'Real Housewives of New York City': Cold as ice

Forget “Sex and the City 2” and that lavish trip to Abu Dhabi. The gals of “The Real Housewives of New York City” don’t need all the bells and whistles -- or should I say camels and sand? -- to have a crazily entertaining (heavy on the crazy) trip.

We return to the scene of Kelly’s questionable outburst last week. The place where jellybeans and lollipops mingle with Pinot Grigio and undercooked meat: St. John.  Only Kelly is no longer there to talk Al Sharpton and all the wonder that came out of the year 1979. Why? She escaped the Poison Island, as she referred to it, to take care of her daughters. Somewhere there’s a pancake burning. 

Ramona and company didn’t mourn the loss. Instead, they had a mani-pedi fest. But before the dead skin on their heels could even be removed, in walks Jill. She wanted it to be a surprise, and it was, judging from the look on Alex’s face. I finally understand what Kelly was talking about last week when she said Alex was like a vampire. The chick discombobulated at the sight of Jill. Or maybe she was just reenacting her odd beach photo shoot from last week? Not to mention bikini-clad Ramona’s reaction. I thought she might change her bikini right then and there out of nervousness. The look of shock on her face was aided by weird hand motions — like her hands went into their reflex mode and were searching for a wine glass to grip. But there was nothing there. So instead, she cupped her breast? 

Alex began crying. Ramona, finally finding something other than her female parts to hold, rushed over to comfort her. Meanwhile, Bethenny and Sonja were getting the second coat of polish on their nails, undisturbed by it all. Jill? Well, Jill eventually left on her private jet with Bobby. How could she think they'd be excited to see her?

With the “elephant in the room” finally gone, the gals returned to their last night of relaxation. Over dinner, we learn Bethenny strips down to her sneakers in her living room to check how her belly bump is maturing. Cue Ramona gagging … because a morsel of food went down the wrong pipe, of course. We also learn that Sonja likes to give the Heimlich maneuver. And she hopes to own a heart defibrillator one day. Can someone give this woman her own show? Please! Seriously. This is not the kind of stuff Carrie and her stiletto posse talk about over cosmos. I’m just sayin’. In between talk of lifesaving devices, penis size is, naturally, next on the list. Oh, and then a bridal shower for Ramona and Bethenny, who both receive pearl handcuffs and bedazzled hand ties.

Back in Manhattan are Kelly, LuAnn, Jill and what's-her-name (no, really, what’s her name? She’s like Waldo. She pops up out of nowhere at the most random times). It doesn’t matter. She’s not relevant to this recap. In any case, Kelly gives her side of the story on her psychotic outburst. Jellybeans are again given a shout-out (Her obsession with this candy is enough to warrant therapy.)  She mentions how Bethenny admitted she had a smear campaign out against her. Um, I don’t remember that part. The whole cook-chef debacle was brought up—verdict: everyone but Kelly’s friends have hired Bethenny as a chef. 

Later, Jill’s skating party finally arrives.  Before twirling on the ice, Jill calls Bethenny to set up a lunch date. But we’ll have to wait until next week for that awkward interaction.

Until then, here are some of this episode’s best lines (feel free to share your own in the comments section):

“You could hear it like … ugh … like a horn”

-- Bethenny, on Jill’s drawn out “Hi” that announced her arrival at the St. John’s estate.

“I was floored. I couldn’t imagine that someone who poo-poohed this trip would suddenly show up”

-- Alex, on her reaction to Jill’s surprise visit. “Poo-poohed”? Really? She and Francois really need to spend some time apart. 

“It was as if someone died when they saw me”

-- Jill on being the elephant in the room.

“Who uses the word hobag these days?”

-- LuAnn on Kelly’s word choice. No one, dahling. No one. Maybe it’s a relic of, hmm, I don’t know, 1979. 

“I think you’re allergic to alcohol”

-- Ramona’s take on what cause Kelly’s outburst while on vacation.

So ShowTrackers, what did you think of this week’s episode? Should the girls have been more welcoming to Jill? Could the jellybeans be the source of Kelly’s meltdown?

--Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Jill Zarin. Credit: Bravo

Comments

[tim]

i think "whatshername" was supposed to be a new edition to the cast--the eighth housewife--but thh producers changed their minds and axed her---i love them for it too cause she's boring----sonja is a good balanace to the mix though so she's a keeper.

[CAP]

I am a husband,wife and I watch all the "housewives" show, mostly for the value of confirming that regardless of your wealth, you can have intelligence and grace. I have been fascinated by the transformation Jill, who I loved the first season, into this person of such calculations. She seems to get some form of joy out of causing misery while in the same instant basking in self-promotion. Kelly...I thought at first she was really trying to be unique or appear to be mysterious...now I am convinced she is either a drug addict or certifiably mentally ill.
I find I like Alex more and more (who would have thought!) and Sonja is just.....entertaining. I will be glad when the Bethanny/Jill battle ends.......I suggest a new show next year........Jill/Danielle(NJ)/Kelly all join the Orange County cast!.........they could take the trip to the lake in AZ on blondies boat......we could watch several people have a Kelly moment on vacation.......hahahahahaha

[jnic]

I love this show. I can't wait to read all the differnt recaps of the show after it airs.
Kelly has never grown on me. I don't care for her with or without the mental disorder (as if I had a choice). Jill was my favorite until this season. I'm shocked at how self absorbed she is. I don't think I noticed in the first 2 seasons because I found her entertaining. Now I find her to be very ugly. Not physically ugly but her attitude, perosonality, just her being is ugly.
If anyone shows up at an event invited or not and the group at the event stops talking you're the problem.
I found it strange that in a past episode Bobby conftonted Alex because Jill came home crying. But last night Bethenny was speaking to Bobby about Jill and her behavior and I think he said, he doesn't ask her or discuss what's going on. I'm thinking get your house in order Bawby. I think your a sweet guy but reel your wife in she's too much.

[erica stephens]

Jill is a horrible two faced disengenious hypocrit! I hope Bethaney does not give her a pass after all the heartaches Jill as caused.I am looking forward to Bethaney's new show,hopefully it will feature actual working mothers,like herself and Alex.No Jill,No Lu-ann,and no Kelly!

[Patricia]

I think they are all mental patients on furloughs!