'Real Housewives of New Jersey': Mommie Dearest

ShowTrackers, it’s time for a game of “Who said this?” In Monday’s episode, a certain "Housewife" uttered a phrase so delusional it required three replays: "I am the best mom in the world."

Go back and reread. OK. One more time.

So who said it? A) The ever-sweet and classy Teresa, B) The unbe-weave-able Jacqueline, C) the ham game-hating Caroline or D) broken-heeled Danielle.

I’ll give you a hint. Her inner circle includes a dude who scares Chihuahuas (and his sidekick) and some phenomenon known as Kim G. 

Now for the back story of the delusional statement. Danielle’s eldest daughter, Christine, is about to celebrate her 16th birthday. Christine wanted to donate the money she received as gifts to charity — a thought that seemed to baffle Danielle. The good-natured gesture was quickly brushed aside. Danielle, who claimed never to have had a birthday party until she was 47, thought a big shindig was in order. But who needs Christine? It was all about Danielle’s youngest daughter, 11-year-old Jillian, last night, the apple — or dollar sign — of her eye. Why? Well, because this knock-off “My Super Sweet 16” party was to be Jillian’s big entrance into the music world (forced upon her by her ever-controlling — and slightly bald — stage mother). What seemed like a sweet gift — an ode to her sister — turned into an experience sure to be discussed on a therapist’s couch for years to come (a.k.a. a “mind-boggling huge” night, according to Danielle).  She completed her assignment, though, helping ensure her placement as a pop-culture icon.  Someone please save this girl!  

Oh, and the night also included three dress changes for Christine (surprisingly, only one for Danielle),  a bodybuilder’s shoulders for an arrival mechanism, Danielle’s ex-husband and a cameo by her former engagement ring. 

In other news …

-- Ashley (wearing that horrid knit hat) received her court summons and agreed to plead guilty to simple assault against Danielle but not harassment -- not surprising considering she got the giggles whenever she relived the epic night in her head.  To make things more mind numbing, she’d had a harebrained idea of countersuing Danielle. Cue Chris drinking in an attempt to process it all and Jacqueline forcing a reaction that shows she’s fed up. They both just need to take lessons in tae kwon do from Teresa’s gals already and give Ashley a wake-up call. 

-- Albie was killing time between waiting to hear from law schools by joining the police academy. 

-- And the Giudices celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. And when your wife is Teresa, flowers and chocolate just won’t do. It didn't matter if money was short (perhaps Joe was finally practicing money management with that game of Monopoly?), Teresa wanted a diamond — not the Crown Jewels, though, for this “Skinny Italian.” So what did Joe do? He set up a helicopter ride over Manhattan and a romantic dinner, where he surprised Teresa with a massive yellow diamond ring (drenched in chocolate). Just don’t tell her it’s in foreclosure. 

So ShowTrackers, what did you think of the episode? Impressed by Joe’s poetic abilities? Is Jillian’s singing future one that can rival LuAnn de Lesseps'? Will Ashley ever learn her lesson? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Christine and Danielle Staub. Credit: Bravo

Comments

[erica stephens]

Honestly,I turned it off after Theresa and her midget gorilla landed on the bed.I just cannot watch this program...I,m over it.

[violet]

I turned the channel when Kristine starting talking about giving money to a charity from her birthday bash and Juliann was made to sing! Its either a horrible setup for the tv viewers or we as viewers are contributing to the future mental health problems of Danielle's children. I CAN'T watch this narcissist and I won't make her rich watching her "USE" her children for self promotion! Gag!

[Peter White]

Wow, to think this episode will be trumped by next week's relationship meltdown between the 'I don't realize how old I truly am so let me wear short skirts and tight tops' and 'you will sing the bad song I wrote and like it or I will shove my square boobs in your face missy.'

There was so much going on in this episode they could have cut it up into two equally great shows. Lets begin with and subsequently dismiss Ashley - what an idiot. It's truly a shame that the money train is beginning to dry up for this simpleton because she's not nearly as cute as she perceives herself to be and has no redeemable qualities to speak of.

Teresa, my home is not in foreclosure, I own several investment properties that are in trouble ... ummm no, just like the Persian Crown Jewels ... oops you meant Indian ... you're wrong. Hopefully your husband was smart enough to rent the ring for the weekend since it would otherwise become an asset for bankruptcy court to pursue.

