‘Real Housewives of New York City’: Pass the Pinot Grigio

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With an episode like Thursday night’s, it’s best to let the content speak for itself. Note: It’s hard to type and laugh at the same time, but I did my best to recapture the moments.

Ramona plans a five-day girl trip (Vicki Gunvalson, take note) sans her ‘buzz kills’ friends Jill and LuAnn. So it’s just Ramona, Sonja, Alex, Bethenny and Kelly. And with this party of five on a yacht, there’s bound to be trouble. Many of the night’s head-scratching moments come from who else? Kelly.

--En route to their destination, Kelly enlightens us on her eating habits. She doesn’t eat processed foods. And she loves gummy bears. Huh? It makes sense to her. “That’s fun candy.” As opposed to ...? But wait. Lest you think she eats all this stuff while wearing a bikini, you’re wrong -- ‘I don’t like to eat in a bikini.’

--When there’s no glass of Pinot Grigio in sight, Bethenny jokes that she would stomp on the grapes in the fridge to make Ramona some wine. Kelly, of course, thinks Bethenny is being literal and fears her unprocessed food will be tarnished. I mean, really?

--When the topic during mealtime turns to Jill, Kelly wants no part of it, saying, ‘I’m a real person. I’m normal.’ If that weren’t mind-bending enough, she goes on to try and prove her intelligence by whipping out the whole ‘making lemons into lemonade’ metaphor to make a case that they were knit-picking Jill’s actions. Uh, wrong metaphor. How does Ramona deal with all of Kelly’s nonsense? Simple. She puts her finger up to her lips and says to Kelly: ‘Shhhhhhhh! Shhhhhhhh!’ Classic. An upset Kelly leaves … or tries to. She has a little run-in with the sliding glass door en route to her lala land of cartwheels.

--How funny was Bethenny’s take on Ramona’s Pinot Grigio ways? ‘She’s renewing her buzz, she’s renewing her vows, she’s renewing her life.’ Can someone get that embroidered on a pillow?

--While Ramona and Alex are off schmoozing with the Hooters dude, the conversation between Sonja and Bethenny gets deep back on the yacht. And Kelly can’t be bothered with it -- ‘Feelings are so 1979.’ I can’t even process that. Like, how does a thought like that even enter someone’s mind? And then how does it reach the point of escaping their mouth? Fascinating.

--More bickering ensues between Kelly and Bethenny. And, I’m sorry, I kind of got a chuckle out of Kelly’s zinger -- ‘You’re not a chef, you’re a cook’ -- mostly because I would love to hear what her definitions of the two are. I’m sure one creates unprocessed gummy bears and the other doesn’t.

--Meanwhile, an inebriated Ramona is slurring her words and flirting with the Hooters dude. Wait. Did she just give him a peck on the mouth? Gross. Wait. Did she just say she was ‘hot for her husband’? Grosser.

--Bethenny eventually joins the party to vent about her outburst with Kelly. Buzzed Ramona’s take on Kelly? ‘She has haaarvard … harbored resentments.’ Someone give that gal another glass of wine.

--’I feel like I’m always the one left with Kelly,’ Sonja says. Poor thing. Guess that’s the price of being the new gal.

--Then there were the shots of Ramona dancing at a night club. There are no words. Seriously, I tried. I’m still speechless.

Back in the concrete jungle which dreams are made of, LuAnn is pursuing her own (and bringing to life one I didn’t even know I had) by recording her first single, ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class.’ Love how the producer says LuAnn reminds him of Madonna and Fergie. I dare him to say that without his sunglasses shielding his eye rolling. And am I supposed to be impressed that this dude has worked with 50 Cent, Ashanti and Britney Spears? Cause I’m not. At all.

Then there was her whole date with that weird dude from last week’s episode. If their flirting wasn’t awkward enough, the guy gave her his book as a gift. To be honest, I was waiting for her to do the same with her book. After she invited herself (very classy and elegant) to join him on his Hamptons getaway he had planned for the weekend, they attempted to kiss. But neither of them seemed to know where their lips were. Does it matter? I’m sure if Kelly were there, she’d enlighten us by saying lips are so 1984.

Oh, I almost forgot. There was no screen time for Jill in this episode. Is it sad that I didn’t feel a void? Maybe for her.

So Show Trackers, what did you think of Thursday night’s episode? What was your favorite zinger? Did you enjoy the Jill-less episode?

-- Yvonne Villarreal