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'Nurse Jackie': Are you sick?

March 23, 2010 |  6:38 am

Nurse_jackie_201-202_0395 When we last left Nurse Jackie, her drug-supplying pharmacist boyfriend went to her husband’s bar while she was back at the hospital stealing drugs from the machine that recorded every transaction. Oh, and there was a rat in there too. Right? 

Then Monday night, after a bittersweet reunion with that “Nurse Jackie” theme song (I always get lulled into it and then assaulted by the second half), Nurse Jackie returns lounging on the beach. What? Were you expecting some consequences? How soon we forget.

Jackie’s living the good life: making out with her husband, giving him cards, watching the kids wash with bar soap and take pictures of raccoon heads. Who could ask for anything more? 

Not everything is root beer and French fries. Jackie momentarily thinks she sees Eddie stalking in the distance, but it just turns out to be a random guy that, quite frankly, Jackie should be embarrassed for mistaking for Eddie. Paul Schulze is a good-looking guy.

Back at All Saints Hospital, Jackie’s getting shot at. Though to be fair the Virgin Mary may have been the target. 

Akalitus’ reaction to the gunfire was perfect. “Go out there and get shot? No.” Akalitus has bigger fish to fry. Namely shrinkage. Apparently the hospital will only let pills vanish for so long before it's forced by the Bureau of Narcotic Enforcement to act. Akalitus takes charge by having Jackie give a speech about how not to steal drugs, during which she stole drugs.

Does no one at this hospital suspect Jackie? Zoey even wanted to make sure that Jackie didn’t think she was stealing meds. 

Yeah, Sam! “Drug guy,” as Zoey epically failed to whisper. I remember Sam more as the “takes one to know one” guy. Only now he’s rehabbed (that thing Dr. Drew does) and is back, ready to invite Jackie to a meeting. This could be interesting.

During Sam’s reintroduction, Mo-Mo is mentioned. I, like many people, had heard that Haaz Sleiman wouldn’t be coming back for the second season. Makes sense that since we last visited All Saints, the economic times would force the hospital to fire a nurse for a less expensive replacement. Whatever the reason for cast change.

Coop continues to live out his mom love on Jackie. When rejected, he takes it out on Thor, oblivious to the fact that the Norse nurse is diabetic. After a public flogging by Jackie, Coop goes running to Akalitus’ office. Akalitus has a sort of cartoony force field. Anyone that comes within 50 feet of her instantly goes goofy. Case in point, Coop’s breakdown of a formal complaint. The Akalitus Zone is so out of tone with the rest of the show, but at the same time, so fun.

Then comes the big bang of the premiere, when Eddie is brought into the hospital that fired him because he took just-not-enough pills. He must have swallowed them right after sending her a text reminder that it had been three months since they talked. Which raises the question: How often do you think he texts her after three months? Daily? Twice a week? 

That’s enough for one day. Jackie heads home to relax with the family. Grace is still dealing with her general anxiety disorder. Though it did seem like she threw out the fact that the sun will someday kill us all only to cover that she forgot Jupiter. 

But there’s nothing that can’t be cured by cake for dinner. Or a pit stop to snort a line in the bathroom. Welcome back, Nurse Jackie.

-- Andrew Hanson

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Photo: Dominic Fumusa as Kevin Peyton and Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton in "Nurse Jackie." Credit: Showtime Television

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