'The Bachelor': Vienna is lonely on Cloud Jake

It's only week three, and I'm already 99.9% sure that Vienna is going to make it all the way to the end.  I have to admit that when she first proudly introduced herself as a daddy's girl who had crashed a bunch of cars, I thought she seemed pretty trashy.   However, I really felt bad for her in Monday's episode when all the girls seemed to have it in for her.  "I think of myself as very attractive and Vienna is totally opposite of who I am as far as what I see on the outside," Michelle said.  Which was basically just a really wordy, pretentious way of saying "she's ugly."

When she was chosen for a solo date, the other women seemed horrified. They were very vocal about hoping she wouldn't come back.  Though Gia had some sympathy for Vienna, it seemed to be a unanimous conclusion that she was fake, evil, and a terrible match for Jake. Ali, who snagged last week's solo date, felt betrayed that Jake was taking anyone else out at all (has she ever watched TV?) but was particularly perturbed that it was Vienna.

The solo date itself had potential for disaster from the start.  Vienna and Jake took a helicopter ride to a bungee-jumping site, and Jake looked queasy before the chopper even took off!  By the time they were in their harness and about to take the jump, Jake was having a full-on panic attack.  I understand that the producers choose the date locations, but he's the bachelor on a show called "The Bachelor."  Couldn't he have said "Uh, how about bowling instead?"

Vienna and Jake shared their first kiss while upside down, bouncing around in the crevasse. I thought it was pretty sweet; it seemed like the only spontaneous thing Jake's done on the show... possibly the only spontaneous thing he's done in his life.

Afterward, he happily gave her a rose, saying, "I know she's here for the right reasons." After everything that happened with Rozlyn last week, Jake seems a little dejected. It's as if his only criterion for finding love is to choose a woman who isn't carrying on an "inappropriate relationship" with his producer.

Back at the house, the other women were out for blood.  Every single person seems to hate Vienna with a surprising amount of vitriol... but I can't really figure out what she's done that's so horrible. (Unless they're all really offended by the rug she's wearing as a sweater...) She may have been a little bit blunt, but she's not the only one, and her behavior certainly hasn't warranted their reaction.

Time for the group date! Finally crazycakes Michelle got her chance to spend some time with Jake. He brought them to Universal Citywalk, and when she saw Jake, Michelle shrieked, sprinted ahead of the other women and practically tackled him into a hug.  She's completely off her rocker.

The date was painfully awkward.  I spent most of the time cringing and wishing I could just turn it off and put myself out of my misery. Jake took the women to Jon Lovitz's comedy club where they had some time to write their own jokes.  Everyone seemed completely shocked to learn that they'd have to perform their acts in front of a packed house.  Um... have any of these women ever seen a reality show before? Meet the "twist," ladies. You'd better get yourselves acquainted.

The comedy acts were brutal. Tenley decided to skip the jokes and twist her body into a pretzel. Michelle made some uncomfortable references to her "coconuts" that nobody understood. Ashleigh had a total meltdown, but ultimately rattled off some predictable blonde jokes that Jake wrote for her.

How does a blonde brain cell die? Alone.  Ba-dum-bum.

Corrie's entire act, however, was spent tearing apart the absent bachelorettes ... with a special focus on Vienna.  Jake seemed distraught.  His usual Ken-doll smile looked strained.

It didn't stop there. At the "after party," both Ashleigh and Ali chose to use their valuable one-on-one time with Jake to talk trash about Vienna.  Meanwhile, I still don't understand where their hate is coming from, unless it's just good old-fashioned jealousy.

Jake was in an awful mood after that.  I think it's very telling of his strong feelings for Vienna that he's so completely wrecked when he hears the other women speaking negatively of her.

It was a bad time for Michelle to pull her usual cuckoo bananas routine.  Sitting with the other women, she kept saying: "I'm here to find love. I want a husband. I'm here to find love. I want a husband. I'm here to find love...." She's like a broken record. Her desperation is so off-putting! She was acting like this from the first moment of the first episode: She was convinced that she was already crazy, "Swimfan" in love with Jake before she even laid eyes on him.  She's not interested in marrying Jake, she's interested in marrying anybody.

Still teary-eyed from her emotional meltdown with the girls, she sat down for her one-on-one time with Jake and quickly asked him to kiss her to see if she "felt anything."  There's nothing more romantic than a science experiment kiss, kids! He very, very reluctantly pecks her on the mouth, still looking miserable about the Vienna gossip.

"You've got to give me something more than that," she says.  You see, earlier on in the episode, she proclaimed, "When I finally kiss Jake it will definitely be long and passionate -- soft, crazy, tongue-in-your-mouth going crazy with it. Pulling hair, whatever. Ripping the clothes off!''

