'The Bachelor': Jake takes back Rozlyn's rose
In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably say that I haven't always been a fan of "The Bachelor." I watch it with a sort of confused fascination as opposed to genuine intrigue. Still, there's no better show to watch with a bunch of friends around, everyone yelling at the TV and laughing whenever anyone says anything particularly ridiculous.
"The Bachelor" isn't really designed to be taken seriously. This season gets a subtitle -- it's officially called "The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love." Because the Bachelor is a pilot, get it?
Before I discuss the most scandalous cocktail party in "Bachelor" history, let's do a quick recap of this week's three dates.
DATE ONE: MODEL BEHAVIOR
Jake (clad in a blue shirt that could have used just one more fastened button to keep him from looking like a Hasselhoff wannabe) took six women to an Instyle magazine photo shoot. Find out how it went after the jump ...
The sweetest moment from the photo shoot was when Christina, a restaurant manager from San Diego, got so nervous that she broke out in blotchy hives. Jake sensed her discomfort and swooped in chivalrously. "That dress looks great with your eyes," he told her. OK, so maybe his lines weren't exactly original ...
Unfortunately, the connection between them became tense at the "wrap party." Christina got so drunk that even Jake had to comment on her slurring. It was painful to watch -- I practically wanted to crawl under my couch with second-hand embarrassment. Luckily, Rozlyn interrupted them before it could get too bad. Christina wasn't too pleased about Roz running interference. "OK, we need shots," she muttered to herself. Oops.
After some kisses (did he have something in his teeth, Rozlyn?) Jake decided that Rozlyn deserved a rose. Unfortunately, he had to walk past all the other waiting ladies to get it before bringing it back to Rozlyn. Awkward!
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HOUSE:
A necklace arrived -- a gift for the lucky woman who gets to go out on the solo Jake date. Michelle, the unforgettably needy office manager from Anaheim, looked like she was going to explode when it turned out that cute-as-a-button blond Ali was the one invited.
If I were Ali, I wouldn't have been too comfortable sleeping in the same house as Michelle that night. Michelle had daggers shooting out of her eyes.
DATE TWO: CHICAGO IN PALM SPRINGS
Up, up and away! After a motorcycle ride (which couldn't have been too comfortable for Ali in her heels and dress), Jake springs the news that they're going flying.
Ali, if you remember from last week, is the one girl who's afraid of planes. She's even begged out of family vacations! And now Jake wants to take her up in a plane that looks like somebody bought it in pieces from a hobby store and put it together in their garage.
After initial nerves, though, Ali became more comfortable. "The plane taking off was our relationship taking off," she said ... brilliant! Meanwhile, in case you forgot the cheese-ball title of this season, the song "On The Wings of Love" by Jeffrey Osborne filled out the soundtrack.
When the plane touched down, they drove to Palm Springs for a romantic, intimate dinner under the stars. I have to say, this felt a little bit too romantic and shmoopy for a first date. Maybe it would've been more appropriate for their two-week anniversary. You know, a really momentous occasion!
It didn't end at dinner, though. Chicago -- yes, the band -- came to play, and Jake and Ali danced the night away. I wonder if Robert Lamm felt odd singing "Saturday in the Park" to an audience of just two after years of packed arenas. ABC really pulled out all the stops.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HOUSE:
Michelle wasn't picked for date No. 3, and just about blew a gasket. She stormed out of the room, livid. After all, she's been in love with Jake for the entire three minutes she's known him! Can't he see they're meant to be?
DATE THREE: THE GROUP HANG
Compared with "Saturday in the Park," a group excursion to Magic Mountain just doesn't seem so romantic. It's like a seventh-grade group hang, where you hold cotton-candy-sticky hands with a boy and he wins you a giant purple lion before your mom comes to pick you up at your 9:30 curfew time.
Elizabeth, the nanny, might be my favorite so far. She's so pretty, and thus far, she seems very genuine. It was almost amusing when she tugged Jake away from Vienna to get a little one-on-one time.
I cringed when she pulled out a piece of paper. There have been too many "Bachelor" girls who wrote premature love poems or songs about destiny for these men they've only known for a week. Elizabeth's note, however, was less a declaration of devotion and more of a list of rules. The most important rule was, of course, that Jake isn't allowed to kiss her until she's the last woman standing.
It might have been a little intense: "Don't kiss me until you're ready to be shackled to me FOREVER!" but Jake seemed to take it well. He thought it was sweet and he respected her values. Personally, I think it might be more about strategy than principle. Regardless -- it's working. The sexual tension was mounting after Jake gave her a rose and they settled back to watch the fireworks ... and talk about how much they'd like to be kissing instead.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HOUSE:
Michelle packed. Michelle whined. She's going home. She's not going home. What, exactly, did she think she was signing up for here? Has she seen the show? There are a zillion beautiful women there, and he's got to get to know all of them.
TIME FOR DRAMA:
Surprisingly, when Michelle confronted Jake with her concerns, he took it pretty well. I think she seems a little too Swimfan, but Jake genuinely felt bad for making her feel neglected. It's a good thing too; if he cut her, she'd probably start sleeping on his front porch.
As Jake mingled, Chris pulled Rozlyn aside with a grave look on his face. The awkward tension was nearly unbearable. Judging by Rozlyn's expression, she knew she was in trouble before Chris even opened his mouth.
Apparently, Rozlyn had "entered into an inappropriate relationship" with a production staffer. Both the staffer and Rozlyn would have to go.
Wait ... what?
Chris kept saying "entered into an inappropriate relationship" like a broken record. For some reason, that felt really vague to me! What does that mean? Did she sleep with a PA in the house full of cameras? Did she share a milkshake at the malt shop after the sock hop with a camera guy?
"My personal life is nobody's business," Rozlyn said ... which seems a little out of place, seeing as she's on a reality dating show willingly airing her "personal life" for the nation's consumption.
I really felt awful for Jake when Chris told him. He seemed truly crushed. He appeared more genuinely emotional (and angry!) in that moment than he has at any other point in his TV career.
I can't say I understand why the other women were crying, though. It's not like they had time to truly bond with Rozlyn, and she was their competition, after all.
THE ROSE CEREMONY:
No big surprises here. After Jake pulled himself together, he ended up eliminating Christina, the unfortunate lush, Ashley, who looked like Maggie Gyllenhaal, and of course Rozlyn, who was dishonorably discharged.
Sound off in the comments below about the "scandal" -- do you think Chris was right to send Rozlyn packing? Do you have any favorites so far? Who do you wish would be eliminated already? What do you think of Jake in general?
Come back next week to discuss the rest of the drama. ... I have to admit, I'm loving it so far!
-- Carina MacKenzie (dish with me on Twitter @cadlymack)
Upper photo: Elizabeth reads Jake her no-kissing memo. Credit: ABC.
Lower photo: Jake mingles with the blonds at the Instyle shoot. Credit: ABC
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