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'Dancing With the Stars' results: No rose for you

April 27, 2010 | 11:29 pm
119789_9144_preMaybe 100% just doesn’t cut it anymore. Because despite giving it his all on the dance floor for six weeks (even spending one of them in his tighty-whities), it was “Bachelor” Jake Pavelka who ended up with the lowest combined vote and point total and was shown the door in this dazzling competition.

Though I don’t think anyone can say they were really surprised by this outcome: After peaking at third place last week, Jake and his partner, Chelsie Hightower, plummeted down the leader board to last place with his less-than-stellar samba and swing dance. Ultimately, it was a hole that he couldn’t shoulder-shimmy his way out of. And while the “Bachelor” struggled to maintain his composure after learning his fate, emotions got the best of Jake, and the pilot broke down when speaking about “best friend” and partner Chelsie, while a somber (and stricken?) fiancee Vienna looked awkwardly on.

It was a teary end to a packed results hour filled with intrigue, a dash of science and some memorable pro performances.

The newly-single Melissa Etheridge showed no signs of remorse when she rocked leather pants and a “DWTS”-sanctioned sequined shirt for her first number, “Fearless Love.” Loved how Chelsie and Tony and Anna and Maks personified the title of the song with their passionate dance interpretation. And then the Grammy- and Academy Award-winning Etheridge (who got her Oscar for penning the original song to 2006's “The Inconvenient Truth”) donned a riveted leather jacket for a kinder, gentler, yet still rocking, version of her hit “Come to My Window,” with real-life marrieds Edyta Sliwinska and Alec Mazo providing a more than able assist. Edyta was like the barely-clad starry sky that lit up Alec’s darkness. Sigh – I love it when our pros get the chance to go all out on the dance floor.

And who knew they were so fit? No doubt professional hoofers need a certain amount of tone to show that much exposed skin on the dance floor, but the ESPN “Sports Science” segment really showed how much balance, technique and strength is necessary to pull off a polished, in sync routine. The fact that a Dmitry Chaplin split leap requires 1,800 pounds of force and clears air like Kobe Bryant? Impressive. And Edyta’s ab-defying balance in her backbend? Remarkable! And in those heels as well! Though I kind of wish John Brenkus had gone into how Edyta’s fringe dress could cover so much and so little at the same time. Maybe some things science can't answer.

Also a treat: Nuevo flamenco/Spanish guitarist Benise. Though for the life of me, I couldn’t catch his name. Did Brooke (whose dress looked as though a band of wee little elves had laid a trail of bedazzled tracks across its front) say Bernice? Denise? Beyonce? No, it’s Benise, short and simple. And his performance was like an acoustic guitar fiesta, surrounded in various stages by whirls of white-clad men, and ladies in frilly skirts and bra tops. Or, as Tom called it, “the world’s sexiest obstacle course.”

And in keeping with the Latin flair of the night, the encore dance was Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke’s sexy Argentine tango, which hit all the right marks once again.

Then we got to Jake and Chelsie, Evan and Anna and Niecy and Louis, whose fates were still left to be determined. Evan, whether it was due to the residual effects of his mild concussion or a major case of nerves, looked like he was about to toss his cookies while up on that stage. But luckily he and Anna were saved from the dreaded red lamps of the Bottom Two.

Though Niecy couldn’t possibly have gone home in this results hour -- not after all the bon mots she spouted in commentary. And the “Clean House” host was really on a roll tonight: Between her matter-of-fact “We love each other so we don’t have to tell each other the truth” revelation backstage to when she said, “Elimination is the time when you actually throw up in your mouth a little bit,” to her jazz-handy show of intensity when Tom recalled the judges saying she lacked it -- this woman has a sparkly personality that can be seen for days. Just for that she should be kept around.

As it turned out, the voters thought that as well: Despite having the second-to-lowest scores, Niecy and Louis were saved being cut from the competition, which left Jake without a rose in this Mirrorball ceremony.

What did you think? Did the right star go home this week? Who has your vote to take the coveted Mirrorball trophy?

-- Allyssa Lee


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Photo credit: ABC / Adam Larkey