'The Amazing Race': Champagne wishes

Joan of Arc or Noah's Ark?

If there was ever a leg of "The Amazing Race" that was somehow made for me, it was this one as the teams found themselves in the Champagne region of France, the birthplace and source of all true champagne.

The seven remaining teams embarked this week on a route that included the towns of Reims and Epernay and pointed out some major issues with the local tourism board, which repeatedly send teams to the wrong location.

But that's not the only reason why it wasn't quite champagne dreams this week for the contestants, as one team nearly wrecked its car, another headed to the wrong location twice, and one couple spent the entire leg bickering. (One guess on who that would be.) 

Throw in confusion about the difference between Joan of Arc and Noah's Ark, some language barriers, and blatant naivete, and you have the makings of a fantastic episode filled with thrills, spills and chills.

I thought this episode definitely played up the drama not just because of the picturesque location but also because it underpinned that adage that anything is possible on the race.

This was especially true with this week's leg, from the detectives holding onto their first place to Jet and Cord ending up in the wrong place twice, though the cowboys made up for it by finishing the Detour in record time. They still managed to land in the middle of the pack, but I'll admit I was a little concerned that these two would end up eliminated this week. Which would just be absolutely heartbreaking, especially if airhead models Brent and Caite were still in the running for a million dollars.

This week's installment featured one of the coolest Road Blocks ever on the race, when the participants had to rappel down into a champagne cave beneath LeClerc Briant in Epernay to search among racks of bottles to find a marked cuvee and then use a traditional saber to open the bottle. (How amazingly fun would that be?)

But before they could get to that point, the teams had to search for a statue of Joan of Arc (or Jeanne d'Arc as she's known in France). Given that she's such a famous historical figure, I had assumed that the teams would know who she was, but both Caite and Jordan seemed to have trouble keeping her separate from Noah. You know, the one with the ark. ("He carried all the animals," wondered Jordan when thinking aloud.) Caite also referred to St. Joan as "he" and then pointed to a statue and said, "oh, the animals." Um ... not quite.

While brothers Jordan and Dan were told to head towards a "Cathy Drone" (read: cathedral) to find the statue, Jet and Cord managed to find the statue of Joan of Arc on their own. But the cowboys then made a crucial error by heading to Chalons-en-Champagne, nowhere near where they needed to be heading. At which point, they had to then turn around and head back.

Teams that successfully completed the Road Block were directed to Taittinger but there's where the nightmare truly began for several teams as they were directed to Taittinger headquarters in Reims rather than the Taittinger chateau in the little town of Marquetterie, an important distinction that was lost on the faux-helpful official at the tourism office, as she told several teams to head to the wrong locale.

Steve and Allie, who managed to push themselves toward the top of the pack, fell prey to this mistake and smashed up their car when they arrived at Taittinger HQ in Reims. In one of the first storylines this entire season to focus at all on the father-daughter team, Steve managed to keep their car on the road by temporarily fixing it with duct tape, proving once again that any problem can really be solved with the judicious application of duct tape.

Once teams arrived at the right location, they had the choice between Tower or Terra (or, as it should have been called, "terroir"). The detectives headed out to the vines for Terra, where they had to search among the barren vines for a marked bunch of grapes. Proving that perhaps they were properly trained to conduct a grid search, they found their target and landed another first-place finish, their third in a row. Best line of the evening goes to Michael, who chalked up their success here to the following: "If I can find crack in someone's rear end ..."

While searching challenges such as this one are typically time-consuming, exhausting and frustrating, this one was far easier than the alternative: Tower, in which the teams had to construct a 15-level champagne tower and then slowly pour a magnum of champagne into the glasses without smashing them. 

Dan and Jordan were the only team to successfully complete this challenge, even after they stacked three single glasses at the very apogee of the pyramid. I have to give them credit for being creative, and their claim that they've seen enough of these at bar and bat mitzvahs was perhaps the most amusing thing they've said this entire race. But Caite and Brent, bickering as always, weren't so successful. After giving up on the Terra challenge, they attempted to construct a wobbly tower and, not surprisingly, it crashed to the ground. (I'll admit to cheering and laughing at Caite's shocked expression.) 

I was really hoping that Brent and Caite would get eliminated this week, especially after they rather blindly followed Carol and Brandy to the pit stop -- the second time they've gotten there without following all of the clues -- even though they knew that they had skipped a step. They're just irritating, vapid, and not even amusing, given the amount of time they squabble. 

Plus, I've grown to like Jeff and Jordan, who continued to amuse me this week, despite their confusion. (Let's chalk it up to their naivete being adorable rather than offensive.) Sadly, these two ended up searching in the dark for their marked bunch of grapes after toppling a champagne tower and were the last team to check in. And there was no 11th-hour respite for them this time as Phil told them that they were the last team to check in ... though I do wish he could have found a way to mime that. Alas, it was the end of the road for this "Big Brother" team, and I'm actually sad to see them go.

