali a bracelet made by a family friend, and I could just tell how important it was to him. He looked so nervous and emotional! If she sends him home after this, she's completely heartless. "You made me feel all warm inside," he says. "What does that mean?" Just give me a moment: awwwwwwwwwww. OK; I'm back just in time for the rose ceremony.

Thank God! She gives Chris the first rose. I honestly didn't see that coming. Rose No.2  goes to Frank. Now that my two faves are safe, I'm going to go pour myself a glass of wine. I can't imagine what made me think of wine… perhaps the 47 glasses Ali drank in the last hour and a half.

Roberto and Kirk get the next two roses. I guess Ty's "traditional family values" didn't sit very well with Ali's ambition. I genuinely feel sad for him though. He seemed to get along so well with the other guys, which is always a sign of a really genuine person on these shows.

This is the most dramatic goodbye yet. They stand in the rain, there are tears, there's wind. It's like a movie, except that in a movie, a director would never let Ali use her whiny baby Snooki voice. Waaaaah. Pickles.

Finally, it's time for:

Jake and Vienna: The Showdown!

Why is Chris calling this "the shocking break-up"? Nobody on the planet is shocked that Jake and Vienna are dunzo. I guess it's a little bit shocking that Jake is so horrible, but we all know he can't be as boring as he seemed on his show.

First of all, I have to ask. Do the Bachelors sign a contract saying that they have to do an "update" if they break up? Because this is just cruel and unusual. Chris keeps saying that he's sorry they're there, but… he can't be that sorry. To be honest, I find this really difficult to watch. No one should have to talk about their break-up on national television. I don't feel that Jake and Vienna owe the public an explanation at all.

Jake comes out playing the victim and insisting that he didn't do anything wrong. "I cannot even fathom her doing this to me," he says before Vienna joins them.

I really feel for her. She seems so lonely, and he seems so cold and dismissive of her feelings. At first, she does sort of appear to be making excuses for her own bad behavior - whether that bad behavior is allegedly cheating on him or going to the tabloids. But when Jake interrupts to snarl, "I'm so mad at you, I'm so disgusted with you," everything goes south.

He accuses her of text-message flirting with him after "selling [him] out to a magazine for payment" and then she throws back, "You're a fame whore, is what you are." Zing!

"My impression was that you were a pilot, and we were going to go back to Florida and Dallas, but all of a sudden, we're in L.A. and you're pursuing a new career in acting," she says.

Jake claims to still be a pilot and to have flown last weekend, but nothing about the weird smile on his face suggests he's telling the truth. Then Vienna says that when her dog was in the hospital attached to IVs, Jake told her, "I'm so sorry your dog's so spoiled she can only maintain one relationship at a time."

Uh… how many relationships are dogs supposed to maintain, exactly? Sorry her dog hated you, Jake. Dogs are good judges of character. And you're creepy.

Finally, we get to the subject of Gregory Michael, the star of "Greek" who Vienna has been accused of having a fling with while Jake was filming "Drop Dead Diva." The network bleeps Michael's last name. Why, I don't know. It's been all over the Web. Next, Jake insists that Vienna was with a "single guy" at her apartment on Saturday night. A single gay guy who brought her a dress. Scandalous.

It's also revealed that Vienna has given Jake her ring back twice. She says they were break-ups, he says they were "little temper tantrums." Way to invalidate her feelings entirely. What in the world did she keep going back to?

Vienna also blames "Dancing With the Stars" and Twitter for her feelings of loneliness. Love in the 21st century, ladies and gentlemen.

I think my favorite part is the childish "I dumped you!" "No, I dumped you!" fight. Guess what? Nobody cares! (We do care about the dog, though, Chris Harrison. Just FYI.)

"Baby, be quiet while I'm talking," Jake interrupts her. Next, he's going to club her over the head and drag her back to his cave. He claims that her interrupting him undermines and emasculates him. He's emasculated by the GPS, too. He's also emasculated when she uses measuring tape. I'll refrain from commenting and just let that stand on its own.

Vienna says that his other excuses for not sleeping with her include that he wanted to wait for marriage or that he was fasting. Because as we all know, men can't have sex when they're hungry.

