Hey TLC! Just in case you get any ideas about putting Jon Gosselin back on the air ...
TLC and Jon Gosselin have settled their lawsuit, but we're hoping this doesn't mean they're friends.
Those still tracking the bloodshed in the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" saga -- and from the looks of the supermarket tabloids, there are too many of you -- will remember that TLC sued Jon for breach of contract in October.
The cable network was none too happy that Jon was taking both paying and nonpaying gigs from other TV shows and media outlets without permission and while under an exclusive contract with TLC. Gosselin countersued, claiming the network had damaged his career by preventing him from working.
Before that, Jon successfully got production on the series temporarily suspended -- after he had been fired.
But today, terms have been reached. "TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential," reads the official statement. "The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC."
That means Jon, at the very least, will have to keep his mouth shut when it comes to the news media. At worst, it means we might be seeing a whole lot more of him. Jon's lawyer Mark Heller told the Associated Press, "Sometimes litigants that kiss and make up find their relationship is much better the second time around. As Jon's attorney, I truly hope this new adventure for TLC and the Gosselins is a much more joyful journey."
Now, monster ratings or not, no rational person thinks TLC is desperate enough to put this guy back on the channel (well, depending on what you read). But just in case someone at TLC headquarters gets any funny ideas, here's a roundup of reasons -- from this month alone -- why giving Jon any kind of airtime would be, well, an even worse idea than Jay Leno at 10 p.m.
-- Us Weekly reported that Kate has told friends and family that Jon's got a "stubby" penis.
-- That report came just days after Jon's ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman described it as "tiny, tiny, tiny" to Steppin' Out magazine.
-- In the print product, Us also reported that Jon had not seen his children in a month. The father figure of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" Season 1 is long gone.
-- But last week, sources told Fox News that Jon was in fact negotiating with TLC to get his kids on TV again. Its story contains this alarming quote from a source: "Jon does not have money for the intense lawyer fees and ensuing battle with the media giant and Kate has asked him to reconsider his decision for the family. She is willing to negotiate with him and TLC so that everyone gets what they want."
-- Jon's lawyer continues to run his mouth to Radar Online. His latest attempted to illustrate why Jon is the real star of "Jon & Kate": “The show is based on female demographics. You have housewives watching. They want to see what Jon Gosselin is going to do next. They don’t care about Kate that much. She is not the ratings draw he is.”
Ratings are ratings -- 10 million viewers tuned in to watch the couple self-destruct in June -- but you can not possibly want to get back into the "Jon & Kate" business full time, right, TLC? Kate and her new extensions are already getting their own show, after all.
-- Denise Martin
Photo: Jon Gosselin poses before making an appearance at the Wet Republic pool at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas on Aug. 29. Credit: Ethan Miller / Getty Images