What did you think of this week's episode? Sad to see the backs of Jeff and Jordan? Wondering just what it takes for Caite and Brent to implode next week? Wish you could have participated in this leg? Wondering whether the cowboys can ever regain their lead again? Head to the comments section to discuss.

-- Jace Lacob (Follow my musings on television, food and more television on Twitter at @televisionary)

Photo: Brothers Dan and Jordan this week scale a champagne pyramid on "The Amazing Race." Credit: CBS / Monty Brinton.

Related:
'The Amazing Race': Baguettes and doughboys 
'The Amazing Race': Zeroes to heroes
Complete 'Amazing Race' coverage on Showtracker

Comments

[dloon20@yahoo.com]

Very nice article, great mixture of analysis and humor. I'm sad to see "team big brother" go as well.

[Megan]

I was definately sad to see team BB go. I loved their humor on BB, and it was brought with them to TAR. Both shows are stressful, but in different ways. The NEL leg really hurt Jeff and Jordan and they never fully recovered from the time difference they had from all the other teams regardless of the Uturn done last week. They were fighting against time, plus an additional task that could have hurt them. The only other team I am rooting for now is the cowboys. I think the Detectives will burn out after they start bunching the teams again and we will have a new team to be number one. They cowboys don't have to finish first, they just have to make it to one of the three teams and come in first on that leg. With Jeff and Jordan gone, Go Cowboys! p.s. I don't normally root for them ever since they are the enemy in football to my team, lol

[Deena Jakes]

Yes, I am sad to see Jordan & Jeff go. They are so entertaining. I loved watching them on BB11 and TAR. I wish they could have raced all the way.

[PARTY]

My fav team as always are done. I like the models..........And also like Allie, and Steve Smith. Not sure how they fixed that car, and got back on the road.

[Sara]

Sad to see team Big Brother go . Wish they would have done the searching for the grapes first.

[wiscfan]

Does anybody know if there is a true way to build the pyramid? I don't know if there is a formula to use or not.

[Amanda]

I loved Jeff and Jordan on the show. In my opinion they were the most entertaining team of the season, I'm sad to see them go. Hopefully they'll be back for All Stars.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

Jeff and Jordan were likable, but they were really dumb. Dumber, of course, is the increasingly unlikable Brent and Caite.

Brandy, meanwhile, has been less intense, but I still find her grating.

Has there ever been a more easy-going pair of racers than the cowboys? They seem unflappable.

The detectives are on a hot streak. They're OK, but I don't view them as a pair of lovable lugs.

My 11-year-old son, who has already become a duct-tape genius, laughed when Steve told Phil: "I hope you have insurance."

Brothers Dan and Jordan are providing quirky good fun and seem authentic. They are my darkhorses.

[erica stephens]

What is truly amazing is that anyone watched this program,or any other while Health Care was being jammed down our throats in Washington.You would think a new intitlement would be of interest to all.

[SavinHillGuy]

I agree...I'll miss Jeff and Jordan. They were the most fun to watch.

@wisefan, if you start with a triangle of 15 glasses on each side at the base, and reduce it by 1 for each level up, you'll end up with 1 glass at the top level. Not much of a formula, but I don't think they needed to ask for the exact number of glasses to start, they just needed to start building.

By the way, the exact number of glasses they'd need would have been 680, with 120 of them on that bottom level.

[jtbwriter]

Loved how the cowboys stayed even tempered and don't blame each other for mis-steps. They respect the culture of each country and I really hope the get the lead back this next episode! I'm glad you highlighted Allie and Steve, who also refuse to back-bite each other; the duct tape was a good idea and I laughed too at Phil's expression when Steve mentioned the car. Here's hoping Erica has more important things in her life to worry about other then how many people watched historic health insurance reform being passed. We on the West Coast can do both and still watch an enjoyable hour of TV.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

@erica stephens: That's why they have commercials, to catch up on the important stuff like HCR.

Besides, the vote-counting had been done before the roll call began. If it had not been done and the bill had been in doubt, that would have created real suspense.

Instead, prior to the roll call, it was the same tired analysis we've heard for the past days, weeks and months. Afterward -- and there's nothing more boring than this -- it was a bunch of self-congratulatory politicians thanking each other and patting themselves on the back.

[Eve]

Yes, it was sad to see J&J go. Let that be a lesson to all...never seek travel direction in France at the office of tourism. That was horrible...everyone who entered that office was given the wrong information, I knew they were doomed when I saw them walked through those doors.

Good show, even though the wrong team went packing...I no longer care who wins.

Good recap.

And why does anyone think this is the place for health care reform whining??? Ya know people...those of us who are old enough to remember what it was like to get COMPLETE FAMILY MEDICAL COVERAGE - provided by our employers for FREE - simply for working 40 hours a week, applaud Obama and his health care reform. It's not perfect, but it's a start.

And yes, wiscfan...there is a method to the wine glass pyramid.
It's called math ;-}