Jillian, you were right - we did hate it - anyone else notice her sister looking around the room of strangers trying to connect but instead seeing vacant stares glaring back at this charade. I loved her statement to cruella de ville 'I don't know it' ... if you write something, you know it ... clearly she was trying to learn the song her mom and some loser rhymer put together.

Wanna be model, you definetely have the attitude but just need to work on eating regime and trying to walk and talk at the same time. Sorry your mom forced this 'look at us' birthday party on you, don't worry we all REALLY believe this PR move was entirely your idea. Down to the sponsors and photo backdrop - very classy.

Kim G, I hope that after your hissy fit with Danielle you race towards Jacqui's home only to have the door slammed in your wrinkled two face. BTW, give it up sweetheart, you fought the fight and Father Time won - game over - seriously.

How about the post episode show with the tool host and self proclaimed comic / deity Bethany. Ugh - she redefines F_ugly. And Rachel, you missed maybe one episode but don't know who Kim G is ??? Right ... can you say TV time desperation ... wha whaa ???

[Paula]

1-Danielle should be visited by Child Protective Services. 2-Teresa has turned out to be such a disappointment. I thought I was going to like her but she is just awful!
3-Ashley should be kicked out of the house. Ever heard of tough love?
4-Albie seems to be the only person on the show with any ambition. Good job Caroline!

[Patricia]

I think the yellow diamond is a CZ - I doubt Joe could pull together the 2 - 3 million he'd need to buy her a real one that size.

Jillian sings like Cartman on South Park.

Danielle over-hugging her ex made me feel sorry for him.

Ashley's new nose job makes her look more like a chipmunk than ever! Her bigger nose balanced her moon face a little better than her new little nose.

Albie will be getting a pension before he hears back from the law schools.

[dez]

I definitely think that the ring was a cz. I wonder if that's part of the "costume jewelry" being auctioned off. I don't think anyone should make negative comments about the children who are younger than 18. Kids learn from their parents & how they raise them. I think that most of the Giudice's debt was created by Teresa, however I do not think that Joe was completely honest with his wife about their finances. You can clearly tell how uncomfortable Joe is when Teresa asks for expensive items. & I think during the preview of next weeks episode that u can see him thinking about how he's gonna pay for that party. Joe is at his breaking point when he tells Teresa no more parties for u. To me It's just a show, entertainment. I don't know these people so I don't care.

[viking]

I have some questions regarding Danielle:

1. Why was the ex-con, Danny, in prison?
2. Why would she ever allow him & the other guy in her house & around her 2 young attractive daughters?
3. Why would a woman with pretensions (!!!) of class, Kim G., ever be in her company when accompanied by a coterie of thugs to a function to which they were not invited?

The hand-kissing scene by the ex-con in the coffee shop was beyond nauseating.

I do wish Ashley would close her lips, as she looks like a rabbit with that upper lip always open. It's past time her step-father took her to the woodshed, since her mother obviously has no control over her behavior.

[SarahAnne]

I'd watch the show more if it featured more of Danielle and Lori Michael's relationship - her lesbian life is way more fun to hear about than the bizarro comments she makes about EVERYTHING else....focus on the GOOD stuff! http://bit.ly/9d0mia

[sarah Foster]

I LIVE IN A MANSION. HAVE THREE YOUNG CHILDREN. OH, ALSO HAVE AN INFANT. HAVE NO HELP; DO IT ALL MYSELF AS I AM OLD FASHIONED. THEREFORE:

CLEAN THE MANSION
DO THE LAUNDRY, FOLD IT AND PUT IT AWAY
COOK ALL MEALS
WASH THE DISHES
SHOP FOR GROCERIES
TRANSPORT CHILDREN WHEN REQUIRED
TAKE CHILDREN SHOPPING
SHOP FOR MYSELF ; LOOK AT MY WARDROBE
ATTEND SOCIAL EVENTS
BREAT FEED AND TAKE CARE OF AN INFANT ROUND THE CLOCK, AND NEVER APPEAR TO HAVE LACK OF SLEEP
OH, HAVE SEX TWICE A DAY
AND HAVE TIME TO WRITE A BOOK!!!!!!!!

AM I NOT GREAT ??????

