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'Real Housewives of New York City': The love boat

March 5, 2010 | 12:23 pm

RealhousewivesnycThey're baaaaaaaaaaack!

If you managed to stay awake past the lackluster OC finale, then you probably got a surge of energy back after traveling -- via your TV sets -- to the East Coast for a dose of Jill, Bethenny, Luann, Ramona, Alex ... heck, even Kelly was a welcome sight. Once that opening recap started, I breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, how I've missed Simon's red pants! And my heart smiled when I heard Kelly's oh-so-annoying high-pitched voice screech "Bethenny, stop!" All was right in the world again. Don't get me wrong. The gals of OC will always have a special place in my heart. After all, they started this "Housewives" craze that has engulfed my life. But the NYC ladies ... they have the key to my heart.

All right, let's take a bite of the big apple, shall we?

The season opener started with a little boat fete in the Hamptons hosted by a bikini-clad Ramona. And -- pause -- there's already something to be said. More power to her for having the confidence to wear that itty-bitty, teeny-weeny yellow bikini. But ... uh ... my brain is still trying to register the ratio of flesh to fabric. Flesh definitely had the bigger number. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Cut to Jill saying: "Ramona is way too freakin' old to be wearing a bikini. I don't care if she's renewed, re ... Please. Ramona, cover up. I mean, honestly." Enough said. And did anyone else feel overwhelmed by all of Ramona's energy? Wow. This whole "renewing myself" schtick must be working. She invited Alex? And ... she's hugging her? Wait. Is she cuddling with her? All that doesn't matter because I'm still trying to process Ramona's "I look like an older version of Cameron Diaz" statement. Right. And I look like Salma Hayek.

It wasn't long before things got catty. Jill was annoyed by Ramona for "hawking" her jewelry. I was just glad the collection didn't include bejeweled cuffs. Jill also shared with the other ladies that she and Bethenny are on the outs. Something about Bethenny telling Jill to get a hobby. I don't know why that peeved Jill more than Bethenny's alleged lack of support during Bobby's medical scare. Heck, we could all use a hobby. I know I could. I know more about these ladies than I should. Still, it's sad to see the two at odds. They always provided such awesome banter. Now things are just meh.

Instead, I had to endure a Luann-Ramona fight. Luann, ever the classy lady, decided to use a perfectly fine boat ride/party to rain on Ramona's parade. Seems Mario, under his breath at an event, referred to Luann as "Countless." Maybe she heard wrong? Nah. Not likely. It is Mario. Still, I have to side with Ramona. Luann should not have brought up the issue at the party. And two, it's something she should have discussed with Mario. And really, is there a point? Meanwhile, Ramona, feeling attacked, sought the comfort of her non-Housewives friends. Cue more unnecessary flesh.

Back in NYC, Bethenny is baring it all as she shoots a PETA ad. Things have changed for her. She's juggling a busy schedule ... and a boyfriend. And she's not adverse to making sure we're aware of that. There needs to be a word count every time she mentions Jason's name. It's only slightly obnoxiously cute. Yeah, it's great she's happy. But I need some of that biting wit!

I had to look no further. Jason (ugh! Now I'm gonna start the incessant Jason mentioning) dropped off Bethenny -- in a Skinnygirl Margarita car no less -- to have drinks with Luanne. And that's when I got my popcorn. Bethenny was already annoyed at having to drive two hours for a drink. The two went back and forth about who was busier for a bit ... and then Classless Countess dropped a bomb. Luann -- in her Mrs. Howell voice -- wanted to clarify who did the inviting and who would do the paying. I get it. Bethenny once made a snarky remark about having to pay. Get over it! Get a hobby! You're on TV. Things will be said behind your back! What ensued was 10 minutes of pure awesomeness. Loved Bethenny's aside: "Your house doesn't have 1 inch that's not glass. And I am going to take a rock and I am going to throw it straight through every window." I think that's a hobby Jill might enjoy! Bethenny tried to point out Luann's fake facade. Luann tried to point out how Bethenny's snarky comments are hurtful, even bringing up Jill in the conversation. To me, it just seems Luann wants everyone's pity about this divorce. Sure, Bethenny could have probably done more than send a gift basket (still, that was pretty amazing), but the whole world can't stop because this lady is getting a divorce. If anyone needs a hobby, it might be Luann.

So Show Trackers, what did you think? Did that preview of what's to come this season make you super giddy? "Go to sleep! Go to sleep!" -- ah, I can't wait! Team Bethenny or Team Jill? And what is with all the weird overlapping between OC and NYC -- Turks and Caicos? Thyroid issues?

-- Yvonne Villarreal