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'Real Housewives of New Jersey': Hamming it up

Danielle_staub In this week’s episode, we learn that Danielle doesn’t have the time to clean the 21 rooms in her home (guess sunbathing is a full-time job) and slices of ham have great sticking power.

We start with Danielle meeting with her real estate agent (FYI: that dress is BCBG, not Pucci).  Seems Danielle’s palatial Franklin Lakes mansion is buckling at its seams -- a metaphor, perhaps, for her sanity? Hey, it wouldn’t be the first time Bravo laced us with a hidden message. You remember Jill and her canine’s excrement problem.

After a glimpse of her darling bathroom and an unnecessary shot of her bidet, things manage to get more awkward when Danielle sees the opportunity to use her Realtor as a therapist: complaining about her ex and the deteriorating house she can’t afford to keep up: “It’s a day-to-day struggle.” Right.

Things can only get more bizarre. 

Over lunch, Teresa shares with Caroline and Jacqueline a little too much information about her sex life. With a baby on board, she’s got a big derriere — an asset her husband seems to enjoy. And with the enhancement of her “bubbies,” he’s in the mood for love more than she cares to offer it. Oh, and there was also talk about “puffy” nether regions. All in all, perfect lunchtime conversation. 

So it was only fitting that Danielle would also become a topic of conversation. Nothing's changed. Teresa is still suspicious of her. Jacqueline is still on the fence. Caroline is still the weirding me out with her mafia-like stance: "She will never win. She will never win against us. Never.” Yikes.

Not the kind of threat (promise?) you thought you'd hear from a mother whose children have devised a game involving deli meat. Ah, the ham game. Who knew slices of ham could be such a force to reckon with? How funny was it when Chris told Caroline the solution was simple: buy nice ham for the food and cheap ham for the game? Caroline, though, like her stance with Danielle, is firm on her hatred of the ham game: “There’s nothing good about the ham game; there’s nothing funny about the ham game; there’s nothing responsible about the ham game.”

But it’s not all ham and games.  There’s a modeling duel as well. Danielle’s daughter has been scouted by modeling agents at IMG and they want to do a photo shoot. All Danielle is seeing is dollar signs. She’s ecstatic and already imagining all the fun times they’ll have together as Christine travels the world. Uh? And she’s not stopping there. “You’re next!” she says to Jillian. “We’ll get another big house eventually.”

And the photographer hired to shoot Christine? Well, it’s none other than renowned fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon, who happens to be the ex-husband of NYC housewife Kelly. It isn’t long before Danielle finds a way to insert herself in the shoot. With Christine landing on the cover of a magazine, Danielle plans a luncheon in her honor … but neither Christine nor her friends are invited. Aw, so sweet. 

Meanwhile, Teresa’s daughter, Gia, also scored a modeling gig to walk the runway during fashion week. But Danielle isn’t too sure about Gia’s modeling potential. “She’s short.” Uh, she’s also 8.

So Show Trackers, what did you think of the episode? Has the ham game invaded your kitchen yet?  Were you cringing while Teresa shared details about her sex life? Or was all the cringing used up when you saw Danielle trying to steal Christine’s thunder at the photo shoot?

--Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Danielle Staub. Credit: Bravo

Comments () | Archives (7)

I hope New Jersey has a law requiring Danielle to hold Christine's modeling fees in trust for her.

I agree with Amy. That selfish mama-beast thinks this will be her money and her new modeling career. I predict mother/ daughter mayhem going forward. Also would like to see the father of these kids; he could be a stunning looking guy judging by these gorgeous kids who sure as heck don't look like the very homely, and crooked legged mother. And Gilles Bensimone: sure Bravo paid you a ton of money to do that shoot, but did you really want to include the fugly mother? Not for fame nor money......

This article is hilarious.

Danielle is scary inside and out!

Danielle was scary at the photo shoot. Christine does look good in those pictures.

Teresa's sex and body talk was so disgusting. She should go back to flipping tables. She talks about Danielle's inappropriate talk. She is just as bad if not worse. By the way, what happened to her husband's DUI incident?

Jaqueline needs to cut off her daughter financially. How is she paying her rent? I was happy when she told her daughter to leave and take her laundry with her.

Caroline acting like the godfather of the family. Whoever heard of throwing a fundraiser for the Sheriff's department? Couldn't find a worthier charity like cancer, chidrens' hospital or the local schools? Maybe by holding the fundraiser, there is something in it for her. She thought that guy who was bad mouthing Danielle was clearheaded when he was obviously 3 sheets to the wind.

Dina seems to be the one with a good head on her shoulders. She gets uncomfortable gossiping about Danielle. Good for her. She respects Danielle's kids. Too bad the others don't.

Caroline,is Tony Saprano in drag,Theresa is dillusional and has 3 ugly kids,Jaquiline(?) is a door mat,Danille is a real whack job,and is Dina married? Does she have a husband?

Teresa's daughter, Gia, is a spoiled brat. Caroline is a thug plus Dina and Jacqueline are the two nicest women on this show. Also, why does Danielle feel she has to try to maintain a friendship with any of these other women?


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