Not so much, Michelle.  After the pathetic kiss, she tells him that she can't stay on the show if she can't kiss him like she wants to.  She was obviously expecting him to lean in for another one, but instead, he called her bluff.  "Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave."  He didn't even afford her the dignity of the rose ceremony -- he just put her in a cab right there, calling the decision "easy."  Finally, Jake shows a spark of personality!

It's a good thing she's gone too.  One more night in that house with the other bachelorettes and I'm sure she would have had a jealousy-induced psychotic break and slit someone's throat in the night.

Jake isn't upset about sending Michelle packing, but he is still upset. All of the Vienna-bashing has left him so disheartened that he cuts the date short. "I'm ready for this night to be over," he says wearily.  "I just want to go home."  In another off-the-grid move, he declines to hand out a rose.  Frankly, I don't blame him. Those women just spent hours gleefully tearing Vienna to shreds.  There's no reason to hand out any positive reinforcement.

For the second solo date, Jake chooses Ella, who is a little too polished to be interesting, in my opinion.  She looks like she just stepped off the Southern belle pageant queen conveyor belt.  Jake took her (on yet another helicopter ride) to Sea World, where he surprised her by inviting her son along as a birthday present.  Was I the only one who found this a bit presumptuous of him? A lot of single moms wouldn't want their kids to meet the man they're dating on the first date.

I almost think that he brought Ethan as a buffer, because he and Ella have no chemistry together whatsoever. Despite her dreams of being the next Trista to his Ryan, their interactions are stiff.

Before the rose ceremony, Elizabeth (the nanny with the no-kissing rule) pulls Jake aside and coyly asks him if he's good at back rubs. Her strategy here is so transparent. She makes blatant attempts to get him all hot and bothered every time they've got a moment together, and then she pulls away at the last minute. Luckily, Jake's got her number.

She's so shaken when he puts her on the spot that she spends the rest of the night crying.  She tells the other girls that he said unless she kisses him, she's not getting a rose.  Except... he didn't say that at all.  It's clear that she's just upset because she thought she was being subtle when she was beyond obvious.

I have to say, though, I was surprised when he actually denied her a rose! I thought she was the prettiest of all the girls, so I figured he'd keep her around for eye candy alone.  He also said goodbye to the unremarkable and unmemorable Valisha. 

I'm still kind of lost as to why Vienna has turned into the villainous scapegoat in the house.  Though her straw-blonde hair extensions are looking a little rough, I like her comfortable interactions with Jake and the fact that she tried to make amends with the other contestants.

I'm looking forward to next week's episode, where Jake apparently burns a rose or two instead of giving them out.  He's done a complete 180 since the first episode, and I like it!

Give me your thoughts in the comments below. Who do you like? Who do you hate? Is bungee-jumping your idea of a fun first date? 

Don't forget to come back next week to discuss that burning rose!

--Carina MacKenzie (catch up with me on Twitter @cadlymack)

Photos: From top, Corrie does her best impression of Vienna;  Michelle sprints ahead of the other girls to get to Jake. Credit ABC

Comments

[Angie :)]

I agree about Vienna! I really do like her I think all the other girl are just being mean to her for no reason, other then a east target. As far as Ella I do like her as well and being a single mom I thought that was very sweet of Jake to bring her son as her birthday present, though i do agree under normal dates I would never bring my daughter on the 1st date. This is def not a normal date though and she has been away from her son,I think there is a lot of chemistry between them too! I think most of the other girls are crazy. I cant wait till next Monday to see whats going to happend! I just hope that Jake wont get rid of Vienna due to her being trashed!

[lm]

Is there a way to find out what it was that Beth said during her stand up act since it was bleeped out? I'm curious.

[Taylor]

I can't believe Jake gave Corrie a rose after her entire comedy act was making fun of Vienna. On the first episode I thought Vienna was extremely immature, but now I think Corrie wins the prize! Haven't we already seen the "bring the girls son to the amusement park for the day" with the Bachelor Jason? Not too original. The chemistry Jake and Ella have is completely absent, no matter how hard he tries to glamorize the instant family he would have. The funniest comment of the night was when Elizabeth said that Michelle needed a psychiatrist before she needed a husband - amen sister! I don't know why, but as dingy as Tenley is she's still my favorite!

[Fan-o-Jake]

Vienna is too young and way too immature for Jake. None of the other girls is up to his standards. Jake deserves better. My guess is he will not pick any of them in the end. I hope they give Jake another chance because he just got a bad batch of girls. Jake is so deserving of a good, solid relationship.