This was a pretty interesting "update." If you ask me, Vienna came out of this smelling like roses. What are your thoughts?

I'd tell you what my mom texted me after the show about Jake, but her language wasn't exactly Los Angeles Times appropriate. (For the record... I agree, Mom.)

--Carina MacKenzie
twitter.com/cadlymack

Photos: Top: Jake yells at Vienna for interrupting him. Middle: Ali and Kirk on their date. Bottom: Vienna cries after she interrupted Jake. Credit All: ABC

Comments

[elsrt]

At the end of the interview, I can't believe Jake claimed that he had never, before Vienna, been in a relationship in which he'd had to raise his voice. YEAH, RIGHT!!! He seemed like a pro at talking down to women. What an a**hat.

[Pamela]

I once admired Jake, not so anymore. I'm so surprised by some of the former comments, particularly those that claim that "men need to be respected," or "Jake could never kiss Vienna because she never shut her mouth." Sexism is alive and well on the American sofa. Nothing Jake claimed was "emasculating" seemed anything more than Vienna having an opinion. And what, women don't need to be respected? Why do people always presume they know the secret to "keeping a man," as if relationships aren't mutual and most successful with compromise on BOTH ends. Jake's descriptions of their impasses seemed to indicate that Vienna's emotions were dismissed and ridiculed, and she predictably responded by becoming more and more frazzled.

I never liked this couple and the writing was on the wall, but Jake came off tonight as a cold, heartless, cynical creep. His smile is nasty and his expression is controlling and cold, cold, cold.

Vienna IS young, and maybe somewhat indulged, but her emotions tonight were raw, vulnerable, and she's been clearly damaged. Whatever happened between them, tonight Jake continually gave her nothing in terms of compassion or remorse for HIS PART in their downward spiral. He did not look at all as if he had ever truly cared for this woman. And he interrupted her as much as she interrupted him. And he DID seem come off controlling, difficult and totally lacking in charisma on DWTS.

The true test of dignity is how people act at the end of a relationship--they both failed here. Vienna seemed needy and Jake seemed cruel. It was hard to watch, but felt very real to me.

[Ginny]

I, too, was never a Vienna fan but my sympathy was with her last night. Jake is a jerk. He came off sounding pathetic with all his "emasculating" excuses. His calculated attempt to seem composed just came off as cold and cruel. You blew it Jake. Big time. Let's not forget that you picked Vienna. Even though you were warned. You got what you deserved. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and Jake exibits all the signs of a control freak. He never once accepted any resposibility for the break up. Not one once of remorse. So typical! Ali should be thanking her lucky stars he didn't pick her!

[summergal]

Very entertaining review. Your mom was spot on. Not sure how I ended up watching the Bachelorette and the ensuing Jake/Vienna fireworks, but once I started I couldn't turn it off. First of all, it IS tough watching Ali lead each of these guys on-- but the "depth" (not) of all the conversations just blows me away! Of course she has something on her mind!!! How to be nice to each of these guys while secretly deciding which one is gonzo. She is wrapped up, literally, in each of these guys and we are still supposed to think she is a "nice" girl. No, I'm not a prude but really, thank you, at least we didn't see any closed bedroom doors. The mom in me just hopes her parents are avoiding the show...Ali certainly is a sweet girl but ABC's editing (am hoping that is the reason) makes her out to be fairly vacant as well. But then, who exactly wants to be the Bachelorette or Bachelor?? I don't see any NASA employees on the screen...