[Sophie]

Ugh...I cant watch that nutbag Danielle anymore, its not entertaining its disgusting having to watch someone as mentally ill as she is on television. Her daughters seem like they have some personality disorders, they cant really talk and think at the same time. Teresa is still cute and funny, but her overspening is dissapointing because its way too much to the point where I cant understand who would spend that much money on anything, especially a ring. Ashley can be obnoxious, but I dont blame her for laughing while recalling the hair pulling with Danielle, it was pretty funny and entertaining.

[john smith]

This bitch Gorilla, I mean Teresa with hair growing from the middle of her forehead like a monkey "Gorilla", she is absolutely a bully and an ugly bitch. She scares me just looking at her forhead, big hair and eyes...just look at her eyes full of hate and stupidity! she does not even know how to articulate herself! she just knows "coke whore" for vocabulary! I don't know what to say? she should absolutely go to jail for harrassing and ganging up on poor Danielle even though Danielle is not helping her image, "she needs to because she is getting to events where these bitches are". She is better than all of them! look at Danielle's daughters and what they are accomplishing and look at their "daughters, cousins, Ashley, Gia...." Danielle is better than them and her kids are better than them that is what make them jealous! look at that Caroline hater...with her retarded kids! leave the girl alone, or leave the show like Dina did! Jacqueline is another stupid controlled bitch with no personality and no weight in her husband's family! but it is affecting her own child...wake up uneducated bitch! leave Danielle alone...you Teresa go to hell! may God gets back to you for all you have said and done to defame Danielle! which I admit had problems but you did not have to constantly rub it in her face...look at Danielle's daughters "how they carry themselves" and your bratty ones! big difference and that speaks of Danielle and all of the other females..who is better? of course DANIELLE! it is a reflection on the quality of how a great of a parent Danielle is and how a trashy and no accomplishment parents you guys are. I know what you Teresa, Caroline, Jacqueline and ashley are! the Mafia Family! did not your father, grand father get killed inside his car? Mafioso Family! Go DANIELLE! I am behind you!

[Doreen]

This articile is completely biased against Danielle and for the others. I would think a "journalist" who holds a job for a publication like the L.A. Times would have a better grip on reality than this, even if she is only reviewing a trashy reality show. Wow.

This show is clearly a study in witch hunts and bullying (narcissistic and sociopathic) behaviors (and I'm not talking about Danielle here, she has other issues, not these).

People (on a reality show, online and in the media) who unite as one, huge group to repeatedly attack one individual person (Danielle Staub in this case)...

= A cruel and inhumane lynch mob (aka bullies, narcissists and sociopaths).

All of these women have emotional issues on this show. However, I see the ones who unite in hatred...all against one...to be far more emotionally screwed up than the one who is being gang banged emotionally.

Danielle has issues and the rest of the housewives (and their followers which includes the very biased author of this article), imho, have even bigger issues.

[all me]

I think Everyone on the show is crazy except for Daniel and her children. I can"t stand Ashley....

[all me]

Leave Daniel alone all of your rich (wanna Bees). And donate some time to the homeless or a catholic Church....

[Katrina]

Okay, Teresa needs an intervention! Get off the spending wheel girl, your husband is at the breaking point. Don't you care about him.
1. Stop spending and move into an affordable home. (Can you say property taxes?)
2. Your children are out of control, they do not need the lavish items you are showering them with. You are creating young girls who will not feel fulfilled without things.
3. Start writing more books and help dig your family out of debt. (I think you need a debt counselling service!)

Now Danielle, all I can say is you have created Danielle World and no one will ever be able to get you to crossover the Danielle Castle Bridge into the real world. So, all I can tell you is enjoy your fantasy ride. I pray that you can make it living there because usually what happens is the real world has a way of crashing the gates bringing upheavel (just look at TeresaLand!)

Jacqueline, Ashley needs a reality check from you, but since you could not bring yourself to do it, the judicial system it doing it for you. I really like your family and I hope this puts Ashley on the right track. But,

1. Set some rules for her, get a job or have her go to school.
2. She needs to be financial responsible for herself. Stop giving her a free ride.

Caroline, You are the only housewive that is on the right track. Please don't let fame get into your head and stay focused on your family. I wish bravo would give you your own show. There is so much you can bring to the table about love, life and Italian cooking. "True Italian Living" by Caroline! You go girl...