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'Desperate Housewives': Strippers, suicide, sex and recyclables?

February 1, 2010 |  7:10 am

Dh

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Awards season will not be your friend. Whose wise decision was it for you to compete with Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and a 3-D Michael Jackson tribute?

If there hadn't been a live stream of the Grammys, many might have missed the ever-so-desperate happenings on the Lane, and you can’t exactly fault anyone these days.

And yes, things are just as desperate as always. But nothing like a little desperation to get the storylines brewing.

It was refreshing to see Orson with a smile on his face after the ongoing blaming-Bree saga. At this point, we get it, you’re mad. He finally seems to have come to grips with his handicap, even giving away some of his possessions that he deems useless. How nice? Actually he breaks the news to Bree that he is planning on permanently checking out of life. In real life, I'm not a big supporter of suicide, but this is TV land. Never in my life had I heard a better idea. Do it!

But of course, this is the Lane and I knew within 43 minutes they’d put a pretty little bow on it. And of course they did, in the worst way, I might add. Bree takes the suicidal Orson to a friend's anniversary party, and a  speech about getting through the years touches her to the point she wants to stop him from rolling himself into the pool. The setup is perfect: moody music, vacant backyard, Bree realizing what she didn’t have --  everlasting love. Please Orson, just roll yourself in and die. But of course, this is the Lane. Her reason to save him is heartfelt too -- she tells him that although she may not love him now, she does want to get back to what they once had. Sorry Bree, that love left seasons ago. Seasons.

“Dexter's” Julie Benz makes her return to my television after being brutally (and, might I add, unjustly) killed in the Showtime thriller, this time as a stripper with smarts and a heart of gold. Benz doesn’t make a convincing stripper – sorry, classy women don’t make good strippers. Now, Edie, there’s a stripper. I hope Susan selling her share of the club and bringing in Benz is a sign that Cherry & Co. are phasing out the very silly strip club subplot. I do think, however, housing a stripper will be a bad idea and stir up a whole big ol' pot of nasty drama. Especially since Benz strikes an uncanny resemblance to woman Mike had a taste for, pre-Susan.

With a Katherine-free episode, it’s almost a joke even to pretend to care about her character anymore. Another character that can be phased out -- sooner rather than later -- is Angie Bolen. I’m officially over her.  With her rage over a neighbor who refuses to recycle -- hey, not everyone gives a hoot to go green -- to butting heads with Gabby over Danny’s relationship with Ana (who, by the way, I completely forgot was related to Carlos and Gabby), I thought she was just a random teen (silly me).

The cat is now out of the bag. The mystery surrounding the Bolens has some environmental element to it. Whatever it is, I could not care less. She’s a poor mother for Danny, who needs both parents to be stable. His dad sleeps with his love interests, and his mom makes excuses for his poor behavior. Carlos had every right to shake him down for trying to make his way into Ana’s pants (although she shouldn’t be so slutty to begin with. Slow down, sister, your aunt doesn’t want you to end up on an episode of “Teen Mom.” Take the advice and the money).

Angie’s on a rampage -- separate your plastics, glass and paper, and let your teenage niece sleep with her aggressive son, or else.

Please, please send Angie crawling back to the sleazy pits of “Jersey Shore” where her situation would be better tolerated.

-- Gerrick D. Kennedy (Follow me on Twitter)

Photo: Julie Benz ("Dexter") guest stars as Robin, a stripper with ambition. Photo credit: ABC

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Complete Show Tracker coverage of "Desperate Housewives"

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