Jake and Vienna-- omg. I must admit that I did watch 2 of the Jake as Bachelor shows-- instantly disliked Vienna and thought he made a poor choice. But, who cares, it was his choice. NOW, however, I have to say, I would side with Vienna. At least she exhibits human characteristics. This guy is very bad news. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship for longer than I care to admit, I would agree with the other comments: run like hell, Vienna and every other woman waiting in the wings. This guy is VERY used to raising his voice to women (did he really try to make us think he has never done that before Vienna?? I am waiting for his other victims to step forward today!) and he is a cold bastard. The runner up gal he dumped (what was her name?), may have been far better suited for him (no arguments, a good "yes" girl) but he would have crushed any vestige of her identity in about a month. So, I hope she is out there counting her lucky stars-- and if Jake calls, don't pick up the phone, girl-- look at the caller ID!!! I agree with Carina--that weird smile is definitely covering up lies. I think that Vienna had just reached her limit on that interview. I'm sorry for her that we had to see that unfold. While I frankly had a tough time NOT watching it, I did feel it was inappropriate to have all that made public. The good news is that I do think Vienna will end up with the sympathy vote. Yes, she talked alot AND interrupted him but I think he was outright lying constantly and had she just sat there demurely clasping her hands, the general public would have assumed he was telling the truth about all this garbaaaage. At least SHE came out looking like she had human emotions. I hope her job works out (help those kids!) and that Jake's fame morphs into infamy and he doesn't succeed in Hollywood. He should keep his pilot's license for sure (but stay away from commercial planes, thanks very much). Carina, I believe that perhaps you and the LA Times are "protecting" us from your mom having called Jake a Dick. Just another name but says it all. ABC needs to stop giving this guy screen time-- he is not a good guy. Creepy is too nice. Makes my skin crawl.

[Martha]

OMG. You could not have gotten away from Jake fast enough Vienna! She may be hurt now, but could you imagine living with that jerk. I though he really seemed like a nice guy, but what a CREAP is right. Vienna has done a public service and exposed this weirdo for what he is: a crazy, and Creepy Chauvinistic Pig! He was so rude to her, even with her "interrupting" she came way out a head. I really feel for her. And I hope she is able to move on quickly as he is not worth it!

[debi]

i've read two takes on what happened last night and disagree with both! i have no sympathy for vienna at all- she acted like a spoiled little girl which is exactly what everyone warned jake of from the beginning. a huge brat who did sell him out for $$$- that makes her the whore!

[Jill]

I agree that Vienna came across as more real in the interview, but what I can't figure out is WHY she was crying and emotional over this creep. She should be soooo happy and relieved to be out of this pseudo relationship. What is there to be sad about? Also if Vienna is indeed claiming that she's doing Playboy, that kind of blows her story that she is not in L.A. to be in "show biz" out of the water.

Jake came across as really creepy. I don't think he did his "career" any good at all last night. Actually I thought he was really whiney on Dancing with the Stars too. Didn't he make his partner there cry too by being a jerk?

[George]

Vienna has got to be the biggest fake I've seen in a long time. She didn't even cry convincingly .I don't know why Chris even offered her a hanky...did anyone else notice that she blubbered through most of the interview yet didn't shed one tear? If that's not fake I don't know what is.

[Tannia]

Jake is a turd

[Looper]

Look - I won't assume that Jake is totally innocent (especially since he chose sexual chemistry over substance in the first place), but Vienna is a spoiled child, and not ready for a mature relationship, bottom line. She is used to getting her way and being treated like the world revolves around her by her "Daddy". If that wasn't abundantly clear last night, I don't knwo what was. Yes, I think that Jake has a touch of male ego, but I really don't think he would have been pushed to the show the extreme of this if she were not so insolent. Seriously, who could put up with that babble without losing it?? Hopefully, Jake has learned something from this...Vienna, I seriously doubt it. MAYBE when she's thiry...

[Suzie]

Sometimes couples can bring out the worse in each other. These two are not meant to be together. They should not have aired this. People criticized Jason. He certainly rose above this mess.

[Suzie]

Sometimes couples bring out the worse in each other. These two do not belong together. This should not have aired and hopefully these two with go on with their lives out of the media. People critized Jason. I think he proved to be much more of a man and apologized for his mistakes.

[Jennifer]

Jake is obviously gay and in denial, hence the whole "emasculates" thing, and the fact that he hasnt touched Vienna after the 1st month they were together. He is in such denial that he is very ANGRY, and boy does it show. Even though Vienna is annoying, I have to say kudos to her for exposing him last night for the EL-CREEPO that he has become. Jake, just come out of your own closet, pursue an acting/dancing career and stop being so angry. lol

[ACG]

You're giving Vienna WAY, WAY too much credit. Frankly, both of these idiots needed to have their heads knocked together. Jake is an arrogant jerk and Vienna is a whiny, childish crybaby.

