'Gossip Girl': Uncle Jack is back

Jack Bass was extra creepy and conniving for his "Gossip Girl" return Monday night -- did we really expect anything less? Chuck's nefarious uncle, as you may recall, has a large bone to pick with his nephew after his brother Bart bequeathed Bass Industries to the teenager last season. He manipulated Blair into doing God knows what in order to find the then-missing Chuck and was behind the scheme to shut down Empire Hotel's bar earlier this season. Last night, however, he really meant business.

Using his government connections (there was no doubt Jack had bribed Chuck's cop friend for that positive DNA test result -- who gives DNA results over text anyway?) and his knowledge of Chuck's history (of course, sexual harassment would be the charge to build a case against him; he's Chuck Bass!), Jack lured Chuck right into his trap. The poor guy naively believed his crooked lawyer that in order to save the hotel from scandal, he'd have to step back and hand over the hotel's operations to someone else. So for the final blow, Jack went straight for Chuck's weak spot: his mother issues. I guess it was too good to be true for Chuck's real mother, whom he thought was dead, to miraculously appear out of nowhere and want to be a part of his life after 18 years. Elizabeth was a sham doctored by Jack and now she's in control of the Empire Hotel. Though Jack was clearly behind the sexual harassment charges and the fake mother, I think someone else -- Georgina perhaps? -- had leaked the news to the press. We know she'll be back by season's end so it would be a fitting head start for her grand re-entrance.

While Chuck was getting screwed, everyone else rallied to make sure Jenny would not. Things were getting hot and heavy with Damien, and Jenny had been skipping school in order to defy Rufus' orders and see him. Damien, like any precocious 19-year-old drug dealer, had his own agenda and it involved getting Jenny to cash in her V-card and sleep with him. Despite Rufus' attempts to be a stern disciplinarian and Serena and Nate's wannabe Blair-Chuck plot to unveil Damien's true intentions, Jenny learned her lesson the way most of us do -- by experience. When it became clear that all Damien wanted was sex, J balked and trotted back to Brooklyn still a virgin. Good thing Serena introduced her to "Dirty Dancing." It's a cruel world out there, Little J, you'll need a bit of Johnny and Baby to keep hope alive.   

On the couples front, Rufus and Lily are one step closer to a reconciliation, but after her phone call to her mother, the peace between them may be short-lived. Apparently Cece needs medical tests and Dr. Van der Woodsen is the only doctor in the entire world who can give them to her. If Lily's reasons for seeing her ex involve her mother's health, why can't she just tell Rufus? The whole matter confounds me.

Dan and Vanessa, meanwhile, are almost ready to announce their relationship. After establishing Friends and Friends-with-Benefits Zones throughout the city, Dan finally grew a pair and told Vanessa he'd like to shout their relationship from the rooftops. This couple still makes me snooze, but I'm willing to see where it leads.

It's your turn, readers. What did you think of the episode? Any favorite or not-so-favorite moments? Did you think Chuck's long-lost mom story was too good to be true? Will Jack Bass prevail this time?

xoxo

--Enid Portuguez

Upper photo: Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass in "Gossip Girl." Credit: The CW

Lower photo: Taylor Momsen as Jenny Humphrey in "Gossip Girl." Credit: The CW