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'Real Housewives of New York City': Reunion recap, Part 1 of 3. No, really.

To the lady readers of this post: Cross your legs before proceeding.

A three-part reunion? Like, Bravo, are you serious? Should I be expecting a special appearance by jelly beans and lollipops, in which the camera will focus on the candied treats for minutes to kill time? There is no reason -- NONE -- for a three-part special. I can barely tolerate the two-part specials that have become the norm. At this point, I'm waiting for Bravo to start making these things into movies with random trips to Abu Dhabi. Wait. Has that been done? Don't get me wrong. I most certainly enjoyed Part One of the gathering. But I would have LOVED it had it been an hour of every amazingly awesome moment from the three parts crammed into one. I’m an addict, I know.

But there is no thinking. There is no breathing. I have a job to do.

So let's break down it all down into satchels of gold:

-- We were again given the delightful replay of Alex's awesomely absurd statement heard 'round the world -- at least, in the parts that get Bravo: "While you are in high school, I am in Brooklyn." It never gets old.

-- In the midst of Alex trying to explain her new lease on meanness (or frankness), she also got a lesson on how to sit without her woohoo showing. And who would have thought that lesson would come from Kelly? The Department of Pants and Leggings hasn't provided her much protection this season.

-- When Alex politely snapped at LuAnn with, "Let me finish, dear," I was half expecting LuAnn to jump to her feet and break into an Auto-Tune-laced song with lyrics like, "'Dear' doesn't make you chic' or 'A lady says dahhhhling, my friend." 

-- Two words: Turrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttle time. I'm not usually a fan of all the montages from the season. The episodes just aired. I don't need a reminder. But when it comes to the Ramona bits, I get pretty giddy with joy.

-- Another two words: Pronounced eyes. Thanks, Andy Cohen, for finding a polite way to describe Ramona's ogglers. That was pure bliss.

-- More from the Ramona Coaster. The pronounced-eyed Cameron Diaz wannabe explained that she regretted her harshness toward Bethenny on the Brooklyn Bridge: "If I had to erase one comment out of all my comments, that's the one." Kelly, of course, jumped in: "Oh really, not that I'm stupid?" Oh, Kelly, you must have been imagining doing cartwheels. Ramona was talking about things she regretted saying!

-- The major conflict this season has been the atrociously overplayed fight between ex-best friends Bethenny and Jill. It's still very much unresolved, but the only one who seems to care is Jill. The back-and-forth exchanges were excruciating to watch. And viewers got more back story to their division. Bethenny claimed that the main factor leading to the demise of their relationship was Jill allowing the "fame" go to her head, an accusation that Bethenny (whose spinoff show documenting her pregnancy and marriage premiered after the reunion special) also faced. Oh, and there was that little mention of Jill's apparent sabotage: She told the other Housewives not to film with Bethenny. Jealous much?

-- Did anyone else catch the chillingly terrifying look Kelly gave LuAnn after the songstress called her "a little rabbit in the woods"? It was as if Kelly had to calm herself down by imagining unprocessed gummy bears growing on vines.

-- An honorable mention to viewers for providing the best (most unnecessary) questions/statements: "Alex, what's with the hives?" and "Simon seems bloated this season." They were things I didn't even know I cared to know.

So ShowTrackers, what did you think of the first part of the reunion? Should there be three parts to this thing? Are you excited for Round Two?  The drama continues as Kelly tells Ramona that her "blood type is Pinot Grigio" -- aw, she's trying to be witty! And Sonja makes an appearance! Until then, share your favorite moments from Part One of the special or from the season in the comments section.

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Alex McCord, Ramona Singer, Bethenny Frankel. Credit: Bravo.

Comments () | Archives (29)

Are you kidding me?! There needs to be a part 4-- a LIVE show during which Andy asks the cast questions from Twitter and FB about statements made during the reunion episodes. I am dying to ask Kelly how she thinks it's okay to tell Bethenny , "That's just mean. I would never say that about you." regarding Bethenny telling the others not to film with her. What about the ho-bag comment? That wasn't mean? Not to mention all of the other insults she hurled at Bethenny during the St. John trip. That girl needs a straight jacket and a psychiatrist, stat! Just my two cents...

I think the most interesting part of the reunion show was that the women were divided in two camps: the sane ones and the crazy trio. Alex, Ramona and Bethanny sat there smiling, laughing and supporting each other and discussing the issues intelligently and honestly. Then on the other side, Jill, Kelly and the Countess sat there looking uncomfortable and if they did respond were defensive and clueless as to what was going on. I have a feeling, the first part was the least explosive and confrontational than the other two parts. I don't understand why Kelly is still on the show and hasn't been carted off by men in white coats. Kelly clearly does not have a grip on reality. She bullies and verbally abuses all of the housewives, then constantly lectures on bullying and verbal abuse. Staying on the yacht would have been as safe as staying in the Bates Motel with that Psycho Kelly on board.

Alex called Jill a mean girl this season, but it appears that she is no better. She is willing to forgive Bethenny and Ramona for all the past things they have said about her and her family, but with Jill she just wants to fuel the fire. Bravo to Jill for at least not pretending to be her friend. As far as Alex's blog at Bravo site about picking sides, seems she is very much guilty of doing this herself! Tried to say that on the Bravo site but it appears that unless you have something positive to say about her ( like kissing her a**) your comments don't make it on her blog site

Why are you blogging about a show you obviously don't like. I would rather read an account by someone who cares. maybe they should pay someone else, and let you blog about shows you like.


I LOVE that there is three parts! I don't want their crazy antics to end! Although the fight between Bethenny and Jill is exhuasting it is still entertaining! It showed the viewers Jill's true colors! Jill purposely threw out snide comments where ever she was. She says she is trying to be funny?!! LOL might want to find a new "hobby" "sweatheart"!

to LeahBee - "I watch to feel better about myself" it makes you feel better to watch women you describe as broads who discredit women? really? wow, i can usually make myself feel better by doing something for someone else not laughing at someone else.

When I see these women and celebrities raise millions for charities, I am reminded of sitting with my young brothers in front of a black and white TV, sweltering in the city heat, eating sugar sandwiches on stale bread.

When TV talking heads would say that a charity was going to send "underpriviledged" children to camp, or teach "inner city" kids to swim or read or something, and my brothers and I would stop gnawing and look at each other and think, "Huh?"

Celebrities are spectacular at raising money for worthy causes, but you still have to know the secret handshake to get some.

What is with all you pro-Bethenny people?! She is an utter nightmare. She never stops talking and she speaks so rapidly it's quite bizarre. With her whiney voice and always speaking over the top of anyone else in the vicinity I hit fast forward every time. Please Bravo I am begging you. Ditch that witch and find some real programming. Light entertainment doesn't have to be this light!

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