[Elle]

Wasn't there something in the "teases" about a pregnancy? I waited 2 hours for the pg news to get out. Other than that -- your view of what happened last night is great. I'm scratching my head too, trying to figure out what the ladies hate so much about Vienna. I do think she's a bit young, but surely from what we've seen so far, she doesn't deserve what she got from the ladies. And the one who trashed her in her comedy routine should not have gotten a rose. Agreed!

[Leah]

I have a question, was it just me or on the previews to last nights show did one of the girls tell Jake she was pregnant? Did I miss that part?

[Katelyn]

I have to say that these women have to be the most vindictive and kineving women I have ever seen on the show. At first I was rooting for Ali, but I don't like her "leader of the pact against Vienna" attitude. First of all, she's 25. High school has been over for a couple of years. Crossover: The Bachelor meets Mean Girls. Ali can't handle the fact that Jake is going to fall for people other than her. Not for one second did I feel bad that Vienna stole Jake from Elisabeth. Yes, Elisabeth is gorgeous but she lost my respect last Monday when she read Jake a note to his face. Either tell him how you feel, or give him the note to read on his own. She's 29 years old and you could tell she's still a bit clueless. Vienna stole Jake from Elisabeth but isn't that what the game is all about? Vienna is aggresive and I respect that. I feel bad for her because a lot of these girls seem like two-faced demons disguised with blonde hair and Banana Republic. At least Vienna tells it like it is. All the girls say Vienna is some horrible person. I think in a world full of bs and backstabbers, her honesty is refreshing.

[TMan]

I call Kathryn in the end. I think she is smart to stay under the radar for a while and let all this nonsense pan out. Vienna isnt going to last. I agree that she hasnt done anything wrong, but shes not very cute, and she puts on a good show. Aside from that, she is never going to be completely real around him. I dont care who you are, it is hard enough to be real around someone in real life, let alone on television. I think Jake's smartest move would be to listen to the other girls too. If you recall, Jake was calling the guy out last season who ended up being there to jump start his career. Jill would not listen! If Jake keeps Vienna without confronting her about what the other girls say about her, he is going to let people go that really should stay. Again, I call Kathryn. She will show her personality before long. The other girls just need to get themselves kicked off first before she makes her move.

[obsessed-with-the-bachelor]

I just love Jake. He sees right through the phoniness, so I'm hoping he'll figure out which girls are sincere in their feelings. Even though Jake and Vienna seem to have chemistry, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaally hope he doesn't choose her. She is so self absorbed. To not be able to read a situation and learn for it not to be all about you is very important in a relationship. When Ella was talking about her upcoming date, Vienna should have shut up and listened instead of talking about her own fabulous one on one. Also, her apology was ridiculous. She was self serving and her motive was not wanting to be the girl that everyone hated. She wanted to be the "bigger person"....how ridiculously condescending. If she was truly sorry for any hurt or issues, she would have been more sincere in her on camera interview. She's just awful. I actually LOVE Ali because she is the person who can't stand to see selfish behavior. She observes Vienna's choices and needs to set her straight. Could get her into some trouble, but I think she is very principled.

[Nancy]

Carina,
I SO agree with you about Vienna. I think that Ali is the real manipulator there. She's like one of those popular sorority girls that acts all nice-nice, finds someone to pick on, then gets the rest of the sorority to attack her. Vienna's apology was sincere, but I don't think it was necessary. She was just ecstatic and sharing her date details as a girlfriend would with her buddies. However, Vienna is a little naive that those other girls ARE her friend. They are not - and the sooner she distances herself from them, the better.

Jake sincerely likes Vienna and I could see them together. Vienna is on the right track by being true to herself and honest with Jake. Jake needs to ignore the pettiness of the other girls. Maybe if he takes Vienna and Ali on a date together, he can sort out the faker.

[Karen]

I was so glad to see Michelle leave. She has stalker written all over her. Even from the first night, there was something off about her. It sounded like she actually said “Is that the best you can do?” when she got her kiss. What a deal breaker alone. I feel bad for Jake. Maybe no chemistry, but Ella is the sweetest one yet. I think having her son there was very kind of Jake and the producers. He was old enough to know what this was. I'm sure he is walking pretty tall with his freinds by being on tv. I am wondering too if the chemistry between them wasn't downplayed since he was there. No one wants to watch mommy flirting.

[Ginandtonic]

"Vienna and Jake shared their first kiss while upside down, bouncing around in the crevasse. I thought it was pretty sweet; it seemed like the only spontaneous thing Jake's done on the show... possibly the only spontaneous thing he's done in his life."

You are right on the money. I have been saying that I don't know who Jake is, and worse, I get no sense that Jake knows who Jake is. I'm not sure he's ever made a decision that was approved by someone else first.

[Russ]

Ya I wasn't sure about Vienna, but she's really trying her best to get to know Jake and it won't surprise me one bit if she is the last girl!