And after being interrupted for like the 432nd time in 10 minutes, how can you blame Jake for finally raising his voice? And Vienna's crybaby temper-tantrum pretty much eliminated any sympathy I might have had for her.

It's too bad it didn't work out - they're both pathetic and therefore made for each other.

[Rachel]

Jake is kinda creepy with all the "undermineing" talk!
The thing is, all the other girls told him about vienna. He thought they were "undermining" him by saying that! Im soooo happy Ali amd Tenley were never stuck with him! They are too nice! He didnt pick those girls at the end because they were warning him and he thought they were going behind his back. How crazy is this guy????? I never liked vienna but now i just feel bad for her. she wasnt that fake on the show. She talked ALOT, spoke her mind and just had fun. Now he doesnt like that? He pretended to be some he's not! He sounded like a control freak! And if you propse to someone you should, as a man, be able to support her and a family. If you want to be treated like a man start acting like one. However, vienna gave jake very little room to speak! Not that i wanted to hear his filthy lies!

[Kim]

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Vienna coming out smelling like roses?
Since when does constantly interupting someone, selling your story to a tabloid with INTIMATE details of everything, consitute as looking good?
Vienna looked like the fool here. In all honesty, it's ridiculous to think you can find true love on a show like the bachelor, so shame on both of them for that. But Vienna looked like the fool here.
You can see how they never resolved arguments. Vienna isn't willing to hear anyone else's perspective, and when she can't deal, she starts balling and runs off.
Notice how for the first ten minutes, Jake said nothing at all while Vienna spilled her story? When it was his turn, he couldn't get a word in.
Obviously Jake has issues too, he picked this loony woman from the the bunch of decent girls to begin with. What was going on in his head? I don't know.
Vienna was, is and always will be trouble.

[Zilla]

Vienna showed millions of people what a spoiled, self centered little baby she really is last night. I honestly can't understand how jake could have put up with her crap for so long. And really, if she was soooo miserable, what was stopping her from leaving months ago?

She loves the spotlight, loves playing the victim, loves making money by trashing other people's characters, true or not. Her hometown must really love her now that she has cried to everyone on nation wide tv how they have all turned their backs on her. Well, perhaps she shouldn't have cheated on her deployed husband, that seems to be where a lot of hometown dislike for her comes from.

She hates Hollywood and calls him a fame whore, yet she is the first one to run straight to the tabloids, before they even broke up. She conveniently forgets that of course an ABC headliner like the bachelor is going to be offered other ABC shows where they can cross promote their franchise. She certainly didn't mind her ridiculously inappropriate spotlight on Dancing With The stars or her extra hosting gig, yet Jake is the only one chasing fame?

Jake is incredibly lucky to be rid of her, she is lucky to be rid of him, so please, Hollywood, please, media, don't give either of these two losers another dime or another minute of attention. That is what they are both after and neother are worth it.

[maria]

Jake really is a jerk. He is so cold and so insecure. He is not looking for a team...he is looking for an assistant to boss around. I never cared for Vienna....but she came across as honest and hurt. I felt for her. Jake was cold and nasty. Shame...I hope this is the last we will hear of this. Go on with you life Vienna.

[swf]

Two media-puffed attention whores get together on a so-called "reality" show, and then go through a nasty prime-time split. It's all worthless, unless, there's a well-shot (hear me, John Edwards) and circulated sex tape.

[Tee]

I thought it sad that the Jake/Vienna drama took precedence over the Bachelorette series. Though it was no surprise their relationship ended as it did, I didn't understand why this couldn’t wait until the "women tell all" episode. The whole scene was embarrassing for them both.

My current take on Jake is; he initially fell in love with Tenley - my gawd the man broke down in tears when he asked her father for her hand in marriage. This reality scared the crap out of him, so like a baby, he dumped her and chose Vienna. He really didn't love Vienna, but the controversy she invoked could be good for a Hollywood career. Plus, she’s expendable – nobody really like Vienna – so when he is done using her butt he can dump her and still look like a good guy. I think his intentions were good in the beginning – but that all changed.

I was lead to believe Frank dumped Ali on last night's episode from the prior weeks preview - yet not a word of it was mentioned last night. The show left me feeling disappointed. But, Portugal is beautiful.