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'Real Housewives of Orange County': The Lynne Show

January 29, 2010 |  9:46 am

Lynne  When Thursday's episode opened with Gretchen cruising on her Harley bike, I was so ready to tune out. But I'm a sucker for bad TV, so, naturally, I just heated up some popcorn. And before the first kernel even popped, the drama ensued as  Lynne and daughter Alexa hit South Coast Plaza.  The tension bubbled in the car ride with Lynne questioning why Alexa was late to see the youtholgist. Alexa nonchalantly said she was hung over. Lynne's face couldn't even crack a shocked expression; she just let it slide.  It would only get worse once they were inside the mall. Alexa went on a cursing tirade, going so far as calling her mom the B word and throwing one of the gaudy cuff pieces, fashioned by Lynne, across a table. What did Lynne have to say about all of it? Not much. And that is the problem, according to Alexa and everyone else tuning in.  All she could do was grab hold of her abused cuff and nurture its bruised embellishments.

Meanwhile, Tamra and Simon spent an afternoon cleaning their garage. Vicki and Donn had a romantic dinner by the ocean, made all the more special when a bird unleashed a pretty heinous bowel movement on their waitress and when Vicki got a massive diamond ring.  Oh, and Gretchen is starting a makeup line called Gretchen Christine Beaute as a way to combat all the extravagant money she spends on makeup -- um, she couldn't just head over to CVS and browse the Maybelline aisle?

Back to the drama.

Alexis -- after getting approval and insight from her master, er, husband, Jim -- decided to host a cooking party in an attempt to bury the feud between Gretchen and Tamra. Why she remains the only one invested in it is beyond me.  There are other, more serious causes that could actually use her attention -- like why her husband wears beanies. Whatever. All the housewives attended -- except for working girl Vicki (it is, after all, during the day). There was giggling. There was cooking. And there was Lynne ... sipping/chugging a glass of alcohol. Then came the ambush. Once the meal was cooked and they had all gathered around, Alexis oh-so-coyly confronted Tamra and Gretchen about their relationship, causing bewildered looks from everyone at the table (and me). Maybe Alexis should have lunch with the youthologist and learn the secrets of being a mediator?

Anyway, focus quickly shifted from Gretchen and Tamra to Gretchen and Lynne ... to eventually just Lynne, who by this point was having trouble forming words and found herself sharing way too much information about how well-endowed her husband is. But it was her frustration over her daughter's behavior that was at the root of her outburst. Her battle to be a good mom but also a friend to her daughters has finally reached an impasse. But that's OK. Alexa doesn't want to share her problems or get disciplined by someone who could be her sister ... she wants (gasp!) her mother to be a parent and fill that role. She said so herself. So Lynne, ground her! It's that simple. Raise that hand of yours (the one with one of your cuff creations) and show her to her room.

What did you think of this episode, Show Trackers? What advice would you give Lynne? Do you sympathize with her at all? Any chance you'll purchase products from the Gretchen Christine Beaute line? 


-- Yvonne Villarreal


Photo: Lynne Curtin. Credit: Bravo.