[S Marquez]

We have to remember that we only get a glimpse of a weeks worth of interactions in that house. Whatever reason(s) the girls have a dislike for Vienna probably ended up on the cutting room floor to make room for more pertinent content for the show and it's viewers. One can only hope to see some of this unreleased content in a DVD boxset in the future.

[Michele]

I like Ali the best for Jake. I think she is the prettiest and has the best personality. I think Vienna is too young and immature for Jake. She acts like she still in high school. I'm glad Elizabeth and Michelle are gone! I hope Vienna goes next.

[SF mariposa]

I absolutely LOVE that Jake is showing some gumption and pulling switches on typical Bachelor actions - like deciding not giving two roses at the end of the night. Hey, he may seem a bit bland on the outside but the guy IS thinking and isn't as easily fooled as some of the women may think. I haven't had so much fun watching in a long time. You go Jake! Trust your instincts. They are usually right on :)

[David Waltz]

Hi, If Elizabeth would like to meet a "Born Again Christian" male who will repsect her wishes for not kissing her, I'm the man. I think Elizabeth is drop dead gorgeous and I respect her for her convictions. Now days everyone just wants to ram their tongues down somone else's throat. It takes more than a couple of episodes to get to know someone. Thanks! David

[cathy]

Well, the cat claws have come out!! I agree completely, the producers haven't shown us one scene where Vienna has done anything that could bring about such hostility. (Perhaps, THAt producer was busy with Rozlyn and failing to do his actual JOB). I thought her apology was sincere and the reaction from Ally to be juvenile. High-five to Gia who took the apology and gave Vienna the benefit of the doubt. The other adies are too focused on the competitive aspect of the show, than really getting to know Jake.

I find this TV show fails to really tell us what The Bachelor is really like. Jake has held back any personality; though, it's true some did come through when he kicked Michelle and Elizabeth to the curb (who I was disappointed with! She seemed cool in that first episode! Damn!)
Sadly, it's slim pickings for Jake! Picking ladies for looks rather than poersonality... though as far as reality TV drama is concerned, it looks like they picked some with claws! Looking forward to seeing how the drama (oh! the drama!) unfolds!

[Michele]

I agree. I don't get why all of them hate Vienna. I like her now. I think Jake is correct to say he saw a different side of Vienna then the other girls.

And Ali - at first I liked her, but now with her remarks about Vienna, I don't like her too much.

Jake's personality finally is worth looking at instead of being too sweet and too nice. Michelle wanted to go home and packed once - it would be crazy if she stayed.

I think I like Vienna, Ella is OK, put we haven't heard anything good yet from Gia and Kathyrn.

[nicole]

Ironically, though Vienna is among the youngest, she is actually much more mature than the others. I was appalled when Ali & the others raise their glasses to actually toast Corrie, saying they even respect her cop-out, immature mean girl "jokes". I actually repsected crazy Michelle for not accepting their offer to join the pact, even if her reply was a little "off", repeating obsessively "Im here to find love, get married, & give my mom a grandchild". Ali attacks Michelle for not joining the mean girl club; even too-sweet Tenley is showing cracks, bad-mouthing Vienna & sticking her legs behind her head. Transparent whorish Elizabeth is a huge turn-off, leading with her sex, playing "dont kiss" me while she tells crude jokes & basically rubs herself on Jake, & misconstrues his words into "she shouldve kissed him" (talk about selective hearing). I am so proud of him for sending her packing (& no she was not the prettiest... she is an anime cartoon version of herself... funny how people's looks get better or worse depending on their personality). I hope he had the same discernment next week to see through the others' unwarranted hostility toward Vienna & doesnt send her home! They continue to attack her for basically no reason every chance they get, saying she talks bad about others... I have not seen her do this, but mirror anyone? They are the ones doing it non-stop!! They talk about their dates, but she cant; they trash talk, but she cant even be honest. They even attack her when she tries to apologize (when she didnt even do anything to apologize for, but is being more mature by being "the bigger peron"...) I hope she is not only strong enough to ride out their cruel jealousy & endure to the end, but to also stop worrying about apologizing & tell the mean girls off! I wish punching mean girls in the face was ok w/o getting kicked off the show. She is actually the best so far; you dont have to guess who she is... you can trust what you see is what you get, which is a lot more than I can say for the others, depsite their more "mature" age; they act like cruel cliquish 8th graders, & that's being generous. Possibly, even Gia is next in line as ok, since she at least attempted to be nice to Vienna. Then, Tenley or Ella, but they are too nice, or at least their facade appears so, & like Jake said, a girl like Vienna who keeps him on his toes would be a good balance for him...
& You cant undermine the value of her setting aside her own fear to encourage him.