'Real Housewives of New Jersey': No table left behind
I really thought Bravo had come to realize that it’s always best to deliver the goods when they hype their episodes. We’ve seen them fail at it (remember “The Message” episode on “The Real Housewives of New York City”?). But they had my faith restored with the whole Kelly meltdown fiasco in St. John. I refuse to delete that episode from my DVR lineup. It’s one of those rare treasures that needs to be saved as proof that it actually happened because even when I try describing it to others, I lose all credibility with my repeated mentions of jelly beans and lollipops.
And so I began watching Monday’s episode with high expectations. To be honest, I thought most of the episode was filler to keep me occupied until the big showdown at the Brownstone -- and that’s how much thought I gave it. Teresa finally brings her baby Audriana home, manages to squeeze in a mention on the car ride home that Joe should get a vasectomy, and finds time to throw a lavish birthday bash for model wannabe Gia -- complete with a pink limo. Pink!
Jacqueline, meanwhile, thinks the way to get chummy with the mother of Ashley’s boyfriend is to feed each other grapes? Over at Caroline’s house, the ham game makes a brief cameo.
But none of that matters. We’ve been built up to believe that a catastrophic showdown at the Brownstone is about to happen. And so the time comes when Danielle shows up with her posse of ex cons and a woman who goes by ‘Kim G’ -- was it me, or was she the one who was the most disturbing of them all? Never trust a woman who can rock an oversized hot pink shawl. The head of the unnecessary posse, Danny, who even makes Chihuahuas uncomfortable, was practically twitching when he arrived, so it only seemed natural that conflict would result.
Christopher, Caroline’s son and best friend to Kim G’s son, greeted Danielle nicely enough and “warned” Kim G that they were in for a surprise, clearly in reference to their attire. How that got twisted into a mafia-like warning was ridiculous. But that’s not what the “ruckus” was about. While the family of the sick girl was trying to raise money to pay for her medical bills, Danielle -- who wasn’t financially capable to make a donation. Uh, really? But you can hire that whole posse? -- was causing a scene over a table. Seems her gang had no place to sit. Uh, no kidding; they weren’t invited.
Danny, meanwhile, was twitching with furor. And that was it. No, really, that was it. He threw around a few expletives and that was it. I’m not saying I wanted people to get hurt, but all those teasers had me thinking at least a slice of ham would be thrown around. Nothing!
If I were Bravo, the hype would have surrounded the revelation made by Caroline: “I shave my entire face every day.” Re-read that statement again. It freakin’ blew my mind, too, Teresa. It freakin’ blew my mind.
And the quote of the night goes to -- you guessed it -- Teresa. When accompanying her husband to get some new ink done, the tattoo artists can’t believe Teresa is a tattoo virgin. Her reason is simple and to the point: “Would you put a bumper sticker on a Bentley?” Enough said.
So Show Trackers, were you peeved by Monday’s episode? Think this season should be Danielle’s last? What did you think of Kim G.? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
-- Yvonne Villarreal
Photo credit: Bravo